A.N.: This is for freebird2992 who kept on checking for new chapters and got disappointed every time lol. I'm sorry I forgot to update for a long time. Thanks for reminding me. I'm sorry for the long wait everyone! Enjoy the read.
ROY
Roy sat quietly in the car as Havoc drove them to headquarters. Luckily, Havoc had sensed his foul mood and hadn't asked him too many questions about Riza. Roy sat with his arms crossed and grumpily stared out the window. The events from last night hadn't once left his thoughts.
After Dr Knox had entered, Roy had waited a good twenty or thirty minutes in the hallway by himself. What are they doing in there? He was hurt by their unsuccessful first conversation, but he was more worried than anything at the moment. There was a bench not too far away, but he was too restless to stay seated, so he paced back and forth in front of the double doors.
He twisted around when he heard the doorknob turn and was immediately in front of Dr Knox when he emerged. Looking past him, he saw that Riza had laid back down and had her eyes closed. His attention finally went to the doctor when the nurse closed the door.
"How is she Dr Knox?" he asked eagerly.
"She's fine. She's doing very well actually. She doesn't seem to have any lung injury. Her leg and rib should heal well if she limits her physical activity," Dr Knox explained calmly. Roy let out a breath of relief. Thank goodness.
Dr Knox was still looking at him intently, expecting something.
"Did- did she say anything about me?" Roy asked, unsure whether he wanted to know the answer or not. If it would have been anyone else he was talking to, he would have never shown this vulnerability. However, he had a long history with this man and he was someone that Roy could trust.
Dr Knox let out a tired sigh. "No, but I did." Roy's eyebrows raised with surprise. Dr Know looked up at him with a stern look. "I don't exactly know what's going on in her head, but it seems that her memories are all jumbled up and that she has some kind of misconception about you."
"What did you say to her?"
"I told her she could trust you."
Trust. He was taken aback by the word. He had always associated that word to their relationship. That word had always seemed to be a natural, implied, definition of their connection. Trust was the foundation, the innate depiction, of Roy and Riza. He had been confident that nothing could ever make it waver. Her trust in him had made her a loyal subordinate for many years and his trust in her had made him entrust her with his very life.
"Fuhrer," Dr Knox said in a hard tone.
"Huh?" Roy snapped out of his thoughts.
"It'll be hard, but you have to be patient with her. You just have to start over from the beginning. If you approach too fast and she backs away, you might never have the same relationship again."
Roy nodded slowly and stared at the floor.
"I have to go now." Dr Knox patted Roy's shoulder as he walked past him. "Don't worry too much. You already did it once right?"
Yes, but it took me almost ten long years. Roy could remember the first two years he had her as a subordinate after the Ishbal war. He had never seen her smile openly to anybody and maybe only a few times with him alone; so few that he could count them on one hand.
"Dr Knox," Roy called out. He was at the other end of the hallway, but it was quiet enough that they could hear everything. When he saw him stop and turn around, he continued, "do you think she'll regain her memories?"
Dr Knox stayed quiet for a few seconds. "It depends on each person. It does help to be in a familiar environment. However, it is harder for people who have lost them after experiencing traumatic events. Some believe that it's the body's natural defense mechanism to make them forget painful memories to relieve mental stress and... prevent suicidal thoughts." He paused before adding, "you could say it's self-preservation, in a way to stay sane."
Roy stayed silent.
"I would recommend having someone keep a constant eye on her or at least check up on her regularly," Dr Knox said before he walked away.
Roy finally decided to go sit on the bench. Start all over? It wouldn't be the same. First of all, she already seemed to vehemently hate him. How did it become this way? What did they tell her? He felt helpless and overwhelmed by the situation, but there was no way in hell he was going to abandon her like this. He would do everything in his power to help her get over this.
He lingered a few more minutes in the hallway before he got up and walked toward the doors. He stopped in from of them and looked at the door sign. 'VVIP Riza Hawkeye'. He wanted to be inside, to be able to keep an eye on her. He knew she didn't want to be near him, but he was selfish and still wanted to go back in. She should be asleep. Right? If I sneak in quietly and leave before she wakes up then it should be fine. With resolve, he carefully twisted the doorknob and slipped in.
The room was pitch black after he had closed the door behind him. Not wanting to make unnecessary noise by touching the walls and accidentally stumbling against furnitures, he closed his eyes and stood still. He could hear the quiet, soothing, sound of her breaths. Knowing she was close by put a smile to his face and calmed his nerves.
After a couple of minutes, he opened his eyes. They had adjusted to the darkness and the dim moonlight that came in from the cracks of the blinds was enough to allow him to maneuver around the room. On the tip of his toes, he slowly made his way to the couch on the opposite side of the room. He gingerly positioned the cushion on one side before he laid down on his side, making sure he had a clear view of her bed. I feel like I'm creeping into the tiger's den...
He couldn't really see her face, but he saw her shape under the blankets and the gentle movements of her chest as she breathed steadily. Watching her sleep made him realize just how tired he was too. He let out a long, silent breath through his nose. When was the last time I truly slept peacefully? It had been so long since he went to bed without feeling too stressed or emotionally distressed. He knew everything had to do with her. Ever since she had gone missing, he had felt the missing piece in his life. It subconsciously preoccupied his thoughts, even in his sleep, preventing him from getting some good rest.
Everything was quiet. Everything was peaceful. His eyelids were heavy and begging to close. He tried to fight it off, but it was getting harder and harder. I can't let her see me here, he told himself. He had to make sure to wake up before she did so he could sneak back out. Now that his body was screaming at him to get some sleep, he wasn't too confident in his plan anymore. I shouldn't have come in. Even if he wanted to go back out, his body and mind refused to move. He was too comfortable. Her presence was too reassuring. So he allowed himself to sleep.
He awoke later in the middle of the night. At first, he wasn't sure if he was just hearing things, if the noises were not coming from his dreams, but as he became more conscious, he realized that the noises were coming from her direction. Frowning, he opened his eyes slowly and looked around the room. Everything was still the same. He waited to see if he would hear them again.
As he listened closely, he noticed that her breathing was faster than usual and a little irregular. Her hand suddenly jerked and clenched the blanket. He sat up quickly as he heard her whimper. Completely awake and alert, he watched her with concern. Is she having a bad dream? He was about to stand up and go to her bedside, when she startled him by waking up with a cry and gasping for air.
