Chapter 31: Through the Sleepless Night

ELLE'S POV

For a moment that felt like hours, Elle just stood still, facing the shaky circle of tents, the large fire pit in the middle and the few smaller ones off to the sides. The few broken or unnecessary weapons and animal bodies lying about, abandoned when the sailors came and he ordered their slaughter. Her eyes seemed to take it all in with sharper focus, the colors were brighter, the lines of every twig, leaf, and scrap clearer. She dragged air through her throat, held it until it hurt, then let it rush out.

Moving deliberately, Elle ducked into Felix's tent and stuffed three daggers and two hunting knives into her sash, retying it tightly to hold them and ignoring the sting as the burnt skin on her shoulder stretched with her movements.. Felix would be annoyed, but so what. He could make more, and she needed them. She slung the spare quiver of arrows he had across her back and her own bow over her shoulder.

Stumbling out of the tent and to the edge of the campsite, Elle spun around and hesitated, breathe caught in her throat. Her fingers reached up and clutched at the pendant on her necklace, tucked safely under the fabric of her dress. What was she doing? These were her brothers….who Pan would use against her. She spun and sprinted, transporting mid-stride.

She reappeared in front of a particularly tall tree in the middle of the island. The exact one she and Felix had camped under, had climbed to the top off. Adjusting her weapons, she climbed as quickly as she could, forcing herself to concentrate solely on the rough bark beneath her fingers until she was perched just a few branches from the top, hidden but with perfect visibility of the island, of her home. She curled her legs into her arms and tilted her head, so that she could see the island but her hair fell around her shoulders and face. Ice seemed to build around her heart, and her hair glowed brightly. Elle didn't know why it did, but she didn't really care so long as he stayed away.

She should have known better. She did know better, once. Every person only wanted power, Peter Pan was absolutely no exception. Elle snorted, he was the bloody rule itself. He ruled an island for eternity, what made her anything more than another tool for power. Still, Elle felt more pain for this betrayal than she had for any other. Perhaps because he was the first to make her truly believe she was more, that she had freedom, that she was cared for by a family. Her brothers were just something for him to use to make her obey him. Just as the tower had been for the mistress. Another prison.

The boys themselves couldn't feel that way, though. She'd seen it in their faces, in their eyes, when they played and talked with her. She chuckled humorlessly. To Pan, she may be nothing more, but to them she was. And they were so much to her. They were family, and Neverland was her home. This beautiful, eternal, ever-changing, magical island was her home. She could feel its heartbeat run through her, she was as much a part of it as the Lost Boys were.

For the first time since she was five years old, Elle had something to lose. As Princess Rapunzel, she had lost a luxurious life in a castle with servants and parents and dolls and dresses. As Elle, the Lost Girl, she'd lost her family. The only family that had really looked at and loved her for herself.

And she hated him for giving her that, and for ripping it away.

She thought back to that day on the beach, when they came up with a definition for love. She could have loved Pan, maybe part of her even did, for what she could call knowing what love even is. But he was evil, he'd shown her now. There was nothing left for hate. Hate hurt in her chest, and it wasn't as violent as the anger she'd held against her mistress, or against that pirate, or even Rumplestiltskin. The anger didn't burn at her insides, didn't cause her to lash out and fling her magic everywhere intent on destroying everything. It felt like shattered glass inside her chest, right where her heart was. She didn't want to fight or attack or even scream, she just wanted to sleep.

Her eyes pricked and her vision blurred and her throat thickened. She swallowed and squeezed her eyes shut. Leaning into the trunk of the tree, pressed against it as if it could swallow her up into numb darkness, not caring about the rough bark that scratched and cut into her already agonized shoulder, Elle halfheartedly fought the feelings. She wouldn't cry. He would always have power over her, and she never could figure him out, even when she had been a part of the Lost Boys. It was safer to be separated. But this was his island…still, maybe she could outsmart him and hide. He would've sensed her here already, but he wasn't here.

