Can't Sleep
I couldn't sleep so lay on the bed with Bella in my arms, her petit form curled into my side. Her breathing was gentle as she moved her hand over my chest. Scraping her hair behind her ear, she tilted her head up, her eyes opening.
"Did I wake you up baby?"
"No. I've been awake a while. Despite being exhausted I can't seem to sleep. I guess I'll be asleep most of the day later. Why are you awake honey?"
"I don't feel tired."
"Why don't we do something then? There's no point lying here in the dark."
"What do you suggest baby?"
She turned over so she was lying on her stomach, her head over my chest.
"Well it involves me and you."
She crawled up my body, my arms wrapping around her waist.
"It also may involve some of this."
She brought her lips to mine but pulled away before I could deepen the kiss.
"It also involves our love for each other."
"I think I will enjoy the activity you have planned. Come here baby."
She dipped her lips to mine as she straddled my waist, her feet curling into my thighs. I sat us up and pulled her closer to me, lowering her onto me. She moaned as I filled her and she started moving up and down. When we were both satisfied for the time being, I tangled my legs with hers as I hovered over her.
"Do you remember the first time I saw all of you?"
"Yeah, it was the first time I saw all of you as well. I know we were drunk but I could never forget that night."
Flashback- Bella's POV
18 years old
"Bella you look hot. Come on everyone's here."
"Give me a minute Alice. I'm just fixing my hair."
"You're hairs fine Bella. Edward's waiting for you and Jessica will notice you aren't down there soon and she'll make a move."
I ran out of the bathroom and stood in front of Alice.
"How do I look Alice? Do you think I should change?"
"Bella, I told you, you look hot. My brother won't be able to keep his eyes of you; especially your legs. Everyone knows how much he likes your legs."
"Shut up Alice."
"It's true and you know it."
"I said shut up Alice. Any way is my hair alright?"
"Your hair is fine Bella."
"Fine! Fine isn't good enough Alice, I thought you knew that."
I ran back into the bathroom and started fluffing my hair up. Alice stood behind me, smirking.
"What are you looking at me like that for?"
"It's nice to see you care about your appearance for once. Now do you see why I get ready so early?"
"I get it Alice. Will you just help? Jessica could be done there trying to kiss your brother, my boyfriend! You don't want that nearly as much as I don't."
"Okay. Calm down Bella. I'll help."
She pushed me down onto the stool and grabbed the curlers.
"Hurry up Alice."
"You can't rush perfection Bella. Just give me one more minute."
My knee bounced up and down as she curled the last part of my hair.
"Thank you Alice."
Before she could say anything I ran to the top of the stairs and slowly walked down the stairs. Everyone's eyes turned to me and normally I would shy away at the attention but I couldn't care. My focus was on Edward and Edward alone. He met me at the bottom of the stairs and took my hand.
"You look stunning Bella."
"Thank you Edward. You look stunning yourself."
"No one is as stunning as you Bella. You're a beauty."
I pressed my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his waist.
"Do you want a drink?"
"That would be nice."
"I'll go get you one, why don't you go say hello to Rose, Emmett and Jasper, they've been wondering where you were."
"I was just getting ready."
"Why do I find that so hard to believe?"
"It's true, ask Alice if you want."
"I will."
He pecked my lips before going to get me a drink. I went over to the others and hugged each of them.
"Bella you look amazing tonight."
"Thanks Rose. You look even better than usual. I didn't think it was possible."
"That's my Rosie for you, but I must admit Bella you could have her beat tonight. No one can take their eyes off you tonight."
"I don't think that's true."
"It definitely is Bella. There are at least seven guys staring at you right now and there's another."
"Hey guys."
Alice danced over and pecked Jasper on the lips as he wrapped his arms around her.
"What are you taking about?"
"We were trying to tell Bella how hot she looks tonight."
"They're right Bella. As much as it pains me because you know how much I pride myself on my image, you are the hottest one in the room Bella."
I blushed and looked down.
"Thanks guys."
I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and a cup was in front of my face.
"Here you go Bella."
"Thanks Edward."
"No problem."
