AN- Chapter title from "Ghost" by The Indigo Girls.

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Chapter 4 -

Pinpricks to My Heart

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Buffy heaved a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair as the vampire's dust settled, its last scream echoing in the air. She grimaced and shook her hand to rid it of the accumulation of demon remains that sifted from her hair.

Oh, ew. So completely gross...

One of the hazards of killing creatures that exploded into powder; it got on you no matter what you did.

The slaying hadn't even done what she had hoped and distracted her from what was truly on her mind. I'm too good at this, I guess... The motions of dispatching demons were rote by now after so long and new vampires like these posed no challenge. They're all swagger and huff anyway. She smirked to herself as she walked to retrieve her coat from the tombstone where she had left it. I swear, let a guy wake from the dead with demonic powers and he thinks he's invincible. Never thought I'd be wishing for one of the big bads to show up. Now that would be a distraction.

A distraction from the ache in her heart and the stab of pain in her gut.

Giles.

Her breath caught in her throat at the thought of him.

Shrugging her arms into her coat with savage motions and shoving her stakes up her sleeves, Buffy left the cemetery, her mind on her Watcher. The ready, if shocked, acceptance of her friends had bolstered her confidence and she didn't relish the idea of telling them what had actually happened.

She ached to talk to him. But at the same time she yearned, even the idea brought pain. It was too soon, the pain of rejection too sharp, and she despaired that she had lost her best friend. There was a Giles shaped hole in her heart.

And whose fault is it? He's the one who shoved this back in my face.

A surge of anger went through her. Anger at him, at herself, at whole situation. Stupid girl. Should've just kept everything to myself. Even keeping the secret of how she felt forever would be better than this. Better than the knowledge, even just the thought, of what she had lost. And in that case it didn't matter whether it was due to her confession or his own opinion of the matter. She'd lost him and this, most of all, was what broke her heart.

"Buffy..."

She jumped like a startled cat at the sound of her name.

She spun in a circle, stakes slipping easily into her hands and scanning for danger before she registered that the voice had come directly in front of her. Giles stood about five feet away, just past the pool of illumination from a streetlight, as though her thoughts had materialized him from the night. His long, dark coat seemed to hug him like a shred of shadow. Her eyes took in his soft, dark green sweater under it, his dark slacks, and black boots, his glasses catching glints from the streetlight. He looked like part of the night itself, a dangerous yet comforting presence.

He looked good.

She shoved the thought away with effort. Maybe if I can act like nothing's changed, we can go back to the way things were. It was a tactic of desperation, she knew, but she was willing to try almost anything. She continued walking, forcing a bounce into her step and cheerfulness she didn't feel into her tone. "Hey, Giles! Just finishing up the patrol." She kept walking as she spoke. "Just a few baby vamps. No big. Dusted 'em all pretty easily."

As she drew alongside him, he spoke, his voice quiet, "Buffy, we need to talk."

His serious tone sent a shiver up her spine and she almost faltered, then steeled herself. You can do this. Just keep going. "Talk? About what?" she asked with false brightness, still walking.

He reached out and caught her elbow gently with one hand. "You know what." His tone, as well as his expression when she looked up at him, was unreadable.

"Giles, I..." she started, voice trembling despite her best efforts, unable to bear the thought of another rejection conversation. It's not like he didn't make himself clear before. The anger surged in her again and she was suddenly, tremendously tired.

She pulled her elbow from his grasp and moved another few steps away, desperately seeking distance between them, distance from the ache in her chest. "Giles, I get it. Okay? Message received loud and clear."

He stood there a moment, his hand still outstretched, before letting it fall limply to his side. "I'm sorry, Buffy." His voice was a quiet, sadness filled murmur. She still couldn't read his expression, but his tone said much. Giles was hurting. A lot. "I reacted badly before and you deserve every apology I can ever give you. I hurt you and that was inexcusable."

Buffy swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, her heart aching in response to his obvious pain. At least he's apologizing. And Giles doesn't lie about apologies. If he doesn't mean them, he doesn't give them.The anger flickered.

She looked away from him, out into the night, telling herself that it was merely to remain alert for any signs of encroaching danger. In reality, she couldn't bear for him to see the longing in her eyes. "Giles, I..."

She was so focused on the darkness surrounding them that she nearly missed his next words as he broke in, he spoke so quietly. "I love you, Buffy."