Roy slammed his body back down on the couch in the same position he had been before and watched stealthily from the shadows. Riza was breathing hard and looked from left to right a couple of times before she settled down. Her right hand rested over her eyes for a while as she calmed down. She wiped away the sweat from her forehead and dropped her hand back down by her side.
Roy watched silently, guiltily knowing he shouldn't be there. Nobody moved for a few minutes. Please go back to sleep! Please! The few minutes felt like a few hours. Unfortunately, Riza was having troubles getting back to sleep. She groaned a bit as she sat up and scooted herself backwards to lean against the wall. At first, she just stared down at her hands, deep in thoughts. Please don't see me. Please don't see me. Roy repeated that in his head like a mantra.
However, her keen senses seemed to tell her something was not right. Despite the fact that he was well hidden in the darker part of the room, where the moonlight didn't reach him, Riza stared intently in his direction. His whole body was petrified. He didn't even dare to swallow his saliva. Slowly, Riza reached her hand to her bedside table and slid the light switch up ever so lightly. The little lamp on the night table lit up at it's lowest intensity, but it was enough to see every corner of the room, especially if you had sharp eyes like hers.
Roy felt cold sweat all over his body. His heart was beating fast from the adrenaline rush. You're the Fuhrer for god's sake! You shouldn't be stressing over this! No matter what he told himself, he couldn't convince himself to be calm. I just don't want to get kicked out again. His eyes were partially closed. He kept the smallest crack open so he could see her reaction.
He was sure she would be angry, but to his surprise, she was expressionless. She had put on her poker face and looked like she was contemplating the situation. Urg, this is even worse. Not only could he not read her expression, she was probably currently judging and evaluating him. When she moved, he immediately shut his eyes, afraid she would see the light reflecting in them. He heard her blankets move and then her feet going into her slippers. Oh no! He dared to crack one eye open to she what she was up to.
Riza was busy concentrating on her feet. She slowly stood up while holding onto the wall and attempted a few steps. She limped, as she tried not to put too much weight on her left leg. When she was comfortable, she looked toward him and he closed his eye again. He heard the blankets moving and her feet gently shuffling against the wooden floor. She's coming this way!
It took all of his concentration to pretend to be sleeping. He had almost forgotten to breathe, since he had been holding his breath the moment he had closed his eye. Relax Roy. You can do this. Just be natural. Her steps got closer and closer. Finally, he felt her stop in front of him. She stood still, probably staring at him. Concentrate. Concentrate.
Suddenly, he felt a blanket land lightly on him. As he heard her feet shuffling away, she said in a low voice, "you should've went home. I'll still be here tomorrow if that's what you're scared of, since I don't really have anywhere else to go."
Roy opened his eyes wide. She climbed back into bed and settled herself comfortably before turning off the light.
"How did-?" Roy started asking, but stopped himself midway, afraid she would get mad at him. How did she know I was awake?
"No one sleeps calmly while sweating profusely," she answered bluntly.
Roy smiled and chuckled lightly. He was so happy at the moment that he could barely contain himself. He wanted to speak with her some more, but restrained himself. Just because she spoke to you normally once doesn't mean she's back to normal. What exactly did you say to her Knox? Roy arranged the blanket around him properly.
"Goodnight Hawkeye," he said tentatively. He looked at her with wide, anticipating eyes and that same smile on his face, but she didn't even move a muscle. Maybe she's asleep already. He was happy enough for one night, even if he knew she was deliberately ignoring him. We'll work on it tomorrow.
RIZA
When she woke up, Roy was already gone. There was no trace of him. Everything could've been a dream and she wouldn't even have know. She looked down at her body and saw that her blanket was back on top of her. She squinted questioningly as she stared at the ceiling. Was he really here last night? Did I really put that blanket on him? I must've been crazy.
Riza had woken up with a headache, which put her in a grumpy mood. She didn't want to think or do anything. The room was completely silent, in a comforting way. She could see the sunlight shining in from the cracks of the blinds. Gingerly, she got up and lightly limped to the window. Unlike at John's place, getting out of bed wasn't as bad, since you didn't feel like freezing to death every time you did. Even the floor seemed to be heated. She pulled the cord to reveal a magnificent view.
At first, she squinted her eyes to protect them from the bright light. When they had adjusted, she marvelled at the snow covered world. It wasn't a view of the city, but a landscape with a frozen river and trees. Must be the back of the building. They really do make an effort in making everything in this room fancy and high class. She had never experienced such a thing in her life. Who would've thought that I, Riza Hawkeye, would ever end up in a private hospital room. This is just crazy.
Everything was nice and all, but she still felt lost inside. Even though she knew her life was probably not in any immediate danger in here, she still didn't feel safe. In fact, she had never felt secure from the moment she had woken up from the coma. I still don't know how I got like this. It still doesn't make sense. When she tried thinking about it, her head would hurt.
She went back to her bed and sat leaning against the wall. She thought about Dr Knox's visit yesterday.
When the doors closed, she finally noticed the older man and the female nurse by his side pushing a cart. She didn't really know what had gotten into her and had made her that angry at Roy. It wasn't a pleasant thing to wake up and see the man that had just tried to kill you in your dreams. He was also the one who had caused her to be in here in the first place. It was perfectly normal to be mad at him. However, she felt a tiny bit of guilt inside of her that she couldn't entirely understand. All she knew was that she felt uncomfortable around him and wasn't ready to speak to him.
Maybe I went a little overboard. He didn't seem like he wanted to kill me... Now that she thought about it, he had only shown concern and care. There was no trace of aggression or malice in his eyes and actions. No, he could be trying to trick you. Don't trust him. She couldn't allow herself to do that, not when she had seen him so many times in her dream trying to kill her. Her hands clenched onto her sheets in frustration.
"Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye," Dr Know said, which brought her attention to him.
She looked at him with a confused look. He grunted as he saw her expression.
"So you really don't remember who you are."
"Not much after I was eighteen." She didn't want to say that she remembered some things from Ishbal. She was already tormented enough by it and she didn't need other people to know about that.
"I see," Dr Knox sighed. "Well, I can tell you that you're a military officer, a pretty high ranking one at that."
