COLLAR-FULL

Peter Burke was worried and afraid, and to make it worse he was feeling both emotions so strongly that he had a text ready to be sent to Jones signalling for backup.

A simple text saying "Come home immediately" was the cause of his – fully justifiable in his opinion – concern. Of course, it was made worse by the "And bring Neal" that his wife had tacked onto the end of it.

Since when did Elizabeth need Neal? Sure, he knew that his wife was strangely fond of the convicted felon, but why would she insist that Peter brought Neal home with him. And yeah, Peter knew that Neal was largely trying to turn over a new leaf, but that didn't mean he trusted the man to not pocket anything valuable lying about even if only by old habit.

"Peter. You're brooding again".

Speak of the devil. No… Neal could probably sell the devil a vacuum and all fifty attachments that it didn't need for double the price… without breaking a sweat. Neal wasn't the devil… he was worse.

Could you tell that he didn't trust Neal?

"I'm not brooding," Peter denied simply, not exactly wanting to talk about his home life with the con-artist, no matter how helpful Neal had been in catching Ghovat. "I'm musing, thinking things over," he corrected.

"You're also frowning," Neal countered cheerfully, "And sending off more tension than a pubescent teenager".

"What do you know about teenagers?" Peter shot back, hands clenching around the steering wheel, "You hate kids remember?"

Neal was silent for a moment, making Pete glance over nervously. Oh Lord, he hoped he hadn't accidentally hit one of the man's triggers, he never really knew what he could or couldn't say that wouldn't set off a week full of elaborate pranks from a butt-hurt con-artist, Neal was just funny about some things like that. "I don't like children," the man finally said, making Peter relax in his seat in relief, "But teenagers? Teenagers aren't so bad, it's only when they're like five and they don't know how the world works yet that they start to annoy me. You can never con a child," he added, making Peter nod – the FBI agent having been waiting for a comment like that. "Teenagers are easy to trick, but children only really care about themselves, and most of what I say goes over their heads".

"Funny you say that," Peter began slowly, hiding his grin as he went to pull a 'Peter' on the ex-con, "Kate loves children doesn't she?"

"Nope, she hates them too," Neal corrected without hesitation, making Peter slump down with a pout before he could stop himself. "She never wanted to have them, she eventually wanted to foster a child from a home, but she would never actually have one herself. Sorry Peter, were you trying to surprise me?" the man added, teeth flashing in a grin as blue eyes flicked over to meet Peter's, "Were you, trying to surprise me, by knowing things about my life that you didn't think I knew you knew?"

"I caught you three times, Mr 'I'm such a smart con-man'," Peter shot back defensively.

"Caught three times by a man who's had his fly down all day," Neal murmured to himself, shaking his head in defeat as Peter scrambled to do up his zip, "You forgot to turn off your indicator when we pulled out of the office, by the way".

Peter Burke was now annoyed and embarrassed, and to make it worse he was annoyed and embarrassed on top of being worried and afraid for his wife. Funnily enough, all four feelings pretty much were brought into life by the con-artist sitting beside him. Damn that man for actually being strangely likeable.

"You missed your turn-off".

"Neal, I swear to God," Peter began, making Neal raise his hands defensively. "I'm going around in case they're watching the street".

Neal was quiet for only the space of a heartbeat before he was saying "You do realise she probably just wants to talk about the party she threw to catch Ghovat right?"

Hands tightening even further around his steering wheel, Peter clenched his jaw angrily. "I hate you," he muttered, unable to not see Neal's smug grin from the passenger's seat. "I really, really, hate you".

"No you don't, Peter, and that's what you hate more".

"I will pull this car over," Peter threatened, raising his finger and jabbing it in Neal's direction as if he were scolding a misbehaving child.

"As long as you remember you need to go left," Neal agreed innocently, "You still haven't turned off the indicator".

"I give up," Peter mumbled, "I give up. I'm working with a natural pain in the ass. Your charm isn't your gift, how annoying you are is".

It took way too long for Peter to pull up outside his home, a quietly grinning Neal lounging in his passenger's seat as Peter quickly peered around to ensure they weren't being watched. "Okay," he declared as he unbelted and checked his gun, "You're going in first," he announced making Neal's eyebrow raise at him. "That way when I'm proven right about this text being suspicious then you're the one who gets shot in the ambush, not me," he explained, Neal's grin only growing.

The two of them exiting the car and heading up the stairs, Peter only found himself getting more and more annoyed by Neal's stubborn smile. What if he was right? What if there was someone in the house with a gun aimed at his wife's head? Neal would be walking in there with that big stupid grin on his face, and then what? It's not like he could use that smile to… oh… right. Neal used that smile on everyone and it always seemed to get him what he wanted, the only people that look didn't work on were lesbians and Peter's boss. He couldn't even claim it didn't work on him, since well, he got Neal out of prison because of it didn't he?

