There was silence for a long time. Leonard had assumed Spock had wanted to hear that he was ready to create a bond, seeing as he kept asking over and over. Now it seemed as though the other man was carefully considering his words, as if he was unsure of their meaning. Leonard waited, happy to be embraced and relaxed, which was a rare occurrence.
The silence became uncomfortable after a few minutes and Leonard began to lose confidence. They would be sharing a brain. So all the dark and messed up stuff in his head would then be shared with Spock. What person in their right mind would hook themselves to an over-emotional, depressed, illogical…
"Right now?"
Spock abruptly put an end to these thoughts with those two words. Right now? Well…that was fast. Wasn't there a ceremony or something? Didn't they have to make a day of it? Wear their dress uniforms? Stand in front of the Vulcan Council or something?
"It…it can happen right now?"
"Yes, it is very similar to previous mind melds we have engaged in."
"I thought there was some marriage ceremony."
Spock paused for a moment more.
"You are thinking of the koon-ut-kal-if-fee which does not apply to our situation. That ceremony would only be necessary if I were going through pon farr, which I am not. We can initiate the bond at any time."
Leonard's heart started to beat faster. Suddenly, everything was much more real. They were going to do this right now then? All of the sudden they were just going to bond and that was it? It seemed almost anti-climactic (which was sort of the whole Vulcan lifestyle, wasn't it?) for such a huge deal as sharing your god damned brain with someone.
"Well," the doctor started calmly. "I haven't asked you how you felt about this. Do you want to be bonded to me?"
Spock shifted a little in the bed and moved his leg so it was in between the smaller man's thighs. "I do desire to be your mate," he said simply, giving the doctor a little squeeze. "I suppose you could consider this to be the koon-ut-so'lik, as unconventional as this may be."
"The koo-koo what?"
"Koon-ut-so'lik is the Vulcan ritual of asking the permission to mate…in human terms, Leonard, I am proposing marriage to you."
"Well…I'm an old-fashioned guy, Spock, if you want me to marry you you're going to have to do a little bit better than that."
He chuckled to himself, but immediately stopped when he felt Spock begin to pull away.
"Hey…hey now, I was just joking."
But the Vulcan only pulled away enough that he could look down into the doctor's eyes. He placed a hand on either side of his neck and gently trailed his thumbs over the older man's jawline. "Leonard McCoy?"
McCoy gulped. "Yea?"
"Will you do me the honour of being my husband?"
Leonard nearly melted right then and there. God damn Vulcan being all damn romantic. He had always thought that, after Jocelyn, he'd never want to get himself into that marriage situation again, but looking that that slightly raised eyebrow awaiting his response, he felt himself answering before even being able to clear his head.
"Yes. Of course."
Spock didn't respond, but instead allowed his hands to travel forward onto Leonard's face, placing long, steady fingers on his psy-points as they had done so many times in the past.
Oh shit this was happening now.
Leonard shut his eyes to brace himself for what he thought would surely be the most intense moment of his life, only to find the feeling was rather familiar. There were some warm fuzzies in the back of his mind, a little buzzing of Spock's thoughts like normal, and suddenly a great calmness. It threw him off balance, seeing as he was nearly always anxious and emotional, and it took him a minute to realize just what the calm presence was.
It was Spock taking up permanent residence in his brain. Like he had picked up all his bags and just moved in. Leonard took note that he was now able to feel what the Vulcan was feeling which was much more happiness than he was letting off. He could also tell that Spock knew what he was feeling, because Spock was thinking about the sensations. Without words being clear, or anything being dictated, Leonard could completely understand both of their thoughts, feelings, emotions…everything and anything that could never be expressed before. It was like a mind-meld, only much more intimate, and nothing was uncomfortable. Unlike their usual telepathic interactions, Spock was not speaking directly to him through his head. It was more like everything was already understood.
He sighed audibly, and Leonard thought he heard Spock laugh…but not out loud. He was inwardly amused at the human's actions. "This is…amazing," he finally managed to whisper. Spock replied with a quiet 'mhm' and they resumed prodding into one another's consciousnesses until it was clear they were so tightly intertwined there was no longer a divide.
A moment later, he couldn't help it, he was feeling Spock up and down, running his hands over the other man's ribcage, the wound on his shoulder (which he felt a slight pain from as he touched it) and around the curve of his back. He was aware of the contact in two ways: his own hands felt it and so did his mind…in the way that his brain was normal aware of a part of his body being touched, but the actual body part wasn't. It was an amazing and unbelievable sensation.
"That's…that's it. We are together."
"Yes, Leonard, we are one now. Bonded mates. Forever."
"Your parents are gonna be so pissed."
He shook a little with laughter and then pressed a kiss to his mate's mouth. He immediately felt a spark light up inside the Vulcan and pressed another one after it.
"It would be appropriate to mate now," Spock said quietly.
Leonard chuckled again. "You really are bad at this seduction thing," he said with a grin.
"If you wish to refrain…"
"Now, honey, you know I don't wish to refrain from anything."
"I know."
Leonard was quickly reminded that Spock had never done anything like this before. His motions were careful, but obviously inexperienced, and the doctor made a quick decision as to who would play which role in this whole thing.
