Chapter 9: Learning to Swim
The next morning, she woke up on something softer than she remembered the ground being. Yes, in all her time, she still hadn't made herself her own full tent. She had built one, but she'd been so used to Felix's she had ended up crawling into his in the middle of the night. After that happened three more times, he just let her stay.
Today, she opened her eyes and found herself lying on her side, a barely-balanced wooden table directly in her line of sight. She put her palms down on the surface-a cot made of cloth and nature-and pushed her head up. There were brightly colored maps and intricate diagrams on the table, and sheets of yellowing paper with a messy scrawl on them. Just as it clicked in her mind, he stepped quietly into the tent.
"How did I get here?" she propped herself up on her elbows so she could look at Pan.
"Oh you're awake. Good morning to you, too," he raised his eyebrows at her. She tilted her head at him. "You fell asleep last night, we didn't think a princess should be left outside on the ground to sleep," he mock bowed.
"So, you put me in your tent? In your bed?" her voice trailed. She felt her cheeks heat up, that damn blushing thing again. This time it was understandable, she'd never slept anywhere except her own bed or the ground. And she'd read enough novels to gather that people typically viewed beds as…private places. "Where did you sleep?" she pursed her lips, looking instead at the pile of weapons in the corner. He chuckled.
"Not with you, Princess," he assured her. "And if you're done enjoying my bed," the heat on her cheeks increased, "I have a rather fun magic lesson for you today." That got her jumping off the cot so quickly she tripped on her hair. He caught her by the arm and spun her, so she fell into his shoulder instead of onto the ground. She grinned sheepishly up at his smirking face.
"What am I learning, then?" she asked eagerly as she stood outside the tent, twisting her hair and tying it with the scrap of-very dirty-cloth. "Ugh," she groaned. "Can it please have something to do with being clean?" she scrunched her face at how her black dress was now light brown with dirt, and she didn't even want to look at her hair. She was never particularly vain, but the dirt caked on her was starting to just irritate her.
Pan turned, looked her over, and nodded. "I agree," he smirked teasingly. "It's alright, we are practically immortal here, young forever and all, so we have lots of time for me to teach you. Come on, I know a place." He turned and walked into the forest, tucking his dagger into its sheath and slinging on a pouch of arrows.
She followed him into the forest on a new path, only moderately beaten down. Soon, she could see a river on the side of the path through some trees, they seemed to be following it downstream.
"Can't we just go in the river?" she couldn't help it, she was getting a bit impatient knowing her goal was in sight.
"We could," Pan shrugged, "but trust me, this place is much more fun. Now hush and hurry up," he looked over his shoulder, smirk in place and eyes sparkling excitedly. She snorted but climbed faster.
He reached back after a minute and grabbed her hand. She was surprised, she wasn't far behind, but he didn't say anything and just kept walking, so she shrugged to herself. They walked like that, her slightly behind him, her fingers wrapped in his. After another few minutes, he stopped and she stepped up next to him. She clapped in happiness at the beauty before them.
They stood on the bank of a pond, the water was so clear she could see the bottom in the middle, even though it must have been at least three times her height in depth. On the side closest to them, the river was pouring over a small wall of rocks into the pond. On the side almost directly opposite, the water tumbled over a larger rock wall. The sound of the waterfall this close drowned out whatever Pan said to her next, but he made his meaning clear when he splayed his hand on her back and shoved. With a short scream, she tumbled headfirst into the pond.
The water was clear and cool, but she was too panicked to notice. She couldn't swim; the last time she'd been in water, she almost drowned-and would have, if Pan's Shadow hadn't grabbed her. In her mind, she began to beg for him to come again. She hadn't seen him since that night, but she didn't care: she was going to drown. She could feel her lungs starting to burn, but this time she remembered not to try to breathe. She flung her arms and legs in every direction, but they didn't help and her dress and hair grew heavier.
Then her face was being kissed by cool, dry air. She inhaled greedily, slipping little "thank you"'s between breaths. She wasn't sure who or what she was thanking and she didn't care.
And then she did. And realized Pan was holding her, one arm wrapped around her shoulders so her head was up, the other around her arms and waist to keep her steady-and probably from hitting him when she was trying to not drown. Her head was tilted back, laying on his arm. She lifted it to look into his face, incredibly aware of his heavy breath brushing her lips and his brown eyes bright.
"I-I," she gasped out between breaths," I'm not sure-sure if I…should thank…you…or…slap you."
He frowned. "I'm sorry," his breathing was labored as well, though not nearly as badly as hers and he regained his rhythm far quicker. "I remember you can't swim, should've realized you'd be scared." He swam them to a shallower part and began to unwrap his arm from her waist. Still shaken, she whimpered and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, probably choking him. "It's ok, Princess, you can stand. See?" he picked her up, princess style-he did realize that, and he did smirk at her when she did-and stood. The water came to the middle of his thighs, so she was completely out of the water. She looked down, and slowly slid out of his hold, standing shakily. The water came to her hips.
