Dying words I bury everyday

-Soundgarden

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Damon could have kicked himself for being such a selfish asshole but he didn't because as much as he hated to admit, he didn't want her to go. Yes, this was her dream and yes she had ambitions of her own either than attending rock sessions with him and the band. Damon knew that she was her own person, hell that's what she loved about her but he had grown so accustomed to being with her, grown so accustomed to hearing her talk in her sleep, smelling her hair as she shifted against his body, night after night he had become so comfortable with having her around that he could not imagine even one single night apart from her let alone an entire…

Wait….

What if she actually got the job?

"Are you thinking of moving back to New York?" he asked, hardly recognizing the gruff tone in his voice. Bonnie blinked owlishly at him for a moment as if she was trying to understand his reaction

"It's still just an interview, let's not jinx it" she muttered, hooking strands of hair behind her flushed ears.

"I need to know what this means for us if you get that job." Damon swallowed as he tried to erase the desperation in his voice.

"I thought you'd be happy for me" she said in an accusatory tone that gutted him deeper than she could comprehend. In his mind Bonnie wanted to leave him, she wanted to abandon what they were trying to build together. Damon's mind fled to the engagement ring he had bought for her. Everything was always too soon with her, maybe he was too eager but he couldn't help himself. She made him want everything now, almost as if tomorrow was not promised to either of them because in truth one never knew what tomorrow might bring. Bonnie was the cautious one, his angel with thorned wings, careful to the point of not fully giving into him for fear of getting hurt again.

"And I am, in fact I'm fucking proud of you" he murmured, lifting her chin with his thumb.

"But you're being a selfish fucktard right now" she raised her eyebrow, scrutinizing him with that look of hers.

"I'm not" he protested, the pad of his thumb finding her lips.

"You are" Bonnie insisted as she narrowed her eyes into slits.

"I'm not"

"Ok, I'm gonna quit this before we start yelling na-na-nana-na!" she said in a sing-a-long voice as she moved away from him.

"Its just that-well-you're always here and I'm always here" Damon's voice was strained and he coughed to appease the ache in his tone.

"Meaning?" she said slowly pivoting around to face him again.

"How am I going to be your boyfriend when you're miles away?" he stayed rooted on the spot.

"Last I checked, you could afford a ticket or two to New York or did you conveniently forget about the band, the money and the press?"

"So you would move?" he crossed the floor to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Of course I'd move Damon; I can't exactly catch a bus from Seattle to New York every morning"

"It wouldn't be the same if you moved" he furrowed his eyes, desperate to make her stay.

"It's a temp job ok, not permanent so you have nothing to worry about" she rolled her eyes, shaking him off her.

"This would change things, you know it and I know it"

"Well guess what, I'm not willing to put my life on hold for a man again!"

"There you go!"

"What?"

"You're comparing me to him again" Damon snapped, "You're comparing me to your pathetic piano man again"

"Because you're doing the exact same thing, Damon" she approached him, hard and fast and jammed her finger against his chest repeatedly.

"I'm just so scared that I'm gonna lose you" he snarled pulling at that finger, drawing her closer to him as if he were disarming her of a weapon.

"You're not going to lose me" Bonnie softened, yielding against the mass of him. Tears suddenly pricked her eyes, a swell of emotions erupting somewhere deep inside her.

"You feel like a part of me, like a limb, it's like you're the motor that helps me function." Damon murmured, brushing her hair back to cup her face "Since I've been with you, I haven't once thought about using, I haven't-"

"Don't make me your crutch" her breath hitched as she said that, a pressing ache in her heart as she shook her head.

"You're not but you feel like my own endless dose of heroin and if I no longer have the sublime moments of my natural high with you…then what-what else is there?"

"Do you know how sick this is," she shook her head with a husky chuckle "you just compared me to heroin?"

"I just compared you to my saving grace" Damon gathered her in his arms, the need to bury himself in her growing in with every frantic pulse of her heart against his.

"As messed up as this all sounds to me, I love you" she whispered hoarsely, her voice emanating from his chest as her face was buried against him.

"I love you" Damon said, releasing his hold on her, "Hey, you wanna come and check out the band practice?" he asked, soothing her cheek with his palm.

"Wild horses wouldn't drag me away" she looped her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him, warm and giving as his heart foolishly reacted to her.

"Then what do you say, we cut our shower hour in half?" he suggested, a cheeky grin flashing across his face.

"Knowing you, we'll double it" Bonnie laughed before she captured his mouth with hers.

xXx

Three days later they were standing at the airport with Damon's arms wound around her so tight that she was sure that he'd have trouble letting go.