He pecked my lips and we fell into a steady chat with the others. Eventually, we drifted off and started to dance with others from our classes. I went to get another drink with Angela and when I returned I saw Jessica talking to Edward with her arms around her neck. I could see he was trying to push her away, but she just leaned closer and closer each time.
"Jessica can you leave me alone. I'm here with my girlfriend and I'm going to stay with my girlfriend. Get away from me."
"I know you want me Edward. There's no need to deny it. Give me a chance and I'll show you how to have a good time. Bella's a boring, I bit she never makes you happy. I can do that. All you have to say is 'Jess, I love you' and then I'll show you a good time."
"Jessica."
"Yes?"
"I hate you. Now leave me alone."
"Why can't you see how hot I am? Bella's ugly. Why are you with her?"
That hit a raw nerve. I knew I wasn't pretty. I never had been. I was and always will be an ugly duckling.
I turned to Angela and with a shaky hand, gave her my glass.
"I'll see you later Angela, I need to go somewhere."
"Don't let her get to you Bella, you look amazing. She's just jealous."
"Thanks Angela but I'm going to go now."
Tears started to run down my face as I ran out of the house and climbed into my truck. I turned the engine on and started to drive off. I managed to get a good way away from the Cullen house before having to pull over. My tears clouded my vision and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't get myself killed in a car crash. I didn't know where I was so ran into the forest and kept running. A headache made its presence known as I nearly ran into a tree and I remembered a conversation I'd heard Mike having.
God. He spiked the punch. I'd never been drunk before and wasn't drunk yet, but I felt like I was on the verge of becoming drunk. I collapsed to my knees as the tears came harder. I must have been lying there for a very long time because it seemed to get cold very quickly. Curling myself up into a ball, I fell asleep, the tears still running down my face.
The next thing I knew, the ground disappeared beneath me and two warm arms wrapped around me.
"Bella, it's Sam Uley. Are you hurt?"
I couldn't say anything and just started crying into his chest.
"I'll get you home Bella."
I fell back asleep soon after, my body aching from being curled up so long.
"Chief!"
"Sam?"
"I've got her."
"How is she?"
"I need a blanket, she's freezing."
"Bella!"
"Edward."
My eyes opened slightly, to see Edward running over to me.
"Edward."
"He's coming Bella."
"Thank you."
I felt Edward's arms wrap around me and pull me into his chest.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I love you so much."
"Bells open your eyes. Come on, you need to open your eyes for me."
"Dad."
"I'm here Bells."
"Charlie she's freezing, we need to get her inside somewhere."
"Okay, take her to yours. It's the closest place to here. I still don't know how she got all the way here in the first place.
"Edward."
"I've got you Bella. I'm not letting you go."
I felt a heavy blanket being wrapped around me and the voices around me got louder and louder.
"What's wrong Bella? What's the matter?"
"Edward."
"I'm here Bella. What's wrong?"
"Loud."
His hand covered my ear, pushing my head to his chest, blocking the loud noises from around us.
"We're gonna get you warmed up Bella. You're gonna be alright."
"Edward."
"It's okay Bella. I've got you, you're safe."
I heard a car door opening and I was placed into a soft, comfy seat.
"Bells, I'll be right behind you. I just need to finish up here and then I'll follow you. I love you Bells."
"Dad."
"It's okay Bells, I know. Just get some rest."
He wrapped his arms around me and closed the door trapping the hot air from the heater around me.
"Yes, Alice you need to end the party. Can you try and get a hold of mom or dad? Bella may need help. Yes, she's with me now. No, she hasn't said much. We'll be there in five minutes. Yes, thank you Alice. I'll see you in a minute."
Constantly shivering, the heater doing nothing to warm me up, my throat ached. My eyes opened slightly, to see the trees zooming past and an angry expression on Edward's face. He must have seen my scared look as his face relaxed and he sighed.
"I'm sorry Bella. I'm just angry Jessica. She won't bother you again. I love you Bella. You. Not her. You're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
"I'm sorry."
"There's no reason for you to be sorry Bella. I should have pushed her away harder Bella. I just didn't want to be rude. You know I hate being rude to people."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't Bella. You shouldn't be sorry. I don't care that you ran away. I'm just glad we found you. You could have been out there all night."
