Would you believe me when I tell you?
You're the queen of my heart
-Nirnava
#
"You lovebirds ready to get the fuck out of here or what?"
Bonnie and Damon turned toward the door, hair bristling at the interruption even she though she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh, shit" Enzo coughed, lifting both his eyebrows "am I interrupting something?"
"No, you're not interrupting anything" an injured smile broke gently over Damon's lips before he took several steps back from her. He turned and walked out the door, brushing past a perplexed Enzo.
"Are you okay?" he asked Bonnie as he scratching his eyebrow.
"Yeah" nodding vehemently, she bit the inside of her cheek and moved toward him so that she could exit the bedroom.
"Don't hurt him" Enzo warned, his breath tickling her cheek as she ambled past him. Too late, she thought as she grabbed her clutch and made for the exit.
She could barely concentrate through the proceedings, eyes fixed on the monitors as musician prattled on about their life while accepting their awards. She was wedged between Damon and a whiskey reeking Enzo who kept grunting everytime a scantily clad woman took to the stage. Even though he was seated next to her, Bonnie could feel the distance between her and Damon. She knew this was important to him, it was his night and she had no desire to ruin it for him. She really wanted Damon to be happy but how could say yes to forever when she didn't believe in forever?
When her hand rested on Damon's hand, he subtly moved his hand away. She didn't try again. It was turning out to be the most uncomfortable night of her life when a blonde on stage started reading out the nominations for pop rock album of the year. Her heart was beating in her ears at this point, nerves knocking in her chest.
"Restless Soul" she called out, waving the envelope in the air as a chorus from their latest album began streaming through the speakers. Their whole row rose to their feet and the fans weren't wild in the upstairs section of the hall. Bonnie couldn't feel her feet but she knew she was clapping, laughing and hugging. In the heat of the moment, Damon kissed her forehead after he had gathered her in his arms for a hug. She watched the band, her friends as they made their way to the stage and exchanged a look with a crying Jenna. Bonnie smiled and nodded to her. She was happy, she was happy for Damon.
After the awards show everyone went to drink and network at the main after-party before drifting through the other parties dotted around L.A. They only spent an hour at the after-party and she didn't drink much and neither did Damon. She could sense that he wanted to talk and she had no idea what to say to him.
"You say you love me but you love me with one foot in and one foot out, you can't love like that" he tossed his jacket over a chair as they entered the hotel suite. She flicked on the light switch to distract herself but he followed her to the bedroom where the bed had already been turned down for them.
"I need all of you or nothing at all" Damon's voice was gruff, low and heavy with exhaustion.
xXx
Bonnie didn't need to really pack because she hadn't brought much to begin with. That evening Damon took the sleeper couch and she took the bed but neither one of them slept a wink.
xXx
When Damon touched ground in Montgomery, Alabama it was unreasonably warm for December. He had'nt seen Bonnie since November at the awards ceremony and the phone calls had shortly ceased after that week. They couldn't seem to find a resolution; he wanted all of her right down to her soul and she kept her defences up. He had begun to lose himself in the mayhem of booze and easy women when he thought about Stefan again. This time the notion of coming back home had been like a monkey on his back.
He needed Alabama and he needed his younger brother.
After acquiring a rental truck, he drove up to the farm where a sparkling blue sky met thick silvery grass, bleached grey by the winter. The house structure hadn't changed much in the years he had been away. The winding porch was still there, the sheds out back; even the tree they used to climb as kids was still erect. A smile tugged the corners of Damon's lips and he tightened his grip around the steering wheel. His truck rattled up the gravel driveway and he stayed inside it for a while waiting to see if someone would come out of the house.
Slowly, Damon unbuckled his seatbelt and turned the radio off. He climbed down the truck and mounted the stairs stopping just short of the screen door. He knocked a few times, the faint sounds of voices and a TV streaming from inside the house. He was sure that Stefan still resided at the address because he was listed in the phonebook. Eventually, a shadow filled the entryway behind the screen and Damon took in a deep breath. The door creaked open; a tall brown-haired man with sharp green eyes framed the doorway.
"Damon?" he frowned, his hand still gripping onto the screen door.
"Hello, brother" Damon croaked back as he raked his fingers through his hair. Stefan looked the same expect for the height and the newly formed muscle mass but he was still his little brother, right down to his cowboy boots.
"Is it really you?" Stefan shook his head and stepped over the threshold, apprehensive as his eyes took in Damon's form in ripped jeans and a flannel shirt.