"This is not forever, "Bonnie reassured him, tracing his jaw with her finger then palming his cheek "It's only an interview" she said as she pressed her other hand against his chest. She had already checked in her luggage, or what little luggage she was taking with her because she didn't want to jinx her chances with Rolling Stone.

"You'll hit it out of the park, I'm proud of you" his arms were draped around her waist, his blue eyes locked on to hers and not disturbed by the rushing crowds around the bustling airport.

"Hey, "he pressed his forehead against hers, pulling her closer to him.

"Hey" she sighed, her eyes fixed on his. She breathed the wild wet rain emitting from him, the scent seemed embedded in his disheveled hair, his flannel shirt and his unwashed jeans. He smelled like Seattle, right down to the strong coffee beans that permeated every pore in his body. Bonnie wanted to bottle up his scent and carry it with her.

"You've tamed me" he said with a croak in his voice although it was a phrase uttered in jest but the ache in his voice her told her otherwise.

"Then you better keep that shit on lockdown" she teased him to ease the tension around them.

"I won't give it away"

"Promise?" she wet her lips, taunting him.

"I promise. It's got your name tattooed on it"

"There's an idea"

"Hey, stop trying to turn me on in the middle of a fuckin busy airport"

"I love you"

"I love you"

"Hey," she glanced over her shoulder as she began to walk away from him.

"Yeah" Damon stuffed his hands in his pockets, brows raised in anticipation.

"Rock Hard!" she yelled and raised her pinky and index finger, bidding homage to the rock gods.

xXx

The constant smell of coffee in Seattle wakes you up before the caffeine enters your body but that constant rain dulls your senses right back to zero. In New York, you don't even need the coffee; the noise has a different kind of energy that smacks you right in the face like a spectral entity. The noise in New York is as alive as it is tangible, you can touch it, smell it and even see it in different colors.

Bonnie took in a deep breath and smiled.

She was home.

Katherine couldn't fetch her from the airport because she had back to back interviews so Bonnie had to catch a cab. She didn't mind the cab drive in fact it thrilled her like a kid riding the carousel for the first time. She felt like she was standing on her own two feet again, independent and strong. It wasn't that she didn't feel independent in Seattle but Seattle would never truly belong to her. New York was a part of her and she felt certain that she was a part of New York too. The city understood wayward souls who were always searching for something and that's what she had been doing since her gram's died.

When the cab pulled up in front of Katherine's Greenwich apartment, she hauled out her bags from the trunk and flung her eyes up at the grey stone building. Everything felt so familiar like she had never left. After paying the cabbie what she deemed to be an exuberant amount of money, she pulled out her notebook from her handbag to read the name and apartment number where Katherine had left her house key. She was grateful that the elevator was in working in order and that the place was still relatively quiet at midday. Bonnie made her way along the sunlight hallway, reading out loud the numbers on the doors before she made it outside number twenty seven.

She rapped her knuckles against the door, tapped her boot on the mosaic floor and waited for someone to attend to her. The rattle of chains being unhooked from behind the closed door half startled her and she took another gulping breath as the door swung open.

"Yeah," he greeted, his elbow resting on the doorknob as he peeled off her skin with his eyes.

"Hi, I'm Bonnie…Katherine's friend," she begun, signaling with her thumb to an apartment behind her. "I'm here for-"

"Katherine's house key" he finished the sentence for her, "I'm Matt" he grinned.

When he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his dark jeans she looked away. She was slightly embarrassed for him but especially for herself for witnessing such blatant flirtation. Bonnie stifled a giggle when she recalled that New York worked like that. The men were bold and obnoxious and could compete with the craziest punk rockstar out there but this guy was trying way too hard. His profile read all American and not deliciously devilish sex agent.

"Sure. Yeah. Hey, you wanna come inside?" he cocked his head, giving her a nod.

"No, I'm good, Thanks though"

He vanished back inside the apartment and she could hear the soft hiss of the TV as the aroma of Chinese Takeaway carried out into the hallway. When he came back to the door, his formerly exposed torso was covered with a white tee-shirt.

"Hey, welcome back to New York" he said handing her the key.

"It's good to be back" Bonnie smiled palming the warm metal. She tried very hard not to squeal as she made her way toward Katherine's apartment. Her interview wasn't until Friday so she had an afternoon to kill in New York but the first thing she wanted to do was to call Damon.

She glanced at her watch again before working the key into Katherine's door. It was midday in New York which meant that it was nine am in Seattle. Bonnie sighed as she finally hustled the door open, he was probably still sleeping she thought as she shielded her eyes against the light streaming through inside Katherine's apartment.

She resolved to take a nice warm bath and reacquaint herself with the city again before calling him.

xXx

A/N: I'm really trying to complete this one guys so please bear with me. The muse has a tendency to escape her cage every now and then.