Chapter 7: Little Changes

She hardly saw Pan after that for almost another week. She couldn't really say she complained, though, that day he gave her unusual thoughts—and feelings. Being around so many people was still a bit shocking, but she had mostly gotten used to it by now, but her senses were still incredibly acute around him. It was probably because she knew he was the most threatening.

Instead, Felix kept her company. It felt odd for them both. He was Pan's right hand boy, he was usually off leading hunts or teaching and playing games. She was…well, she didn't have a usual yet. Her first week had been spent starving, the next spent recovering. Still, it was fun; he taught her camping and the way the boys lived. By the end of the week, she could gather materials for food and building, build a tent, make weapons (though she hadn't used them). She knew which plants were best for food, or poison, or building with. Felix was surprised she knew most of that already, as well as how to figure out the dimensions and amount of materials she'd need. When he asked, she merely said she was well-educated before arriving. It was believable, though vague, but he didn't question her further.

That was two weeks total she had spent with Felix, and if he wasn't so scary when he wanted to be, she would've told him he felt like a brother to her. She suspected he felt the same about her. He was a far too enthusiastic teacher, congratulating her extensively when she accomplished something and attempting to excuse her when she didn't, it was really rather funny. And he was kind to her, more so than he was to any of the boys. He mocked her, and enjoyed knowing more than she, just like Pan, but he didn't threaten her and didn't intimidate her-too often. He also often told her jokes and silly stories. He really would've been an ideal older brother.

They sat together, her making arrows as he watched her and sharpened his knives, when she thought of this. The boys never spoke of their pasts, but she was curious. The behavior couldn't be natural, none of the other boys treated her that way—granted, they mostly ignored or went around her presence—and Pan certainly didn't.

"Felix," she asked tentatively. He didn't even pause in his work, just hummed in acknowledgement. "Did you…um, that is…before you came here…" she tried to begin. He stopped, took a deep breath, and slowly looked at her. His face was a stone mask. She expected him to tell her to hush, to stay out of what wasn't her business.

"Yes?" he surprised her. His voice was quiet, but he was letting her continue even though he knew where it would go.

"Did you, you know, have any f-family? Or, o-or friends? Or…" she stuttered, looking into his face, trying to keep hers relaxed and gentle. She didn't want information to use against him, or to hurt him at all. She was just curious.

He took another breath and looked down. His hands put down the knives and his back went stiff. He looked into her eyes, his own hard. "Yes. No parents, they ran off when I was six. Lousy low-lives, never escaped their poverty, even abandoning their kids," he chuckled humorlessly. She just nodded for him to go on. "Had friends, we were sort of like the boys here. The Enchanted Forest version of the Lost Boys."

"You're from the Enchanted Forest?" she blurted. She thought they were all from the other land, the one with no magic. All people in the Enchanted Forest possessed some, just the tiniest flicker, of magic. Most could do no more than make a fire a bit bigger, and didn't even realize.

"Yes, that's why I'm his right hand," they both knew who he was talking about. "I practiced a little magic, here and there. Just things like making wine glasses move to distract men so we could steal their purses," he smirked. She grinned a little, imagined Felix as a child sneaking about with little tricks. "Or making flowers pop out, or other little things, for street shows. And extra coin here and there for them never hurt," he nodded to himself, his eyes glazed with memory.

"It sounds fun, to be a free child, I mean. Getting to run about with your friends, playing little tricks and reaping your reward of a coin or two," she mused, mostly to herself. He frowned in consideration.

"Yes, it was. We weren't living like kings—far from it, most days we only had one small meal—but we were together. After a few years, I stopped caring about my parents completely. Just lived with my group of boys, and I quickly became the leader of sorts. No surprise, eh?" he cocked an eyebrow at her and she smirked. "Then Pan came, said he knew a place with no grown-ups, and where you'd never grow old and they had much more magic there. Said I could stay free as a child and do what I liked. I said no, I had my friends to look after. I was just a few weeks from being fourteen at the time."

"You said no? To Pan?" she was shocked. She didn't think people did that, the boy just commanded compliance. Felix chuckled at her reaction.

"You look funny surprised, like a fish out of water," he teased. She'd never seen that, but the pictures of fish in water looked silly enough, so she assumed she looked ridiculous.

