Two chapters left…here we go…

Chapter 27

"You're not a monster, Hotch." Rossi whispered. "You're my friend. Don't let the real monster win. Ezral's dead, you can't die with him...

...I won't let you."

-A month later-

Strauss sighed, leaning back in her chair looking at the members of the BAU, all except Hotch who were sitting across from her. It was a miracle they were all still sitting there and were not fired or in prison; she and Agent Jareau had worked majorly hard to keep it that way. The media had mostly calmed down, their attentions turned elsewhere to a recent bombing in a nearby city.

"Your suspensions are over." she said as she leaned forward pulling out credentials and guns from a drawer in her desk.

"The board wants to put this fiasco behind them and cases are starting to build up."

The team glanced at each other then stood to receive their belongings.

"You seemed to have gotten out of this unscathed, Erin." remarked Rossi as he holstered his weapon."

Strauss glared at him, then looked away shutting the drawer.

"Not that you didn't deserve to." he finished quickly, after seeing the look on her face.

Ignoring Rossi she turned to Morgan. "Your team, along with Agent Jareau and Miss Garcia will receive docks in pay along with a write up in your files."

Lowering her eyes, she began to shuffle some paperwork on her desk.

"As to myself, I've been told in no uncertain terms that any future career goals I've had, any thoughts I've had of rising above my station, should be forgotten as "the buck stops here." She glanced over at Rossi. "Their words, not mine."

"Strauss, I'm so sorry." said Morgan his voice filled with regret. "We should have come to you earlier...we…"

Strauss shook her head, holding up one hand. Pausing for a moment to collect herself she then coughed slightly, continuing…

"Agent Hotchner and I are meeting with the board members in the next few weeks to discuss his future with the FBI. He's going to have to sit in front of the board and tell them honestly that he has no memory of the time he went missing; a few of them aren't entirely convinced."

She paused again, the team seeing her locking down her anger and frustration as she searched for the right words. "Though Agent Hotchner and I have had our issues over the years, I know he is the best man to lead your team. His work ethic, his integrity go without saying. But, he needs to convince everyone that he is still the man for this job, instead of leaving it because of something he feels guilty about that was beyond his control. With time and help I believe you can all put this behind you and get on with catching the bad guys.

That's what your team does, isn't it?"

Morgan glanced at the rest of team then nodded, eyes strong.

That's exactly what their team did.

Hotch was still struggling to get back to himself and had started sessions with a psychologist on Strauss' order, she telling him it was mandatory if he ever wanted to get his job back.

"Do you want your job back?" Morgan had asked Hotch on a visit to his apartment where he found the older agent sitting at his desk, papers strewn everywhere as he poured over Ezral's file for what looked like the umpteenth time. Morgan would have to have a chat with Garcia about where exactly Hotch had gotten the file from.

"Why? You ready to give up the chair already, Morgan?" was Hotch's terse reply, his head still down in the file.

Morgan didn't like that reply so after talking with the rest of the team, they had sat down with Jessica and after being updated had known it was finally time.

Hotch slowly pulled up to Rossi's home. The older agent was hosting a lunch to celebrate the end of their suspension and he wanted their leader to come.

Leader.

After everything Ezral had done to him, Hotch was feeling more like a blind follower. He had already gone to apologize to Agent Cade and the nurse for hurting them; and had visited the families of the victims he had helped Ezral destroy to apologize for being a part in the loss of their loved ones. And because they had heard what had happened to Hotch some of the family members had forgiven him; which astonished him greatly. Others had refused to even see him; which he understood, but had only serviced to tighten the screws around his heart even more.

He had broken them…just as he himself had been broken.

Day in and day out he would go over Ezral's file trying to see if he could understand the man who had turned him so easily.

During his visits to the psychologist, Hotch would be reminded how the factors were all there to make him so malleable.

Brain injury, drugs, torture. Over time that could change anyone.

Logically he knew that, but it was so much easier to be able to see it clearly from a distance when it was someone else it had happened to; a victim of an Unsub the team was pursuing, but he was the victim this time.

Victim.

He hated that word now more than ever.

He would find himself staring at Ezral's photo for hours, trying to remember the months of lies the man had plied him with. Trying to remember the moments when he said yes instead of no to the monster.

