RIZA
She felt the dull ache in her knee and her ankle every time she had to push the pedal of her exercise bicycle back down. Damn instructor! Why did he have to put the resistance so high? Her knee didn't hurt as much anymore, unlike her ankle, which she had lightly sprained again when she had suddenly tried to walk on it the first time. Both were firmly wrapped in a brace to give the extra support so she could walk slowly with a crutch. Her left side had practically all been damaged, so she could only manage to maneuver with her right side.
"Come on, just one more kilometre miss Hawkeye! After that you're free," her instructor encouraged her. Damn you! If you hadn't made it so hard, I would've been done a long time ago. After seeing her grunt with effort, he went back to check on the other patients.
Riza huffed and puffed as she struggled to finish her five kilometres on the bicycle. She had been doing intense physiotherapy for the past two weeks, just three days after she had woken up. In the beginning, Dr Wilson wanted her to start slowly, but she refused and stated that she wanted to rehabilitate herself as fast as possible. Nobody thought she would be able to handle the pressure of an intense program, so she had set out to prove them wrong. Her resilience, determination and perseverance impressed them and none of them ever doubted her again. Dr Wilson would pass by every day to check up on her and to make sure that she didn't overdo it either.
In the beginning, it had been very hard and extremely challenging. She had started with walking with the help of one crutch on her right side and had to limp everywhere she went. The first night had been terrible. She had felt her joints and muscles ache and she had been so tired that she had fallen asleep immediately after going into bed.
Everyday was the same routine. She woke up early, waited until breakfast, went for a walk in the hallways, ate her lunch, went to her rehabilitation session, came back to her room and read some books, magazines or newspaper, ate supper, read some more, did some stretches and went to sleep. In the beginning, every physical exercise made her tired and sleepy so she didn't have that much energy left to read the things that Kate had brought her. But after two weeks of intense workout, at least for her, she felt more awake, energetic and stronger.
A week after she had started walking again, Dr Wilson gave her the green light to take a shower on her own. Riza had definitely been looking forward to thoroughly washing herself. However, as she had stripped her hospital clothes off, she had gasped and stood in front of the mirror staring at herself. Who is this? Her skin was pale and still had yellowish hues around her ribs, along her legs and arms. She was so skinny that her bones were popping out. Scars from unknown wounds were rough and hard under her fingertips. Riza had cupped her breasts. They're smaller... I think.
She had looked at her hair. It was untidy and badly in need of a haircut. Maybe I should trim it myself. When she had turned around, she froze at the sight of her tattoo. Wha- Why is it burned off? She had tried to look closer, to pull on her skin in order to get a better view, but a part of it had, without a doubt, been burned off. How? How did it happen?
Riza had been afraid. She didn't know if someone else had seen it. What if someone else knows? What if they're trying to kill me now? So many possibilities were forming in her head, but a feeling deep in her gut had told her that no one else had seen it.
Since then, every time she took her shower, she refused to look at herself in the mirror. She didn't want to be reminded of her scars, of her ugly and beaten body. She did notice, however, that she was slowly gaining her weight back. Like Kate had said, the food had improved a little bit. At least I'm not eating old people food anymore. With more food, her hands were starting to look less skeletal and were packing on more meat.
Riza had already been in the hospital for another two weeks since she had received her hospital bills and she was hoping it wouldn't last any longer. By phone, she had been able to pay for that first bill, but another one would come soon and she was not looking forward to it. Even if she had a fair amount of savings, she didn't want to use it all and be left with nothing when it was time to leave the hospital. She didn't even know what she would do once she was out, but one thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't stay at the hospital for too long or she would run out of money. Because of that, Riza ate every bite of her meals and exercised as much as she could to get back in shape.
Her left arm was still in a sling, just to prevent it from hanging down too long so her shoulder wouldn't hurt. She was slowly starting to move it around a little bit, just to get the joint to loosen up. That was the worst thing she liked to do since a rotation in the wrong angle would give her a sharp pain and make her cringe. In conclusion, she was rapidly healing and getting closer to the day of her discharge from the hospital.
"Miss Hawkeye, you sure do like to read about the Fuhrer," Kate stated with a hint of mischief. She deposited another stack of newspaper on her night table. "Here's this week's newspaper. There are some articles on him in most of them, so enjoy. I have to go somewhere else now, but I'll pass by later on if I have the time."
"Thank you Kate." Once or twice a week, Kate would bring her magazines and newspapers that had articles about Roy in them. Riza's obvious interest in him had not gone unnoticed by Kate, and without ever having to ask, she had been bringing her everything she had on him. Riza also greatly appreciated the fact that she never asked any questions either.
