Chapter Five

Checking In

Severus had spent more time worrying about Harry than he cared to admit while he was absent from Birch Hall. Hermione he felt confident leaving his charge with, Ron was a worrisome unpredictable element. Too ready to judge and disturbingly likely to remind Harry of everything that had passed, Severus just hoped Hermione could get between them before anything could happen. Harry was certainly unable to protect himself with his diminished magical skills.

Worry had eaten at him until he returned to Birch Hall in the earliest hours of the morning the next day to discover Harry curled up in the study, tucked carefully into his chair as he read the seventh year potions text. Raising his eyebrows Severus demanded,

"Do you intend to return to Hogwarts to complete your education, or are you simply bored with advanced texts?" His snarky tone was an easy way to take out his fears without outwardly displaying them. Harry's eyes turned to him and he jumped to his feet, appearing to want to lunge towards Severus to say hello but preventing himself.

"I think I would have difficulty doing that, since I missed six year. Though I am certain I have developed the necessary...skills to pass most of my classes anyway. Perhaps not astronomy," he replied with a slight grin, hands balled by his side and the look he gave Severus almost desperate. Surprised that the response to his acerbic comment appeared so genuine, Severus cocked his head to one side before stepping forward to offer himself to Harry. The young man gladly accepted, leaping forward to bury himself in the potion's master's arms.

"I could always purchase your seventh year texts the next time I am in Diagon Alley," he suggested evenly, surprised that Harry appeared keen to return to a modicum of normality.

"I'll come," Harry said instantly, not removing himself from the hug. Severus smelt like comfort, like home. Harry had only realised that the deep ache in his chest was from missing the man once he had returned. Reluctantly letting go, he made his way back to his chair.

"What are those?" Severus inquired blandly, looking at a stack of neatly wrapped packages. Dobby had shifted the presents from the dining room when they had returned for cake and now they were stacked near the fireplace. "Albus mentioned he would likely send you a present for your birthday." Looking up from the book he was now staring blankly at, Harry shrugged. "Are you truly that idiotic or is this something that you are avoiding?" Sighing, Harry put down his book and climbed to his feet to collect the presents.

"I didn't want to open them in front of Ron and Hermione," he explained softly. Severus barely heard the comment, considering the very muggle way Harry had collected the presents. In the past he would simply have levitated the objects over. If Harry could not carry out the most basic magic, he certainly could not return to Hogwarts. He wondered momentarily if the part of Voldemort that Harry had carried since he was born had been the reason he had had such power in the first place. Immediately, he shook away those thoughts. The Harry he knew was too strong to be crippled by Voldemort after his demise.

Settled back in his chair, Harry stared at the presents in his hands as though they were threatening to blow up in his face. Without the usual joy which only a boy who had received socks and coathangers for his first eleven birthdays could express, Harry slowly unwrapped each present. His face was impassive as he looked at each and placed it to one side. Severus was paying the gifts more mind than the man they were for.

Hermione, of course, belonged to the seventh year Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and a study journal. Curling his upper lip slightly, Severus thought it in rather poor taste given Harry's recent dabbling in the Dark Arts. Harry was thinking the complete opposite, though he did not let it show on his face. It was a show of faith from Hermione in his current state of mind as well as plea or a promise that he return for NEWTS.

Weasley, typically, went with Quidditch. Severus could not turn his nose up at it though as it suggested the boy may have actually purchased it himself. It was a snitch with the name Harry inscribed on it. It might have been chalking too much to Weasley's intelligence to think he had actively left 'Potter' off it. Harry placed the snitch carefully to one side, not playing with it as he once would have.

From the rest of the Weasley's came the traditional home-knitted jumper with a large H on it. Severus sneered at its lack of weather-appropriateness. Harry stared at it for a long moment before carefully folding it and placing it to one side. A hamper of food had also been packed, a slightly sadder tradition, as well a special contribution from Fred and George: U-Know-Poo.

Dumbledore had indeed sent a present as promised – it was Harry's official apparition licence. How he had gotten it Harry had no idea but he had certainly proved more than once to Dumbledore that he could apparate. This piece of paper was placed quickly to one side as it began to bring up difficult memories.

"I require breakfast. Eggs or toast?" Severus asked, sensing his discomfort. He had long since learned not to ask Harry if he wished to eat, but rather give him a choice of what he would consume.

"Eggs," Harry said quietly. He seemed on a personal mission to open all of the presents now he had begun. McGonagall had sent him a beautiful new quill and some fresh parchment. Harry got the distinct sense that she, like Hermione, was expecting him to return to Hogwarts. As though he had had a bad flu which he could shake.

The final present was from Hagrid. Inedible rock cakes and a distinctly more edible smushed chocolate cake reminiscent of the one he had created for Harry's 11th birthday. Swallowing heavily, Harry pushed it onto the table. Thankfully the second part of Hagrid's present distracted him from the first. A furry pocket watch which attempted to bite him whenever he opened it to check the time.

Feeling torn between nostalgia, sentimentality and a wrenching pain in his chest, Harry got to his feet. The world rocked dangerously around him and the room tilted. Strong hand gripped his shoulders and forced him back into his chair.

