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Chris was starting to get frantic.

He had spent the last two hours searching for Jim, and so far, hadn't found him. He knew the Ethics class had ended, but he was fairly certain the kid hadn't gone.

He looked around, and was relieved slightly when he actually recognized two Cadets hurrying towards the building he had just exited. In this weather, even the red of the uniforms looked washed out. "McCoy!" he called, and watched as the doctor and his companion, Sulu if he wasn't mistaken, looked up at his call, and hurried towards him. Both had similar expressions of concern on their faces.

He furrowed his brow as they drew up in front of him. "Either of you seen Cadet Kirk today?" He actually had to stop himself from calling the kid 'Jim', as he reminded himself that, with others, he was just the advisor.

Both shook their heads. McCoy frowned. "He skipped Morals and Ethics today, sir. I'm not sure why, I know he was in hand-to-hand combat this morning."

Hikaru looked troubled. "Pavel… Cadet Chekov also skipped Ethics today. He told me he had to take care of something important and he wouldn't be there. Do you think there's a correlation?"

Chris held in his sigh, trying not to get too worried. "Do you know where Kirk might be?"

Neither one seemed to have any idea. Hikaru bit his lip. "If it wasn't pouring I'd say you'd find him on the beach. Other than that, though, I don't know."

"Somewhere secluded," McCoy offered. "Kid's a people person, but I get the feeling he really doesn't like to be around crowds, and if he skipped class, it's probably for a reason."

Hikaru nodded, agreeing. "Outside. Rain or no, he'd want to be outside. He's more comfortable outside, with all the time he spent traveling over the years."

McCoy looked a little nonplussed that Hikaru knew so much about Jim. Even after months of spending time with Jim and his friends, he still hadn't really found out how they'd all met in the first place.

Chris let out the sigh this time as he nodded.

Hikaru looked worried now. "Is Jim all right, sir? Is there something wrong? He's been looking a little… off, all week. Come to think of it, Pavel's been looking a little stressed as well."

McCoy frowned. He really hadn't noticed, but then, he'd been working back-to-back shifts since Saturday, so he was going on roughly seven hours of sleep in about six days.

Chris almost grimaced, but he nodded slightly, his expression closed, his gaze compassionate.

Hikaru understood a little. "It has something to do with his past, doesn't it." It wasn't a question, even with the phrasing. "When I met him, it was like he had just… come from nowhere, and then, he disappeared. And he would come back, from time to time, but never stay longer than a day or two. I got the feeling he just couldn't make himself stay longer, like he just had to move on, or like he didn't feel safe, or something."

Chris was surprised that someone actually caught on to that. He swallowed, and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you what you want to know. If Jim feels comfortable sharing, he'll tell you. I just need to find him."

"We'll help you look." McCoy's tone left no room for argument, and his expression was singularly determined.

Chris sighed again, knowing it would do no good to argue, and nodded wearily, heading off into the rain. It seemed to be letting up just a little, he thought - or maybe hoped - though that could just be his imagination.

The trio spent another half hour looking for any hint of Jim; following Hikaru's advice, they refrained from searching buildings, and stuck to outdoor nooks and crannies – anywhere Jim could have hidden himself and kept relatively dry.

Chris was starting to lose hope when McCoy pointed to a secluded square tucked in between Cochrane hall and the building next to it. It was protected from the weather by an overpass, and if he squinted, Chris could just barely make out two figures seated on the grass.

He felt his heart speed up as he quickened his pace, hurrying towards the pair.

McCoy and Hikaru dropped into the background as they followed the Captain.

It was indeed Jim and Pavel sitting there. Both were soaked through to the bone, and McCoy couldn't help but think about all kinds of medical issues that would arise from sitting outside in the pouring rain all afternoon.

Neither one looked up as the newcomers arrived. Chris was the only one to sit down, while McCoy and Hikaru just stood there, awkwardly, not really knowing what to do with themselves, or what was going on.

Chris cleared his throat. "Jim?"

Jim stiffened, but he didn't make any other indication that he had heard the Captain.

