Last night was the most amazing and saddest moment ever. Last night was the last night of the tour and believe me, it went off with a bang! For the last few songs of the guy's set, we joined them performing a few covers and joining in with the final song of their set list as singers and respective back up instruments. It was so much fun! The reaction from the audience was nothing like it in my life! They were -no pun intended- all fired up!
That night we all sat down together and talked, laughed, joked and drank until the early hours of the morning with Makarov and Mira-Jane. It was such a wonderful last night together and I'm sure all of our phones and cameras are crawling with both incriminating and sentimental photos for us to remember the night forever.
When Natsu and I went to bed we didn't sleep. We just held each other tight and savoured the fact that this was our last night together on the tour. The idea of it all made me really depressed. I wasn't going to see Natsu anymore. I wasn't going to wake up to him snoring loudly or his body keeping me warm at night. I was also not going to see Gray, Gajeel or Jellal every day anymore aswell which upset me even more.
I imagine that the girls are going through the same thoughts as me and I know that we will have each other to mend our broken hearts.
Throughout the night when Natsu finally fell asleep telling me that he loves me for the thousandth time that night, my mind starts to wander and it drifts back to the night I saw Laxus. Then it clicks in my head. This is like my relationship with Laxus except that there was no arranged marriage. I am out on another tour once the album launch party is over and I will not be able to see Natsu either because he will be off on his own tour that is on a separate circuit to us!
Silently I start to cry at the thought that I was not going to see this man anymore. This is the last night that we get to sleep on the tour bus before we all go home and back to our lives before this tour happened. As much as it pains me to say it I do miss my apartment. I miss my amazingly soft bed, I miss hearing the birds sing outside my window and I miss hearing the kids outside playing when I wake up. I know that the boys don't live far from us which is the only sobering thought at the moment. When they are off tour, if they are EVER off tour, they said that we can go and see them and that they are only a 15 minute walk away from my apartment. But I don't want that. I don't want to wake up without Natsu by my side. I want him to be there when I wake up and when I go to bed. I know that it sounds incredibly selfish but that is what I want. I am going to miss him terribly and it breaks my heart that I won't be able to see my boyfriend who I love so dearly every day of the week.
Right there and then I make a conscious decision that my heart will not be able to take another relationship like this. I need a clean slate and the thought kills me. But as they say, a clean break always heals quicker. I realised in my moments of clarity that I can not be in this relationship anymore if I want to protect my own heart from breaking again.
Morning comes too soon and as Natsu lies in bed still sleeping, I start to pack all of my things up that I hadn't packed already. Luckily it doesn't take long. I take a long look at Natsu and I decide to take a picture of him sleeping on my phone. I know that it is stupid for me to do this but he looks so peaceful asleep that I needed the memory. That was all that he needed to be for me now was a memory. I curse myself that this was not the best idea for myself, but I know that this is the best idea for Natsu. He needs to be single in his industry. He needs to be the frontman that every girl wants to be with and he needs to not have the constraints of a girlfriend at home who would be calling everyday checking up on what he is doing every minute of the day until he comes back from the tour. That is no way for him to live and I can not accept that for him since he deserves so much better than that!
I look at the letter that I have compiled in my hand knowing that I am a complete and utter coward. I can not break up with him to his face otherwise my exterior will crack and I will agree with his pleas to stay. I know that I would not be able to stand it any longer but….it was better this way.
As I make my way out of the bus with my stuff, I finally see my apartment for the first time in three months. It feels like it has been a long time since I was this girl who lived in her apartment writing songs hoping that one day she would make it with her best friends. I say good bye to the girls and the boys telling them that Natsu and I already said goodbye and he just wants some time alone. Luckily they all accepts this and seem to understand. I tell the girls that I will call them later and we will talk about the album launch tonight. I know that by then it all would have gone out and I would be ready to tell them about it by then... I hope.
I open up my front door to a musky smell that shows that the apartment has not been aired for months and a huge pile of letters addressed to me on my door mat. I pick them up and place my guitar in my hand on the floor and the keys and letters on the table. I bring the rest of my stuff in and place it by the front door. I chuckle to myself. I'm getting a sense of deja vu from the very beginning of the tour when I left this apartment to embark on what was the best moments of my life.
So why did I throw it all away? I had this amazing thing going on with this wonderful man and I blew it by breaking up with him by letter while he was asleep. I knew that what I was doing was stupid but I knew that it was for the right reasons. Then why did it have to hurt so much? Why did this pain in my chest never go away? Why did Natsu Dragneel have to affect me so much that all I want to do is just call him and tell him to burn the letter I had given him because it doesn't matter.
While I contemplate my mental breakdown, I lie down on my sofa and ball my eyes out. I howl so loudly that you would think that someone had just died in the family. Technically it had. My relationship had just died and I feel like I am dying inside from the hurt. This was even worse than when I was with Laxus. Maybe because mine and Natsu's break up was so sudden? I don't know. All I know is that I want to just curl up into a ball and forget the world for the next few days before the album launch.
Minutes or maybe even hours drift by. I have no concept of the time right now. I am just a mess curled up on my sofa crying loudly and very unladylike while torturing myself by looking at photos that I have taken throughout the tour. Even right from the very beginning, most of them contained Natsu. Each one is like a stab in the heart but I can't bring it on myself to delete them. They are personal photos that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
Some time later I hear someone banging on the door. I don't answer it. I don't want to answer it. I hear the knocks again and I still ignore them. I hear the knocks again... and again... and again. Each time is like someone is pounding on my head and each time my resolve breaks a little until I eventually answer it. My heart leaps in my mouth as I see who it is that is banging on my door.
"Natsu….."
END OF BOOK 1
That's it! That's the end of The Mages! Aren't I evil?! Haha! I hope that you all have enjoyed this book as much as I enjoyed writing it! I know what you're going to say and do not worry there is a book number 2! I have no idea what to call it yet (suggestions always welcome) but the first chapter will be out in two weeks and will be starting off right from this point so you are not going to miss anything! I just wanted to split up the adventures a bit otherwise you would still be here at chapter 60 and wondering why you were reading the same story, so PLEASE NO HATE MAIL OR THREATS! I promise you I am coming back! The first 10 chapters of book 2 have already been written!
Thank you all so much for all of the love and support for this story and my writing in general. You all have been so kind and I love that I have had nothing but positive feedback and comments for me to carry on with this story.
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the amazingness that is Fairy Tail. Hiro Mashima owns all of the characters and ideas of the characters. I just own the storyline!
Love to all! See you all in two weeks!