"Come on, how'd you end up here, then?" she pressed. Felix looked up behind her, and smirked.

"You tell the rest," he said, his eyes somewhere over her head, and nodded at her. He picked up his knives and resumed sharpening, watching her and the space over her head with a small smirk. She knew.

"Pan, please tell," she greeted, bending her neck and back to look up at him, standing a step behind her. He looked down at her and raised his eyebrows.

"Felix here is rather unique. All the other boys jumped at the opportunity. But not him. I was new at Neverland, no other person was here except me, the fairies, and the mermaids. But we don't really enjoy…interacting, back then at least," he and Felix shared a dark smirk, and she shuddered a bit. "I was alone, and I wanted company. But I was new to all this, Neverland and magic and immortality," he said the last few words with a sinister reverence. He reveled in his power. Then he looked down at her and smirked in amusement. "I came back. Then, left and found him exactly four years later, and asked him again."

"You-you asked someone? Twice?" She choked out. It was unlike him, he just took what he wanted-the other boys, for one example.

"Yes, I can be civil when I wish," he mocked. She looked back at Felix, eyes narrowed, but he just grinned at her and nodded. She shook her head, giggling in disbelief. She smiled at Felix, then, surprising him, up at Pan. His expression slipped into a blank one, and then he disappeared in a small flash of light.

"It's nice to see that," Felix murmured.

"Him disappear? I can't wait until he teaches me that," she grinned. Felix just shook his head.

"It's nice to see you smiling more. You seem happier here. Are you?" he stopped himself.

She just smiled softly, she was. She came here sad and angry and alone. At first, the place was terrifying. But the more time she spent there, especially with Felix and then with Pan, the more comfortable she grew. She knew they were both powerful and evil, she'd never seen them do anything but the way they spoke and sneered and smirked, she knew they were far from kindhearted. Plus, her hair let her feel the magic on them, like an aura. But, she was quickly learning, she was powerful too. Just from the little cleaning lesson, she'd been experimenting with her magic. She wasn't helpless anymore. "Yes, I am. You made me better. You taught me not to be helpless, or to be resigned, anymore. Both of you, really," she breathed.

"Him too," he went back to his knives. She nudged him and he smirked. "You can't tell anyone, eh?" He leaned into her, smirk in place and eyes sparkling with mischief and teasing. She'd never had friends to share little secrets with, so, though she knew he was teasing her, she still giggled and leaned in. "He hasn't been this nice, or happy, not really, in a long time," he said, unexpectedly serious.

She arched an eyebrow. "He's a boy who runs and plays and hunts with other boys forever, never growing old, and he's ruler of the island, by what you've said. How would he be not happy?"

"Dunno," Felix shrugged. "Maybe you're right, Princess. He just, seems to smile more." With that, he sat back and went to his knives, letting the conversation drop. But he'd planted the thought in her mind. If Felix only told her, and told her not to tell, what was she supposed to do about it?

Then Felix nodded behind her, to where the main bonfire of the campsite was. "He wants you, by the way." Thinking of how Pan's change may be connected to her, she didn't understand his meaning, and her eyes widened. Felix chuckled, "over there. Think he's got another lesson idea for you."

She stood, brushing off her dress and walked to Pan, pushing her hair out of her face. Feeling its tangles, she debated trying to brush it with her fingers, but one glance at it near her feet and she gave up. At least it hadn't grown longer. When she was ten, she'd realized she could use the magic to make her hair stop growing, and it had been at its current length ever since. She couldn't make it shorter, however, so it trailed a bit after her feet.

"Hello, Princess," Pan mocked a bow to her and she smirked. "Since you've been with us for so long now, and we assume you're staying," he didn't leave time for her to contradict him—not that she would, "you're going to learn to hunt." He finished definitely. She thought she detected a bit of pride, especially when his shoulders straightened and he held his head high, scheming smirk ever-present.

"Oh…like…kill, you mean?" she asked timidly. She'd only seen a handful of forest animals in her life, and certainly never even thought of killing one. It made her nauseous with nervousness. Animals were innocent, the ones she read of were beautiful, even.

"Of course, you've got to eat, haven't you?" he replied nonchalantly. Her head shot up.