"A Lieutenant Colonel?" she asked. Dr Knox nodded. "Last time I checked I was just a normal citizen."
"You've been working under Fuhrer Mustang for many years and you're his right hand woman, acting as an aide and bodyguard."
"What?" she asked incredulously. How can this be? She couldn't believe everything this man had said. It made no sense. He must be lying.
"That's right. It's up to you to believe it or not, but I'll let you know that I have no reason to lie to you," he said seriously as he kept eye contact with her.
I don't like this man. She stared at him warily. "Who are you anyway?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you forgot everything. I'm Dr Knox. The Fuhrer has personally requested me to be your doctor for the duration of your stay. You could say I'm a specialist in anything related to fires." The sternness by which he introduced himself didn't soother her anxiety at all. Great, another one obsessed with fire.
"Did we know each other before?" she asked. Somehow, he seemed very familiar, but she just couldn't pinpoint where and when she had seen him.
Dr Knox thought a bit before he answered. "We have worked together not too long ago, but, it is possible that you could've seen me somewhere else before that."
He said it in a way that didn't allow her to ask any further, so she didn't. Where could I have seen him? Could it be? She looked at him and something seemed to pass between them, a silent message that confirmed her hypothesis. Ishbal? He was there too? A cold feeling ran down her spine and she looked away.
"If you don't mind, I'm going to check your breathing and do an overall checkup," he said. Riza nodded and silently went through all of his tests. The nurse took some blood samples and changed the bandages on some scratches.
"How do you feel when you breathe Lieutenant Colonel?" Dr Knox asked.
"A little out of breath, but it's fine. Do I still need to keep the mask on?"
"No. Now that you're awake and breathing fine, you don't need it anymore. You're very lucky not to have any damages to your lungs, especially with all the smoke you inhaled. Just make sure you rest in bed and don't do anything more physically demanding than walking. You don't want to make your foot even worse."
Riza nooded. "Um, could I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Am I going to have to pay for this room?" She didn't know how to put it any other way. It was a very expensive-looking room and she was positive she couldn't afford it. Please tell me the military's covering it or something like that.
Dr Knox chuckled at her concern. "You don't have to worry about anything. Every military officer has access to medical services, fully paid up to a limited amount. However, since you're in a VVIP private room, technically the medical insurance wouldn't cover it completely." The blood drained from her face. Not only is it a private room, it's a VVIP one? "But since it was the Fuhrer's personal request, he has taken it upon himself to cover all the additional fees. Usually, this room is only reserved for the Fuhrer."
He's paying for everything? Why would he do that? Is he feeling guilty for what happened to me? What is he planning?
"Lieutenant Colonel," Dr Knox said to get her attention. "I don't know what you've been through, but Roy Mustang is someone that you can trust. I've never seen him more attached or concerned about someone else. You two have been partners for a long time. You've trusted him once before and I think you can do it again."
Riza listened carefully to his words. The problem is, I can't trust anybody if I don't know them. The clearest memories of Roy Mustang were from her childhood, from the time he was still a student. She didn't know the current Roy Mustang. The glimpses of Ishbal she kept seeing in her dreams didn't exactly portray the best image of him either. If she could trust this man, then why did she keep on seeing these things? I don't know what to believe anymore.
"Get some rest Hawkeye. That's what you should concentrate on at the moment. Don't force yourself."
Someone had brought her breakfast. This is the best thing I've eaten since I've woken up from the coma. Everything from the service to the food and care was perfect. It was a bit overwhelming, considering the fact that she had been living in poverty yesterday. It made her think about John. He's always helping me, even in the afterlife. She remembered him in her dream. She knew he had saved her again and she knew he was in a good place. Rest in peace John.
After breakfast, Riza was left alone in the room. She didn't know what to do. Even if she wanted to leave, she didn't know where to go. She didn't even know what had happened to her things. I'm back to the start. Tired of sitting in bed, she got up carefully and walked to the bathroom. I would've never imagined that even a toilet bowl could look so impressive.
There were shelves with fresh towels and clean hospital clothes. I could use a shower. It would be the first time in a while that she could enjoy a hot shower. After locking the door and removing her clothes, she turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. Looking at herself in the mirror, she couldn't help but be surprised. Unlike the bony image she had seen the first time in the Central General Hospital, her body was looking fuller and much healthier. Other than the fact that she was still definitely underweight and had ugly dark bruises on her side, it was better.
Riza took the opportunity to thoroughly clean herself and enjoy the hot water. She took extra care to dry herself and dress up to avoid hurting her injuries. She stopped mid way when she heard some voices in the room.
"On no, where's the Lieutenant Colonel? If the Fuhrer finds out, we'll be dead!"
"Calm down Fuery. The nurse said she was in here, maybe she's just in the washroom."
Someone knocked on the door. Riza stared at it. The knock came again.
"Hawkeye? Are you in there? Are you alright?" What do I do? Should I answer it? "Lieutenant Colonel?" The voice was becoming a little bit more worried.
She quickly fasted the last buttons of her top before opening the door. She saw a tall man with messy dark blond hair that reeked of tobacco and another shorter one behind him with black hair and glasses. She glared at them suspiciously. Do I know them?
"Um," the tall one laughed nervously and took a few steps back before coming into a sharp salute. The short one behind him did the same thing, just way more rigidly. "I'm glad you're doing fine Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye. We were so worried about you!"
"Who are you?" Riza asked bluntly. The moment she had said that, the tears that had threatened to come out of the short man's eyes spilled over. The tall one tried to hide his surprise.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Captain Jean Havoc."
"And I'm Second Lieutenant Kain Fuery ma'am!"
Her gaze travelled slowly from one to the other. They were both looking at her nervously and expectantly. Right, I'm a Lieutenant Colonel.
"At ease soldiers," she said as she got out of the doorway and headed toward the couch. She sat down and released a sigh. There was an awkward silence hanging between them. What do I do now?
"Did the Fuhrer send you?" she finally asked.
"Yes. Well, we also volunteered to come here," Havoc said. So he's keeping a watch on me.
Riza set her gaze on Fuery. His cheek were still wet from the tears and he seemed to be restraining himself from speaking. What's up with him? Now that she looked at them, they did seem to be nervous and maybe a little frightened. She knew she didn't exactly have the friendliest look. People have always told her so during her teenage years and because of that, they tended to evade her or bully her.