The engine switched off and he climbed out of the car before picking me up into his arms. The noise increased as he lifted me from the car, his hand covering my ear. I opened my eyes a little bit to see people running past us, watching us as my eyes closed again.
"Rose get some blankets. Alice can you get some warmer clothes. Emmett get some water. Jasper can you help."
"Edward, Mom and Dad are on their way. They'll be here in twenty minutes."
"Thank you Alice."
I felt my back hit something soft as people started running round, the room suddenly becoming quieter.
"Bella, can you hear me?"
I couldn't move and my throat hurt so bad, that I couldn't respond. Jasper took my hand, holding it carefully.
"Bella, if you can hear me, move your hand, even just a little bit."
My finger twitched slightly brushing his hand.
"Okay Bella. You need to stay with me now. No falling asleep Bella. We'll get you warmed up."
"Edward."
"I'm here Bella. I'm here. I love you. Stay with me Bella, stay with me."
I couldn't respond to him as all my strength was being used to keep me awake. Two fingers went to my pulse point on my neck.
"Her pulse is weak Edward, but she's still with us; she can hear you. We need to warm her up now."
Suddenly, I was lifted up and several blankets were wrapped around me at once before being set back down.
"Edward, what's going on?"
"Get out Jessica. You aren't welcome here."
"Just leave her alone Edward, she's probably faking."
"That's it. Come with me Jessica."
My heart sank as he stood up and walked away. He'd finally chosen Jessica; he's seen that she's better than me. I knew he'd leave me at some point, I just hoped it wouldn't be yet. No one wants the ugly duckling. I felt my arms and legs become limp as I fell into the never ending dark abyss. My head fell back on a pillow, as my breaths shortened.
"Bella, stay with me. Damn it. Don't die on me Bella."
"Jasper what's happening?"
"Her pulse is weakening."
"But that means…"
"Listen to me Bella, you will not die today. I can't, won't let you. Stay with me Bella."
"LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE JESSICA."
"Alice get Edward. Now!"
I heard gentle footsteps growing fainter and a door open and close quietly.
"Bella, listen to me. I know you can hear me. If you aren't going to fight at least fight until Carlisle can get here and then you don't have to do anything, he'll help you. Just stay with me."
"Jasper what's happening?"
"I'm sorry, we're losing her. Her pulse has gone done dramatically."
"What?"
"She should be warming up but her body is using as much energy it can to keep her heart going. She's not got enough energy to warm her up."
The couch dipped slightly as Edward sat on the edge, taking my hand in his.
"Can she still hear me?"
"I can't be certain, but I think so."
"Will Carlisle get here in time?"
"No. If she fights then possibly, but she might not make it."
Jasper's voice cracked at the end.
"Okay. Uuuuuu, I'm gonna go upstairs. I love you Bella. Never forget that."
His lips pressed to mine and a tear fell to my cheek before I heard someone running upstairs.
"Alice, leave him. He needs some time. He won't want anyone to see him crying."
"I'm losing my sister Jazz and this will break our brother. He can't live without her, we can't live without her."
"I know Ally, I know, there's still a chance though."
There was silence throughout the room until loud footsteps came up the front porch.
"What's going on?"
"Chief, I'm sorry."
"No, no she's not. She can't be."
"There's nothing we can do for her. Carlisle will be here in ten minutes and it will take at least fifteen minutes for an ambulance. There's not much hope. She may be able to hear you though. We can't know for sure but you can try."
"Thank you Jasper."
"We'll give you some privacy."
More silence occurred as footsteps echoed throughout the room.
"Hey Bells. I never thought I'd be here, talking to you like this. I always thought it would be the other way round. You trying to encourage me to fight a little longer, but I guess that doesn't matter now. You need to fight Bells, Swan's never give up. You're needed in this world. Not only by me but your mom, your friends, the Cullens and Edward. That boy loves you more than anyone has ever loved another. I don't know where he is now but I know that he's thinking of you. Even if you don't make it Bells he'll always be thinking of you. I know I'm hard on him but it's because I love you. You're my little girl, but you aren't so little any more are you? If you make it through this, then I'll give you more freedom as to what you do and who you see. I'll let you see Edward whenever you want and he can stay at our house at times and you can stay here more often. Just please stay with me. I love you Bells, I love you."
