This regularly scheduled update brought to you by: A young woman who is very irritated with her roommate, who ate the last of the peanut butter rice crispy squares while she only got ONE.

Also, Vocaloid. Rin and Len had something to with it too.

Thanks again to Coren024 for beta'ing.

Enjoy this rather more amusing chapter!

"Oh, yes... Let's leave sweet, impressionable little replicas in the company of a mentally unbalanced former noble with suicidal tendencies and an unpredictable psychopath whose brother got the name 'Necromancer' for a reason. Oh, and don't forget the emotionally awkward sadist who raised him." –Kairi

Palm? Care for a re-introduction to Face? –Dark

"When the best answer Jade can come up with is also the word requiring the second least amount of brainpower in existence, we're all screwed." –Reighn

And if Sync wasn't mumbling 'the Itsy-Bitsy Spider' under his breath, I'd shoot Natalia. –Dark

Chapter 2.14 – Race, Double Agent!
Part 23

Dark's POV

*I owe her something very, very pretty.*

I raised an utterly baffled eyebrow as Kairi nodded.

"My arm, my knee, my liver and kidney... I'm a mess. And it hurts," she said out loud. Wait, liver and kidney?

"I can see that," Reighn said, voice laced with a bare, almost sickened humor as he handed over the piece of paper Jade had given him.

The paper Jade was still gaping at.

"Why? What is it?" Anise asked. Reighn took a deep breath.

"Codeine. Tablets like that... The doctors only had me on it for a couple of weeks after I had to have surgery, but they only had me taking one every six hours," he said.

Kairi stuffed the hand holding the paper into her pocket. "Codeine's pretty strong. The stuff we've got on order from Belkend is even stronger," she said quietly. Jade adjusted his glasses, but I saw him swallow, trying to get up the nerve to speak again.

"Wait, if they had Reighn on one pill every six hours, and you just swallowed two after only five hours..." Guy started, his voice climbing in pitch a bit as he realized just why Reighn had initially freaked out.

"Kairi's been given permission to take two pills every four hours as necessary to suppress the pain," Jade said. "It's drastic, and I've only ever seen a doctor allow it for patients who are just out of a major surgery or..." he trailed off, eyes widening in horror as he looked at Kairi. She looked like she was about to cry, actually.

"Or?" Natalia prompted. And with the way Kairi's spirit seemed to break, I almost wanted to walk over and knock her on the head.

"...terminally ill..."

The whisper had come from Kairi.

*...just like Dad...* the same heartbroken mumble continued in my mind.

*Oh, Kairi...*

A shuddering breath, and her eyes closed, then snapped open again. "Let's get going. I'm under orders to detain you... I think I've done that enough already."

Reighn groaned. "I was wondering where Sync picked that unhealthy habit up..."

Kairi giggled. And it sounded evil. "Oh, yes... Let's leave sweet, impressionable little replicas in the company of a mentally unbalanced former noble with suicidal tendencies and an unpredictable psychopath whose brother got the name 'Necromancer' for a reason. Oh, and don't forget the emotionally awkward sadist who raised him."

Palm? Meet Face.

Well, at least it got a chuckle out of Jade and Reighn. "That explains so much..." Reighn muttered.

"Uh... Do I want to know...?" Guy asked.

"Probably not."

Jade, Reighn, Kairi, and I all glanced at each other before smirking. Luke gave Guy a look before he groaned.

"Okay, they're getting creepy. I'm leaving. Who's coming with me?"

I couldn't help it, I busted up laughing.

After everything that we'd just found out, I think we all needed the laugh. Especially Kairi, who got to the point of laughing so hard she was crying. Which reminds me...

*Why do you owe Natalia something pretty?* I asked. Kairi finally managed to get the waterworks under control and started following Luke.

*Because she gave me an alibi.*

I frowned. *Then, the medication isn't for... whatever caught up with you in St. Binah?* I asked, struggling to remember the conversation. I got the impression of Kairi shaking her head, even though she wasn't.

"Ugh, Dark? I know I've never mentioned this before... but I wasn't entirely sure how to put it... so I'll say it now... Kairi stinks."

"Sorylle!"

"Miasma?"

I stared at Kairi, who was looking down at Sorylle. The young liger nodded, and Kairi sighed. "I know."

"When the hell did you learn to actually speak the liger language instead of just cursing in it?" I asked, finally finding my voice. Kairi shrugged.

"Twilight, Arietta... her ligers... I'm not that fluent, but I'm starting to find little patterns that make it easier," she said. *Telepathy helps too.*

*Cheater,* I deadpanned. Then I cringed. *By the way...*

"Uh... Are you guys doing that telepathy thing?"

Kairi stopped.

Just stopped.

And got plowed over by Jade.

Who promptly helped her back up and retreated.

Kairi looked at me. Then at Jade, who was standing a healthy... well, healthier distance away. Then back at me. And back to Jade, apparently deciding that his retreat was suspicious.

"Telepathy. Thing?"