"Second Lieutenant Fuery," she called him out.
"Yes ma'am!" he answered in surprise and stood straighter.
"Is there something you would like to say?" she asked to prompt him to speak.
"I- I-" his lower lip trembled. "I'm so glad you're back. I'm so glad you're alright too. I'm so so sorry for everything." His voice near the end was choked. His neck was tense from trying to hold in his tears.
Riza looked down uncomfortably. What is going on?
"Look. Thank you for your concern. You don't have to apologize for anything. I," she paused and looked at them, "I don't remember what happened and I honestly don't remember you two either. So, you don't need to feel bad or anything."
To her displeasure, that didn't make them feel any better. They looked even more miserable. Oh god... Riza wasn't the best at interacting with strangers and she disliked any awkward situations. If she could avoid them, she would. That was one of the reasons why she had always been a quiet and reserved person.
"You might not remember what happened, but we do. If you ever do remember what happened one day, then you'll understand why we want to apologize. I'm sorry too," Havoc said and bowed his head.
"Are you two the ones who did this to me then?" she asked directly.
"No! Of course not! We're still trying to catch all the people who kidnapped you in the first place," Havoc replied heatedly.
"If you guys didn't do it then it's fine. You've done nothing wrong," she said.
"But-" Fuery was cut off by her look. She didn't want to hear any of it anymore. She didn't like to be reminded of all the memories she was missing. She already felt bad that she couldn't even remember them.
"Why did the Fuhrer send you two?" she asked to change the subject.
"He asked us to come so you wouldn't be alone. We're also your bodyguards while we're here,"Fuery said. So I'm still being targeted?
"And how do we know each other?" Riza asked. She was curious of their relationship.
"Oh, we work in the same team. There are two other men who are currently with the Fuhrer who are in the team too. We've been working together for a long time, way before the Fuhrer became Fuhrer," Havoc explained.
"Yes and our team work directly for the Fuhrer. We're his direct subordinates and carry out his orders with special privileges," Fuery added. So it is true. I really do work for the Fuhrer.
"So, we're always close to him?" she asked.
"We basically all share the same office. He just has a private office to himself that's attached to ours. We're in his direct entourage, especially you," Havoc said.
"Me?" Riza asked with a frown.
"Yes, you're officially his aid and bodyguard, always two steps behind him," Fuery explained.
"Actually, between ourselves, we all know that you're more like a baby-sitter and the one that runs the place. Without you, the place would be a mess and he probably wouldn't be the Fuhrer right now," Havoc said with a smirk.
Riza took a deep breath. When Dr Knox had told her that yesterday, she'd been a bit skeptical about it. But now that she had it confirmed by two other people, it became harder to deny it. So I'm that close to the Fuhrer? It would make sense if he'd want to eliminate me, since I would know a lot about him. If he feels threatened by me, then... No, if we were that close, then wouldn't we be friends? She didn't want to ask them because she didn't want to let them know about her doubts. It was hard for her to believe that they were close though. With her personality, she didn't understand why someone would want to keep her close. She wasn't exactly the openly social type like them.
"What did I do? What were my tasks exactly?" She asked them.
They looked at each other and smiled awkwardly. "Everything."
"What?" she narrowed her eyes at them. The conversation was getting more and more ridiculous by the minute.
"Well, you practically did everything that needed to be done on top of all your other tasks. You were basically capable of doing everything."
"What is everything?" she asked carefully. She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but it was inevitable.
"You were always first to arrive at work. You made sure everyone got their paperwork. You prepared coffee for the Fuhrer. You took care of his schedule, made sure everything fit in, made the appointments and meetings, called for confirmations, took him to all those places after making sure he had all the documentations. When he didn't have any meetings, you made sure he did his paperwork on time. Sometimes, actually many times, you would even finish them for him. You filed his paperwork."
"After we were promoted, you also took care of the new recruits' training. You reviewed the training programs and exercises with a team. When you had time, you even volunteered to join some training exercises, especially at the shooting range," Fuery added to Havoc's list.
"But you also had your own paperwork to do, not to forget the Fuhrer's mail. There's always a bunch of them and a lot of it is fan mail. You sorted through them and gave the important ones to the Fuhrer."
"Oh and whenever the Fuhrer leaves on a trip somewhere in or out of the country, you're always the one that accompanies him."
"Oh and you're also head of his security team. You plan and make sure his security is top notch. When there was his inauguration ball, you were the one that was in charge of the security measures of the whole event. I think they'll always look for you in the future whenever there is a big event where the Fuhrer will show up."
"When we have field missions, we're deployed as a team and you're always our sniper, watching our backs. However, we've had less since the chief became Fuhrer," Havoc said.
"Okay, stop. That's enough." She said as she raised a hand. They looked at her with big eyes and went silent. Riza had been trying to take everything in and organizing it in her head, but every time they added something, she just didn't know where to put it anymore. How the hell did I do all that at the same time? It was preposterous. All the things they had enumerated seemed like the job of a whole team and not of one person.
"Are you sure I did all of that?" She asked with a stress on each word. They both nodded.
"You probably did more things that we're not even aware of," Havoc said quietly.
"Like training at the shooting range. You rarely missed out on that," Fuery added in the voice of a mouse.
Riza sigh deeply. "I find it hard to believe that I did all of that," she said out loud to no one in particular. It seems he really did want to kill me. Whether it was overworking me to death or directly murdering me, both would have probably worked.
ROY
Roy had left early in the morning and was heading to the military prison. He was not in a good mood. After the incident last night, he was already worried about Riza's mental state. Having gone through such atrocious events, he couldn't even imagine what she was going through at the moment. He knew full well how hard it was to be plagued by nightmares.
He had met Dr Knox again in the morning right after he had exited the room. He, too, confessed his worries about her mental health. Very few people who are emotionally and mentally strong are able to fully recuperate and go back to their every day life in a short period of time.
"In Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye's case, she has also lost a lot of her memories, which doesn't allow her to go back to living her normal life. In most cases after such trauma, people tend to display symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. It is very hard for them and can take a long time before they can move on," Dr Knox said.
"What kind of symptoms?" Roy asked.
"It depends on each person and their experiences, but they can include insomnia, depression, aggressive or unnatural behaviours to name the most commons. In worst case scenarios, they can lead to death."
