ZA: Ah, here we are again with a new chapter of Stephan!
CRB: Finally!
ZA: Ahem. Mother, I am talking to my minions.
CRB: Sorry.
ZA: I finally decided to continue it after a very long time brainstorming and discussing it with Crispy Rice Burroughs, whom I shall refer to from now on as "Crispy" for the sake of brevity. Stephan has already gone on many adventures in our stories, including a high-speed chase and shootout with muggle law enforcement. That last one will probably be addressed in a later chapter. For now, let's continue where we left off. Oh! I do not own Harry Potter.
Stephan: The Society for Incurably Criminal Puppies
"Stephan, what are you doing?" Voldemort inquired of his most eccentric minion. Really, the man was infuriating, but incredibly loyal (one of the few Hufflepuffs in his circle) – not to mention disgustingly rich. Stephan was currently filling out what appeared to be a small, rectangular form. Voldemort took a closer look. "What is a Euro? And why do you feel the need to pay 50,000 of them to…SICP? What is that?"
Stephan turned and smiled dotingly at his favorite dark lord. "It's an acronym, my dear Voldiekins. SICP stands for the Society for Incurably Criminal Puppies. They give homes to unwanted mongrels that have been reduced to a life of crime because they've never experienced the love of a good family. I'm donating a small sum to help their cause, the poor dears. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten your weekly allowance. I'll take care of that in just a moment."
Meeting the real Moody was a very odd experience for Harry. It was almost as strange as watching Number 12 Grimauld Place squeeze itself into existence. Harry was surprised at how much Mad Eye resembled his imposter. Apparently, Barty Crouch's portrayal of the auror was spot on.
It was also wonderful to see Sirius again. Not that he could see his godfather at the moment. All of the adults had shooed the children out of the kitchen and sealed themselves into a secret meeting. Fred and George were currently attempting to listen in with a set of extendable ears.
"It sounds like Sirius is complaining about something. Hang on… 'I'm getting tired of being shut up in tiny kennels for your public service announcements, Albus!'" George spoke, relaying Sirius' words to the rest of the group.
"What's a public service announcement?" Ron asked.
"It's a muggle television or radio commercial intended to convey important information to the public," Hermione supplied.
George's recitation continued: "And Severus distributed all of those pictures of me wearing that cone of shame."
"Cone of shame?" Fred asked with a grin. "What do you suppose that is?"
George shrugged. "Maybe it's one of those orange things muggles keep setting out on the road."
Hermione rolled her eyes at their ignorance. "It's a plastic cone placed around an animal's head to prevent them from chewing on a recent injury."
Understanding was slowly dawning on Harry, but he didn't quite understand how he could be understanding this correctly. "They made Snuffles wear a cone of shame? In front of Snape? For a public service announcement? What is going on? I thought they were going to discuss Voldemort and stuff."
"Well, obviously this falls under the 'and stuff' category," Fred offered helpfully.
"Wait!" George hissed. "Who's this Stephan bloke they keep mentioning?"
Harry's eyes grew big. "Stephan? That weirdo from the graveyard? He's the one that resurrected Voldemort."
George raised an eyebrow, looking pensive. "Apparently, this cone of shame business is designed to scam money from Stephan in order to fund the Order."
And then it hit Hermione. "That's brilliant! They're posing as a charity for an animal shelter, and they're using Sirius to film the commercials. I suppose this Stephan has a soft spot for dogs."
"You mean, Voldemort's most loyal follower is also funding his worst enemies?" Harry asked incredulously.
Fred whistled low, obviously impressed. "That's a prank worthy of a marauder." Little did he know that Mssr. Moony had been the one to come up with the plan.
"Now, Voldiekins," Stephan admonished the dark lord he'd come to think of as his very own son. "A puppy is a puppy, neither muggle nor magical, and they all need love."
ZA: I have it on good authority that the commercial the Order is making features Celestina Warbeck's soulful rendition of "Oh, Danny Boy". Sirius now shudders uncontrollably whenever he hears that song. Snape has taken to humming it at random moments during Order meetings. Despite all of Dumbledore's assertions that "Severus is merely showing empathy in his own way," Sirius is still plotting the Potions Master's demise.