Jade adjusted his glasses. "I left when it came up."

Kairi crossed her arms and looked at me.

I chuckled and brushed my bangs out of my face. "Ah... that was the 'by the way'..."

Let it be known that my memory of what happened next has never been completely clear.

Probably because Kairi whacked me upside the head with her frying pan.

Hard.

"Just one thing after another this week... It would be nice if I had some control over my life again. Even for just a couple days!" she grumbled. "First I find out I'm a physical disaster zone! Then Twilight gets commandeered to babysit Asch! Then the Dark Wings show up on the Tartarus and I find out Cantabile's been reassigned to Daath. Next I come here and have to deal Danté. And now you're telling me you told them about my telepathy? Yes, I was planning on telling them eventually... on my own time... when it's relevant! Why can't—Eeek!"

Kairi cut off to backpedal into Guy and faint. Of course, Guy then jumped away... only to bump into Tear, before dancing away into Natalia, and turning and tripping over Anise.

At which point the poor man's nerves were shot enough for him to just faint.

...

...

...

"What just happened?"

"Um..."

Palm? Care for a re-introduction to Face?

Reighn chuckled. "Okay... When the best answer Jade can come up with is also the word requiring the second least amount of brainpower in existence, we're all screwed."

I couldn't help it. I busted up laughing. And, of course, once I started, everyone else joined in. Even Jade.

"Uh... What's so funny?" Guy asked, coming around. I shook my head, unable to get any words out, but Jade and Reighn managed to force the amusement down.

"Luke asked an intelligent question and I provided him with one of the least helpful answers in existence," the colonel admitted. Reighn snickered.

"'Um' is not an answer, period."

"Ugh..."

"Are you okay, Kairi?" Guy asked, looking over at the girl who had started his little... pinball episode.

Kairi sat up, looked around while making an obvious effort to keep her breathing even, then closed her eyes and shuddered. Then she opened them again, made another scan...

And squeaked as she jumped to her feet and fled to the other side of the walkway.

Which was when Guy stood and stepped on something.

The audible crunch made me cringe, then shoot Kairi an incredulous look. "Bug?" I asked. She shivered.

"Worse. Spider."

All was silent for a few minutes before Anise, wide-eyed and innocent as could be, opened her mouth. "Never took you for an arachnophobic."

Kairi shuddered again. "Severe arachnophobia and mild acrophobia. The latter isn't that bad, usually. The former? Heh, yeah... Abandoned factory... arachnophobia... what was I thinking? Dumbest. Idea. In. Months. And that's saying something. Because I come up with a lot of dumb ideas."

Guy sighed. "Well, now that that little episode is over... can we get going?"

Tear had a hand on her forehead. "Yes, let's. We've wasted enough time," she agreed. Kairi nodded and started walking, then stopped and glanced around worriedly. "Now what?" Tear mumbled.

Kairi's sword flashed into existence (when'd she start doing that, anyway?) just in time for a small group of bats to descend upon us.

Between me, Natalia, Reighn, and Jade and Kairi's artes, the bats didn't last long.

Despite being a long-range fighter, I ended up leading the way through the factory. I guess it helped that I knew where I was going... Which brought me to the uncomfortable position of having to hope that Sync hadn't gotten lost, or worse, severely injured.

Er, severely injured again?

"Hey, Reighn."

The blue-haired man turned to look at me, and from the slight scowl on Kairi's face, I'd interrupted something. Oops.

"Earlier, you mentioned Sync... as having been literally beaten to death? But he's alive..."

Jade adjusted his glasses uncomfortably. "We're lucky Cantabile, and then Nephry, wouldn't let go of his body. If they had, the seventh fonons holding it together would have separated and they wouldn't have had a chance to revive him," he said quietly. Reighn nodded.

"Still, I'm starting to worry," he admitted. "Sync's ribs just finished healing completely a week ago. He's out of practice and still weakened."

Kairi smiled. "He's fine."

Jade blinked. "You can sense him?"

Kairi nodded. "Yeah, he's close enough. Definitely out of practice though. I've been able to feel him for almost four minutes now and he hasn't latched on."

"Why don't you just contact him?" Luke asked. Kairi sighed.

"Because it's energy-consuming and between talking to Dark earlier and the conversation Reighn and I were having a minute ago, I don't want to push myself too hard. Maintaining a field is one thing. My mind isn't actually connected to anything. Holding a channel together?" Kairi just shook her head. "By the way, you really need to learn how to protect your mind better."

"Eh?!"

Kairi just smirked, stepped onto an aircar, and crossed her arms as if she were impatient.

"This should take us straight down to the emergency exit," I said, stepping on last after double-checking the power and flipping the switch.

The aircar was old, and clanky, and not nearly as smooth as the ones up in the city, but it still operated fine, and got us to the platform near the exit safely.

"Dark..."

I wrinkled my nose. "Yup, something crawled in here and died."

"I wish..." I heard Kairi mutter. I glanced at her worriedly, noting the way she was watching the rafters above us. I looked up myself.

