Chapter 8: Home
Well, she really didn't want to remember it in any more detail than necessary, but after an hour of taunting and coaxing from Pan, she finally skinned, and cleaned, and cooked, and ate both squirrels. She did feel a flutter in her chest when he complimented how well she did, and then she frowned when she realized he was complimenting how well she killed something.
Still, she managed it. And it tasted good. And Pan was right, she lived on the island now and didn't really want to leave so she had to learn to live. She ate it at sundown, when the boys began to return. She grinned when a few actually noticed and complimented it; again, it was tainted by the fact that it was over hunting a little animal, but she took it as a sign of acceptance. Perhaps they'd slowly be less distant. She didn't need a dozen or so new brothers, but, if she was going to stay, she didn't want to feel like she was intruding.
She sat at the fire next to Felix, a little away from the other boys. He liked to sit with some space, it was a sign of his authority. Pan didn't eat with them at all, just materialized around at random places and picked off the boys' plates playfully.
"Are they alright with me? Me being here, I mean?" she murmured to Felix, unable to make her voice above a whisper due to the apprehension. He quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Why wouldn't it be?" he asked around the food he was shoveling into his mouth. She giggled, they all ate like such…well, boys. She looked down. "Aw come on, Princess, you're not betraying us, or getting in the way of their games. You're no threat whatsoever, you're not annoyingly girly or princess-y, and you're a pretty girl," she winked teasingly, "you're fine."
"They never talk to me…" she trailed. Aloud, it didn't sound like such a bad thing.
He leaned closer to her, grinning mischievously. More teasing secrecy. She rolled her eyes but leaned in. "They aren't used to you, none of us are. Even Pan, and he's always used to everything. You throw him off, so you throw us all off. We're all boys, girls are…well," he shook his head, chuckling, "foreign territory. Sometimes, you even speak a foreign language," he teased.
"Actually, I speak six languages," she giggled to herself. He heard, and choked on the handful of berries he'd just tossed into his mouth.
"Damn, Princess, aren't you smart," he chuckled. She looked down. "What do you speak?"
"I had a lot of time to study them, trust me, there was little else to do. I speak Thai, Portuguese, Greek, Italian, French, Japanese. And I can read and write Latin, Arabic, and Thai as well," she said quietly.
He let out a low whistle. "What's my name in Arabic?" he grinned. She smiled and wrote it out in the dirt and he studied it, as if trying to remember it.
"Can you read? Or write?" she frowned at him, he'd been left on the streets as a child. When would he have ever learned? His jaw hardened and he looked away, shoveling more food into his mouth. That answered her question. She grinned. "I'll teach you to," his head whipped around, eyes wide, "if you help me improve my hunting…and my stomach for it. Pan had to half carry me back. Embarrassing," she finished with a cough, but felt an odd warmth on her face. Felix started laughing.
"Princess, you're blushing," he forced out. "At Pan carrying you? Why, how unladylike," he mocked. She'd never blushed before in her life. Her face flushed when she was angry, but never in embarrassment or…or whatever else Felix thought was funny.
"Bloody devil," she muttered, frowning at him.
"Talking about me, are we?" came a voice to her side that only increased her newfound blush. She could feel the warmth grow on her cheeks, and Felix's laughter got louder-a few of the boys looked over in curious amusement.
"I was calling him that," she mumbled. Pan bent down as if to hear her better, then his own face split into that infamously arrogant, taunting smirk.
"Is that a blush on our dear little princess' fair cheeks?" he imitated a formal, pompous accent, making her roll her eyes. Then, Felix, in all the amusement, grew bold.
"Wishing it was, Pan?" he teased, but she stopped laughing immediately and stared at Pan. Him, be teased, especially about whatever he wishes for. She expected him to curse Felix, or throw him out, or beat him around a bit like she'd seen him do to a few boys. Instead his smirk stayed in place, but she thought she saw his eyes flicker. Must have been a trick of the firelight.
"Oh of course, I do so wish to make our fair lady blush so, all for my manly manner," he continued in his pompous accent, making a low, sweeping bow. When he straightened, his face was sparkling with amusement. Then, he disappeared, and continued popping around the camp playing with the boys. She sat with Felix for a while longer, discussing when they would teach each other, then crawled into his tent. She didn't have her own yet, she was still working on it, so she slept on his floor.