"Now listen to me, I'm your doctor, so we're gonna do this my way, okay?" Spock nodded in response. "Go get the medi-kit, there's lube in there, we'll use that." Spock obeyed, but he felt something uncomfortable as the Vulcan rolled off the bed. "For me," he added for clarification. He peeled off his underpants and tossed them out of the bed. Spock returned and looked at him expectantly. "We're gonna learn how to properly prepare for this, alright?" The Vulcan nodded again, apparently a bit nervous with the whole ordeal. It was amazing the amount of emotion Spock carried inside and managed to conceal so well.
"Grab some pillows. You wanna face me? Or have me face away?"
"I would like to see you."
Leonard arranged himself so his hips were propped up by pillows, but he was still on his back. He spread his legs. Having never been naked in such an inappropriate fashion in front of Spock before usually would have bothered him, but his insecurities were pushed away by the overwhelming affection that was radiating from his mate's consciousness.
"Put some of that on your hand. More. More. You can never have enough. Now…gently go ahead and just sort of push in." Spock used his free hand to hold on to Leonard's leg and steady him while his dominant hand ventured down toward the other man's privates.
"Yup just…go ahead and- oh. Ugh…"
"Is something wrong?"
"No…nothing wrong. You can do more. Ugh. More. Mmm. More. Go in and out a bit. Uhh…yes…" His eyes were closed and his head was spinning. God it had been a long time since someone had done this to him. How long had they been on this ship? At least two years. It felt so good. He spread his legs a bit wider. "I must look like a god damn whore…" he muttered.
"You look beautiful."
Leonard blushed and groaned again. "You can add another. Just go slowly." Spock was extremely good at following directions - either that or he had researched this beforehand. A small poke in his mind suggested to the doctor that he may have looked up a few things prior to this and he smirked. "Go a little harder." Spock had two fingers inside him now and was pumping at a decent speed. The tightness was affecting the sensitivity of his Vulcan hands and Leonard could clearly feel his mate's mind being clouded with lust as well. Without being instructed, Spock slid his free hand up the doctor's thigh and over his now hard cock which was leaking onto his stomach. He squeezed lightly and began rubbing up and down.
"Uh…shit…"
A question popped up in his mind and Leonard responded quickly. "No, no…don't stop. It…sometimes when humans are really aroused or something feels good we…fuck…say curse words…" Spock perked one eyebrow in a decidedly proud reaction and proceeded to stroke his partner a bit harder. Leonard moaned in response.
"If you keep that up, I'm not going to last long."
Apparently, that's exactly what the Vulcan wanted, because he began matching the strokes of his left hand with the movements of his right hand and after a rather squirmy and noisy minute or two Leonard was grabbing onto the covers with all his might and coming all over his stomach.
Spock stopped his ministrations and sat quietly, awaiting direction from Leonard who was trying to catch his breath. "S-sorry…" he panted. "That was great though…good job. You sure you've never done that before?"
"Affirmative."
"Well…okay. Come here." He held his arms out and soon Spock was hovering over him. "You go ahead and position me however is convenient. I think I'm ready so just go ahead and…well…stick it in." Spock perked an eyebrow, but did as he was told. He pushed Leonard's knees up so they were on either side of him, aligned his cock with the other man's now well prepared hole and pushed in gingerly.
"Shit."
"Are you alright?"
"Yes! Fine…just a lot…keep going."
Though he wasn't showing much outward emotion, Leonard could feel that Spock was almost overwhelmed with the sensation. He pushed in slowly until he was completely filling the smaller man, and then he waited for a moment in order to regroup. Leonard didn't push him. They waited for maybe thirty seconds, and then Spock began to thrust gently in and out.
Leonard had had sex with several people throughout his life, including several men. Anal sex was nothing new for him, but this was something much different. He was hyper-aware of every little movement, every emotion, every physical feeling from him or his partner. Right away he couldn't breathe. Small moans escaped his throat with every thrust. He didn't need to speak…Spock knew exactly what he wanted. The two held on tightly to one another and within two minutes of the initial penetration the Vulcan was fucking Leonard into the bed with greater strength than any human could.
Each movement, each breath was so overwhelming that after just a minute or so Spock's breath hitched violently and he was coming inside of his mate with a low growl. He continued to pump in and out until there was nothing left and then the two men collapsed onto the bed.
It took longer to collect themselves than Leonard thought it would, but they were in no rush, and the euphoria they were sharing bounced across the bond and between the two of them long after they were finished. They both remained still, covered in sweat and cum, taking deep breaths, until finally Spock removed himself.
At first, Leonard didn't even notice he had made his way to the bathroom. It felt as if he were still there with him and without even asking he knew what Spock was doing. He slide off the bed and joined him in the bathroom where the Vulcan was preparing a shower. Without a word, the doctor helped Spock to remove his bandages, they both climbed in, and allowed the hot water to run over them for a few minutes as they embraced, and finally Leonard spoke.
"That was amazing."
"I agree."
"Is that what it's always going to be like?"
"It would be logical to assume so."
"Good."
More silence. It was comfortable, as if they didn't need to speak in order to communicate. After they were both sufficiently clean, they dried off and made their way back to the bed, climbing in and snuggling as close to one another as they could. Spock's wounds were looking much better, and his temperature was cool against Leonard's skin. He shut his eyes and hummed contently. He was the happiest he had been in a long time. Possibly happier than he'd been in his entire life. Through the bond he could feel how Spock was reacting to the situation as well. Exactly the same.