Roy knew she was already having trouble sleeping. Even if she had lost most of her memories, she had always been one of the strongest person he knew. She was battling everything by herself and he knew she wasn't the type to talk about her problems. They had both gone through Ishbal together and he had barely made it through afterwards. How is she going to get over that a second time? He couldn't even imagine having to go through such torture ever again.
Seeing that Roy was not going to say anything, Dr Knox said, "her mental state is going to be evaluated and she's going to be followed very closely by a specialized psychiatrist."
"Yes, please do that. Do everything you can to help her," Roy pleaded.
"Are Havoc and Fuery already on their way to the hospital?" Roy asked Falman.
"Yes sir. They should be arriving soon."
Good. He didn't feel comfortable leaving her alone in an unfamiliar place. He also didn't trust anybody else to be by her side, so it had to be one of them. Among the four, he thought Fuery and Havoc would be the best to approach her first. Havoc was good at bringing up light conversations, filling in awkward silences and joking around. Fuery, on the other hand, was a shy 'little brother' figure and he knew Riza wouldn't be able to be too cold or mean to them if he was there. You just couldn't be outwardly mean to Fuery.
"What's the situation with Marcus?" Roy asked.
"He hasn't said anything yet. He refuses to talk to anyone except for you. We've placed him in a solitary cell at the moment. Breda hasn't left the prison since yesterday," Falman informed him.
"Did you find anything else about him?"
"Well, in his bag there were many video tapes and some audio tapes. There's a team going through them right now. We've also found a small apartment registered under his name in the South. We've sent an investigation team to his place."
When they arrived, Breda and some other officers, including Godlsby and Dorse, were discussing around a big table.
"Fuhrer sir!" they all stood up and saluted when they saw him.
Breda had clearly not slept during the night. He was ragged, but Roy noticed the especially grim look on his face. He looked around the table and saw that everyone had the same look, an uneasy one.
"What it is Breda?" he asked him directly. If it was bad news, he'd rather have him say it.
"The video cassettes we looked through were gruesome. Some were street fights, people beating each other, torture, but the rest was mostly of Hawkeye." Breda sighed out of his nose and his lips formed a thin line.
"Show them to me," Roy ordered. Breda knew better than to object him even if he wanted to, so instead he led the way to another room.
"The tapes only had dates on them so we had to go through all of them to know what they were." Breda pointed to a pile, "that's everything on her. It seems like he had installed some few other cameras here and there."
Roy looked at them before taking one and putting it in the player.
"Sir..." Breda insisted, but he didn't go any further. Roy wasn't listening to anyone anymore. The door was closed and only Falman and Breda were in the room with him.
The cassette showed Jack and Rob hanging a punching bag. Roy's heart immediately dropped. He already knew about it and had imagined it, but seeing it was a different thing. They proceeded to take turns beating and kicking it. Most of the sound was of the two men's hard breathing and grunting. Occasionally, he heard Hawkeye's faint voice. After a few minutes, Jack unzipped the bag and Riza fell out of it. Her hands and feet were bound so she fell hard on the floor.
Riza was coughing and wheezing. Blood was pouring out of a gash on her head. Her eyes were shut as she struggled to breathe and he could tell she was trying hard to mask the pain.
"How are you feeling now?" Jack asked with amusement. Riza didn't even move or pay him any attention. "Why so quiet?" He gave her a kick in the side, making her turn to the other side and roll up into a ball.
Roy heard Riza's faint voice, but couldn't hear what she had said.
"What?" Jack asked. Apparently he hadn't heard either. Slowly and with much effort, Riza turned her body toward him.
"Go to hell," she said in a clear voice.
Jack's jaw jutted out in anger and he signalled for Rob to put her back in the bag. The beatings that followed were much more intense. Roy could feel his blood boiling as he gripped his chair's armrest tightly. He watched until Marcus came and talked to her. The words that killed him was her faint, but constraint, voice that asked to be killed. Just hearing her say those words was like living a nightmare.
He stopped the video and sat in silence. Breda and Falman were also silent. Without a word, he stood up and went to the pile again to pick another one.
"Sir, are you going to watch another one?" Falman asked. Roy could tell he was having trouble watching these videos. He was as pale as a sheet of paper.
"Yes. I want to know what they did to her," he said coldly as he absentmindedly went through the different dates on the cassettes.
Breda came beside him and held one out to him. It had a star on it.
"I think you should watch this. It's the last one he took," he said calmly. Roy took it and looked at it. There were no dates on it, just a star. Why is there a star? Is this his favorite one?
He put it in the player. It showed the same room he had seen in the video that Marcus had sent him. He watched Riza being pulled back up to a sitting position and the excruciating pain she was going through as they were trying to get her attention. It was after they had made the video and were waiting for him to come. Roy listened intently as they spoke to her. They were talking about him and brainwashing her. What kind of bullshit is this!? Riza barely spoke, but he saw that the seed of doubt had been implanted. No, don't believe them!
The video was cut and was quickly followed by another scene. This time, it was three days after the allotted time. When they had told her that he wasn't coming, he saw the surprised look in her face. He knew it was extremely rare for her to be this surprised by anything, so that news must've broken through all of her defences. Roy clenched his jaws tightly as he watched her confusion and masked panic. However, when the audio cassette was played, even Roy had not expected that. What? What is this? When did I-
He watching in horror as Riza's face fell and her eyes seemed devoid of life. The confusion and pain in her eyes betrayed her laughter as she desperately tried to hide those emotions. She fought till the end to oppose them, even when he could tell she had already lost hope in leaving alive. They brought her out of the room without any resistance and the last thing he saw of her was the empty look and surrendered expression.
The video was suddenly cut and was followed by static. Roy was on the edge of his chair with his eyes open wide. What the hell was that? He couldn't believe what he had just seen. The look in her eyes had terrified him. He had ordered her once before to never lose hope in life ever again, but he had just witnessed her walking to her death without putting up a fight.
Roy didn't move for a long time as he tried to make sense of things. Where did they even get that audio clip? He couldn't even remember ever saying anything like that. Brandt spoke in it. When did he ask about her? Was it with the others? He thought long and hard, but it would be impossible for him to know everything that had been said around him.