Standing, she appreciated it a lot more. The water just felt clean and pure, cool and refreshing against her legs. Pan stood in front of her, separating her from the deeper part of the pond, and took her hands in his.
"I'm sorry for scaring you, but I jumped in right after, I swear you were under for a much shorter time than you think," he bent his face close to hers, all traces of playfulness gone. He looked genuinely worried.
"It's ok, I know," she said easily, smiling. He grinned and straightened, slowly stepping backwards and pulling her with him. "What the bloody hell are you doing?" she shrieked. He just chuckled.
"Relax, Princess, I'm going to teach you to swim. Just walk forward," he gave her hands a yank so she stumbled against him. "Trust me," he breathed. She nodded mutely. He continued slowly stepping backwards, until she whimpered again when the water reached her chest. Her entire dress was underwater. "Look down," he encouraged. She did, and giggled. Her dress was floating around her legs, as if blowing through a wind. There was a hazy cloud of brown and green around it: all the dirt and grime of her past weeks on the island slipping off the fabric. Still, the water was slipping over her shoulders with each wave, threatening to get closer and closer to her mouth.
"Pan," she started, then her voice died in her throat. Pan kept hold of one hand and let go of the other, wrapping his now free arm around her waist to hold her. She took a shaky breath, her heartbeat doubling and skipping as usual around him. She really needed to figure that out; she got used to all the other boys except him, it really was aggravating. He took a few more steps until her feet weren't touching the floor anymore. She started panicking and flung her arms around his neck. She could feel his chuckled vibrate from his chest into hers.
"Trust me, Princess, I've got you," he murmured in her ear, chuckling slightly. He leaned back and, being tangled with him, she had no choice but to lean onto him. She tried to focus on calming her heart rate, certain he could feel it. He didn't say anything though. He just slowly, lazily drifted deeper into the pond. "See? Not so bad," he said after some time they'd been floating.
He straightened and began to move his legs in circles that kept them both up. She whimpered when he started to untangle her arms from his neck. "Trust me," he repeated. Pan held her arms straight out and held onto her forearms. Surprisingly, he was strong enough to keep her upright. "Move your legs in circles, like mine, and move your arms back and forth against the surface," he instructed. A few minutes and many corrections later, he was still holding her arms but she was treading water by herself. "Good girl," he cooed gently, knowing how terrified she still was.
They spent about an hour just treading water, Pan slowly moving her around as she practiced staying up. He instructed her, but otherwise didn't talk, trying to let her focus and memorize the movements.
"Want to try something cool?" he asked eagerly. She looked nervous, but nodded. "Don't panic, hold your breath, and keep hold of my arms, alright?"
"That's not very comforting," she began, but he cut her off.
"Now," he said. She took a deep breath through her mouth and held it as he pulled her under water. Of course, she got scared, but Pan's grip on her arms tightened, remind her he was there.
She calmed; when she did, she realized being underwater was incredible. Everything was quiet, but not in an eerie way; it was like a little pocket, a little peaceful place. The water was so clear she could see form bank to bank, the rocks and plants on the bottom bright greens. Even the rocks were a luminescent gray. Everything had curves of light dancing over it, she'd read that this was due to the light's reflection on the water. But the real thing was so much more beautiful, it made the rocks look like they were swimming themselves. Her dress, and Pan's clothes, were floating around them, the fabric barely touching her skin anymore. His dirty blonde curls were fanned out around his face, which looked lighter in the light's reflection. She looked to see her own hair, silvery and glowing in the manipulated light, swirling around both of them like a thin curtain. It was beautiful; for the first time in her life, she felt she looked like someone powerful enough to have her magic. Pan's expression told her he thought so too: he had a faint smile on his lips and his eyes were wide as he stared at her. His muscles were relaxed, barely supporting her but she was treading the water herself-he was right, she was doing it.
Soon, her lungs started to burn. She tugged Pan's arms, her lips thinning into a line to hold her breath better. He blinked and jerked her arms, pulling her up with him to the surface. She took deep breaths of air, but she laughed at the same time.
"That is, is, is," she stuttered, trying to find the right word.
"Brilliant?" he supplied. She shook her head, and his face fell a bit.
"Magical," she breathed.
"Let me teach you to breathe underwater, might help you," he suggested. "Same as most of your magic: just focus on it. Focus on how you breathe on land, the dry air flowing into your mouth, filling your lungs, slipping back out. Think of how clean and cool it is, think of every detail about breathing." Then, he pulled her under.
She did as he said, closing her eyes and remembering breathing. It was difficult, such a normal task wasn't thought about in detail, it just sort of…happened. Her lungs burned and she nudged Pan, so he pulled her up.
"Damn," she groaned.
"It's alright, it's hard. Try again," he urged. He pulled her down again.