The sun had already set, and soon the only source of light were the moon, stars, and her barely glowing hair. Elle just stared listlessly, the energy to even think was gone. She felt so homeless, so alone, more so than she had been in the tower. At least, in the tower, she had known she was meaningless aside from her magic. She'd known she had nothing, always. She straightened her legs and reached down, jumping down to the lower branch.

The idea wasn't even fully formed by the time her bare feet touched the forest ground. She knew the forest was dark at night, the moon and stars were obstructed by the trees, but it seemed darker, colder. Despite the darkness, Elle's footsteps were nearly silent and she knew exactly where to go. She didn't even remember knowing, she had only gone near once.

The jagged silhouettes of barren trees, rocks, and the dome of branches came into view. Dark Hollow didn't fully register in Elle's mind until one foot stepped onto the ground, and felt hard dirt, while the other was held by long grass and moist dirt. She pulled her other foot forward until she was standing completely on the Shadow's territory, and felt a rush of wind encircle her, blowing her hair over her shoulders. But it didn't push her back, it didn't threaten her. Or perhaps she was too numb to be on her guard. She already felt destroyed inside, her body was of little value. The breeze, which she now recognized as magic, wrapped around her and tugged her lightly closer. She moved forward willingly, as the Shadow emerged from the enclosure and swooped before her.

"Princess," it sounded a bit like a question in the low, hiss-like voice, but it held no malice at all. He hovered a few steps in front of her, slightly curled in on himself, eyes glowing and head tilted. She took a step forward, and he floated the equivalent of one back, but kept his wide eyes trained on her. "What are you doing here?"

"Why haven't you attacked me?" she countered, just as curious as he sounded. A small chuckle shook his black, almost transparent shoulders.

"Why would I attack you?" Still, there was no cruelty or aggression in his voice, just curiosity heavily laced with amusement. Elle frowned, Felix had said the Shadow attacked any who came into his home. In fact, the Shadow seemed a bit wary of her.

She ignored it, and moved on to her reason for coming. "Can you take me back to the Enchanted Forest?" her voice came out thinner and quieter than she'd meant it, and the Shadow leaned closer. She cast her eyes at the ground in front of her feet.

He was silent for a long time, but each quick glance up assured Elle that he was still there, hovering, looking at her. It occurred to her that, regardless of her being powerful enough to summon him to her in the Enchanted Forest, the magic only worked one way. Maybe he wasn't able to take people back. He was, as she'd understood, an extension of Pan, sort of. He did the boy's bidding, Felix had even mentioned that the two had a sort of connection that went beyond physical words. Pan didn't send people back on their own, she was sure of that now. She'd heard of some going with the pirates or mermaids out, but he wouldn't allow it, especially not for her. Her mouth twisted, and she considered if she could use her magic to make the Shadow able to return her, when he finally answered.

"I will not take you back," he said, and Elle jumped at that, ready with her argument.

"I can use my magic to get past Pan, if that's—" Elle began, but he cut her off and repeated with a tone of finality.

"I will not take you back." Oh. Finally, the anger came. It swelled like a wave, starting as a trickle at her toes and rapidly rising through her body until she nearly choked and her hair was bright enough to make the Shadow seem a bit faded. He flew a few inches higher and away from her, but then stayed still and kept his glowing eyes on her, equally bright. But not with magic. She could feel his magic around her, creeping close but not touching.

"I—" she ground out, and again he stopped her.

"Princess," his voice was gentle, surprisingly. "You are stuck here, Pan will not let you off and I cannot disobey him like that. You may have more magic but you do not know how to use, or even to access, it. It could hurt you, you could be so weak you would not even make it to the other side. You have a greater chance of dying than succeeding," his voice was gentle, but blunt.

She sighed, parting her lips but no words came out. There was nothing to see, and the rapid anger died immediately. Not even a flicker was left. She was numb again. The skin of her shoulder was tight and ached and irritated, with the burn and the splinters and dirt. The Shadow fell closer to her, she could reach out and touch him now, and tilted his head to look into her downcast face.

