Chapter 24: Always Remember Me
Elle was literally yanked awake by Felix. She grunted as her arm jolted, but once she blinked her eyes open she froze. Ice felt as though it was running own her back. Felix's face was blank, eyes and jaw tight. And rather urgently pulling at her.
"What? Has something happened?" she asked sharply, jumping to her feet and shaking the blanket off of her. Roughly running her fingers through her hair—which still felt incredibly strange—she tried to think of why she was being so urgently woken. Pan didn't like people to sleep in, but she followed Felix out of the tent to find it only an hour or so after dawn. "Is someone hurt? Are the pirates back? Has someone come?" But Felix didn't even respond.
The Lost Boys were standing in a semicircle on the edge of the campsite, but she couldn't see what they could possibly be looking at. Finally she yanked back on his arm, making him spin on his foot and stumble to her. She narrowed her eyes and stared into his, fingers tight around his. "Felix, what the hell is going on?"
He sighed and ran a hand through his messy blonde hair and down his thin face. "Pan just ordered everyone up and to gather. Not that unusual, but he just seemed off," he said uneasily. Then he shrugged and walked over to the boys, her in tow, and shoved his way to the front. The boys parted easily, allowing Felix to stand slightly in front of them and her slightly behind him. Pan stood facing them all, running his brown eyes over them quickly, as if not really seeing them. His eyes met hers and Elle saw how uncharacteristically dull they were. Startled, she stumbled a step back and further behind Felix.
"Boys, today I must deliver unfortunate news," Pan began, his voice loud but hard. "Jones did indeed have something, a potential threat to me. Two things, in fact." There was a faint rustle as Elle, along with all the boys including Felix, glanced around in confusion. "Both we took back, winning the game. Of course," he and the boys snickered. Then his face grew serious again and his eyes narrowed.
"But, my brothers, Jones was using magic as he fought. I know you all noticed this, the strength and fiery swords. Not to worry, lads, that's the best he can do. I can do better," he smirked. "Unfortunately, Jones knew how to use that second weapon, when he shouldn't have. I regret this, but it seems we have a traitor in our midst. Someone who showed Jones how to potentially destroy Neverland, and us all with it."
A gasp went through the entire crowd, and Elle glanced up at Felix in confusion. He looked just as surprised as the rest of them, which made her nervous. He always knew Pan's motives, plans, everything. Why did Pan keep this from even him?
"You all know I do not tolerate betrayal, no matter the circumstances. You all know the consequences," his narrowed, burning eyes scanned slowly over each face as he continued. "No matter if you choose to betray me willingly, are scared into it, tricked, bribed, tortured." He finished and his eyes fell into Elle's.
He raised his hand, turning his fist to an open palm in the process. Elle yelped as ropes appeared around her wrists and dragged her back until she slammed into a tree. Her back was against it, the ropes on her wrists pulled tight and stretching her arms back. Just as she'd been held her very first days in Neverland. The boys began to react but were quieted by a glare from Pan. Felix, however, stepped to him, chests only inches apart.
"Pan, what the hell are you doing?" he demanded, voice quiet and gravelly. Elle didn't say anything herself, white hair whipping around her face as she tried to wriggle free and come up with reasons for this. Her hair was lifted with a nonexistent breeze and glowed brighter, and she felt power begin to warm her veins as her confusion slowly mingled with anger and fear.
"Your little sister here doesn't seem to love you," Pan said loudly as he sauntered to her. With only a step between them, his voice lowered but the Lost Boys could still hear. His eyes drilled into hers, the words slid to her. "Even after all we've done for you."
Her eyes widened and she struggled harder, fear forgotten. "What? I would never do that, you bast—" she began, voice louder than his and full of the disbelief and anger boiling in her chest. But she was cut off by her head suddenly being turned to the side, one cheek stinging and the other pressed against the tree bark. In shock, she felt her knees weaken and she slid to the forest floor, silent. He'd slapped her. None of the boys had ever hurt her outside of their games, and the words felt like they'd been ripped out of her throat.
"This is why girls don't come to Neverland," Pan practically hissed, taking a step away so he could face the Lost Boys as well. They were as silent as she, questions held back by bitten lips and shifting eyes. Felix's whole body was tight and stiff, but his eyes looked like they could turn Pan to ashes. "They're all weak and cunning. They don't care about us, not me or any of you." Elle snapped herself out of her shock and quietly began to work at the ropes, anger just barely contained. She used as little magic as possible, not wanting Pan to sense it. He was too busy lying about her anyway, and she bit back a snarl.
"Now, we all remember what we do to those who are disloyal," Pan faced her again, a humorless smirk painted onto his face. A bow and arrow appeared in his hand and he raised it. Elle didn't even care about his face or eyes anymore, she was too angry. She was surprised her hair wasn't blinding anyone, actually. Not care about them, she scoffed, these boys were the only people she'd ever cared about. And he was calling her weak, a traitor.
"I never said a word to them about you," she declared, twisting her hands free of the ropes and flinging them into the air. In her anger, they caught fire and turned to ash before they hit the ground. They lunged at each other simultaneously, Pan trying to get her restrained but she wasn't having it.
Elle let her anger out, turning any rope Pan conjured into ashes and flinging raw power at him. He blocked most of it, but still stumbled back into a tree. She wrapped her fingers around his neck like Robert had once shown her, tight enough to get his attention and have control but she made sure he could still breathe.
"Listen to me," she spat, matching his glare. "I never betrayed you, and don't you ever dare say I don't love you. You have no idea the pain I went through with the pirates for you boys. Even before that, I am always ready to die for you," his face changed, but she didn't care enough to notice it. She would've continued, but she shoved her unexpectedly and her back hit the floor, knocking the wind out of her lungs.