She was yanked from sleep by a hand clasping her shoulder and shaking her-a bit roughly-awake. It caused her head and side to hit the forest floor repeatedly. It hurt more than she would've thought.
"Ouch, stop it, stop it," she hissed, still half-asleep, and shot her hands out. She jerked herself into full awareness when they collided with something hard covered by rough cloth, and then heard a yelp. She sat up to find Pan sprawled on his back, just propping himself on his elbows.
"Hell, when did you get that strong?" he grimaced. Oh. She remembered how, in the tower, no one ever came in early in the morning. Always after she'd been awake for a bit.
"I wasn't fully conscious…I didn't," she started, connecting the dots.
"Have full control, and tossed some magic-induced strength into your shove. Yes, I realized," he stood and smirked. He held out a hand and pulled her up to her feet. Keeping hold of her hand and thus her close to him, he added, "I'll remember that next time." She just nodded, her throat dry from being so close she could feel his breath on her face. Then, he let her go and walked out of the tent, expecting her to follow. She stood still for a second and took a deep breath, telling her heartbeat to go back to normal. These reactions were really starting to annoy her.
"Pan, it's still dark out," she began. He turned and grinned.
"I know, now come on. We have to hurry, we have a big day today, Princess," he urged. He grabbed her hand and tugged here a new way out of the camp. The path was a bit downhill and far less beaten, so they had to climb through the plants more. Thankfully, although her hair had fallen out of it's bundle, the cloth remained tied so it stayed twisted and fell just barely to the ground. He was so eager, he half-dragged her down.
"Pan, Pan! Please slow down, I'm tripping here," she gasped. He stopped suddenly and she tripped-again-and crashed into his back. Out of instinct, her arms shot out and wrapped around his middle, and his hands came over hers, both trying to steady themselves.
"We're here, we made it right on time," she could hear the grin in his voice. She stepped around to see what he was looking at, and gasped. They were standing right on the edge of a cliff, the forest letting out suddenly only a few feet behind them. In front of them, and below, was the ocean. Although she'd fallen into it on her first night, she hadn't really gotten a look at it. The campsite was deeper in the forest. Pan tugged her down next to him, so they sat side by side Indian style about a foot from the edge.
"Just wait, it'll start in a few moments," he murmured.
"What will?" she asked, equally quiet.
"Something I make sure every Neverland dweller sees at least once. It's the first thing I looked for when I came here," he breathed, a small smile hinted on his face.
"Why?"
"Because it's brilliant. And Neverland is a new life, a new beginning, for all boys who feel lost and abandoned." She followed his eyes out to the ocean and sat. Then she saw the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.
A hint of light appeared on the horizon, right where the ocean met the sky. It slowly, ever so slowly, grew, an orange and red semicircle against the black ocean and the indigo sky. The trees looked to be blue, and the sky right above the horizon was orange and red, but above her it was still dark blues and black. The sun wasn't even fully risen, but they were watching it rise.
She'd never seen a sunrise before, the tower window was too small and too high. Yet it seemed fitting that her first was seen over this place, which really was her new home. Pan said he took every new addition to see it, now including her. He was letting her stay, she was officially part of Neverland. The conclusion made her smile so big she could feel her cheeks begin to hurt, but she couldn't wipe it off. She had a home, she was part of somewhere, and it was by her choice and she was free.
She looked over at Pan once the sun was fully up, making her white hair look like it was fire pooled around her. Seeing her face, his own broke out into a real, full smile. She felt a swell of pride and happiness in her chest; he accepted her, and she made him fully smile. Not a smirk, not a taunt, not even the little hint he sometimes gave, but a real one. In the back of her mind, she noted it looked wonderful on him, his face and eyes alight with it.
Too soon, he stood and pulled her up by her hand. Keeping hold of it, they both still facing the ocean, and looked at her. "Now, time for the rest of your very long day," he stated, before pulling her back through the forest.
When they returned to the camp, everyone was awake-but groggy. The boys shuffled about eating and cooking, some still yawning. Felix stepped up to them, seemingly the only boy not still sleepy. Pan nudged her towards him.
"You're with Felix today, he's going to work with you on your hunting and your fighting-no magic allowed," he smirked.