His voice was soft as he moved the hair out of my face.
"I can't stay here Bells. Not now. I'll let the others back in, but I'll be just outside. I'm not going to leave you, I promise."
He kissed my forehead before standing up and walking away. I could feel myself drifting further and further away as I fought to breath. More footsteps were heard, softer than before, but they grew closer. Two fingers went to my neck once again.
"She's nearly gone."
As a final breath left me, my body went numb.
"She's gone. Someone should tell Edward."
A loud crash came from upstairs and a constant thumping continued.
"I think he knows."
Suddenly, I managed to take a large breath, pulling as much oxygen into my lungs as possible. My eyes flew open as I struggled to breath. Jasper rushed to my side, sitting next to me.
"Bella. Bella, calm down, deep breaths now, deep breaths. You've done the hard part, just keep breathing."
"Water."
My voice was raspy, as I struggled to inhale the oxygen my lungs starved for.
"Water."
"Okay, okay. We'll get you some water. Emmett!"
"Here you go."
"Bella I won't give you the water until you've calmed down slightly. You'll choke on the water and find it even harder to breath. Ready? In. Out. In. Out. There you go. Here you go. Slowly drink the water."
I gulped the water down before falling back onto the couch, breathing deeply.
"Bella, it's okay, everything's okay now. You're gonna be fine. Keep your eyes open for me now, there's no going back to sleep just yet."
"Ch."
"What is it Bella?"
"Char. Char."
"Charlie? Rose can you go get him?"
"Sure."
Her voice was shaky as her eyes were slightly puffy. No doubt she had tried to stop herself from crying. A door opened then closed and moments later Charlie came in, frantic.
"Bella. My God. I'm here Bella. I'm here."
He sat down next to me and smiled down at me.
"I love you Bells."
"I. I. I"
"Don't Bella. You need to rest. She may not be able to talk for a couple of days Charlie but when she's well rested she should be able to communicate with actions and writing."
"Okay. Thank you Jasper."
"E. E. Ed. Edw."
"Alice has gone to try and get him."
I gave Jasper a weak smile before closing my eyes again and breathing deeply.
"Oh no you don't Bella. You can't go to sleep until Carlisle has checked you over."
Jasper gently hit the side of my head causing me to open my eyes and groan slightly.
"Alice just leave me alone, please. I just can't deal with anything at the moment. I can't see her like this, I don't want to watch her die. I can't watch her die, so just leave me alone."
"Please come downstairs Edward. Bella's awake."
"Don't do this to me Alice. She's dead. I can't live without her. I'm leaving Alice, you won't see me again. I'm sorry, but I can't live without her."
"Edward don't…"
A quick pair of footsteps came running down the stairs.
"He's gone into the forest with some rope."
"Emmett."
"I'm on it."
Emmett ran out of the house and into the dark. My hands went to my neck in panic. No one had said it and they didn't need to, we all knew what Edward was going to do and I wasn't going to live if he wasn't.
"Bella, Bella, stop. He's coming back, Emmett will get him. You need to stop."
I held my hands tighter around my neck, limiting the oxygen going to my lungs. Two hands grasped my hands and tried to pry them from my neck with little effect.
"Bella, you can't do this. You've fought so hard, don't do this. Not again."
"She's done this before?"
"Too many times to count."
"Why?"
The hands clamped down on my hands and held them over my head. I held my breath, only taking short breaths every now and then.
"Renee said she started cutting herself when she was eight or nine. We don't know why, but assume it was something to do with school. Then when she was twelve she tried to kill herself. Renee came home early because she lost her job and she found Bella on the floor of their bathroom with a bottle of pills. They would have killed her instantly. Ever since then, she'd try to kill herself once every three or four months. As she got older, it became more frequent. She'd always come close, but never close enough. She became so desperate when she was fifteen, that she asked a boy at school to kill her. He said he would. The only reason she survived was because someone spotted her and the boy walking behind the school building. The boy had a knife. He was arrested and admitted that he was going to rape her and then kill her. She's never told anyone why she was so desperate to kill herself. I doubt she ever will. Renee and Phil are terrified for her. I think Phil more so; he's had to stop her the most. He told me that there was one time when he was almost too late. She was doing this. Strangling herself. When she first came to Forks I was scared I'd come home to my daughter, dead on the floor, but when I saw the smile on her face, I saw the change in her. It wasn't a fake smile it was real. Your family's brought her alive. She can't live without you all."