The cold tip of a dagger pressed against her throat and she lay still. Pan knelt on top of her, one leg on each side of her thighs, one hand tangled in her hair and keeping her head down. Clenching her teeth, Elle pushed her anger back down. It was making her clumsy, and she wouldn't have control over her magic if she let it go. She'd seen Pan punish the boys for smaller things, usually just a beating or something. He'd had her tied and pointed an arrow at her, he planned to kill her.
This realization made her freeze, more so than the dagger pressing further into her skin. She looked up into his face, into his eyes, trying to prove herself wrong. After months of living here, having her brothers, staying loyal to him, he was really going to just kill her. There were emotions swirling in his eyes, all thickly veiled, but Elle was looking hard enough and he wasn't moving. There was that one she'd seen in the one-handed pirate's eyes, but the others were just as intense and she couldn't make them out. She'd never seen them.
Then Pan stood up and off of her, standing in front of the Lost Boys and glaring at her. Elle stood slowly, deliberately, and squared her shoulders. She wasn't going to die, not after everything. She glanced at Felix but tore her eyes away immediately. He wouldn't let Pan kill her, but he was loyal to Pan, always. The rest of the boys looked shocked and scared, but she knew they wouldn't stand up to him. A few just looked disturbed, but Daniel's eyes were shiny as he clutched Harry's shoulders, who had tear tracks in his full, dirty cheeks. Colin looked like he was going to be sick, and Robert was holding Felix's elbow almost as tightly as Daniel held Harry. His grip was partially hidden under Felix's cloak, as if they didn't want it to be seen.
Pan's eyes widened the slightest bit and he sighed heavily. The bow and arrow had disappeared but the dagger was still in his hand. "Go," he bit out.
No one was shooting at her, not even Pan himself. They all just stood still. She wasn't dead, or dying, or wounded at all. "What?" she breathed.
"You are exiled from the Lost Boys and our territory. I'll let you live, but if you set foot on territory you will be killed. Understood?" His voice grew louder at the end, and the boys nodded, eyes downcast.
Elle kept her face blank and stayed still and silent. Her body suddenly ached everywhere, and she was in pain. It wasn't the same pain the pirates had caused, not as intense, and she couldn't describe it. It wasn't burning, it wasn't ripping, it just was. The anger that had burned her was gone, not even smoke was leftover. She was just sad. So, so sad. She hadn't even been this sad in the tower, because this sadness was sharp and sudden and didn't waver. She could already tell she wasn't going to get used it. Her hair still glowed, and she felt the air grow colder.
But she was alive, Pan hadn't killed her. In the back of her consciousness, she wished he had.
"Appreciate my mercy, and go," Pan ordered. Elle looked up into his face and nodded. She didn't look at the other boys especially not at Felix, she could already feel her magic swelling and urging to destroy everything around her. She turned so that her back fully faced them, and forced herself not to trudge. Her bare feet light against the camp floor, she kept her steps measured and her head up as she walked to the perimeter of the campsite. She heard and felt the boys behind her, following her. No turning back.
They followed her all the way through their hunting territory, but began to scatter as the distance increased. They'd stayed in a tight group at the campsite, but after about a quarter mile into the forest the group had loosened. Some stalked through the trees, almost parallel and next to her. A few climbed into the trees and kept up just a foot above her head, and two or three fanned out even farther. She didn't focus on them, she didn't want to name the boys anymore because it made the pain worse. It hadn't gotten better, the sadness, she wasn't getting used to it. Pan stayed directly behind her the entire time. He walked like her, she could hear his footsteps, he didn't transport himself.
She walked the last five steps to the border herself, Pan and the boys staying still. She could see the line, so faint but definite, marked by magic. She stood with her toes touching it, and turned back to look at them. She had to tell Pan something, and she wanted to see her brothers one last time. She knew she wasn't going to be allowed to say goodbye, but they would always be her brothers. Pan stood there, feet should width apart, hands in his pockets. Body straight, face blank. Felix stood just behind him, his chest almost brushing Pan's shoulder, gripping his staff with white knuckles and his face hard. Daniel's eyes were still shiny, Harry was tucked behind him under his cloak, the boy's face downcast. Colin stood on the edge of the group, hunched in on himself and looking so sick still. Robert had an arm loosely around Michael, Robert's downcast eyes as shiny as Daniel's and Michael's fingers wrapped around Robert's belt as if he'd disappear at any second.
Elle felt a prickling in her eyes, but didn't dare let the tears pool. If this was his choice, fine, but she wasn't going to cry for him. Her eyes drifted to Colin again, then back to them all. She remembered Colin, how he'd been there right when she'd been kidnapped. How odd he'd acted, and what he'd said.
Won't Pan be angry at his little pet wandering around unsupervised…Orders.
Her lips twisted and she chuckled humorlessly. Pan thought she was the traitor, was punishing her, and here she was knowing the real culprit. And she wasn't going to say a word.
"How kind of both Pan and I," she looked at each boy in turn, making sure not to linger on any of them—even on Colin. Keeping her voice level, she continued, "to give the true traitor a chance to redeem himself." Colin had seemed scared of the pirates, he'd been brought from their ship to Neverland. He was a Lost Boy, just as neglected, abused, imprisoned as they all had been. As she had been. She closed her eyes to keep herself from accidentally looking at him too him. "Don't waste it."
Then, she turned and stepped over the thin, shimmering line. She took one step. Then another. Then two more. She tugged the long necklace Michael had given her from under her dress and held it in her fingers. Then four more steps. She heard Pan dismiss the boys and the rustling as they scattered into the forest. She just kept taking steps away from her second and last home.