He felt cheated, Ezral was dead, so he couldn't ask him…

"Why me?"

He couldn't get the answers he needed from the man who so easily molded him into someone he'd never imagined he could be. He couldn't feel the justice of locking Ezral away for all the damage he had caused, all the heartache…just like he had.

"Stop it." murmured Hotch to himself gripping the staring wheel, then shaking his head as he parked and got out of the car. The mind loop he was stuck in was sinking him lower and lower and further away from his team. He didn't want that to happen, they were all he had left.

And when he thought about it…

He did want his job back.

Rossi let him in with a smile, the lunch went well. It bothered Hotch when the team told him about the repercussions of helping him. The loss of pay, write ups…and he worried about Strauss and her reaction to what it cost her to be a part of what had happened.

Reid pulled him aside after lunch; he could see the worry emanating off his friend.

"Hotch, I wanted to...I never really got a chance to say how sorry I was for shooting at you…in the woods. I don't know if you remember…I-I could have killed you…" Reid bit his lip, his eyes heavy with remorse.

Hotch recalled what Morgan told him about that day and was confused on why Reid would ignore what he himself had done.

"Reid…" he shook his head. "I almost killed you…if Morgan hadn't stopped me…I most likely would have. I should be apologizing to you! I didn't remember, I thought you were all my enemies…I was weak, I…."

"Hotch…no…no.…you're the strongest man I know." whispered Reid, interrupting him.

Hotch's eyebrows raised in surprise, his breath faltering.

'Reid…" he began.

"I know you've been struggling, we all know." nodded Reid. "But honestly, If any one of us were in your shoes, I don't think any of us could have come back without losing our minds …losing ourselves. Write ups, pay cuts. They're nothing to having you back with us."

Hotch's heart clenched, he held up his hand. "Reid, I'm not as strong as you think."

"You're here with us, aren't you?" Reid smiled. "That makes you Hercules in my book."

The doorbell rang just then, moments later Prentiss stuck her head into the room. "You have a visitor, Hotch" she smiled.

As they returned to the living room Hotch saw the rest of the team greeting…

"Jessica..."

He breathed out, his heart stuttering in his chest.

She looked good, her smile wide as she saw Hotch, the cane she was holding handed to Rossi as she moved forward arms wide.

Hotch froze as she enveloped him in a loving hug; when she pulled back her smile was still there.

"Hi Aaron."

"J-Jessica, how…I'm so..." Hotch sighed looking away.

Jessica gently touched his arm making him look at her.

"I'm okay, Aaron. Trust me, I'm doing okay. I'm so happy to see you. You're looking well."

Hotch nodded, suddenly uncomfortable as everyone's eyes were on them.

Jessica noticed his discomfort and stepped back giving him his space.

She turned to Rossi who nodded and walked out of the room, then she turned back to Hotch a gleam in her eye.

"There's someone else here who wants to see you."

Hotch looked up when Rossi returned to the room…

…with Jack.

…Hotch stopped breathing.

"DADDY!" Jack yelled and ran towards his father a huge grin on his face.

He jumped into Hotch's arms and Hotch gasped, his breath rushing back in as he grabbed onto his son. Emotions crashed through him making his legs buckle and he fell to his knees, still holding Jack tightly in his arms.

"Jack…Jack…" was all he could say; tears streaming from his eyes.

"Daddy...daddy, I can't breathe you holding too tight."

Hotch immediately released his son who smiled and wiped the tears from Hotch's face with his small fingers.

"Don't cry, daddy. The bad man is gone he can't hurt you no more, Auntie Jess told me."

Hotch glanced at Jessica who smiled and nodded; he looked back at his son who continued…

"The bad man hurt you so bad daddy that you got mad and hurt Auntie Jess by mistake. You didn't mean to…you was just hurt so bad. You're not a bad man, I thought you were, but I made a mistake too…I'm sorry. I love you daddy."

Hotch's mouth dropped open as he struggled to contain his emotions, fresh tears falling from his eyes. He held his son by his shoulders and gazed at him, at the love in his young eyes and a genuine smile formed on Hotch's face transforming his features, transforming his very heart; a smile of release, a smile of hope as he pulled his son into a hug once more.

"I love you too, Jack. Daddy loves you too."

-TBC-