"It's only necessary?" she asked hopefully. She knew they had to eat, they'd given her meat as well as plants. If it was just for necessity, it wasn't so bad. Animals themselves killed to survive.

To her both relief and dismay, he just shrugged. "If you'd like." He strode into his tent, one of the larger ones and next to Felix's. She followed, she'd never been in his but was curious.

It was normal on the inside. Cot made of vines and leaves and cloth, pile of weapons in the corner. It also had a rickety table covered with maps and diagrams and pages with writing. She studied the maps, but she'd never seen them before. She'd studied all the maps of the Enchanted Forest and the Land Without Magic extensively, she could redraw them herself. But she'd never see these maps. The largest was of just an island; it was vaguely familiar, she guessed it was the whole Neverland. The others were closer, of certain parts of the forest or beach or the one great mountain in the center. The maps had such beautiful colors and detail, she was entranced. Pan couldn't have made them, but she figured they couldn't come from anyone else. Next she fingered the pages with writing. The writing was such a messy scrawl she could barely make it out, but she saw 'Dreamshade' and 'Lost Boys' several times-well, she guessed that's what they were. So deep in trying to decipher the handwriting, she didn't notice Pan was done sorting through the weapons.

"Maps of Neverland," he stated. She nodded. "We can explore it a bit today, it's still morning, and the boys are loud so we tend to need to go a bit outside to find animals," he shrugged. He looked at the opposite wall over her shoulder.

"That would be amazing," she gushed, smiling. She hadn't been outside the camp, and her curiosity was clawing at her to explore the new world. He handed her a bow.

"Felix has taught you to shoot?" he tossed as he stepped out of the tent, carrying his own bow and a dagger stuffed in his belt. She put the bow and arrows on her back. "And your feet should be stronger now, not still bleeding, Princess?" he smirked and glanced at her bare feet.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine. And Felix taught me, but I'm not very good," she finished quietly. In her defense, they'd only practiced once or twice with the bow. He'd practiced more with her with swords and hand-to-hand, since that was what Felix liked.

"It's alright, another magic lesson then. Two in one, aren't I generous," he held his hands out at his sides as he asked, mocking as usual.

"A true gentleman," she agreed, smirking. Felix was right, she'd become much more at ease, smirking and teasing, even with Pan—granted, less often and far less crueler than he could, but it was progress. Well, progress to them, just change for her. A change from her old, imprisoned, starved-from-life self.

They climbed into the forest and she groaned, expecting to have to trek through it. That was going to be rough, what with her hair. "Wait," she pleaded. He stopped and looked back, confused. She bent and ripped her dress, so that it now hung to the middle of her calves instead of her feet. His eyebrows shot up and he started laughing, she ignored him, and began to gather up her hair. Twisting the tangled mass made it a bit shorter, so it only just brushed the ground. Then, she tied it into a very large, loose bun and secured it with the scrap of cloth. Pan just leaned against a tree, arms crossed loosely, watching with amusement. She mock glared at him.

"It's darker," she murmured, looking around.

"Well, you've covered half of your hair—which is white, and glows—with black cloth," Pan explained as if to a child. She just rolled her eyes at him and stepped past him. "Where are you going?"

"Well you didn't seem like you were going to straighten up and be leader, so I'm leading," she raised an eyebrow at him. He smirked. And pointed to the side of her.

"It's that way, Princess," he raised his eyebrows. She pursed her lips, and stepped back.

"After you then," she nodded. He stepped past her and climbed over a tree stump, grabbing her hand and pulling her after him. She was happy to find that they'd stepped on to a more beaten path, so they wouldn't have to climb and tear their way through.

"Today, we'll go to somewhere nearby, and you'll probably just get a squirrel or whatever you can find," he shrugged. She was relieved a bit, it meant he would let her start small and work her way up. He stopped and knelt in the middle of a bunch of bushes. "Come on, there's usually lots around here, but get low so they don't smell you," he held his hand up to her, gesturing for her to go down next to him.

"And we just wait?" she asked as she climbed in. The space was small, so her whole side was pressed against his. She gulped, then was startled by herself. She'd sat next to Felix plenty when they worked and stopped reacting, yet here in the bushes with Pan, she was acutely aware of each inch of her body that was touching his. He nodded, and they sat in silence. She had to put in a conscious effort to not look at him, instead studying the forest around them. The colors were so bright, even the dirt was a rich brown. The green of the leaves and grass was so bright, the forest seemed to shimmer. Then again, Felix told her Neverland was full of magic, so of course it would be humming with life.

