Sorry for the SUPER long wait, but I'm back!
He had never thought he'd hear those words come out of Spock's mouth. The entire situation was far too bizarre to make any sense and Leonard didn't know how to respond.
"Leonard," Spock continued, approaching him. "I believe you misunderstand Vulcan customs. We are able to feel emotions as humans do…if we allow ourselves to."
Leonard blinked at him and looked him up and down as he approached. He had an urge to flee, but there was nowhere for him to go. He had to man up and deal with the situation.
"What I don't understand," he answered slowly. "Is why you would allow yourself. Your first duty is to the ship, to Jim, to Starfleet - not to romantic endeavours with crew members." He waited somewhat patiently as his heart beats became more irregular.
Spock seemed to consider his words for a long moment before he answered. "I do not call upon my feelings for you, Doctor," he began. His feelings for me? Leonard's stomach did a flip. "I simply choose to either repress them or allow them to surface. In this case, I am allowing them to surface because you have shown me that you express similar feelings."
Leonard's point still stood. Finding out McCoy had a crush on him wasn't a good enough reason for Spock to go head over heels and abandon his usual regime. There was some other reason he was breaking his Vulcan code and beginning a relationship.
"In addition," Spock continued. "I believe that pursuing this relationship may be beneficial for you. After all, you have been experiencing extremely stressful emotional difficulties."
So that was it. It was out of pity.
"I don't need your help, Spock," he said nearly spitting out the first officer's name. "I don't need your mercy, I can deal with the problems on my own."
Spock shook his head as Leonard spoke. "You misunderstand me. I am not sacrificing my usual priorities to ensure your safety, I am using them to my advantage as well as yours."
Leonard blinked at him. "I don't get it."
Spock sighed. "In a word, Doctor…I care about you. I wish to pursue this." His features remained unmoving and he showed no outward signs of emotion. Leonard sighed.
"First of all, stop calling me 'Doctor'. For God's sake you're talking about marrying me." He gulped down the discomfort in his chest left from the word 'marrying'. "Second…Spock, are you sure about this? I don't want you to do this for me. I want you to be happy…"
"I assure you I am quite content with the idea, though the situation will take some getting used to."
Leonard nodded. "Okay so…what do we do now?" He felt a bit of relief now that his secret was out in the open and Spock was not only okay with it but looking forward to it. There couldn't have been a better outcome, but he still felt anxious. He was embarrassed and unsure of himself.
"I would like to attempt to reconnect our bond, if you are comfortable enough to try." Spock stepped a bit closer, hands folded behind his back. Leonard eyed him suspiciously.
"Like another mind meld? I don't know if I can do that right now, Spock…"
"No. Not another mind meld. Now that we have expressed a desire to become close, I have a solution to your sensitivity to the meld."
The doctor crossed his arms uncomfortably. He had trouble controlling his thoughts and emotions during the meld, that was true. "Why didn't you try this before?" he asked grumpily.
"It is far too…intimate," Spock replied, holding up on hand as if he were going to do a Vulcan salute. "Please raise your hand."
McCoy hesitates, then raised his hand to shoulder level. Spock reached out, gently, and touched his finger tips to McCoy's.
Leonard didn't understand the gesture. He felt nothing in his mind or body nor did Spock's expression change in anyway. The Vulcan's eyes remained on their hands for a moment, and his fingers ran gently along Leonard's in a way that would have tickled had Spock not been so deliberate. Then the Vulcan sighed and his face turned a pale green. He was…blushing.
"Spock?" Leonard's words came out barely above a whisper. His questioning was answered not be words but by the Vulcan's eyes meeting his. McCoy gave a wildly questioning look, but Spock did not respond. Instead, he intertwined their fingers and applied slightly more pressure. His face turned a deeper colour of jade.
McCoy noticed a slight change in his mood now and he realized it was coming from Spock. He had forgotten that Vulcans had touch telepathy. Even when not attempting a meld, touch was very intimate in every way, especially with hands as sensitive as theirs. That would explain why he was suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed and very eager to touch Spock some more.
"Hey there…" he said quietly and Spock pulled back out of his trance-like state. He untwisted their fingers and folded his hands behind his back.
"If we are to connect mentally," he said as he regained his composure. "Uniting emotionally prior to a meld will help us accomplish that more easily." It made sense to Leonard. He was obviously not so keen on letting Spock see into his mind. If they were closer, however, he might be more willing to share. After all, Vulcans never performed mind melds without consent. The participant would have to be willing to make it easy.
"Makes sense," he grunted in response. "Didn't your parents touch fingers a lot when they were here?"
Spock didn't answer for a moment, then said plainly, "Yes. It is the equivalent to the human act of kissing."
Leonard blinked and slowly raised an eyebrow. "So that heavy breathing and blushing you were just doing…that was the result of us kissing?" Spock nodded once. "I'm not gonna stand in the middle of the room and make out with you like some Vulcan teenager, Spock!"
Spock's mouth twitched up in a brief smile that was gone so quickly it may have been the doctor's imagination. It seemed almost like the Vulcan was mocking him. "I apologize," Spock said in a decidedly light-hearted tone. "I was under the impression that you were looking forward to that." He was definitely being mocked.
"Hey now," Leonard said with a grin. "Play nicely, Spock." He was feeling much better. Still confused, anxious, and damn weren't all these emotions just sucking the energy out of him, but he was beginning to understand Spock a little better. "So you are suggesting we get closer to one another before trying the mind-meld again?"
"Correct."
Leonard considered this. It was everything he'd wanted from the goblin for the better part of three months. Why was he hesitating now? "So like…dating? Sort of?" He knew Vulcans didn't date casually. They were either bonded mind, body, and soul or they weren't.
"I suppose that 'dating' could be a comparable human term, yes," Spock replied still looking mischievous and a tiny bit out of breath. It was amazing how relieved he looked when McCoy hadn't noticed anything wrong with him in the first place. By computer standards he looked just about ecstatic.
The doctor stepped toward his superior officer cautiously and stared up into his eyes. "I think I can do that," he said quietly. He leaned his chin up and, to his surprise, Spock dipped his head down so their faces would meet. Leonard kissed him again and it was worlds different than the first time. They were both much more relaxed and, though the Vulcan was struggling to keep up, he was reciprocating. And damn if that wasn't just the best feeling in the world. Leonard led, touching either side of Spock's waist gently and tilting his head a bit. The Vulcan was awkward as anything and it seemed to Leonard that he had no idea what to do with his hands so he broke the kiss with a little chuckle. "We'll work on that."