"Stay close to here," he suggested. "The Lost Boys cannot let you into their territory without Pan's permission, and he has not given it." He snorted humorlessly, lightly. "Not that you have a desire to return there soon." She nodded mutely.

"I am another prisoner," she sighed, not even meaning to speak her thoughts aloud. "I have nowhere to go here," her breath hitched and she bit on her lower lip.

The Shadow's black hand touched her shoulder, so light she almost didn't feel it. It felt cold, but soft and feathery, not quite there. But it wasn't uncomfortable. "There is an inlet nearby, I will show you. They and I will teach you to hide yourself, and I know you can take care of yourself." She nodded.

She followed the Shadow out of Dark Hollow and through the forest as he swooped and twisted through the low hanging branches, staying in her sight. The walk was only about ten minutes, and then they emerged in the small inlet he described. The ground wasn't even sand, still mostly dirt and plants, leading right up to the water. The trees stopped a significant distance from the water, enough for her to have a tent, fire pit, and still some extra room. It was only half of the Lost Boy's camp's width, but she was only one person. Two large clusters of rocks led out into the ocean about a quarter of a mile on either side of the curved waterline, they and more forest growth almost completely hid the inlet. Wordlessly, she leaned her bow and arrows against a tree at the back of the space and began hunting for some long, straight branches to make a tent. To her surprise, the Shadow helped her, flying to higher places and bringing down vines and branches.

By sunrise, she had a tiny lean-to built and a small fire pit made. The lean-to was just to store her supplies for now, she'd need to go hunting, both for food and for the hides to use. A tiny, almost imperceptible smile flickered on her mouth as she thought of her first weeks in Neverland, of Felix teaching her all this. He didn't think this would happen, though, and neither of them thought she would actually put the knowledge to such use.

The Shadow left with the night, promising to return soon to check on her. Elle wasn't sure what to make of his attention, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She was surprised the boys, or he himself, hadn't found her yet, come and taken her back and maybe locked her up somewhere. As she walked out onto the rock cropping, she detected magic that wasn't hers or his, it was dark yet natural and hung like a warm but heavy blanket. The Shadow, he had cast some sort of spell…

"It is not working," a voice, a female voice, sneered from below her. Elle looked down to her right foot and saw a girl poking out of the water, eyebrow quirked and bare arms crossed.

"What is?" Elle asked, voice still thin and quiet.

"The cloaking spell," the girl rolled her grey eyes. "Either he did not cast it well, or I am just able to see through it," she smirked.

"Oh, I didn't know he had," Elle mumbled to herself, thinking. Cloaking spell? That would explain why she felt the Shadow's magic when he wasn't even here. Then she realized why. "It's because I don't need to hide from you," she explained. The girl raised both eyebrows and tilted her head. "I'm hiding from…from," Elle took a deep breath, but just couldn't force the word out. The girl's mouth twisted down and her eyebrows furrowed.

"From him?" she asked, voice suddenly full of empathy. Elle just nodded. "What does he want you for?" Elle fingered her hair and the girl nodded slowly. "Well, I am sorry then. But you do not have to worry about us, we will not tell so long as you do not threaten us," her voice turned hard at the end and her eyes narrowed. Elle felt more than heard movement in the water, felt other magical auras, other mermaids. Still, the two just studied each other guardedly. The mermaid had long, almost white blonde hair, wet and plastered to her head and shoulders. Even with grey eyes and skin so white it looked to be tinged blue, she was still absolutely beautiful. She looked unnatural though, like she was too pale and beautiful to exist, but that had to be part of the allure.

Another mermaid spoke up as soon as her head broke the surface, cutting off Elle's defense. "Oh, she will not hurt us," the voice was full of happiness, and the girl smiled. "This is Elle, a friend," she explained to the first one. Elle cracked a tiny smile, she knew this mermaid. Elle felt a small flutter of light in her chest, she wasn't completely alone.