His words reminded me of all those times that I'd given up. I wanted my life to end and I could make that happen now. Before I had no one waiting for me on the other side I would have lived alone and died alone. Now, I have Edward. He'll be waiting for me, we'd have forever together. I took in one final breath and stopped struggling.
"Bella, don't. You gotta keep breathing. Stay with me. I told you to stay with me Bella. Edward's going to be here soon. He'll be alive, so you need to be alive."
The grip on my hands loosened, as they went to my face, trying to shake me awake. I gripped my neck again, pushing down on it hard.
"I know you can hear me Bella. I know you want this to end, but you need to stop. Please Bella, you have to. Think about your dad. He needs you Bella. Your all he's got. And what about us? Carlisle and Esme see you as their daughter. You're a part of our family. Alice and Rose need you, Emmett needs you, I need you. Please Bella, Edward needs you."
Edward does need me. But he's gone and he's waiting for me. This is taking way to long. I pressed my hands done harder on my neck, my breathing coming in shorter and shorter each time.
"Let go of me Emmett. Please, you have to let me do this, you have to."
"Hurry up Emmett. There's not much time."
"NO. I don't want to see her. I don't want to see her dead."
"She's NOT dead Edward. At least not yet. Just look at her and you'll see."
"Why are you doing this to me Emmett? I thought I was your brother."
"That's why I'm doing this. As your brother, I'm not going to let you hang yourself when Bella isn't dead yet. Take one look at her, one look and I'll let you go."
"NO. I can't. I can't."
My hands loosened slightly and Jasper must have noticed as he grasped my hands and pulled them away from my neck. I started to struggle against him as he pushed me down.
"Bella, Edward's here. You have to stop now. Breathe. Breathe."
"Bella?"
"Edward she's alive, she really is. You need to stop her though; she's trying to kill herself."
"Bella?"
"Emmett."
"I got him."
I heard Emmett's heavy footsteps growing closer, until he put something on the ground.
"Bella?"
He placed his hand on my cheek and I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with oxygen.
"Oh my god. Bella, I'm here. I'm here Bella. Breath, please breath. I'm right here."
As my lungs filled with oxygen my eyes fluttered open slightly.
"Bella?"
Smiling up at him, I tilted my head slightly so I was looking him in the eye. He smiled down at me, moving the hair out of my face and cupping the side of my head.
"I love you."
"I. I."
"Bella don't ever do that again."
I looked up at Jasper sheepishly.
"S. S. S."
"It's okay Bella. Don't talk."
"I'm sorry Bella. I love you."
Edward pecked my lips, stroking my hair. I could see tears running down his face and my hand weakly, lifted and wiped them away.
"I'm sorry for leaving you Bella. I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't watch you die. When, when Jasper said that you were… Um, that you were…"
I pressed my lips to his, shutting him up.
"I think Bella's trying to tell you to shut up now Edward."
He gave a shaky laugh as a tear fell down his cheek.
"I love you too baby."
"Bells?"
I looked up at my dad to see a relief covering his face. Holding my hand to him weakly, he took it, lowering it to the couch.
"I'm so sorry Bells. I love you. Don't ever do that to me again. I thought you were over all of this."
Tears pricked my eyes as I realised how much I had put my dad through over the years.
"Don't cry Bells. I understand. Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it another time Bells. I love you."
Squeezing his hand ever so slightly, he smiled down at me.
"If it's alright Bells, I'm going to head home. I said I'd call Billy to tell him how you are. You're in safe hands here Bells."
Nodding to my dad, he smiled down at me as he stood up and walked out of the house.
"Have some water Bella?"