Almost every morning, Riza would wake up with a startle, always coming out of a nightmare. Or real memories... Sometimes, she would wake up with her face wet from tears. She had been reliving Ishbal, at least that's what she hypothesized. She wasn't sure if everything was authentic, but she knew she had been there and she knew that he had been there too.
She remembered him telling her his dream. At that time, it had seemed like a grandiose and brave dream for a young man. Changing the country. Why did he end up in Ishbal? Why did he end up in that genocide? She had followed him and had seen what he had done. Why did I trust him? There was also the thing about her back. Was he the one who did this to me? Did he want to erase the secrets? Why?
Every time she had some time to herself, her mind would wander to him. She knew that her current situation had a direct link with him, but she just didn't know exactly how. She was in denial. She didn't want to think that he had tried to kill her, but her memories were telling her another story.
She picked up the first newspaper of the new pile and saw his picture on the front page. The caption said: Two wanted criminals finally arrested. He was looking far ahead, not paying any attention to the press around him. His eyes held a menace that was similar to one of a murderer and it was obvious that he was extremely annoyed and angry. Riza felt disappointed and sad every time she saw his expressions in recent newspapers. He didn't look one bit like the man she remembered him to be. Roy looked like someone who had lost his humanity. Even in Ishbal, his eyes were more human than now. She had seen the pain and regret in his eyes in her dreams.
She turned the page and tensed at the two pictures she saw. They were showing the faces of the two criminals. Jack Windle and Rob Grey, Riza read in her head. She frowned and searched her memories. These names sound familiar. She looked closer at the pictures, staring long and hard, trying to remember something. She gasped suddenly, as an image came up in her mind. She closed the page in one swift motion and breathed hard. It's them. They're with Marcus.
Why would the Fuhrer want to catch them? Aren't they working together? This news was not clicking with her knowledge of the situation. Where's Marcus? Riza thought about it and tried to make sense out of it, but all she could do was speculate with what little information she had. Maybe he knows they failed and they're running away from him. Maybe he wants to kill them for having failed to eliminate me. A realization came to her then. If he's looking for them, then maybe he knows I'm still alive. Her heartbeat accelerated as she started panicking. I'm too close to him. I have to leave soon.
Her dreams always started with the same scenery, Ishbal. She was dressed in a military uniform with that brown cape and her rifle on her shoulder. Covered in dust and sweat, she would always climb up to the top of an abandoned building, find a good place to snipe from and settle herself. She would then proceed to eliminating enemies, the Ishbalians. One by one she took them down. She saw every second, every movement and every blood drop each time she shot them between the eyes. She could not control herself in those dreams. They were just replaying themselves over and over again. Sometimes she would be active on the ground, going through buildings and shooting anyone that appeared in front of her.
But her quiet deserted scenery, where the only noise was the firing of her rifle, always ended up in flames. Powerful waves of fires always came pouring down the streets from nowhere, burning everything in its path to ashes. Every single time, just before her own building collapsed, she would look for the source through her scope and she would always see him through the flames. His expression was cold with despair, which confused her every time she saw it.
Riza eyes snapped open and she woke up with a choked gasp.
"Riza, calm down. It was just a dream." Dr Wilson was sitting beside her bed on the stool and looked at her worriedly. Riza eyes scanned the room rapidly, confused at the sudden change of landscape. When his words sank in and she realized it had indeed been a dream, she relaxed her muscles and closed her eyes. She took a shuddered breath and concentrated on slowing down her heartbeat.
"Would you like some water?" She opened her eyes slowly and nodded. Dr Wilson helped her sit up before handing her the glass. She was still trembling from her fear and had to grasp it with both hands to steady it.
"What brings you here so early in the morning Dr Wilson?" Riza asked, once she had finished drinking.
"I wanted to come check up on you. Kate has reported that you kept on having recurring nightmares." He looked in her eyes. "I can see that it's true. Have you been having them every day?"
Riza looked away, hesitant to share this problem with him.
"For many people with amnesia, the first memories that come back are usually the worst ones," Dr Wilson started slowly, "most of the time, they are memories that have had a big impact in your life. They're the ones you couldn't forget no matter what, so they're also the first ones that come back. They must've played an important part of your life if they're plaguing you right now." He paused and looked at her. Riza was intently listening to him, absorbing everything he was telling her. "But maybe they are fictional dreams too. I can't tell you if they're real or not, but they must have a link to your reality."
"No, they're real," she said with determination. "They're definitely real."
"If you want to talk about them, I will always be here to listen." Dr Wilson had always been gentle and supportive with her and she didn't want him to think of her in a bad way. What if he hates me when he finds out I'm a killer. I've killed so many people! She looked away sadly.
"No... I'd rather not talk about it, but thank you for being there." Dr Wilson smiled sadly and got up.
"That's alright. When you're ready dear. I've got to go do my rounds now. If you ever need me just tell a nurse to come and fetch me." Riza gave him a small smile before he left and closed the door.