"Honey! I'm home!"

Jaw dropping, Peter realised that Neal was so totally going to get himself killed, as the man adjusted his fedora on his head before throwing the door open and striding right into Peter's house. Of course, he'd be getting killed by Elle, instead of the bad guys, but still, dead.

Hand on his pistol, Peter moved in after Neal and could only watch as a fist slammed right into the pretty boy's face, knocking him to the ground and knocking his fedora into the air. As the attacker grinned and caught the fedora, sliding it onto his own head with a familiar flip, Peter's jaw dropped even further as he took in the black hair and con-artist smile the young man before him was sending down at the floored Neal.

"Nice hat".

"HARRY!"

"Sorry Elle, I had to get that over and done with," 'Harry' apologised to Peter's wife – who was surprisingly un-held-at-gunpoint. "If I didn't, it would just hang in the air and ruin the reunion".

"You ruined the reunion by punching Neal in the face!" Elle exclaimed, looking rather disappointed at the young man who just shrugged in response.

"Elle, I think that if I hadn't punched him in the face then he would have just punished himself," the younger Neal Caffrey standing beside Peter's wife said casually, smiling that always infuriating smile and giving that blasted head tilt that screamed 'I'm adorable, love me' to any woman who laid eyes on him.

As expected, Elle just wilted under that look and gave Mini-Neal an understanding look, before pulling into a hug with a sad "Oh come here you". Deciding to just get it over and done with, Peter stepped forward to help the shell-shocked Neal to his feet, smiling bluntly at the man before drawing his own fist back and driving it into his reddening nose.

"That's for spawning," the FBI agent declared bluntly, feeling as if the world was collapsing around him at the idea that Neal Caffrey had a son.

"PETER!"

"Yeah, there's no excuse for that," Neal Junior deadpanned, "That was just rude".

"Oh you have no idea, Harry," Elle agreed coldly as it was Peter's turn to wilt under his wife's angry look, "I thought I trained him better than that".

"That's why I'll never settle down," Neal Junior said knowingly, nodding and studiously ignoring Neal Senior as the elder man stood. "If I've told Hermione once, I've told her a thousand times. Men are like utensils. You use them, wash them, and then put them right back in the drawer".

"Harry".

"What? Now you want to talk to me?" Harry demanded, turning a glare on Neal, "Huh? Because you didn't want to talk to me four years ago when you decided to hand yourself in, to him none the less!" he exclaimed, jabbing a finger at Peter.

"He didn't hand himself in," Peter argued automatically, "I caught him. Fair and square".

Faltering when Harry only sent him Neal's patented 'really' look in response, Peter watched as the young man turned back to glare angrily at Neal. "Do you know how it felt to get a letter from Mum telling me you'd handed yourself in? I had to sneak out of school to go see Mum, she was devastated! You didn't even think to tell her of all people about it!" he shouted, making Neal flinch violently, "You just up and left! You abandoned us!"

"No I didn't!" Neal defended, still standing stiffly by Peter's side, "I handed myself in, so that once I completed my four year sentence we could all settle down! You think I enjoyed dragging you and Kate around like that? Kate wanted stability! And you'd never admit it but you wanted it too!" Neal yelled, "I thought you two would wait for me and that we could be a proper family. It's not like we couldn't afford it, not if we sold everything in our stash!"

"Neal, honey," Elle interrupted suddenly, moving over the gently grab the man by the elbow. "I think the problem here is that you didn't say anything to them," she explained calmly, "If you had all sat down and spoken about it don't you think this would all have gone a little differently? Don't you agree?" she asked, making Neal nod slowly like a child. "And don't you agree that this is the first time you've seen your son in four years?"

When Neal nodded again, Elle nodded back, pushing him towards Harry slightly. "Then I hardly think that you should remember this as the day he punched you when it could quite easily be the first time in four years that you get to hold your son, right?"

The last word had barely left Elle's lips when Neal was lunging forward, lifting a yelping Harry off the ground in a hug that the young man quickly returned – the two clinging to each other desperately as Elle beamed at them both happily. "Fuck's sake Dad," Harry's voice whispered through the room, "I missed you so much".

Okay… maybe Peter felt a little guilty for locking Neal away now, but only a little guilty. It was a shame father and son had to be separated, but the father was still a criminal. And to be fair, it was rather likely that the son was too, even if Peter were smart enough to not bring it up around Elle.

"So," Peter began slowly, "You spawned then?"

COLLAR-FULL

Not an idea I'd continue until such a time that I owned the first series of White Collar (as opposed to watching it on Netflix), but I just loved the idea of a Neal/Harry father-son thing that I couldn't resist. Not that I'd resist anything that Neal wanted, because damn why are the hot ones always taken?

BTW. Bonus points to people who recognise the song.