Emmett held a cup of water out in front of me, giving it to Edward. He helped me sit up slightly and waited till I'd drunk the whole thing before lying me back down. Emmett sat on the end of the couch, by my feet, placing Rose on his lap, whilst Alice and Jasper stood behind the couch together. Smiling up at all of them, I held onto Edward's hand as he rubbed circles on the back of my hand. I pecked Edward's lips as he smiled down at me.
"Mom and Dad are here? I'll go and tell them what's happened."
I nodded to Jasper as he pecked Alice's lips and smiled down at me. Soon enough Esme and Carlisle came into the room and gave me a sad smile, ignoring the remnants of what was supposed to be an amazing party.
"Hey Bella. How are you doing?"
I gave them a weak smile before looking up to Edward. He helped me sit up and lean against his chest as he sat behind me. His lips kissed my cheek over and over again, as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Jasper wants me to give you a check over to make sure you're all right and haven't broken or sprained anything. Is that all right with you Bella?"
I nodded at him.
"We'll give you some space. We'll just be upstairs, if you need anything one of us will come and get it."
I nodded my thanks to them as Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett made their way to the stairs.
"Jasper, could you stay here son? You know more than any of us, other than Bella, but she can't tell us anything right now."
"If that's alright with Bella."
I gave Jasper a reassuring nod and he sat down by my feet.
"First Bella, I need to know if you have any thoughts of trying to kill yourself again."
Tears filled my eyes as I looked up at Carlisle's worried expression. Shaking my head, he gave me a gentle smile.
"What about you son?"
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Good. I'm hoping it was a spur of the moment thought and nothing planned."
"No. I heard Jasper say that she was gone and my mind sort of blanked. I couldn't think straight and the only thing going through my mind was, she's gone. I can't live without her."
My breathing was still heavy as I tried to even my breathing out. I slowly turned round and kissed Edward's lips lightly.
"I love you Bella."
I kissed his jaw in response as I couldn't speak.
"Bella can you show us how many times you've tried to kill yourself, use your fingers."
I nodded to Jasper when I saw his worried face. I thought back over the years from when I was twelve and first attempted to kill myself. Holding up my fingers, I showed ten, flashed another ten and another and another and another before holding up a six.
"56?"
"Yeah."
My voice was horse and quiet as I looked down sadly. Two other arms wrapped around me, pulling me to them. I started to cry into Carlisle's shoulder as he held me to him.
"Why didn't you ever tell us Bella? We could have helped."
I just shrugged my shoulders as I pulled back and leaned into Edward.
"I'm sorry Bella."
I kissed Edward's lips again as he pulled me closer to him.
"Bella, you're still freezing. Do you want a coffee?"
I nodded to Carlisle and saw Esme disappear into the kitchen, her eyes red and puffy.
"Alice, can you bring some more blankets down?"
"I'm coming."
We waited as Alice came running down the stairs with a pile of blankets in her arms. Edward picked my shivering frame into his arms as Carlisle and Jasper wrapped blanket after blanket round me. When I could no longer move my arms or legs, they sat me down again and Edward grabbed a blanket and wrapped it round his shoulders. Turning my head, I looked up at him, worry in my eyes.
"I'm fine Bella. Don't worry about me."
"Here you go Bella."
I smiled up at Esme as she handed the mug of coffee to Edward and kissed his head, holding his shoulder.
"I'm sorry mom."
"It's okay son. You're here and Bella's here. Just don't ever do that to me again."
"I won't mom."
She kissed his forehead again before kissing mine and walking upstairs.
"Drink up Bella. It should warm you up."
Edward held the mug out in front of my lips, and tipped it slightly as I drank it. The hot drink ran down my throat, warming my body up from the inside.
"Is that better Bella?"
I nodded to Carlisle as my breathing started to even out to normal.
"You're okay with me giving you a check over, aren't you Bella?"
I gave him a reassuring smile and nodded my head once.
"Okay. Open your mouth."
He stuck one of those sticks on my tongue and told me to go 'ahhhhhhhhh'. I did as he asked but ended up coughing.
"It's okay Bella. That's perfectly normal. Take your time."
When I was done, I leaned my head back on to Edward's shoulder, my eyes closing tiredly.
