Chapter 22: The First, Last, and Only Time
PETER PAN'S POV
Peter didn't know how many days it had been since they'd rescued her from Jones, and his princess was still sick. Or whatever she was. He believed Colin's observations, but they didn't change anything. He still couldn't do anything more for her, Daniel and Harry had fixed her up physically and if Colin was right, and her struggle was internal, he just had to wait for her to win the battle. She would, he had to believe it.
Today she'd made so much progress, or what Peter thought was progress. The sun had risen to her squirming and crying as usual, but by now, late afternoon, she was almost completely still, eyes closed, and very quiet. He had stayed with her all day, hating the shifts and the boys knew not to challenge him. It was just her curled up on the cot with her head in his lap, her hair spread across his legs. He ran his fingers absentmindedly through it, Joshua and Colin had teamed up yesterday and finally cleaned it. That was good, Peter could see it better and he took it as a good sign that it was completely white again.
Pressing his lips to her forehead, he sighed and thought over the events involving Jones again for the millionth time. It was all his fault. If Peter had just decided to get rid of Jones as soon as he felt him arrive, none of this would've happened. He couldn't even remember his reasons for not attacking immediately, but he was sure they weren't worth this. Not even the fact that Jones had the Box was worth this. What useless information, Jones couldn't even get close enough to him to use it. He pressed light little kisses to her forehead and cheek, silently begging his little princess to just be okay again.
He jerked his head up when he heard the tent's flap open, and stared wordlessly at Felix as he came in.
"Boys are heading to sleep," he said blankly, looking back at Peter with tired eyes. "Anything?" Peter just shook his head.
Peter sighed and shifted, laying himself down on his side next to her.
Felix lay on the floor next to the cot, an action he'd been doing for the last few days. Both slept fitfully, and Felix had insisted that it made him feel a bit better to be near her and Peter was hell-bent on not moving her. Colin's observations had boosted Felix's argument: if she did have any awareness of them, Felix's presence would definitely be a comfort. Peter felt unnaturally bitter at this, he was sure his presence was good, too. He was the only one powerful enough to be of help, after all.
Peter always slept lightly, so something woke him with only an hour or so before sunrise. He opened his eyes and looked around, but nothing was different. Except his princess, who had changed from being curled in on herself with her back to him. Now, she was facing him with her torso curled around his, her head on his chest, and her fingers wrapped tightly around the collar of his shirt. He gasped, and gingerly scooped her into his arms as he sat up. She hadn't been making such big movements, and only twice had the boys reported her holding onto them. Perhaps she really was aware of them, perhaps she was finally waking up. Peter shuffled until he was sitting up, her legs curled on his lap and her head pressed against his chest. He tilted her head so he was looking down into her face and nudged Felix, who stared wordlessly and clenched his jaw, both of them waiting desperately.
ELLE'S POV
Pain and darkness everywhere. Elle's body, Elle's mind, was burning with pain she couldn't describe and didn't know the source of. She didn't know or care how much time had passed since the pirate had cut her hair.
She had been tired. So tired and numb. And then it had come back again.
And then she'd felt calloused hands softly touching her face and picking her up. They felt familiar. She thought she'd spoke to him. She wasn't sure if any coherent sound had come out. She felt pressure. The pain stopped. Then the pressure went away. And the pain came back. Peter had been there. He had.
She'd felt Felix's strong, wiry arms. Felix held her. But the pain stayed. Peter. The pain had gone away when Peter was there. She tried to call to him. She couldn't even hear herself.
Just pain. She just hurt. She was burning inside. She was too weak to move. She knew someone was with her but she couldn't see who. She knew because there was a pressure on her head. It was faint but she forced herself to remember it. Sometimes she thought her fingers held something. But her body burned too much for her to try to see.
The pain was blinding. She was being ripped apart. Only to be shoved and poorly sewn back together. Her bones turned to dust. But her limbs moved. Her chest was sore as it healed from the knives that had carved into it. It was unnatural and burned.
She thought it was slowing. She couldn't be sure. At one point, day or night, her chest had felt fine. No aching. No burning. No knives or poor stitching. Her body was still on fire. The pain still blinded her and she didn't know anything else. Had she ever known anything else?