Pavel, on the other hand, turned in his seat, his wide eyes lighting on the older man, his expression somewhere between pained and helpless. Chris attempted a smile to reassure him, and thought it may have done the trick, as Pavel relaxed slightly and turned his attention back to Jim.

Chris settled himself in to wait. He knew by now that the best way to reach Jim was to just wait. When the kid was ready, he would talk, and not a moment sooner.

After a minute of silence, McCoy shifted his stance, grumbling about illnesses – Jim couldn't quite contain his flinch at the mention of pneumonia, as he remembered Anya's final moments, her pleading eyes, the fear in her gaze, and finally, the peace. The realization that a sixteen-year-old girl was happier dying than she had been living.

Chris turned slightly. "Doctor, Cadet, thank you for your assistance. I will make sure these two get back to their dorms safely."

Both hesitated only briefly, before nodding and heading back out into the rain, making for the residence halls.

Jim relaxed slightly once they were gone. As much as he liked the pair, he was more comfortable right now in the presence of people he didn't need to act for; Pavel and Chris knew why this day was hard, and he just didn't have the energy to fake it right now.

Jim sighed as he curled his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly. McCoy might have a point about the correlation between the rain and illness, he thought ruefully, feeling his clothes stick to his body. He had lost track of the amount of time he had been out here, but judging from the fact that McCoy was even here, Ethics was probably long over by now.

It was another five or ten minutes before Jim spoke, his voice rough and gravely from disuse. "It's weird." Pavel and Chris looked at him strangely, and Jim coughed, looking down at the ground. "People say life is this beautiful thing… but it's not, really. It's gritty, and messy, and dirty… it gets under your skin and there are some days when you just need a reason to keep going on. Sometimes you find one, and sometimes…" he looked away, out at the rain-washed quad. "Sometimes you can't."

Chris swallowed harshly. "What happens when you can't, Jim?" he asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

Jim glanced over, biting his lip. He saw the almost fearful expression, and his own gaze morphed to a sardonic, almost piercingly painful humor. "Don't worry, Chris. I'm not suicidal, if that's what you're thinking." Chris let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "I just… I spend a lot of time wondering why. Why me, why I survived. Logically, I should be dead. With the amount of times I've had a phaser pointed at me, my odds can only go down. And yet, here I am. It's hard not to wonder."

Chris let out a long slow breath as he tried to come up with an answer, but before he could speak, Jim was talking again.

Jim coughed lightly. "I keep hearing people talk about how life is short, so you have to grab every opportunity, and I get it, I really do. I've seen too many people die before they had a chance to live… but life… it's not short, not really. It's long. Too long to have regrets. And life is for the living."

Chris smiled slightly as he nodded. "That's right, kid," he agreed. "Never doubt that you deserve to have everything you want. All you've been through has only made you stronger. And none of it was your fault."

Jim nodded tightly, as Pavel burrowed into his side. "My sister would not blame you," he murmured. "She would not want you to wallow in self pity."

Jim snorted as he agreed. "And she would have put it exactly like that," he chuckled, looking down into the kids wide eyes that were so much like his sister's.

Chris looked confused at the interaction, so Jim had to explain, using as few words as possible. Even after all this time, it still hurt. Chris was surprised to hear about the connection, as he remembered the girl that he had learned had succumbed to pneumonia just a couple of weeks before Starfleet had arrived. He hadn't been aware that she had had a brother; he wondered how Jim had connected with the kid, but figured it wasn't really his business, so he just smiled slightly and offered his condolences to the teenager.

Chris sighed, shaking some water out of his hair. "Why didn't you tell me what you were talking about in class, Jim? I could have gotten you out of it. You didn't have to be there this week."

Jim just shrugged apathetically, but with that non-answer, Chris thought he understood. Jim hated special attention, and didn't want to draw attention to himself. Or he didn't think he deserved the special treatment. Which was bullshit, in Chris' opinion, but it was probably the way Jim thought.

Chris' heart hurt, just looking at the pain he could feel radiating off the young man. It didn't matter how many years passed, he knew Jim would always feel the oppressing grief of Tarsus. He reached out and rested a hand lightly on Jim's arm. "I know it's hard for you, Jim, but I'm always here, if you need me. If you ever want to talk."