"Eat," Severus commanded, thrusting a plate full of eggs into his hands. With a trembling grip, Harry managed to scoop some eggs onto the fork and get half of it into his mouth. Severus left his own plate untouched, slipping onto the couch opposite Harry. Frowning, he watched the egg bring the tremors down slightly but do nothing to colour the pallor of the man's cheeks. He seemed to be fading away before Severus' very eyes.

"Is breakfast satisfactory?" Dobby stood in the doorway, Augurey by his side. Harry looked up then quickly away, flinching. Severus looked on, concerned.

"Quite," he said dismissively. Thankfully, the pair understood his tone and left them in peace. Harry's shoulders dropped in relaxation once they were gone. His hand continued to tremble as he scooped scrambled egg onto his fork and watched it cascade off again.

"Did you get much preparation done, yesterday?" Severus, who had been collecting some of his food on a spoon, dropped it back to his plate in surprise at the mundane question. Casual conversation seemed to have been long lost from Harry's repertoire.

"It was a productive day," he said finally. "I will require some more time to finish my organisation." A shadow flickered across Harry's face at the potential future separation,

"Is the potions lab ready?"

"For students to blow up? Yes. I renewed the protective enchantments, what little good they will do," Severus sighed. "At least they make clean up somewhat simpler."

"I'm certain the house-elves are appreciative," Harry said dryly. Severus looked up feeling as much surprise as the boy was showing at the joke.

"I do not permit house-elves to clean my areas in Hogwarts," he replied, masking his shock. Harry fell into silence once more and picked at the remains of his meal. Severus continued to watch him, hoping whatever was currently bothering him would make itself apparent at some point.

"I suppose they appreciate having less work."

"I doubt they notice in a place so large." Severus tired swiftly of Harry's meandering around the point and began reciting potions ingredients in his head to avoid irritably shushing the man.

"Will all the seventh years be returning?" Looking up sharply, Severus suddenly understood.

"Some will not. The children of Death Eaters will mostly not be returning."

"Mostly?" The question was said sharply and Harry was now looking directly at the potions master.

"Some students have lobbied to return and have been granted permission. Albus does not wish to show prejudice against them simply due to their circumstances. Colin Creevy, despite his obvious involvement in informing Voldemort of the goings on at Hogwarts can, of course, not be held responsible for his actions. Others who have shown less integrity in the past will not be permitted return, such as Draco Malfoy."

"He lobbied to return?" Harry's voice was a mixture of surprise and anger.

"He had been working for our side for some time." Eyes squinted slightly, Severus put his plate on the table and leaned back, linking his fingers together as he observed Harry. "He was not given the choice, despite this. Albus did not believe his intentions in working for us could quite erase the damage done through his past decisions." This decision had been a surprise to all of Hogwarts staff and a welcome one for Severus. One reason he assumed Dumbledore had come to this judgment was due to Malfoy's constant torment of Harry and the fear that having him in Hogwarts once more might cause this spite increased in the castle while Dumbledore did his best to council the children as to the reality of the situation. This was something Severus had not mentioned to Harry. The second reason Severus believed he had forbidden Draco to return, one Albus would never actually admit, was that Albus hoped deeply that Harry might return.

"Albus, and the students, all understand the importance of completing their NEWTS if they intend on getting a job in the wizarding world," he added rather airily. As expected, Harry's face clouded and he turned away. Shame and loss played there. Hope had become futile, he was certain he could never hope to get a real job anymore. No one would employ him. Dreams of being an auror had been dashed long ago. The look was not missed by Severus but he chose not to prod an open wound.

"Do you wish to return to Hogwarts?" he asked without inflection. The laugh Harry gave was upset and only a touch bitter.

"I would hardly be welcome," he mumbled into his lap.

"Do you truly believe that? Albus, Minerva, Granger, Weasley...yes Weasley, a dozen other Gryffindors and your lumbering friend Hagrid would welcome you back with open arms." To Severus' surprise the names did not brighten Harry's mood but instead appeared to make the man withdraw further with a blatantly pained look on his face. Nothing Severus could say would incite a response from him. It seemed he had reversed the good work Granger and Weasley had done with the boy. He was beginning to fear his presence was becoming a burden, rather than a blessing.

"Very well. I am going to retire to Hogwarts to prepare some potions. I will return to Diagon Alley on August 31st to select some last minute ingredients." Though he was rising from his chair, Severus did not miss Harry flinching at the mention of leaving Birch Hall and mingling in the public once more. In spite of his obvious discomfort he almost whispered,

"I will come." Confused by the suddenly negative turn the day had taken, Severus flooed from Birch Hall, prepared to give Harry some space. Severus' presence was clearly only disrupting the slow recovery. With a sigh he paced his Hogwarts room before finally settling down on his couch and lifting a well-worn book from his coffee table. Communicating with Magical Creatures had not revealed an answer to Harry's loss of speech with Augurey the first time Severus had read it, but perhaps this time it would cooperate.