Certain she had misheard, she sputtered and spun to face him. "What?" The careful mask had begun to slip a little and she could see longing and utter sincerity in his green eyes behind the glasses. "You-you love me?" she said breathlessly, hating the way her heart was pounding with fierce hope.

He nodded silently.

"But before-when we were at your place, you said-"

"I-I was trying desperately to convince myself that-that I didn't feel as I do." His voice was soft, the accented tones full of painful regret. He shook his head as though to dispel pain, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. "I was so-so focused on the differences between us: a-age and the fact that you are the Slayer and I am-was-damnation! I am your Watcher. I am your Watcher!" He looked away from her, pain on his face. He whispered, "I was so bogged down in-in propriety that I hurt you and myself. I was a fool. I'm sorry." She had rarely seen him look so miserable.

Good. She recoiled a bit from herself, shocked at the internal venom. Relief and joy at his admission warred with anger. The questions roiling in her tumbled out. "Why?! Why come out here and tell me this now after everything? And if you felt like this, why hurt me first? God, Giles... I confess I love you and you-you push me away like-like I'm nothing! Like you don't give a damn!"

He stood stock still, looking down at his feet, misery on his face. He's just going to take it, isn't he? He's never let me just rail at him before. In spite of her simmering rage, her heart went out to him. She didn't need to hurt him over what he'd said. He was taking care of that all on his own. He clearly felt sick over how he had hurt her. The anger drained away suddenly. Oh, God. Enough with hurting each other. This isn't a contest.

"Giles."

At her soft exhalation of his name, he looked up at her again and her breath caught at the openness in his expression, the love and agony and naked, bruised hope plain on his face.

"Why did you do it?" she asked quietly.

He was equally quiet, "A-as I said, all I could think of was propriety." He looked away sharply, his features twisting into an expression of pain. "I-I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing for-for both of us. Convinced my-myself that it was my h-heart and only mine that I was risking."

She was silent for a moment. He dared a glance up at her, then quickly returned his gaze to the ground at his feet. "I-I think I understand," she said slowly and she could hear his breath hitch in his chest. "I certainly don't agree, but I do understand." She could hear him let out a long ragged breath. "Giles," she said, and waited until he looked up at her once more. "Don't ever do this to me again. Trust me to work things out with you."

He shook his head, his whisper fervent, "Never again. I swear to you I will not be that fool again. I'd sooner die than hurt you again like that."

Buffy moved slowly, her heart pounding, afraid that this couldn't be real, afraid that after all the heartache of the evening that it could all possibly be resolved. The fearful restraint only lasted an instant, however, then she was running, closing the distance between them. He took her impact with a grunt and enfolded her in his warm embrace.

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Joy suffused him at her touch and he closed his eyes for a moment, thankful simply for her presence and not daring more, lest it evaporate like smoke. While he'd searched for her, he'd rehearsed endlessly what he would say and how he would say it. All his careful preparations had crumbled, however, in the face of her reception.

He had nearly bitten back the confession of love, hurt by her distant manner, but his heart had rebelled and he had essentially blurted it out. She has every right and more to be hurt. So what if you're embarrassed? She deserves nothing but the straight forward truth from you. Elation filled him at her closeness, her willingness to be near him.

He murmured in her ear, his voice a quiet burr, "Forgive a foolish man?"

She choked back a joyful sounding sob and burrowed against him, under the black coat. Giles understood and held her tightly, grateful beyond words.

After several moments of simply enjoying her, Giles leaned back slightly from the embrace and tipped her face upwards with one hand under her chin. Her face was lined with silver tear tracks but she was smiling, her heart open in her gaze, a well of love and affection so deep in her blue eyes that he might fall in and never come out again. His breath caught as he was transfixed. I've never seen her more beautiful.

"I've never known anyone like you," he whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear with one hand and gently brushing away traces of tears with his thumb. "I came to find you tonight with apology as my only goal, fully prepared for you to never speak to me again afterward but knowing it was the least I owed you. But I find I cannot let it go at that. You deserve nothing less than the full truth from me and I'll never again give you anything less. This is the second time that concealing things from you has meant I nearly lost you. I'll not do so again."

Her arms tightened reassuringly around his waist as she said, "You were trying to do what you thought best. And you clearly hurt yourself just as much as me. I'm not angry anymore. So long as you talk to me about things from now on."