"You can't go to sleep yet Bella. I need to make sure you'll be alright. You can take tomorrow off."
I shook my head at him.
"You want to go to school tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Don't talk Bella. It will only make it worse."
Smiling sadly, I nodded at him.
"I know you're arms and hands are alright but do any of your legs or feet hurt?"
I nodded to him as I tried to move my ankles.
"Jasper and I will leave you to get changed. I think you'll be warmer in something else then I'll have a look at your legs and feet."
"Do you want me to go Bella?"
I grasped the blanket wrapped around Edward's shoulders and shook my head wildly.
"Okay Bella. I'll stay. I won't go anywhere."
I relaxed into his chest.
"I'll take her up to my room. I think she'll be comfier up there."
"Okay Edward. Call us when you're ready. And there's no need to rush, make sure Bella feels safe before you do anything. She's fragile right now. Something so simple could scare her and I don't know what will happen. You need to find a way to communicate effectively with her."
"Thanks dad. I'm sorry for pulling you and mom away from your night out."
"Don't worry about it son. I'd do anything to make sure my family's alright."
Edward scooped me into his arms and headed for the stairs.
"Bella, are you alright?"
I looked around to see Alice, Rose and Emmett nervously standing by Alice's room.
"She's doing alright. Still cold but doing better. I'm sorry Alice, Emmett. I wasn't thinking straight and did things I shouldn't have done."
"It's okay Edward, we get it. As long as you both get better and you pay for everything on my next shopping trip, then I can forgive you."
"Okay Alice. Why don't you guys get some sleep? We do have school tomorrow and Bella's determined to be there."
I nodded to them, with a small smile on my face.
"Goodnight then. We'll see you tomorrow."
"It's actually two in the morning."
"We'll see you later then."
"Thank you guys."
I smiled at them as Edward carried me up the rest of the stairs and lay me on his bed.
"I love you."
I brought my lips to Edwards, my arms weakly wrapping around his neck. He deepened the kiss as he moved over me, unwrapping all the blankets around me. My tongue grazed over his lips and he gave me access to his mouth. One of my hands went to the buttons of his shirt, pulling them out one by one as his hand went to my dress, pulling it up slightly. His hands held the tops of my thighs as I pulled his shirt off his shoulders. He flipped us over so I was straddling his waist my hands in his hair. Carefully, he pulled my dress up to my hips, his hands resting over my bum. I moved one of my hands down his chest to his belt. My hand shook as I undid his belt, pushing his jeans down his legs. He pulled my dress over my shoulders and threw it across the room as he rolled us over. He undid my bra and pulled my panties down and off my legs, staring down at me.
"Beautiful."
His lips came back to mine, kissing me faster, more needing. I responded with the same need as him. My arms wrapped around his hips and pushed his boxers down his legs. He wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling me closer to him.
"Bella."
His lips left mine for a brief second before connecting to mine again.
"Bella. Bella."
His lips travelled down my jaw and to the crook of my neck. I held his hair, my hips moving against his.
"Bella. Bella."
He groaned into my neck as I pushed myself lower.
"Bella, I want you."
"Take me."
My voice was but a whisper, as I pushed myself onto him again.
"I want you so badly Bella."
"Take me."
His lips sucked my neck as his hands went to my hips, pulling them down onto him. I moaned gently as he bit down on my neck. My hand ran down to the backs of his thighs, pulling myself down on him.
"Bella. Not tonight."
I breathed deeply as I leaned my back onto the bed, my eyes open. I lowered my legs to the bed as Edward continued to kiss my neck. He leaned his body to mine, pushing himself against me. My hands clenched on his chest as I tried to push him away.
"Bella I still want you."
He wrapped his arms around my body, pulling me to him. He shifted between my legs as he sucked on my neck. I leaned my head forward as my hands pushed against him further.
"What's wrong Bella?"
He pulled away, laying me on the bed. My eyes filled with tears as I looked up at him.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I do want to be with you, but I'm not going to take advantage of you. I know you want me too but I want to make it special. We've been through a lot tonight Bella and you're in a fragile state right now. I was planning this for tonight actually but then that B**** ruined the party. I promise that we'll have a nice evening sometime soon. Right now isn't the best time for this. You'll say that it was amazing and that you don't care when it happened. It will be amazing but deep down you will want it to be on a special night, not one when we both nearly committed suicide. I want you, I need you Bella but we can't, not tonight. You're my life Bella Swan don't ever doubt that."