"Like the forest?" Pan teased. She hadn't even noticed the smile playing on her lips. She nodded.

"I can see the magic, I can feel it. The forest looks like it's just…alive with it, and it feels…like a heartbeat, like there's a pulse," she drifted. She couldn't feel a pulse, the ground was still, yet it was there, inside her. She thought it made her sound a bit eccentric.

But Pan was just looking at her, that tiny hint of a smile showing, and one emotion in his eyes, out of many she couldn't name, was pride. "You're full of magic, of course you can feel it. The boys can see it, that sort of shimmer," he tilted his head at her, confirming. She nodded. "But they can't feel it, that pulse. They just see it."

"Can you feel it?" she tilted her head as she looked at him. Pan was incredibly powerful, Felix and the boy himself had told her, so he must recognize it.

That hint of a smile stayed. "I can," he nodded. He looked away, and suddenly focused. She held her bow and arrow ready in her hands, and he tapped her shoulder, signaling her to ready it. He pointed, his forearm almost against her cheek so her eyes could follow, at the squirrel perched on a branch nibbling at an acorn. She nodded, and went onto her knees.

She pulled back her arm and took aim. She grimaced with guilt, but it was only one, and Pan was right, they needed to eat. Just one, she promised herself, just for necessity. She tried to make it painless for the little thing, aiming for his head rather than its heart. She took a deep breath.

"Come on, it's ok, you can do it. Don't look at your bow, or arrow, never take your eyes off your target," Pan whispered. He put his hand on the shoulder not holding the arrow, leaving her other arm free to shoot while giving encouragement all the same. She let go of the string the same time she let out her breath. She closed her eyes as soon as the arrow left, nervous to see-whether she hit her mark or not. A moment later, Pan let out a whoop and even clapped his hands once.

"Beautifully done, Princess," his tone triumphant. "I'm surprised, didn't think you would do it so well," he teased. She opened her eyes to see him standing, having stepped between her and the squirrel, grinning down at her. He pulled her up by her elbow and handed the dead squirrel to her.

"Uh," she started, really not wanting to touch it. He rolled his eyes and thrust its tail into her hand. It was so soft, it calmed her a little. And she was glad to see she had gotten it, and no wonder Pan was proud. She'd gotten it right in the eye. He was happy for her aim, she happy it hadn't suffered. She smiled weakly, and he snorted.

"Now, to find squirrel number two so I can teach you to use your magic with this," he clasped his hands and looked around. She arched an eyebrow. "You can use magic to help you with weapons, hunting or fighting. This time, I had you try without magic, so you're not helpless if something ever happened. There are spells that can suspend others' magic for a time." She nodded, nervous again.

"So how do I do it with magic then? And normally, when would I not use it?"

"Well, that squirrel was sitting still, so you didn't need magic. This time, find a squirrel that's moving, and focus on it. Imagine your arrow hitting it, right in the eye," he put his hand on her shoulder again, and she saw a squirrel running along the ground. She stared at it, imagining her arrow in its eye, killing it cleanly and painlessly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her hair glow brighter and she felt the familiar, gentle thrum of electricity through her, her magic waking up. This time, she kept her eyes open as she let the arrow loose, since the squirrel was still scampering and she had to keep an eye on it. It should've been impossible, but her arrow arched and tilted in midair, turning and following the squirrel gracefully until it hit. Again, Pan clapped.

"Brilliant," he grinned. He picked it up and handed her that one too. She grimaced.

"Come on Princess, they're not even bleeding. And you still have to go skin them, and gut them, and, of course, eat them," he taunted, baring his teeth as she shrunk back. She took deep breaths, trying to stop the nausea. "Whoa," he murmured when her face turned pale-paler than normal-and she swayed on her feet. He stood next to her and took the squirrel, then wrapped his arm around her shoulders to help support her. They walked that way back to camp, her stumbling and leaning on him. By the time they got back, she actually felt fine, but he felt so comfortable and she could hardly focus on anything except him, so she forgot to mention it.