A while later, maybe it was minutes or maybe it was years, the pain stopped. Just suddenly there was no fire, no pain. It all left. And she was just tired and sore, but she was okay now and her breathing was normal. She couldn't open her eyes, but she felt legs crossed under hers, and her head was resting against something hard and flat. Something under it was moving, a pulsing that was so comforting. Warm, solid things were wrapped around her back, they felt good. She almost didn't want to open her eyes because she felt so safe and warm and good, but she needed to know what was going on. She didn't want to see that cage again, but she forced herself to open her eyes.
She saw brown eyes, light brown curls, and full lips being chewed on by white teeth. The face was lit by a dim, pale, greenish light, but it still looked wonderful. The face split into the biggest smile she'd ever seen. Ever seen on it. She recognized this face, and the memories all came back and she was home again. She felt herself smile weakly, even though the place started spinning slowly.
PETER PAN'S POV
Staring into his princess' open, clear blue eyes, Peter smiled so largely his cheeks felt weird. He couldn't stop it, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Felix scoot closer and reach out, tentatively brushing her shoulder with his fingertips. She smiled up at Peter, weakly but it was still true, and he felt his heart skip beats. He was so happy, she was awake, she was here. She reached up and slipped her fingers over Felix's, pressing his into her shoulder and trying to tilt her head to see him. A bit reluctantly, Peter shifted her so her back was against his chest, keeping his arms tightly around her, so she could look at Felix.
Peter had no idea how long the three of them stayed like that, he and Felix just staring at her with almost blank expressions while the little princess looked at them and around the tent, regaining her bearings. The boys didn't dare say anything, not sure what to say and what she was able to hear.
Finally, Harry stepped into the tent, face blank but eyes sad, ready to take his shift. He stopped dead when he saw the two boys sitting up, holding her, and her awake. A smile almost as big as Peter's and Felix's had been at first broke out on his face and he darted out of the tent. Peter could hear him going through the camp, hollering and waking them all up.
Within minutes, pretty much all of the Lost Boys were crowding into Peter's tent trying to see that she was really okay again, and talk to her. Peter felt her shrink into his chest, and he ordered the boys out while he finished up healing her. They complied immediately, the last to leave was the newer boy, Colin, who looked at her a bit strangely. He was happy, but he also seemed a bit nervous, his eyes kept shifting around the tent.
Once everyone left, including Felix, his princess turned a bit in his arms and looked up at him with a confused, questioning expression. Peter opened his mouth but the words got stuck in his throat. He wanted to just look at her, he didn't want to talk, to tell her it was his fault she went through…whatever that was.
"Princess," he started, but it sounded more like a question. She nodded, and a little smile appeared. He looked at her, opening and closing his mouth several times. This was a first, Peter Pan not knowing what to say or how to say it. Someone document this, it may be the first time. It was definitely the only time he remembered. "I'm sorry," he settled finally. She nodded again.
Her eyes were so wide, Peter could see all the trust and relief in them. Then the words just spilled out. "I'm sorry, please, know that I'm sorry," she wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed, nuzzling her head in his neck.
"It's alright, just please tell me what happened," her voice was so sweet and quiet, Peter held her tighter, keeping her against him, and painfully started.
"That pirate is Killian Jones. He came here for the first time with his older brother as an officer, looking for Dreamshade. Their king told them it could heal anything, he lied, and his brother scratched himself with it." Peter told the story as quickly as he could, trying to gloss over most of it, but he knew from her expression that she wasn't buying it. He, however, didn't regret that event at all. It was their fault, grown-ups refusing to listen to children and doing stupid things in the name of the petty values of another grown-up. But he did wish it had never happened, so that he wouldn't be seeing her sad, slightly confused reaction.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't think he'd actually step foot on the island," Peter finished quickly, scared. After a week of fearing she wouldn't wake up, that his princess would be taken away from him for his own foolishness, the last thing he could handle was her being upset at him. He almost chuckled, never in eternity would Peter have believed he'd ever be so fragile. This was definitely the first time in all his history, and he promised himself it would be the last. He felt the apologies spill from his lips, hoping Jones hadn't completely dashed any trust or kindness she had towards him. He felt his anger grow. "I'm so, so sorry. He'll pay, I'll make him pay, I promise," he growled, unconsciously clutching her tighter. Her arms lifted and weakly rested around his neck, trying to hug him. Burying his face in her shoulder and hair, Peter swallowed his anger for now.