He quirked a smile. "I will. You have my word." He took a deep breath. "I don't have much to offer you beside myself, Buffy Summers. Even before the Council let me go, I-I was not particularly well thought of as a Watcher. Even if they were to take me back, I don't expect that would change." Her lips quirked and he smiled as well. "Just so. I suspect that the-the manner in which we parted did nothing to endear me to the Watcher's Council." He paused, moving his hand to cup her cheek. "So I-I have no status, no-no great wealth. A-at the moment, even in the mundane world, I-I don't even have a job. But you hold my soul within you. Have done so for quite a while if I'm honest with myself. I want nothing more than to make you happy. So, if you-if you'll have this old Englishman, I'm yours."

A radiant smile broke over her face and he heart skipped beat. "Giles, all I ever wanted was you, all I've ever wanted was you at my side. Even before I knew-before I realized I loved you like this... I've always loved you. Of course, I'll have you. After all," she ducked her head, almost shyly, "You hold my soul too."

He lowered his head and kissed her, a feather-light brush of the lips, a surge of joy in his heart, and it was like coming home. Buffy whimpered, threw her arms around his neck and did her best to kiss him senseless. When they separated, Giles stood for a moment, blinking. Buffy stifled a giggle at what he knew must have been a stunned look on his face. It was rather hard to think clearly.

He was tempted for a moment to remain like that with her forever, wrapped in each other, but he knew they could not. Besides... There was a much more appealing option available.

"Shall we go home?" he said with a smile.

She answered his smile with one of her own. "That sounds perfect." As they began walking again, hand in hand, heading back, she asked, "What changed your mind?"

Giles chuckled. "Xander, Oz, and Willow actually. They told me what you all discussed-"

Buffy stopped short, her mouth dropping open in shock. "They did what?! Oh, I'm gonna kill them! They had no business and no right!"

"Be that as it may, love," he said with a smile, "it might be a good thing they did. I-I was fully prepared to fall on my own sword, ignoring how-how I felt about you on the assumption that I couldn't have what I wanted most." He ducked his head, regret flooding through him. "I-I might have been a miserable fool forever but for their meddling. Between the lot of them, they knocked sense into me." He looked back over at her, a smile on his lips. "And Xander threatened to hurt me if I ever hurt you again."

Buffy giggled as they resumed walking, her hand slipping under his coat, warm on the small of his back. Giles wrapped his arm around her shoulders and couldn't remember the last time he had felt so effortlessly happy.

"Somehow," she said reflectively, "I can't see him being really able to carry out that that threat but it was sweet of him anyway."

"Oh, certainly!" Giles said with a chuckle. "I judged it imprudent to point out what was likely to happen if he and I were ever truly to fight one another. I settled for an appreciation of the intent behind the threat and the knowledge that it will never need to come to pass." Her arm around his waist gripped tighter and Giles leaned over to kiss the top of her head with a smile.

A sudden thought occurred to him as they reached his home.

"Oh, damn!"

Buffy looked up questioningly at his quiet exclamation. "What's wrong?"

He sighed, looking rueful, and closed his eyes. "I've just realized that I'm indebted to Xander Harris." His mouth twisted into a small grin as he looked down at her again. "He can never know."

Buffy returned his smile. "You're not the only one."

Giles opened the door and ushered her inside, sparing a thought of gratitude to Xander, Oz, and Willow for having had the foresight to leave. Not that I would have had a problem with asking them politely if they were still here, but it's one less distraction now.

He came up behind Buffy and encircled her with his arms from behind. "Welcome home, love," he murmured with a kiss on one shoulder. She looked back at him with a smile on her face and her heart in her eyes and he knew that the simple statement was no more than the truth for both of them.

His house had been a home-away-from-home to Buffy and her friends for quite some time and they had been welcome whenever they felt the need to stop by. Usually. But there was a different sense to it now. He knew that they had at last found home in each other, not in the sense of four walls and a roof, mere shelter from the elements, but rather in a sense of belonging. There was a safety with her that he had not known he was lacking and had nearly missed that it had been right in front of him all along.

Buffy turned, reaching her arms up and around his neck, threading her fingers into his hair. "I love you, Rupert Giles," she murmured.

He leaned down, his lips a breath away from her own. "I love you, Buffy. With all my heart." He closed the distance and kissed her and that was the only conversation either of them needed for quite a while.