Chapter 1

Bella's POV

I had no reason to live any more. My only reason for existence left me as if I was nothing. I knew that there was no way I'd see him again and I'd started to come to terms with that but I would never move on. His departure from my life had stopped it altogether.

Jacob was there for me for a while, then he wasn't. He refused to speak to me or let me visit. Mono. That's what he supposedly had. I believed it too, until I realised what he really is. A werewolf. Once I'd confronted him about it, he seemed relieved that I'd figured it out. I had him back in my life.

Whilst with Jake, I could feel the raw edges of the hole in my heart smooth over but it never closed in the slightest. I was offered a break from the constant pain but still could not breathe. On occasion I'd smile; it was never a real smile but close enough. He made me smile and I knew that in a normal world were mythical creatures didn't exist he would be the one for me.

Vampires and Werewolves do exist though. Edward exists and for that reason alone, I can't be with Jake. He deserves someone so much better than an empty shell of the girl he used to know. No matter what I tell him though he doesn't give up. One day he'll see that girl; that girl that will transform his world. He'll realise that she's the only one that matters in the world. Like Edward and I once were.

It almost killed me every time I thought of him. I couldn't stop thinking of him though. If I did, it would be just what he wanted.

It will be like I never exist.

Of course he exists, he took every reminder I had of him but one. A silver crescent that adorns my skin will be the most constant reminder of him.

Then there was his black button down shirt. I had kept it hidden under my pillow for when he was out hunting at night but when he left, I never took it off. I'd wear it to school every day and only when it needed washing would I take it off. In those moments, I'd stay at home without a shirt on and wash it. It had lost his scent a long time ago but I still felt comfort in it.

That's exactly what I'm wearing now. As I sit here in the coach alone, I'm in his shirt with a pair of skinny jeans. It's hot, really hot but what do you expect in Rio. Angela had already begged me to change into something lighter but at my furious glare she quieted down.

There was only nine of us on the trip and Mr Banner. We were doing a study on people in different environments. It wasn't necessary to go on this trip but you either had to come here of Canada. I'd missed the Canada trip and tried to get out of this trip by admitting myself to the hospital. The doctors cleared me as there was nothing they could do.

I never spoke to anyone anymore. Not unless I had to but that didn't stop them from talking to me. It helped to know that my friends were still there for me but I knew that one day they wouldn't be there, they had their own lives.

I felt a hand delicately lay over mine and looked round to see Jessica giving me a small smile.

"We're here Bella."

Taking her hand, she pulled me out of the air conditioned mini bus and into the hot evening air. Mr Banner was unloading the suitcases but I didn't have one. I only had my rucksack with me. There was nothing I needed but Edward.

I followed the group into the hotel and whilst they marvelled the place, I didn't care and continued to stare at the ground. I'd be sharing a room with Angela and Jessica with Samantha and Lauren in the room next to us. The receptionist was talking to the whole group about something but I wasn't listening. I didn't care. If there was something we weren't supposed to do then there was no chance of me doing it. I would stay in the room until we had to do the work, other than that I wouldn't do anything.

"Did you hear that Bella?"

"What?"

My expression didn't change as I looked up at Angela.

"We can't disturb the man in room 216."

She took my hand and started to pull me towards the stairs behind the guys. On the first floor, Mr Banner turned to us all and said something but I wasn't listening again. He walked off with the guys and Lauren and Samantha carried on up the stairs. Angela and Jessica stood with me for a moment before they both took my arms and led me up the stairs.

I was thinking of Edward now. This would have been the sort of place he would have wanted to take me to. It was a little fancy but not amazingly so. He would have had the satisfaction of spending money on me whilst not spending too much. He'd lift me up into his arms, cradle me to his chest and press his lips to mine.

The tears were running down my cheeks now. I hadn't even noticed that we'd entered our room for the next five nights. I was being sat on a soft bed and Angela held me to me as I broke down. Neither Jessica or Angela had seen me break down like this before and I felt bad for doing it. I couldn't help it though. I was terrified for when I'd fall asleep, not just for me but for them.

Angela tried to comfort me but it didn't work. Eventually I calmed down enough to stop crying and shaking. I lay down on the bed and just stared across the room. There was nothing for me here.

"Bella, it's time to go for dinner. You need to come with us."

Sitting up, I silently followed Angela and Jessica, lagging behind a little. Since he'd left, since they left, I had eaten very little. Whatever I did eat made me feel sick. That's why I have to take vitamin and calcium pills. I tend to try and get out of taking them as I see no point. Charlie always made sure he or Jacob was there to make me take them.

We were going to a restaurant round the corner from the hotel every night for dinner. It offered large plates of food, none of which I had any interest in eating. I had to order something though so got the smallest salad they had. I took out the vitamin pills that I had to take and swallowed two with a gulp of water, ignoring the worried looks from my classmates. After two bites I pushed the plate away and folded my arms.

As soon as everyone had finished and Mr Banner had given us our brief for the night and next morning, we made our way back to the hotel. I took Edward's shirt off and lay under the comforter, holding it to my chest. Neither Angela or Jess tried to talk to me, they left me be. I don't know how long I lay there but it was a long time before I gave into the fear that was sleep.

He was with me. We were laying in our meadow, my head resting on his shoulder. The sun was shining through the canopy above us and his skin was glistening like a thousand diamonds. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something but closed his mouth. Sitting up quickly, I was left lying on the soft grass with him hovering above me. His chiselled jaw was turned up as a crooked grin came to rest on his face. He leaned down as his hand rested on my hip and his lips were so close to mine.