On the fifth try, she thought she was focused enough and dared a breath, imagining clean air flowing into her parted lips. It did. She inhaled deeply, feeling the air swirl around in her chest before she pushed it out. She opened her eyes to smile at a grinning Pan. She took a few more breaths before she settled into a rhythm. Then, she smirked teasingly when Pan pulled them up so he could breath.
"I did it! Ha!" she beamed. He just grinned and put a hand on her stomach, nudging it back and up.
"Angle your body so you're lying down a bit-yes, like that-now kick your legs. Little kicks, like scissors," he instructed. She did, and started to move forward. "Yes, now just keep moving your arms in that circle I taught you. Yes, that will keep your head up," he finished. He smirked proudly as she took herself to shore, but he swam slowly beside her, his fingers brushing her arm, just in case. She didn't need it; she reached the shallows without a problem.
"And that's how to swim?" she asked, eager to have accomplished something. He tilted his head.
"That's the basics. There's more complicated types and forms, but that'll do for now. We've got to dry up and get back. It'll be sunset soon and I'm starving. Damn boys will eat everything if we don't show," he grimaced lightly. She giggled; she'd come to appreciate the boys' eating habits, finding it entertaining as they made such a mess while playing.
"I'm all clean," she squealed happily, climbing out and spinning in a circle, holding her hair out in her hands. Her dress was back to its original black, and her hair to its glimmering white. Her skin, too, was back to its normal color. Although she noticed she was a bit tanner, having exposure to the sun finally. Pan chuckled.
"Yes, but we should stay here for a while. Swimming takes more out of you than you might think, you might want a rest. And you don't want to trudge through a forest wet, it'll destroy the whole point of coming here," he explained. She nodded and found a dry patch of grass and sat. He came down next to her, sitting Indian style while she just curled her legs under her.
"Do you boys ever actually use the water for cleaning?" she teased. He raised both eyebrows.
"Yes, in fact. It's fun to be dirty, but when your brothers start to tell you that you smell funnier than they do, you know it's time," he said, face honest. She smirked. "So, Felix says you are quite the academic, Princess," he looked at her sideways.
She pulled her hair over her shoulder and began to brush it out a bit with her fingers. "Yes, well, I had a lot of time," she mumbled, focusing intently on her hair.
"What did you do, with all that time?" he asked gently. She was grateful he didn't ask how she had time. This question was easier to answer, she would be lying if she said she wasn't at least a bit proud of herself.
"I mostly taught myself whatever I could. My mistress gave me lots of books, but of course nothing that was really useful at the time," she trailed, starting to think about her time in the tower, when she had so much useless knowledge. A nudge from Pan put her back in the present. "Taught myself mathematics, that's how I got to impress Felix with the camp building stuff, I can find all the needed amounts and dimensions for everything," she smirked and he snickered.
"That's what it was. Felix looked a bit shell-shocked after that, I was wondering what you did," he smirked at her. "What else?"
"Um, well, I also taught myself history, but it was rather boring. Some of the kings and knights were interesting, but I read so many novels about heroes that it was a bit repetitive. I mostly liked to know how all the villages and kingdoms even formed, rather than just how many dragons Sir Whoever of Wherever killed. Actually always found dragons to be rather incredible creatures," she trailed again.
"They're rare," Pan added. She nodded.
"Yes, but I read so much on plants and animals. I already recognized most of the plants here," she added proudly. "They're rather boring. But I loved learning about animals. Anatomy, behavior, anything. I drew them a lot too," she added as an afterthought.
"You draw?" Pan asked, more interested.
"Yes. My mistress was kind in that respect, gave me quite the extensive kit. It's the only thing I miss," she smiled softly. It felt good to talk about her past in this way, dwelling on the positives she didn't even realize were there.
"And the languages?" Pan encouraged softly.
"Oh yes. I love languages. Went through the books daily, and taught myself to read and write a few. The sounds, they are just so beautiful. And it felt like a secret, I could murmur them or write them to myself whenever anyone came in and they wouldn't know and I wouldn't tell them-if they even asked-and it was just something I had power over," she couldn't stop, it felt relieving to say it out loud. She had brushed her fingers through her hair has much as she could, and paused to twist it back and tie it.
"I'd imagine you needed something to control. I'm just glad it was something helpful instead of, well, there are worse things," he shrugged, showing he wasn't judging. She was happy for it. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her head resting on his shoulder. He went stiff.
"Thank you for asking, and listening. I didn't think it would feel so…relieving," she whispered. His body relaxed, and she felt pressure on the top of her head and heard a slightly muffled "anytime, Princess."
They just sat after that, staying in that position, until the top of the sun began to sink under the treetops.
Pan stood. "Come on," he pulled her up and started onto the path, keeping her fingers loosely wrapped in his. The two climbed back through the forest, clean and happy. She was just thankful he didn't look back, because her cheeks felt warmer than usual again.