Was is okay not to tell him? She was hoping he wasn't disappointed by the fact that she didn't confide in him. She was afraid. She was afraid of many things and she didn't know who to trust. Roy Mustang was a very powerful and influential man. Just being in the same city as him made her anxious and constantly wary. They already knew her full name and it would only take one small investigation to find out that she was currently in this hospital. If he finds me... Riza shivered at the thought. She didn't know what she would do if he ever saw her. She would be powerless and weak against him. I wouldn't stand a chance. She imagined his eyes full of killing intent and his hand ready to snap.
Riza shook her head to erase that image. No, he wouldn't do that. She wanted to believe he was still that gentle boy she had met in her house years ago, the boy she had liked in silence from afar. However, the picture on that newspaper's front cover made her doubt herself. Why would he be after me? Why?
Her eyes would sting every time she thought about that. She had shown him her father's secret, his life's work. She had been half naked in front of him for God's sake. Did he even know how hard it was for me to do that? Thinking about it made her cheeks flare up. He had taken everything and left her with nothing. He had acquired the alchemy and had used it to do evil things, things that went against what he had promised her. How could he? She had trusted him, had followed in into hell and that was what she had been rewarded with. A murderer.
He had climbed up the ranks and became the Fuhrer, but what were his motivations and goal now? She had read about the reconstruction of Ishbal right before he was chosen as the new Fuhrer. Why did he do that? Does he seek to atone for what he did? Every new thing she would learn about him would always contradict with another fact that she already knew.
Riza believed that he wanted to get rid of her though. There was some sort of shady cooperation between him and Marcus. She remembered his words clearly, the instruction he had given Marcus. That, she did not doubt. But she couldn't even trust herself to distinguish her real memories from fake ones. It confused her and kept her constantly on the edge. Now that they've caught Jack and Rob, it'll only be a matter of time before he finds Marcus and then me.
Since then, Riza was always stressed out, restless and jittery. She wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as she could. If I stay confined in here, they'll definitely find me. Luckily for her, her physical health was greatly improving day by day and Dr Wilson was starting to talk about her discharge.
"When will that be doctor?" Riza asked carefully. She had recently taken her left arm out of the sling and both of her hands were now nervously playing with the hem of her shirt.
"Well, I think you could be discharged in the next few days. We just need to make a full assessment of your overall state and then you'd be free to go."
"When are you going to do that?"
"We could do it tomorrow and if everything is all clear, we can let you go." Riza took a deep breath of relief and felt like a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders. Dr Wilson chuckled at her expression, then said, "you can also pass by the main desk and ask them for your medical bill. They include the tests that we will be doing tomorrow, so it'll be your final bill to pay and then you'd be free of it all."
"Thank you so much for everything Dr Wilson. Thank you." Riza didn't know how she could ever make it up to him for all he did for her. She realized then, the horror of the situation.
She felt like a hypocrite. Here she was, thanking this man who had helped save her life. She was a murderer, someone who didn't even deserve to live or be saved. She even created a monster, a formidable weapon that had killed much more people than she could even imagine. When she had realized all those deaths had, in the end, been caused by her, she had wished that she had never been saved in the first place. But when it was nearing the end of her stay at the hospital and that the visits from the doctor were finishing, she felt thankful to this man for saving her. I'm despicable. She was disgusted and ashamed of her weak will and her selfish desire to live. Who am I to have the right to all of this, to all of this care. I'm just a murderer.
Riza diligently went to the administration desk and asked to pay for her bill. Every time she looked at the numbers, it never ceased to shock her. $35,551. Her jaw clenched and she felt a tug at her heart. She had stayed over two weeks but she had also passed many tests and had multiple therapy sessions, so the balance ended up being pretty big. Reluctantly, she went over to a phone and called the number to her bank. She went through the procedure of authentication and gave them the number of the bill and the name of the payee.
"I'd like to pay for a hospital bill. It's $35,551," she said grudgingly. She waited until the person had processed it and confirmed that it had been sent before asking, "how much do I have left in my account in total?"
"You have $15,141.52, ma'am."
Riza's breath hitched and she clutched the receiver tightly. It went down so fast...
"Thank you," she said after a moment of shock.
Riza was now very worried about her financial situation. When she would get discharged from the hospital, she would need to look for a place to stay. She would also have to buy clothes, food and many more things. I have nothing! What am I going to do? The rest of the money would be enough to get her started for a few months if she was careful, but it would run out fast. I have to find a job, but... I don't have any papers or documents. The other thing that she was afraid of was Roy. If he had people out there looking for her, then she would have to stay on the down-low. I have to get out of Central. I have to go somewhere where no one recognizes me.