"I thought you said today was a big day?" she frowned, confused. She was with Felix most days, he was her teacher.
"Oh it is, Princess," Felix drawled, smirking mischievously. "You're training all day, sunrise to sunset. Go sit, get some food, we start soon," he tilted his chin towards the boys, sitting in a circle around one of the smaller bonfires. Well, Pan had basically told her she was staying and was part of them, so she shrugged and ignored their stares as she walked over to them.
She sat down in a space between two boys, one with shaggy chocolate hair and one with light blonde curls. They looked her up and down blatantly, then looked at Pan and Felix who just stood there watching with eyebrows cocked in interest and arms crossed over their chests-it was a bit funny how similar they looked-and looked back at her. The boy with brown hair nudged her lightly with his elbow. She turned to look at him, noticing he had eyes just a bit darker than his hair. He held out a long strip of meat and an awkward, lopsided smile. She grinned and took it. The blonde on her other side-this boy had dark green eyes contrasting the light hair-gave her some berries. Then, both turned back to their food and continued eating, like she was normally there.
After about twenty minutes of the boys eating, talking with each other, and throwing knives and pointed sticks at the various targets scratched on nearby trees, they began to disperse. The brown-haired boy stood, then turned and looked down at her, nudging her leg with his boot.
"Good luck, Felix's always hard," he grimaced sympathetically.
She smirked. "I'm sure I can handle him, he's never fought a girl before."
The boy chuckled and smirked arrogantly. "Girls aren't better'n boys."
She arched an eyebrow. "You willing to bet on that?"
Then he laughed, causing a few to glance over, and Felix to raise an eyebrow at her. "Ya alright," the boy said between laughs, then hastily added, "for a girl. I'm Daniel by the way." He gave her that awkward smile again, and stuck out his hand. She smiled, used it to pull herself up, and then shook it.
"I'm-" she stopped. She hadn't heard her name spoken since before she was taken away, she'd been threaten to never say it. The mistress had said she'd go back and kill her parents if she did. She figured Neverland was too far away for her to hear, but the fear and hesitance was practically instinct. "Um…I'm, um…" she stuttered. Daniel looked at her oddly, then, to her surprise, he smiled.
"S'okay, some a' the boys here came without names. Born on the streets or abandoned, didn't remember 'em or weren't given 'em formally. We can name ya if you want." She nodded slowly, maybe she could choose a new name. "Ya look like an Elle, all magic hair 'n' pretty girl," he mumbled shyly.
She smiled widely. "I love that name, it's close to my real one, I remember." He met her eyes and grinned, proud of himself. Then, he caught sight of Felix coming towards them and he walked off, calling a "see ya 'round" over his shoulder.
"Princess," Felix greeted, smirking. She groaned.
"I've been informed you're going to be extra hard on me today," she teased. Truthfully, she didn't mind when he exhausted her. She loved how much she could move, loved that she was free enough to be exhausted.
"That is so," he agreed, voice low as usual. "I've been nice to you so far, much kinder than I was to any of the other boys. But you've hunted, seen the sunrise, even are eating and talking with them. You're one of us now," he smiled proudly. Then his face straightened. "Don't celebrate just yet, now you're going to train like them."
He wasn't exaggerating. Felix, second-in-command of the Lost Boys, kept his threats to the letter, she decided. It had been barely three hours, and she was on the ground on all floors, panting and sore. They had just been practicing hand-to-hand combat, but he'd never actually hit her before. Just taps.
"Come on, I know it hurts, but you've got to keep going. I'm not even hitting with full force," Felix sighed as he helped her up. "You have to be able to take on anyone, including me."
"I'm bloody trying," she growled, annoyed. "Can't I try using just a bit of magic? You said you have some, you can handle a little."
"No. In a place like here, you don't always have access, or control, over your magic. Even if it is your own. You need to be able to fight relying on nothing except yourself. You're training with me, therefore you'll be able to fight me by the end," then he smirked, "although, you probably won't beat me." He chuckled at her scowl and stepped back away from her. "Again," he instructed, and she lunged.
The rest of the day she spent with Felix. Literally, she probably took an hour's worth of a break-in total of many small ones scattered whenever one of them got too annoyed. They'd worked on hand-to-hand, then finally he relented and let her work with weapons. She was becoming increasingly proud of her shooting and her knife throwing. Even with her or the targets moving, she was still hitting them, and without using magic. Felix did admit he was proud of her for that.