He understood now why Riza was wary of him, why she didn't like him being near her. Does she remember this? Is this all she remembers of me? No words could describe the anger and fury he was experiencing at the moment. Not only did they physically tortured her, they toyed with her mind and fed her false information. Normally, she wouldn't have believed any of those lies, but the weakened state she was in probably didn't allow her to think straight.
"Put Marcus in a private room. I'm going to speak to him personally." His eyes showed his murderous intent. He's not getting away with this.
Breda immediately went out of the room to carry out the order. Falman and Roy were left in silence.
"We have to catch the spy, Falman. We have to get all of them. I'm not letting them get away with this. None of them," Roy said out loud.
"With the blood sample we got, we're looking for a match in the military. The people closest to us, who have been in contact with our team during the past three months, are being screened first. If that doesn't work, we'll have to look further and further away, but it could take a long time."
"I'm planning to make Marcus talk. He's going to give us the information we need," Roy said with determination. "Is there a phone in this room?"
Falman pointed to a small table in a corner with a phone. Roy got up and walked to it. He dialed a number and waited.
"Can you please ask Captain Jean Havoc to come to the phone right now? He should be assigned to Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye in the VVIP room."
"May I ask who's speaking?" the man on the other line said.
"The Fuhrer," he answered impatiently. He wanted to check up on them and make sure Riza was alright. He couldn't stop thinking about her and all he wanted to do was stay by her side all day. However, he had a duty to catch and stop these men from ever harming her again. Maybe it was a good thing for her to forget everything. He didn't want her to have such painful memories.
Not long after the man had apologized over three times, Havoc was put on the phone.
"Captain Havoc speaking," he said out of protocol.
"Havoc, how are things going? Is she alright?"
"Yes, she's fine. When we went in she was taking a shower-"
"What?" Roy cut him off. Wild images ran through his mind.
"No, no, no! It's not what you're thinking! I mean, we knocked a few times and she didn't answer so we went into the room and there was no one, but it was because she was in the bathroom and had just finished taking a shower," Havoc explained quickly.
"I see," Roy said grudgingly, still a little bit angry about it.
"We talked a bit, introduced ourselves and stuff. We talked about our team and her role in it. But we got kicked out. Fuery and I are sitting outside of her door."
"You guys got kicked out too? What did you do?"
"Nothing really. She just said she wanted to be alone. I understand though. We're basically strangers to her. How's everything going on your end sir?" Havoc asked with more seriousness.
"Marcus was more sick than we thought. We had footages of her being tortured and kept them as souvenirs. I'm going to go meet him now. I just wanted to check up on Hawkeye before I went."
"Give that bastard a good beating for us. Make him spit out everything he knows. No sicko like him should be able to walk around freely," Havoc pitched in aggressively.
"Oh he won't. You don't have to worry about it."
"You don't have to worry about Hawkeye here either. Fuery and I will protect her."
"Thanks, I'm counting on you two."
Roy hung up the phone. He turned around and had a cold glare back on his face as he headed out. "Let's go."
Through a one way window, Roy could see Marcus cuffed to the chair in the middle of the room. There were no tables, just two other chairs in front of him.
"Breda, I want you to stay here and observe him. I want to know if he's telling the truth. Don't let anybody in until I'm done. Falman, you're coming with me. I don't want the conversation to be recorded, so I want you to remember everything that's going to be said in there." He couldn't trust anybody else at the moment and he didn't want to take a risk. Not until we catch their insider.
When he walked into the room, Marcus looked up and smirked. Roy took his seat as calmly as he could. Falman sat down a little behind him.
"Finally, you came. It's so nice to finally meet you Fuhrer Mustang," Marcus said sarcastically. "I assume, you already went through all of my things and saw my lovely videos."
"I don't have time to chit-chat with you right now Marcus. I came to find out who your spy is. Who's the one that gave you all of our information?" Roy tilted his head forward and ask in a low growl, "Who's the one who gave you that fabricated audio tape?"
Marcus' eyes shot wide open with delight and he laughter loudly. "So you have seen it! I knew you'd like that one the best too. It was my favorite one. The one with the star on it, right?"
Roy leaped up and grabbed his shirt collar tightly, but that didn't make him stop. "Her reaction was priceless! Priceless I tell you. It was even better in real life. It took so long to break her walls."
Roy couldn't contain his wrath anymore. He punched him hard in the face.
Marcus cried out in pain and sputtered. "Wai- wait!"
Roy punched him a few more time. "Did you stop when you were hitting Hawkeye? Did you wait when she was in pain?" He continued jabbing him in the face, but switched to his side when he saw that Marcus' face was getting really bloody. He still needed him to talk after all.
Marcus kept on whimpering and screaming after every hit. "Not so tough, are you? Hawkeye didn't even scream this much from a few hits like these."
"St- Stop!" he spat out through split, swollen lips. "I'll tell you! I'll tell you who it is!"
Roy threw Marcus back against his chair and took some deep breaths. Disgusting. "Is that all you can take? You would betray your friends that easily?" Marcus' quick decision was making him skeptical about the truth behind his words.
"I don't even care about them and their motives! I just wanted in on the fun!" Marcus' said desperately. "Just because I like watching people suffer doesn't mean I like to be in pain myself."
"So you just joined them because it was exciting?" Roy asked gravely.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I pretended that I wanted revenge against you to join them. They were so easily fooled because of their blindness to get back at you. I wanted to see them enact their so-called justice. I don't associate myself with them anymore and I don't care what happens to them!"
"Who's your spy?"
"If- if I tell you can I be pardoned for what I've done? I was just following instructions! It wasn't even my idea! I swear!" Marcus was getting desperate. It was obvious to Roy that he hadn't expected to end up in here at all. Did you seriously think I would forgive you?
"Who's your spy?" he asked again.
"It's someone named Victor! I don't know if that's his real name or if that's the name he's using in the military, but that's all I know!"
"What is his rank? What does he do?" Roy tried to dig for more information.
"I don't know. He never told me. He kept everything a secret and didn't share any unnecessary information with us. I don't even know his reason for doing all of this. All I know is that you were his target."
"What does he look like?"
"He's tall, lean, has blond hair." Marcus answered quickly. Then he seemed to remember something and added, "he told me once that he worked very close to you. That's how he got all the information."
Roy quickly glanced at Falman. They both seemed to come to the same conclusion. Shit! They both got up to leave.