"In the flesh" he grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. They stood toe to toe, a smile flashing across Stefan's face before he flung his arms around Damon. They laughed and squeezed each other's shoulders.
"The grunge look don't suit you "Stefan smiled, shaking his head when he finally held Damon at a distance.
Later, he met Stefan's wife Elena and their three kids. His little brother must have been hard at work if the couple had three kids he thought with a chuckle. The twin boys looked to be about eight years old and Elena confirmed that the daughter was three years old.
"I guess I missed dad's funeral" Damon said quietly, his eyes trained to his Doc martins. He'd barely been able to stomach their mother's funeral and after she passed he ran because he couldn't take in anymore. It had always been his plan to come back and rescue Stefan but the life got in the way and the drugs took over.
"It went okay; it was a long time ago, Damon. Aint no need to beat yourself over it" Stefan tossed him a beer before cracking open another one.
"He was sober for a while" Stefan explained when he caught Damon's expression. He understood that his older brother needed closure and he wanted to give it to him.
"You were always the patient one" Damon reasoned, downing his beer.
"And you were always the brave one" locking his eyes with Damon's, He raised his beer and smiled gravely.
"There's nothing brave or strong about me Stefan. I left. It takes guts to stick around"
xXx
Damon stood outside watching a bone white moon and wondered if Bonnie was looking up at the same moon tonight. He pulled at his beer and remembered New York's skyscrapers and the impossibility of Bonnie seeing a big open sky like the one he was viewing. Glancing back over his shoulder, he watched as Elena hoisted up her daughter so that she could put a star on top of the Christmas tree. A whisper of a breath snagged his throat and he quickly shot down another swig and snapped his head back to the shingled moon again. That's what he'd wanted with Bonnie, a life like the one Stefan had. He wanted to tuck in the kids after dinner, read the littlest one a bedtime story and make love to his wife. He had wanted forever with Bonnie and he still wanted it.
Maybe she'd been right to walk away. What kind of family life would a rockstar offer a wife and kids?
xXx
The snow muted the sounds of New York. The city was quiet but inside the apartment Katherine was playing Christmas carols and helping Matt with the tree decorations. Bonnie remembered a time when glittery Christmas tree decorations made Katherine vomit but now here she was, laughing and cheering. Love changed people. Matt had changed her since they started dating three weeks ago and a part of Bonnie missed her wild and reckless fiend.
"The tree's coming along nicely, isn't it Bon?" Katherine laughed, toting around a video camera as she recorded everything.
"Oh Joy!" Bonnie scoffed taking a sip of her eggnog. Lexi had made it and it was too sweet for Bonnie's liking but she was on a mission to drink everything from the cooking sherry to the wine Lexi's boyfriend had brought with him. He'd brought a crate load of the stuff, told them his manager had got it from Napa Valley. Lexi sifted her fingers in his hair, twisting the strands around lazily. Averting her eyes from the intimate moment, Bonnie drained her glass hoping the eggnog would wash down the emotions welling up inside her. Something stung her eyes, rolled down her cheeks and she realized that she was crying.
She missed Damon.
xXx
New Year's Eve and Damon sat on the stairs of the winding porch with a bottle of beer as he watched Stefan push his daughter on the swing. He didn't miss the parties back in Seattle and Enzo and Mason were calling him relentlessly from Los Angeles. They called in the perfect party spot because it was a stone throw away from Las Vegas.
His mind was calm and clear. More than ever he was sure, this was the life he wanted. He was everything Stefan had and he wanted it with Bonnie.
xXx
Bonnie closed her eyes as the crowd sang auld lang syne. They swayed to the chorus of their voices, candles flickering in their hands. It was officially nineteen ninety nine and she was all alone. It was all her own doing, she didn't doubt that but it hurt all the same.
'Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?'
It hurt that she couldn't be brave enough to trust someone else with her heart. Damon wanted forever and forever was a very long time. Her eyes scanned the crowd. Everyone was laughing and singing. They were all happy expect for her.
'Should old acquaintance be forgot and days of long ago.'
They were background noise, she told herself as she weaved through the crowd to hail down a cab. Settling in the back of the taxi, she leaned her head against the headrest and sighed.