"But you're crap with a sword, Princess," he'd added. Never let it be said that Felix gave a full compliment.
They were on their way back to the campsite, having gone to another clearing and then into the forest to train, when Felix turned to her.
"Since even the boys accept you as us, you're going to play with us now," he smirked tauntingly. She paled, she'd never fought any of the boys. "It's sort of chosen at random, what game. But it's fun," he sighed, and continued, "and don't worry. Neither Pan nor I will let any serious harm come to you. The boys wont either-why in Hell would we kill each other?"
"Yes, but…I'm a girl. I'm not technically a Lost Boy, I'm not sure the rules apply," she breathed. He chuckled darkly.
"Oh, there are no rules. That's just sense. Although, everyone forgets sense sometimes." He laughed at her pale face and wide eyes, then strode into camp just as the boys were starting fires to cook the animals they'd hunted. She leaned against a tree, trying to calm down. Daniel noticed and wandered over, handing her an apple.
"You look like ya need something, or ya goin' ta faint," he chuckled. She smiled weakly and took a bite.
"Thanks," she whispered. He leaned on the tree, his side just brushing hers. She was acutely aware of it; she'd gotten used to Felix, but Daniel was a new person.
"What's wrong?" he asked, tilting his head to try to meet her downcast eyes.
"Not wrong, just…well, just new, and different, I suppose," she muttered. He nodded for her to continue, and she found herself blurting her thoughts. "Felix says I'm one of you now, so I'd take part in your games. I don't mind hunting so much anymore, although I really prefer clean kills to the bloody, messy ones some of you bring back sometimes-"
He nodded, inserting, "that's Robert."
"-and I've been training with Felix but I can barely stand even his lighter hits, and can hardly get even a scratch on him. I'm just…I'm the only girl, and I don't think I…I don't really fit, and I don't want to be thrown on my own. I've gotten used to not being alone, and I don't want to be alone again, not again, with no one to talk to or even to see, just all alone," she had to stop, she was out of breath as the terrible feeling washed over her, the one of complete loneliness and hopelessness she'd carried in the tower. Also, Daniel had stepped in front of her and put his hand over her mouth.
"Elle," he whispered, slowly lowering his hand when she stopped talking. "It's ok. We've all been new before. We know it takes time ta learn and develop the skills, we'll go easy on ya," he smiled gently. Then, he quirked an eyebrow, "and we're not a bunch of savages, ya know, we won't eat ya. We're boys, free boys, huntin' and chasin' and fightin' is fun. Ya a girl, so I guess…dresses and stuff, is fun for ya, but ya don't really seem like a dress person," he rambled, making her giggle. He grinned, glad she wasn't so scared anymore. "Felix must've told ya, we never fatally hurt each other. We're brothers, all of us, even Felix, even Pan. None of us has ever killed a Lost Boy," he assured. Then, his hand on her shoulder, he tugged her to the circle of boys sitting around the bonfire.
As usual, they were throwing sticks and knives and even food while they ate. She caught Felix's eye, but he nodded in encouragement for her to sit with them. A few glanced at her as she sat down, but otherwise her presence had no reaction.
As it turns out, the boys wanted to celebrate one of them catching a deer, so Pan sat on a log and played his pipe. She hadn't heard it in almost a week, but the familiar music sounded just as comforting as the last times she'd heard. As the boys danced and hollered, she made her way over to Pan and perched next to him. His eyes slid to her and his eyebrow raised, the corners of his lips lifting a little as he continued to play. She scooted until she was right next to him and leaned into him.
"Thank you," she whispered. He slowly lowered the pipe, though the music kept playing and the boys didn't seem to notice.
"For what?" he mumbled, body still, looking down at her. His face was blank.
"Freeing me," she said simply. He chuckled and shook his head.
"It's what the Shadow does. And you should thank yourself, your belief and magic was powerful enough to convince him to take you-not an easy feat," he reasoned.
"And," she continued, "for giving me a home." He didn't say anything, he just gave her a little, almost completely hidden, smile. He resumed playing, eyes dancing over the fire, the boys, her, the forest, and back again. She laid her head on his shoulder and watched the boys dance, content.