He leaned back and looked into her face again, and felt himself melting into those pretty eyes. "I'm so proud of you, you fought so hard and you were so strong," he breathed, and, before he could stop himself, he brushed his lips against hers. They felt so soft, and so warm and alive.
ELLE'S POV
His lips were so unexpected, and touched hers so briefly she didn't even have time to process it. Pan pulled away from Elle's face quietly and his lips moved, but she didn't really listen to what he asked. Her mind was still reeling, and all she could drag up was that his lips were soft and it sent sharp tingles through her body and to her fingertips. That was a new kind of contact, she'd never seen the boys do it and had never done it herself. But she'd read a lot of books, lips touching lips was a kiss. Her first kiss, her only kiss.
"Princess?" Pan asked, jostling her slightly to snap her out of her thoughts. Elle's eyes darted to his lips before she blinked them up to his face immediately, mentally cursing her slightly heating face. "I asked how you're feeling? You haven't said anything," he bit his lip nervously, and Elle forced herself not to be fascinated by it.
"I'm okay," she said, her voice shaky, but the smile—a genuine one, small but bigger than she'd ever seen—he gave made her keep pushing words out. "Just weak," she paused, and looked into his eyes. Something was in them, something she'd seen before, she thought. She'd seen it as a tiny, almost-imagined flicker, then she'd seen it somewhere else too…in the pirate's eyes. She cringed at the thought, but relaxed almost immediately. It had been hooded, distorted in the pirate's eyes, and it was hooded in Pan's too. In her peripheral vision, she saw Pan's eyebrow arch, but she couldn't stop staring hard into his eyes, trying to chase that thing.
Felix stepped into the tent, pulling her out of it. Pan's arms loosened around her as she turned to embrace the blonde, who stooped down to wrap her in his arms. As he picked her up, lightly tickling her, her cracked giggles mixed with his low chuckle and she dismissed Pan's eyes. What could such an evil pirate and a complicated boy possibly both feel?
As Felix put her down, Pan told him to leave again, but Elle grabbed Felix's wrist and made to follow him. She turned back to Pan when his fingers gripped her shoulder. She noticed they dug into her bone more, even though his grip was light. She tried not to think about how much thinner she was now.
"I want to go outside, I feel better," she pleaded. A slight wave of dizziness came over and she gripped Felix's wrist tighter. His fingers curled up around her wrist, sensing her need for something steady. "I want food, and, and," she searched for something else because Pan didn't look convinced enough. "I don't want to be inside, I've been in the dark long enough," she mumbled. Pan's eyes widened slightly and released her, his fingers skimming down her shoulder blade. Elle bit down the shivers it caused, not understanding them, and followed Felix.
As soon as they were sitting in front of the fire pit, Felix tilted his head at her and wrapped his arm loosely around her back. "You alright?" he whispered, grimacing. Elle managed a half smile.
"Scared, and weak, but I'm fine. Just don't let it happen again, please?" she whispered. He nodded, the beads in his hair clacking lightly, and handed her a small bit of food.
"Slowly, get used to having food again. You know the drill," his smirk held no humor, but hers did. Elle surprised herself at how calm she was acting, but she was back home now. She felt safe again, the pain was gone. She didn't want to dwell on the pirates, just like she didn't ever dwell on her life in her tower room. Neverland was her place of freedom.
"Oh, Michael made you this," Felix held up a necklace made of twine braided together, and pretty rocks hanging from it. "He thought it would help make you feel better. Girls like pretty things, right?" he smirked. She smiled softly and looped it around her neck. It was so long it fell down her sternum, but the rocks were small so she tucked it under her dress, keeping the smooth, cold rocks safe against her skin.
"Sorry," she said quietly after a minute. Felix raised an eyebrow. "For getting myself caught." Felix just glared and shook his head, not even needing words for her to understand: absolutely not your fault. He'd given her the same look, a bit less intensely, quite a few times when she caused small accidents training.
"Don't be mad at Pan, he didn't mean for this to happen," he offered, and she shot back the same look. Felix grinned gently. "Of course, you would never be mad at him."