"Wait! Does this mean I can get out of here? Am I going to be pardoned?" Marcus yelled as he struggled against his chair.
"Don't kid yourself," Roy said vehemently and left the room without a second glance.
"Get me a car!" Roy yelled as he got out. People scrambled to prepare one for him.
"Sir! Do you think it's-"
"Without a doubt. Get me a phone!" Everything made sense once all the pieces came together. Why didn't I see this before?
He dialed a number quickly and waited. No one answered. He slammed the phone down and swore.
"No one's at the office," he said under his breath.
Falman and Breda followed him closely as they dashed to the car. They didn't even have time to offer to drive for the Fuhrer since they were too busy hanging on for dear life. Roy was already in the driver's seat and slamming on the gas pedal the moment the other two were halfway into the car.
"Where are we going?" Breda asked between deep breaths.
"The military hospital!" Roy said, completely focused on the road.
RIZA
She had just finished eating lunch and was now sitting in bed and staring out of the window, lost in her thoughts. Time's passing so fast. The other two were still outside of her door. She knew they were there because she had seen them in their chairs when the nurse had brought her her lunch. They had peeked in and smiled at her. She knew they were nice and somehow close to her, but right now, she couldn't see them as anything other than strangers. It would take her some time before she could warm up to them.
She wanted to be alone to think, but not much was coming into her mind. What should I do now? She had been asking herself the same question over and over again since the morning and she still hadn't come up with an answer.
She had no place to go to. She had some money and apparently had a job, but she wasn't sure if she could just return there like nothing had happened. I wouldn't even be able to fulfil my tasks. Should I just go to college? She knew she had graduated from high school. It wasn't like it was an impossible alternative. The problem was that she didn't know what she would want to do. Why did I even join the military? That was one of her biggest mysteries.
She tried to keep her mind busy or blank to ward off any unwanted memories. If she thought too deeply about her military career, the gruesome images of war would present themselves. Why are they the only things I remember? It was probably the thing that had affected her the most. So I can't allow myself to forget, is that it? What was I even thinking? Sometimes, she didn't understand her past self and questioned the decisions she had made.
Riza flicked her head to the doors when she heard some noise. She stared at them curiously. What are they doing? There was a sound coming from them, like someone leaning and gliding on it. She frowned and started to become apprehensive. Slowly, she brought her legs out from under the covers and sat on the side on the bed, facing the door. She was putting on her slippers when she saw the doorknob slowly turn.
Riza held her breath and sat still. She didn't understand what was going on or why she was so nervous, but her body and instincts reacted on their own. A male officer came in, but as he did, she saw Fuery and Havoc lying on the ground right outside the doors. Her body was poised, ready to fight. She cursed in her head when she knew that she had nothing to fight with and her body wasn't in the best of conditions. Why am I always being targeted?
"What did you do to them?" she asked.
"Oh, don't worry about them, Lieutenant Colonel. They're just sleeping. I gave them some coffee with sleeping pills in them. They should be knocked out for a couple of hours," the man said easily and calmly.
Riza glared at him warily. She knew this man was dangerous. He sighed and smiled lightly.
"It's been such a long time since I've seen you Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye." So he knows me? "I just would've thought that I wouldn't have to see you ever again. Really, those idiots just don't know how to do their jobs correctly. How hard was it to eliminate a woman?"
Riza glared at him coldly. "Are you one of them?"
"That's right. I'm Victor." Riza didn't exactly know what had happened to her, but she knew it was done by a group of men. It was because of them that she was in this situation, that she had barely survived. The name Victor told her something.
"What do you want from me?" she asked.
"Your life." Riza's eyebrows twitched, but she maintained her look. "I heard you lost your memories. That's really too bad, to die without even knowing why. I don't have much time, but let me briefly tell you the reason you must die. I had a younger twin brother once. We had been separated at birth after he had been adopted into another family. When we grew up, I went to search for him and I found him. We connected right away and were happy to be a family again. However, he was a soldier in the military and was part of a group working under the previous Fuhrer, King Bradley. He was a good soldier. He was a loyal soldier. Things were going smoothly until Roy Mustang started the revolution in Central. He initiated a coup d'etat to overthrow King Bradley because he wanted to have his power. My brother fought to protect Central and to keep the peace."
Riza could see the wild rage behind his eyes. He was getting more angry and aggressive as his story unfolded.
"What do you think happened in the end?" he asked her mockingly. She refused to answer him.
"He died. He died a cruel, merciless death, all in order to protect his country and its rightful leader. He didn't deserve any of that. He was a good man. He was my brother!"
Victor was pointing a gun at her head. She didn't move an inch, although she could hear her rapid heartbeats. The room was silent and all she could hear was his loud breaths and her drumming ears.
"And how is this related to me?" she asked calmly, keeping her gaze fixed on his.
"Because you're the one he keeps closest to him! Just like how he took my brother from me, I'll take you from him!" his voice was rising.
"I'm his aide and bodyguard. Isn't it normal that I was the closest one to him?" Riza was treading carefully into the conversation. I need to distract him and find an opening. She could feel the cold sweat forming on her skin.
Victor scoffed at her. "Oh please! You expect me to believe that bullshit? You expect me to believe nothing ever happened between the two of you? I've seen how you two are around each other and his reaction when he found out you went missing. What kind of aide or bodyguard gets to stay in a VIP room reserved for the Fuhrer?"
The moment he swooped his arms widely to show the extravagance of the room, Riza sprung on her feet and reached for the gun. With extreme precision and speed, she slipped her finger under the trigger and gave it a hard twist to unarm him. She could tell he was no soldier and had no combat skills whatsoever. She wasn't thinking about what she was doing either. She trusted her body to move on its own and to do everything she could to survive.
Victor yelled as she fully twisted his arm at the same time, making him inevitably release his grip on the gun. However, the moment it was in her hand, Victor kicked her injured leg and pushed her aside. The gun flew away and slid under the couch as she fell hard on the floor. She winced and gasped as pain erupted in her chest. Shit! My rib still hurts too much. She clenched her teeth as she bore through the pain and moved just in time to dodge his second kick.
She limped and stumbled away from him. Victor was slow and was throwing himself around to try and grab her. He was fuelled by his rage and was no longer thinking about what he was doing.