Riza did the tests the next day almost in a daze. Her worries were clawing her mind, but she made sure the doctors and nurses didn't notice it. In the end, the test results were all favorable and she easily passed them all.
"Great news Riza! You passed all the tests and you'll be good to go tomorrow morning," Dr Wilson announced.
"Miss Hawkeye! I have some things for you!" Kate butted in. She held a big plastic bag and started taking clothing articles out of it and laying them on her bed.
"What are all of these?" Riza asked curiously.
"They're for you silly. Did you think you could leave the hospital in hospital clothes? You'll freeze to death!" It was true, she had been too preoccupied with other things that she had forgotten all about winter. It was late November and the temperature got pretty cold on certain days. There wasn't any snow yet, but everyone was telling her it would be coming soon. "Most of them are mine, but I asked around and got some people to give some of their clothes that might fit you. They might not be your style, but I think it'll do just to get out right? I even found you a coat and some boots. Try them on to see if they fit."
Riza was moved by Kate's kind gesture and her thoughtfulness. The boots had fit perfectly and so did the coat. She tried on some pants and shirts and picked the ones that fitted the best. There were even new underwear and bras.
"Thank you so much Kate. I didn't even think about these things."
"I know. Usually it's the friends or family members that take care of these things you know, but since you can't remember them or you don't have any, I decided to help you out a bit." Kate winked at her and she smiled back.
Her discharge was nothing special. Dressed in her new warm clothes, she went around saying goodbye to all the nurses and staff workers she knew. She went to thank Dr Wilson and his colleagues one last time. Kate was the last person that saw her off.
"Are you sure you'll be alright? Do you have a place to go? Are you sure there's no one you can contact?" she asked worriedly.
"Yes, I'll be fine. I was thinking of going back to my hometown. There should be people I know there, so it'll help me get my memories back." The words came out bitter in her mouth. She didn't want to lie to her, but she didn't have a choice. If Roy ever found out that she had been here and started questioning the people, he could find out where she truly was and would go after her. I'm not even sure where I'll go.
Kate hugged her one last time and then she was out. The cold air hit her face and sprung her awake. She marvelled at the feeling of being out, even if it was a bit cold. She had been confined inside for such a long time that she had forgotten how good it was to be outside. She took a deep breath and started walking. First things first. I have to go get my cards to have access to my money. That was Riza's priority.
She followed the directions on her little hand-drawn map to the bank. As she walked on Central avenue, she looked at all the shops and tried to remember if she knew any of them. Her sense of familiarity had confirmed to her many times that she had already been in Central. Maybe I live here.
Central avenue was a big street and even though it was the morning, there was some traffic and many people walking. When it was starting to get crowded, Riza pulled up her hood well over her head and hid her face. She walked briskly, as fast as she could without tiring out her legs. When she finally arrive to the intersection with Belleville street, she looked around and saw a big building with 'Amestris National Bank' written on top. She crossed the street and walked into it.
The heat inside made her cheeks flush and she removed her hood. She walked up to a free counter.
"Hi, I had recently gotten some new cards made, a credit card and a debit card. I know it's early, but I was just wondering if, by any chance, they had already come in." Riza asked tentatively.
"I can check that for you. May I just have your name and account number?" She gave him the information and waited for his answer. However, as he was checking the files and looking in the system, he started frowning and looking confused.
"Is something wrong?" Riza asked cautiously.
"Um, It's just that... I'm trying to access your account, but I'm having some difficulties," his voice faded near the end as he focused on his screen.
"What do you mean by difficulties?" Riza was having a bad feeling.
After a few seconds of silence, he looked up at her and said, "I'm afraid your account has been frozen ma'am. I can't access it."
Riza felt her knees weaken and she would've staggered if she hadn't been holding onto the little counter. How could it be frozen?
"Can you check again? There must be a mistake. I just did a transaction two days ago." Riza was getting restless and impatient.
The man did try again, but she could see that he had already given up any hope of succeeding. "I'm sorry ma'am. The account has been frozen so no one can access it."
"Why is it frozen? Does it say anything? Who gave the permission to do that?"
"I'm sorry ma'am but it doesn't say anything. I believe it's some confidential information."
Riza backed away slowly and walked towards the door in disbelief. What do I do now? What can I do now! I have nothing! She was despaired and hollow. Could it be? She looked up at the clear blue sky with her throat tight and cursed. Are you trying to corner me? You would go so far as to take everything from me? Riza looked strait in front with determination and fire in her eyes. I won't let you get your way. It's my fault things became this way and it's my responsibility to fix it. Even if it means taking you out.
A.N.: Mwuhahaha I feel so evil! Well, here's a short chapter, but I kinda just wanted to move on from the hospital so wrote this pretty quickly. Please forgive me if it seemed kind of rushed, hehe. Things will be getting interesting soon~!
D