"Happy New Year!" the cabbie yelled from the front seat, he honked for a knotted crowd in from of him as he drove past them. Bonnie grunted back a solemn Happy New Year before clenching her eyes shut. She wanted to be left alone and she certainly did not want to engage with a cabbie after the night she'd had.
xXx
"Passion is overrated" Katherine said handing her a drink and taking a sip from hers. She and Matt had come back early from the festivities so that they could have their own private party. Bonnie was just thankful that their 'party' would be back at Matt's apartment. He didn't feel like company, least of all a couple who was sickeningly in love.
"You think?" Bonnie lifted an eyebrow.
"You need something stable, something that can go the distance and someone dependable" Katherine expounded like someone who was the authority on all matters of the heart.
"Are we talking about a relationship or an automobile? "She couldn't help but retort because she had no idea when Katherine got so cocky about relationships and it rubbed her the wrong way.
"I'm just saying that maybe sometimes a quiet love trumps over stormy passion"
Bonnie's stomach did a flip as her mind trailed back to her passionate memories with Damon. Everything was always so urgent with him, desperate like a man living on borrowed time. She had to admit that life with Damon was anything but boring.
"Who are you and what have you done with my friend Katherine?" she chuckled, feigning nonchalance at the knots in her stomach.
"You don't agree?" Katherine raised an eyebrow, her gaze intense as she fixed her eyes on Bonnie. She tore her eyes away from the brunette, running a fingertip along the rim of the champagne glass.
"I want a love that shakes me to my core. I want big fucking butterflies every time we kiss. I want to be happy but not just happy. At the base of it all, I want to be content."
"Then what are you waiting for?" Katherine smiled knowingly, "Take the leap, and go get your man!"
xXx
Damon's eyes crinkled up against the glare of the sun. He tossed the whiskey down his throat then palmed the glass, watching the mechanism of his fingers around it. He titled his face back again and watched the layout of the land through a fringe of eyelashes. Stefan had taken his wife and kids down to Birmingham for the New Year and he'd been left to his own devices for two days.
His ears pricked up at the distant sound of a car coming up the gravel driveway. He paused, his hand poised over the whiskey bottle and slowly he straightened and rose to his feet. The swing bench whipped in the breeze as he stood hesitant on the stairs leading to the driveway. It was a black truck but it was clearly a rental. He watched the door swing open and she climbed out of the car, her hair slapping across her face. Damon's mouth opened but no sound came out. All he could hear was the palpitating sound of his heart. A rush of emotions pumped up his throat and pricked his eyes.
"Alabama" her lips trembled, an uncertain smile creeping into her face.
"Bonnie, how did you-?" he hooked his fingers into his waistband, a defensive sign from him.
"Jenna and Alaric told me you were here. She practically gave me the address but the phonebook helped too" she was talking too fast and breathing hard.
"Is it really you?" he stepped forward, unsteady, eyes crinkling against the light as tears misted his eyes. His eyes were wide with disbelief, darting from her hair, to her nose, to her green eyes. Damon came to halt a few paces from her and stared, taking in everything about her.
"It's me "she blinked, her voice quivering.
"What are you doing here?"
"I want us back" she cried, "I've been so scared. I've been terrified of committing to you, of committing to us. You're so brave and honest and open and you love me. You love me with all my faults, all my scars and I need you."
She swallowed to take in a breath and sniffed back the tears, "Damon I love you and I'm not scared anymore. I want to commit my life to you because I can't imagine spending another two months not knowing that I have you, that I have us"
His head was swimming, heart colliding with his ribcage as he ached for her again. She never left his thoughts, never left his heart. She had been there all along, haunting him since Los Angeles.
"I love you, ask me again" she cried, her sparkling eyes pleading with him, "Ask me again. I love you. Ask me again."
"You had me at Alabama" he strode to her as she ran toward him. She leaped into his arms and he clutched her, squeezing her, kissing her hair, her wet, salted cheeks and kissing her everywhere.
"Bonnie, will you marry me?" he gasped, her hair sticking to his wet cheeks as he framed her face in his hands. Bonnie was still clutching him, her fingers digging into him as she gulped, the tears stinging her eyes so that she could hardly see him.
"Abso-fucking-lutely!" she promised, laughing and crying as she buried her fingers into his hair. He kissed her and she kissed him right back, warm salty kisses that burned them right down to the bone.
xXx
A/N: The line "I love you, ask me again. Ask me again, I love you" is from a certain movie. Whoever guesses right gets the sequel dedicated to them, hmm and maybe a cookie too! lol
It's been real fun, I've loved writing this fic and on that note, that's all folks!