"Natalia, look out!" Tear yelled, managing to pull the blonde back. Just in time, too, as a large, amorphous mass of... ick... landed where she had been standing.

"That is the worst thing I have ever smelled... And I've smelled a lot of bad things," I announced. Sorylle, poor girl, looked dizzy. "Why don't you hide out on the aircar where the smell isn't quite so bad?"

Normally, the headstrong little liger would have glared at me and then charged right into the battle.

It should say something about the smell, since Sorylle decided to head back into the aircar.

Kairi unleashed a Sapphire Riot, and I noted with disgusted fascination that some of the slimy... stuff... had been burnt off. But not much.

I pulled my guns out with a scowl and started shooting, tearing away a little more of that nastiness with each shot.

I really felt sorry for Reighn, Luke, and Guy, who had to get up close to the thing. Anise was staying back with Kairi, Jade, and Tear.

"Howl, o raging wind! Turbulence!"

"Sync!"

I don't think I'd ever heard Kairi sound happier.

"Reunion later, nastiness now."

And count on Jade to rain on the party.

"Sure. Let me know how that works out in a minute."

I paused for a moment to look at her, familiar green fonic glyph glowing around her feet.

"O flames of hell, cremate mine enemies in a cage of fire! Infernal Prison!"

Blue flames came up violently, burning away the rest of the muck to reveal...

A spider. A giant, mutated spider.

No wonder Kairi was calling herself stupid, if she knew this was here.

And if Sync wasn't mumbling 'the Itsy-Bitsy Spider' under his breath, I'd shoot Natalia. (Never happening, by the way. Right up there with selling my guns.)

"Sync? You have exactly two seconds to shut up."

The green-haired boy just laughed and unleashed another Turbulence on the monster spider... Who decided to unleash a parade of its smaller ilk on us.

I'm sure I heard Kairi scream, but I was too busy collecting up fonons for Witches' Circle to take notice.

"Sync, you still have your knives, right?" Jade asked. Sync scowled.

"My fonslots are all fucked up from Zion's scythe. Turbulence is low enough I can manage, but Ground Dasher put me on my ass yesterday."

"Which means you can't pull out a Severed Fate either, doesn't it?"

"Sorry."

Jade scowled and ran in toward the mutated arachnid, spear in hand as he slashed at it, giving Luke a chance to retreat for a moment.

"Jade, can you cover me for a moment?" Reighn called. Jade nodded, keeping his spear between the angry monster and his body as Reighn backed out. Luke slipped back in to help keep the thing occupied.

Reighn dropped into a casting stance, and for a moment, when he started chanting, I'd have sworn Sync faltered.

"O divine power, lend me thy aid, and call forth from the abyss thy fonic blade..."

If I hadn't been watching, I'd have missed Sync's flinch when a dark blue, seemingly crystalline blade sprouted from what had, at first, appeared to be an odd spear.

'Not a spear... A scythe.'

And then Reighn was rushing back in toward the spider monster, and Jade was running back to where I'd been absent-mindedly shooting whenever I had a clear line of shot.

And I realized then just why Sync was so uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"My fonslots are all fucked up from Zion's scythe."

I frowned. A powerful enough fonic blade would do that. And if Zion used a scythe like Reighn's...

That thought snagged, then replayed. Then it brought up another line.

"Reighn Aurelius was the head of my Fon Master Guardians for five years... retired two years ago."

Which meant that Zion had learned to wield the weapon he did because of Reighn's influence.

And Reighn probably knew that. He'd probably been the one to teach Zion, even.

That thought made me cringe, even as Reighn unleashed a strike arte that managed to bring the damn spider down. He probably knew, all too well, the repercussions that came with using that weapon.

Which meant Sync had probably gone into martyr mode and told him to keep using it anyway.

But, it explained why he had just gotten around to summoning the blade.

As the mutated spider's fonons separated, I looked around. "Everyone alright?"

"I'm fine," Natalia said.

"The smell's going away," Sorylle added. I nodded, then frowned.

"Wait, where's Kairi?"

The others looked around for a moment. "I haven't seen her since that wave of minions," Reighn said. Natalia looked uncomfortable.

"I thought I heard her scream. You don't suppose she fell off the platform, do you?" she asked.

"Not exactly."

I frowned, then looked up, the direction Kairi's voice had come from.

Probably a good thing I did, since no one else could seem to figure out where she was.

Although I really do want to know...

"How the hell did you get up there?"

Fun Fact: Two for you today! First... Hehe... The LINE! Okay, not so much a fun fact as just me being weird. But, here's one for you, from Coren024! (Because it was really rather fitting.) "I find it kind of funny how it seems that the whole miasma thing went completely over Dark's head due to his shock over her speaking liger." Yeah, that about sums it up. Then again, him not bringing it up again might have something to do with the fact that Kairi knocks him upside the head with her frying pan not two minutes later... O.o Whatever floats your boat...