I cupped his cheek, and offered him a weak smile as he lowered his head closer to mine.
"If you really want it right now Bella, I'll give it to you. I can't say no to you. Not yesterday, not today and not tomorrow. Tell me when to stop. Cause I won't stop myself."
His lips went back to my neck as one of his hands went to the back of my head the other wrapping my legs round his waist again. The kisses he gave me were different this time. They were slower, more sensitive. I could feel his need against my bare centre as he rocked his hips against mine. He pushed himself closer to me as he moved his hands to my breasts, fondling them with his soft fingers. My fingers wrapped into his hair, combing his long strands, my knees bent as he pushed himself closer to me.
"Do you want to do this?"
I thought for a moment before shaking my head slowly.
"Okay baby. I won't. Why don't we get dressed and Carlisle can come and check you out?"
Smiling up at him, I pressed my lips to his and nodded when we pulled away. He found me some of my shorts and one of his t-shirts and slipped some of his own clothes on before calling Carlisle.
End Flashback
Edward's POV
"I'm glad you stopped me when you did. I could see it in your eyes that you didn't want to do it. You were so scared. I'd never take advantage of you like that baby."
"Why don't we make up for that lost evening now? Show me what you had planned for us."
"With pleasure baby."
I stood up and picked her up, standing next to the bed.
"First, I would have started like this."
I placed her on the floor and moved her hair over one shoulder. My arms wrapped around her waist as my lips caressed her shoulder.
"Then, I would have turned you round and pulled your lips to mine, wrapping my arms around your waist."
I did just that as her lips moved with mine.
"After a while, I would have pushed you to the bed, keeping our lips connected and climbed over you, my hands running over your beautiful long legs and hooking your feet around my waist. Your hands would have gone to my shirt, undoing the buttons, one by one, slowly and lovingly as my hands caress your thighs, our hips rocking backwards and forwards with each other."
I pushed her to the bed and smiled down at her, moving the hair out of her face. My hands hooked her legs around my waist, my hips rocking into hers.
"Then I'd start to slid your dress up your body and check your eyes for your reaction. When I see there isn't any fear or doubt in your eyes, I'd pull your dress over your head and stare down at your beautiful body. I'd whisper the word beautiful before kissing and sucking your neck, my hands moving all over your body."
My lips latched onto her neck lovingly. My hips continuously rocking into hers as my lips bit and sucked her neck.
"Then, you'd move your hands down to my belt and undo it, pushing my jeans down my legs. I'd bring my lips back to yours as I'd pop the back of your bra and slid it off your arms. I'd marvel your beauty before latching onto your beasts and making you feel things you'd never felt before."
I kissed and sucked her breasts, continuing to rock into her hips.
"Slowly, I'd pull your panties down your legs, kissing your thighs until they were gone from your legs. I'd then kiss the inside of your thigh before making my way to your centre. I'd lick and play with it, sending you into a high you'd never felt before."
I licked her centre, sliding my tongue into her causing her head to fall back onto the pillows. After I'd built her up with my fingers I slid my tongue back into her as she prepared to release.
"I wouldn't let you release but crawl up your body and slid my boxers off my legs. I'd wrap your legs around my waist again and start rocking into you. Our lips would join in a slow, passionate kiss with a layer of want and need."
I did just that, kissing her, and sharing the taste of her insides.
"Finally, I'd pull back, look you in the eyes and ask, 'Are you sure?'"
"Yes."
"Ready?"
"Yes."
Slowly, I slid into her, filling her with myself.
"I'd hold still to let you adjust and make sure you were okay and not hurt, before pulling out of you and moving back in. I'd spend the night showing you how much I love you and making you feel things you'd never felt before. I'd then hold you in my arms as you drifted to sleep, humming you a lullaby."
"I love you."
"I love you too baby."
I made love to her twice before holding her limp, tired form to my chest.