"Grazie," she breathed. The mermaid grinned up at her, emerald eyes bright and sparkling, and tossed her mane of pitch black curls over her shoulder.

"Elle, what are you doing here?" her words came out fast, tumbling over each other in her excitement. "I am glad you are here, of course. Sorry about Jägerin here, you have never met her, only Nixe and I, remember? What are you doing here?"

The blonde, Jägerin, rolled her pale eyes and clapped her palm lightly over Grazie's lips. "She hides from Pan," she explained, deadpan. Then she raised an amused eyebrow. "This must be her, then? The girl with the magic hair you two were talking about?" Grazie nodded behind her hand. Elle felt her smile twitch, both happy and a bit shy that her two friends had talked about her. Grazie slipped out of Jägerin's grip and reached up, gripping Elle's hand. Elle wasn't afraid, the mermaids didn't usually try to drown her.

"We can use our magic too, add it to the Shadow's," she offered, voice quiet and smile soft, "and we can teach you. That way you will be hidden from him or any Lost Boys or pirates—not that we think they are coming back any time soon. Diana Rose will be able to show you how to manipulate the cloaking spell, so you can go hunt with it and control it. How does that sound?" Elle just nodded, weight and sadness and numbness back in her chest, making her cold inside.

"First," Jägerin murmured, reaching up a bluish hand and splaying her long fingers across Elle's wounded shoulder. Elle bit down on her lip to keep the shriek of pain quiet, and felt a drop of blood drip onto the tip of her tongue. Quickly, she sucked her whole bottom lip into her mouth, making the blood stop immediately so the mermaids didn't catch its scent.

With this distracting her, Elle felt the hand pull away and frowned in confusion. She twisted her neck and saw clean skin, but she couldn't see all of where the fire had spread. She reached up slowly and just barely brushed her fingertips across the skin. It didn't hurt.

"There is still scarring," the girl said nervously, mouth twisted down. "But it is not an open wound anymore, it will not hurt." Elle just smiled slightly and nodded in thanks.

She talked to Grazie and Jägerin a bit more, but as the sun rose higher she grew tired and Jägerin, who Elle quickly realized was quite assertive, urged her to go rest. As Elle lay down outside the lean-to, she didn't worry that he or the boys would see her, she trusted the mermaids' and the Shadow's magic, especially combined. But she wondered at the Shadow's motives. It was an extension of him, and he always had a motive. Plus, the Shadow shared his thoughts and feelings, he must feel the same desire to use her. He was probably on his way to the camp to tell him where she was.

Elle chose then to rely on the mermaids. She'd grown close with Grazie and Nixe during her exile from the Lost Boys, they would protect her as much as they could. And she could fight him off herself, she knew she had the power.

Elle revealed a tiny grin as she shoved her thoughts onto the mermaids of Neverland as she slowly drifted into unconsciousness. They were such incredible beings, full of powerful and completely natural magic, connected to the whole of Neverland as much as he was, if not more so. Nixe had told her many stories of them, and facts about their nature. The mermaids were created along with Neverland, before the boys and before the fairies and even before the Shadow. They had been there before the sun learned to include Neverland, but the moon always had, and their tears of happiness and incredulousness when the first child in the Land Without Magic had started believing in Neverland made the waters of Dead Man's Peak so powerful.

After so much time before, she felt safe with them. She knew their taste for human flesh and bone, but they could hardly be blamed for it. Part was due to defense, it made sense to want to hunt those who were able to—and had, throughout history even in the other realms—harm them. It was natural to them, just as it was natural to Elle to eat the meat of animals. It was instinct. A few times during her exile she had had to ward them off when she bled from a wound, it triggered their bloodlust beyond their control, but otherwise the mermaids were so very wise, and kind to her.

Finally, her thoughts drifted into a haze and she fell into darkness, welcoming the escape for a while.