Author Notes- Chapter title is taken from "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" by Elton John.

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Interlude-

When Lightning Strikes Me

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Giles started slightly in surprise at the knock on his door. Capping his pen and marking his place in the translation, he rose from his desk chair and moved to open his front door, then blinked in surprise to see his Slayer on the doorstep. He hadn't been expecting to see her again that day, especially after she had been so oddly distracted during that morning's training session. He stood aside from the door to let her in. "Buffy! I wasn't expecting you. Come in, please. Is something wrong?"

"No. Nothing wrong," she said as she moved inside. "Giles, I've been thinking. Today. About a lot of things, really."

"Oh?"

She paced restlessly around the room, almost fidgeting as she moved. Her fingers trailed fitfully over surfaces as though she could not remain still in any way. He observed her silently, confusion and concern growing slowly. She was not acting as though she were injured or in danger yet something was clearly on her mind and she was not at ease with it.

He sank back down into his desk chair, prepared to wait until she was ready to speak. She came to a halt near the kitchen passthrough, left hand on the countertop, right hand slowly clenching and unclenching at her side.

She spoke again finally, quietly, a slight tremor in her voice. "I've been thinking a lot and I've come to some... realizations about how I feel about things and what I want. And I was surprised by what I figured out. It wasn't something I would have ever expected but now that I have realized it... well, it makes a lot of sense. Giles, I..."

Her voice broke and she trailed off, swallowing hard. He resisted the impulse to go to her. He relaxed a little to find out that what was bothering her was not some imminent threat-not out of the question with the way their lives tended-but rather something more mundane. However, it was clearly still something that weighed heavily on her and, as always, Giles felt compelled to ease her discomfort.

Buffy took a deep breath and seemed to center herself. When she spoke again, her voice still trembled but she was once more in control. "Giles, I love you."

His breath caught in his chest abruptly, painfully, and he hoped fervently that she was about to follow the pronouncement with more, something to clarify that she meant as a friend, or as a mentor, or... hell, even only as her Watcher. Anything else. Anything but the one thing that he most desired and could never have.

But no.

She turned to him, her gaze meeting his own and Giles bit back a groan of almost physical pain. She loved him as he loved her. It was all there in her too open face. Giles closed his eyes, a spike of pain lancing through him. It wasn't fair, to suddenly have what he wanted most thrust in front of him with no warning. Especially since there was no way he would be able to accept it.

"You love me?"

The words were out of his mouth almost before he could think. Damn it all, why am I pushing this? But the answer to that was easy. If he could not have what he wanted, the next best thing was to know the details of how it had almost come to pass. Details to torment yourself with on lonely winter nights? He almost snarled at himself, hating the longing that surged in his gut. He ached to give in. But he couldn't. Didn't dare to. She deserved better than him.

She was nodding, almost too quickly, as though nerves were making her twitchy. "Yeah. And I mean as more than just my friend or my Watcher or... whatever else we've always been.

"Buffy," he said stiffly, carefully, keeping his gaze on his desk, the stacks of translations he had been working through, anything to prevent her from seeing the pain he was certain was in his eyes, "whatever you might think you feel for me... It cannot be. I am your Watcher. Nothing more." Much as I might want to be. There could be no future for them. How could there be? I am old enough to be her father. What sort of future could there possibly be for her with someone like me?

Anger snapped in her tone, breaking into his thoughts. "What I think I might feel? How about giving me a little credit, Giles? And you're not actually my Watcher anymore, remember?"

He flinched. "Buffy," he said carefully, "what you're looking for- It cannot happen."

She was silent for long moments and Giles risked a glance up at her. What he saw nearly tore a gasp of pain from his gut. She looked... devastated was the only word for it.

"Buffy..." he started, unsure what to say, only knowing he had to do anything to ease that look of agony on his Slayer's face.

She shook her head sharply and took a step back toward the door, then another. When she spoke, her voice sounded strangled, tightly controlled. "I've got patrolling to do."

He started up out of his desk chair to catch her, the urge to soothe her obvious pain stronger than the need for distance, but she slipped past, evading his grasp. Then she was gone, out into the beginnings of twilight, and Giles let his head sink into his hands with a harsh, broken sob.