"I'm going to kill you! I'll kill you! I'll make him suffer like I did!"
This time, he was able to grab her wrist and throw her against the wall. The air was knocked out of her lungs as her back smashed against the wall. She barely had time to regain her breath when he had his hands around her neck. Her eyes went wide and she tried to force his hands apart. He's too strong! His grip was so tight that there was absolutely no space for air to pass through. She tried kicking him, but he had her pinned with his body. He had a crazed look in his eyes as he smiled at her.
"Just die! Die! You've been through so much anyway, it'd be easier to just die! Give me my revenge!"
There were white spots starting to appear in her vision. As if I'd let you kill me! She jammed her thumb as hard as she could in his left eye and kept pushing it deeper and deeper. Victor screamed in agony and let her go as he backed away with his face between his hands. Riza fell to the floor coughing and taking in deep breaths, never taking her eyes off of him.
"You bitch!" he yelled and swore.
She was thinking about leaving the room and running away from him, but decided not to when she thought about the other people who would be put in danger if he got out of this room. Riza then saw the gun under the couch. I have to get it before he does! He was closer to it, but was still concentrated on his eye. She would have to dash to it quickly and reach under the couch to get it. I only have once shot at this. She knew that if he got her another time and if she was pinned to the floor, then it would be over. She wouldn't have the strength to beat him another time.
As fast as she could, she flung herself in the direction of the couch and quickly went on the floor. She reached her right arm under it and felt around for the gun.
"Don't you even dare!" she heard him say behind her. She focused on trying to find the weapon, but since her body was against the opening, it was blocking the light from under the couch. Her fingers had just touched the cool metal when she felt him grab her shirt and pull her away.
ROY
Roy braked hard in front of the hospital and jumped out of the car. He went inside running, followed by Falman and Breda.
"Fuhrer!" Nurses, doctors and patients exclaimed when he stormed in.
"Did anything happen here?" he asked the first person her saw. The woman shook her head quickly side to side, clearly frightened by the look in his eyes.
"Fuhrer Mustang. What's going on here?" Dr Knox asked him inquisitively. So nothing happened?
"I just thought Hawkeye would be in danger so I came quickly. But it seems nothing happened. I'll go check up on her myself." He sighed to calm himself down. He ignored the curious looks people were giving him as he started walking.
"Havoc and Fuery are guarding the room. I think she should be fine," Dr Knox said beside him.
The moment he had finished his sentence, a muffled sound was heard. Everyone stopped in their tracks.
"What was that?" Falman asked.
"A gunshot," Breda answered in panic. Roy was already running down the hall toward her room. Shit, I knew it! Please be okay!
As he rounded the corner, he saw Fuery and Havoc's bodies slumped on the floor. Oh no! No! He ran toward them.
"Fuhrer, wait!" He heard Breda and Falman yelling at him. " You can't go in there. It could be dangerous!"
That's the reason why I have to go in. She's in danger! He didn't spare second thought about his own safety. All he wanted to do was to protect her. He stopped abruptly and kneeled down close to Havoc and Fuery. They're breathing! He stood up, and opened the door. What he saw almost made his heart stop.
Riza sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, covered in blood. There was another man on the floor, face down, just in front of her and he could see a small pool of blood coming out form under him. Riza looked up at him, then looked back down at the man in horror.
"I'm sorry," she said in a breathy voice. "I'm sorry."
"What's happened in here?" Roy heard Dr Knox say behind him. He didn't have the time to think about what had exactly happened. All he knew was that Riza needed help. He quickly entered the room and kneeled beside her.
"Hawkeye," he said softly. "Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"
She didn't even look up at him, but just kept staring at the body, the blood coming out and herself.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." She looked at her hands and the gun covered in blood. "So much. There's so much blood," she whispered, but Roy heard it. He moved to block her view of the man.
"It wasn't your fault. You had no choice." He put his hand out and said, "give me the gun." With a trembling hand, she put it in his palm and let go of it. "Good, that's good. Everything's going to be alright now."
RIZA
He had thrown himself on top of her, so she had shot him in the stomach. The sound of gunshot had startled both of them. She didn't actually mean to shoot him, but in the midst of their struggling, it had went off. His eyes were wide with surprise, confusion and fear before he fell limp on top of her. Riza laid stunned for a while.
She had dreamed of herself killing people before, but experiencing the real thing was different. I've done this before. I've killed many people. She could feel the warm liquid soaking her clothes and she was suddenly feeling sick. With panic, she tried to push him off of her and dragged herself out from under him. A lot of blood was coming out, which stained her pants as she freed herself. She sat paralyzed as she looked at him. Images of blood, gore and violence were flashing in her mind. The thick feeling and smell of blood was overwhelming. It was the smell of death. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! She could see the faces of the people she had killed. I didn't want to. I didn't want any of this. She looked at the gun in her hand. I should've been the one to die.
She had seen Roy come in in a daze, but was not hearing anything he was saying. She felt numb and confused, but she understood he had wanted her to give him the weapon. It was covered in blood and she didn't want to hold it anymore so she relinquished it.
She could see Dr Knox behind him. He had turned Victor around and was examining him.
"He's lost a lot of blood, but he's still alive. Prepare an operating room!" he called out to someone.
"Make sure he lives. I want him alive," Roy said lowly between clenched teeth to Dr Knox.
"I'm going to do everything I can."
"Sir! They're fine! It seems like they've just been put to sleep," another officer said from the door.
"That's good," Roy said and turned back toward her with a concerned look. "Hawkeye, it's fine now. You're safe." He put a hand on her shoulder and she flinched. "We should get you cleaned and in some new clothes."
"Don't touch me," she mumbled.
"What?" Roy leaned in closer. Riza drew her legs up against herself and wrapped her arms around them.
"Please don't touch me," she said a little louder. Roy immediately removed his hand. She felt disgusted with herself.
She was still in a state of shock and in the trance of her resurfacing past. She didn't want to be around anyone at them moment. She could barely cope with her own self. I just want to disappear. I just want everything to stop.
A.N.: I'm sure you guys have guessed who Victor is... It's fairly obvious at this point. Anyways, Riza is going through some tough time living through Ishbal all over again. Well, stay tuned to find out what Roy's going to do about that in the next chapter! Hopefully, it won't be in many months... I'll work on it.
D