The scene started to shift and I cried out for it to stay still. I wasn't in control of this dream though. However, just before the scene completely changed I heard the three words I cried for.

"I love you."

His beautiful face disappeared as I felt the burning return. It was dark, so very dark and I couldn't see very well. Despite the burning, I was freezing cold. Then he was there. Hovering over me, not touching me. His eyes held a pain that I had only seen once before. I saw his lips moving but couldn't make out the words. A burst of light and warmth spread over me and I heard the sound of ripping metal. I was screaming now, screaming for the pain to end. His lips carefully pressed to my forehead before I saw him cradle my hand and bit into my burning wrist. The love in his eyes as he watched me and not what he was doing was evident. There was no way that could be faked that well.

Again, the scene started to flick before my eyes once again.

There was dark all around me again. No pain; not yet. He couldn't look at me. His hands were clenched by his sides as he faced an internal struggle. I could see it now. The pain in his stance. Slowly his head turned round to look at me and there was pain in his eyes. The scene held familiarity yet there were slight differences. His eyes were not the void of nothingness; they were filled with a roaring pain. A fire was a light within himself as he warred with himself.

"It will be like I never exist."

He was gone. Just like always, he disappeared before I could say or do anything. There's screaming, someone is always screaming and I know that it's me. I feel two arms enclose around me but I can't see anything. My fingers begin to ache but I'm not moving. I can't move. I'm stuck in the forest where he left me.

"Bella? Wake up Bella."

I don't want to wake up. My dreams allow me to be with Edward. There is nothing when he's not there. My mind doesn't want to follow my heart as I begin to wake.

The person holding me I recognise as Angela now. She's sitting on the floor in front of my bed, gripping my shoulder as my fingers are entangled in the sheets. Her face is filled with worry and panic as she looks me over.

I can barely breath, but when have I ever been able to breath? She's stroking my hair as I close my eyes and sit up. I'm tired; exhausted but I know I won't get any more sleep. It's impossible for me. Moving back in the bed, I lean against the wall and pull my legs up to my chest. I cling to Edward's shirt like it's my life line.

The door bursts open and I hear quick footsteps. Looking up, I see Mr Banner coming over to me with a terrified Jessica behind and Lauren and Samantha in the doorway. Our teacher sat on the edge of my bed as if scared of my reaction.

"Bella, you're safe. It was just a nightmare okay. No one here's going to hurt you."

"I know. I'm alright. You can all go back to sleep."

"Are you sure Bella?"

"Yeah. I'll just sit here."

The bed dipped to my side and Angela's arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"You should get some more sleep Bella. You're very tired."

Turning to her, I showed her my teary eyes.

"I can't. It hurts too much."

And with that I broke down again. It wasn't too long before I stopped though. No one but Charlie had seen me this bad before now. I had never been weak but that's what happens when your heart is ripped out and torn into pieces. There's nothing that can heal me.

Once Mr Banner was satisfied that I would be fine, he left and shooed Lauren and Samantha back to their rooms. Angela stayed by myside whilst Jessica climbed back into the double bed she was sharing with Angela. At some point they both feel asleep, with Angela's head on my shoulder. I couldn't sleep. I didn't even dream of sleep. With my eyes closed, I imagined him. I traced each part of his body, of his face. My memories would never do him justice. I knew that but I couldn't help but try.

The sun dawned and everyone steadily got ready for the day ahead. We weren't doing much. Today was for us to get our bearings of the area and do some exploring. Angela and Jessica stuck by my side, no doubt terrified after last night. After lunch had finished, I started to head back to the hotel with the two in tow. I felt bad. They'd come on this trip for fun and I was stopping them. I practically pushed them out the door and told them I wasn't going anywhere. They seemed to believe me as they didn't come back till it was time for dinner.

I had more nightmares that night. They're always of a similar nature; memories of being with Edward and always finishing with the one where he left me. With the nightmares come the screams. All the next day I got sympathetic glances from everyone. The boys were no doubt told what had happened by Lauren.

We actually did work the next day. I was glad. It gave me a distraction and that's all I live for now; distractions. Without them I would have been driven insane. Jessica seemed very distracted the whole day though. She hadn't got any work done and I offered to do it for her. When she refused, I offered to let her at least copy some of my work.

I'd sunk deeper within myself by the end of dinner. The vitamin pills did that to me. Charlie tried getting me to eat enough so I could come off them but that plan didn't work. I realised I hadn't heard his voice in ages. The effect had died off when I was riding the motorcycles. I needed something new.

Surprisingly, on the way back to our rooms after dinner Jess pulled me back from the rest of the group. She took my arm and led me the other way, the doors counting down instead of up. I wasn't all that concerned, I didn't really care. Stopping me outside a door, she knocked quickly and loudly before running.

I stood confused at her actions, staring after her. I took one look at the number on the door. 216. This was the room to stay away from. If there was someone behind the door that could hurt me then I was fine with that. Maybe something dangerous will present itself and I'll hear him again.

The door swung open quickly and my eyes darted to the ground. With the swing of the door a draft pushed a scent towards me. I engulfed it and tears sprang to my eyes. It smelt of honeysuckles and sunshine. His scent but slightly off. Musky. My eyes drifted up and I could see him. My imagination wasn't this good. He was really here.