Chapter the Sixth, in which Blind Io Matches Wits with an Original Thinker.

'It lookth like Von Lipwig ith in theriouth trouble.' Offler actually sounded worried. For a god this was unusual, but Offler had been around a long time and understood the importance of a certain level of give and take between a god and a believer who had been of service.

'The dog pack are digging him out. They seem really eager, look at those wagging tails ! It looks like the glow from his uniform isn't bothering them at all and I can see movement from under the snow. He's working to dig himself out as well. This is seriously exciting, and look, the other men and that witch have dived in to get him out !' Anoia could barely keep the agitation out of her voice.

'I think Von Lipwig knows exactly what he's doing. Keep on as you were ladies and gentlemen. I need to compliment the chef privately in the kitchen.' This was the voice of Blind Io, leader of the Pantheon. It was wisest not to interfere. It also had to be said that the prediction about the story spreading had been correct. There was quite a crowd of deities around Offler and Anoia's table, which was now acting like the Game Board of the Gods, showing a running panorama of the rescue party and their actions.

And the deities weren't even having to influence their behaviour.

In the kitchen, Blind Io was talking quietly to the occupants. He started with the kitchen boy, who was looking a bit sheepish.

'Reg, I should be surprised to find you here at Hogswatch, but I guess your gigs are a bit thin at the moment.'

'Sorry about that sir, but musicians are usually busy at this time. They tend to neglect religious observances until they are resting from their Hogswatch gigs. I have to moonlight, and young Joshua had recently opened and was looking for help.' (1)

'I suggest you go into the room and take orders. I know Joshua is usually front of house as well as cooking, but we need to have a private word.'

'Very good sir, I'll see if I can discreetly prolong the process, but we have quite a crowd in. I may not even have to dawdle. Von Lipwig attracts audiences the way Professor Rincewind can.' (2)

Reg picked up an order pad and a pencil and scurried out into the dining room.

'Young man, or perhaps I should say young god, I'm impressed. You couldn't have known about the way time and space can do funny things around here, but the time since you faked your deific agnosticide (3) and the way you did it has brought you believers which secure your place here. It was a stroke of genius relying on Didactylos the Blind as a witness. You sowed the seeds of needing faith.'

Blind Io pulled a book out of the folds of his toga. It was a copy of' 'On Religion,' a book the chef now known as Joshua knew well. He had written it after all. (4)

Abraxas the Agnostic knelt to Blind Io.

'I offer you my fealty sir, I knew it might come to this,' said Joshua/Abraxas.

'No need for the fealty bit, lad. We are a community, we share theological knowledge in the interest of maintaining our position in the world. But don't forget I am First Among Equals.'

Joshua reached into his tunic. He pulled out a scroll. It was the original manuscript.

'I'm still finding my feet following apotheosis (5) and I was under the impression that the work had been suppressed lest it expose divine vulnerabilities.'

'It does that alright, youngster, but that isn't why we discourage its possession among mortals. It's not just an abstract treatise on theology. It's actually a bestseller in the Divine City and even among other pantheons because it is a manual for making yourself a god and staying that way if you read it correctly, but then it's obvious you know that.'

Joshua/Abraxas put the scroll back in the greasy folds of his work tunic.

'I had hoped my vaguely Cenotine assumed name might throw you off the scent, as far as I know they were an ancient Circle Sea culture from the vicinity of Tsort, Ephebe and Omnia.'

'I've checked this out. I know there are still a few Cenotine communities in the world. They usually include individuals skilled in interacting with Golems and knowledge of some Golem lore is common among them. I keep an eye or two on new arrivals and you've never mentioned Golems in casual conversations with your customers. You also seemed to know more about Ephebian democracy and that state's take on slavery than a Cenotine would. (6) That was enough to get me sufficiently suspicious to examine your timeline.'

'I just came in to mark your card, let you know that I'm aware of your origins and that before long the others will have worked it out too. Try to build up your numbers of mortal believers discreetly. I prefer a certain level of ecumenism to what can happen between the believers of gods who have quarrelled. These days the words crusade and jihad make me wince. Now that we have the briefing over, I think I'll join the others watching the floor show. And to save bothering Reg, run me up a shawarma would you ?'

As Blind Io sauntered back out into the room, Abraxas returned to work, prioritizing the leader's order. Things had gone better than he'd hoped. Having mortal believers was good, but they required constant recruitment and replacement. Immortal believers on the other hand would confer certain advantages. No need to worry about providing a suitable afterlife for a start. He'd have to be careful that his fellow deities didn't catch on, people can get testy if they think they are being manipulated. And these people could throw lightning around when their tempers were tried. He winced at the memory.

Blind Io made his way to a table – side position, the crowd parting subtly in front of him in the mysterious way crowds can when the boss takes an interest in something. Even Bilius (7) had dragged his vomit stained self in despite his workload at this time of year, he noted with distaste. It looked like the show was getting to yet another interesting stage in its development...

(1)Reg, God of Club Musicians, doing what work he could get in a dry spell.

(2)If you are a Discworld fan...would love to write for Rincewind the inept and cowardly wizard.

(3)Killing of an agnostic (annoying nosy parker) by a god or gods.

(4)From Sir Terry's 'Small Gods' ...This sub plot may have led you up the garden path.

(5)Becoming a god, as if you didn't know.

(6)Ephebian slaves lived well. (Small Gods.) They would differ with Vetinari's take on this.

(7)The 'Oh God' of Hangovers.