Jim didn't reply, but he did nod, so Chris thought he might have gotten through, at least a little. He jerked his head slightly. "Come on." Both looked at him, slightly confused. He sighed again. "You've both been outside for far longer than is healthy in this weather. That doctor friend of yours is probably going to kill me as is, for not getting you inside as soon as I found you, so come on. You need to get out of those clothes, at the very least."

Jim and Pavel stood up agreeably, both rolling out joints that popped with disuse. Chris led them back to their residence hall, where Pavel immediately went inside, after giving Jim a tight hug. No words were exchanged, but Jim understood.

Chris didn't keep Jim much longer, simply reassuring him that he was around, and that the Cadet could talk to him if he wanted to. He hoped that if he reiterated the point enough, eventually, Jim would believe it.

Thankfully, McCoy had the presence of mind not to question his friend about his strange behavior when Jim showed up at his room, and simply bustled him into the bathroom with a towel, a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and strict orders not to come out until he was warm and dry.

It said something that Jim had immediately gone to the doctor's dorm room, rather than his own, but neither Cadet really thought about it for the moment.

In something of a daze, Jim performed the motions the doctor had ordered, and returned to the bedroom, to find McCoy seated at his desk with a PADD, working on some homework. He was thankful that the doctor had a single room, so he didn't have to deal with any roommate's prying eyes. He hadn't seen his own roommate in several days. It wasn't that they didn't get along, they just… didn't interact. His roommate was a bit of a workaholic, who spent hours studying in their dorm room. He also got annoyed with Jim's sleeping habits quite often, hence why Jim spent so much time crashing with McCoy. After spending so many years traveling light, camping out often, sleeping on hard ground… sleeping on a bed, under covers… it wasn't exactly easy. He tossed and turned, he didn't spend a lot of the night actually sleeping. Sometimes, he'd just move the blanket to the floor and sleep there. That's why he liked McCoy. The doctor didn't question him when he showed up and made a spot for himself on his floor. The doctor didn't question him about a lot. He was just there. Steady. Unwavering. Comforting.

It reassured Jim.

When the Command track Cadet re-entered the bedroom, McCoy glanced up briefly, and gestured to the bed. "Get some rest," he ordered. "You've got a full day of classes tomorrow, and I'm not planning on writing you a doctor's note to get you out of gym if you get sick."

Jim snorted. "It's not gym," he corrected. "It's Advanced Weapons Training."

McCoy shook his head. "Whatever," he muttered. "How you managed to get into a junior level class as a first year is beyond me."

Jim didn't deign to respond. He also didn't try to argue, knowing it would do no good, so he just dropped into the bed tiredly, and was out within minutes.

XXX

After almost a year at the Academy, there were several people Jim considered friends. Fortunately, none of them commented on his attitude over the last week, or his seeming one eighty as it came to a close. Hikaru and McCoy made no mention of that rainy afternoon, and of his other friends, there were really only one or two who were close enough to even notice a difference in behavior. Nyota had the presence of mind to speak with Hikaru first, and afterwards, decided not to bring it up with Jim at all.

Gaila had other ways of trying to relieve tension. The friendship between her and Jim was… unusual, to say the least. She was an Orion, and Orion's were promiscuous, to put it politely. She had tried picking up Jim in a bar one evening earlier in the year, and the two had ended up spending the rest of the night stargazing and talking about the future. She was Nyota's roommate, which was another point in her favor, since Jim definitely liked the plucky Communications track second year Cadet.

It was a similar past that drew them together, really. Both had scars, figuratively and literally. Gaila was a former sex slave, who had escaped the life and fled to Earth. Even if she hadn't asked Jim, she could see the demons hidden behind his too blue eyes. With her own history, of course, she never asked, but she was there, offering comfort the only way she knew how. Even if he didn't take her up on it all the time, preferring to just enjoy her company.

She could see his demons coming to life in the last few days, and wished she could help him, but knew it wasn't within her power to do so. She didn't even know what he was running from. Following their strange dynamics, she didn't comment, and continued to act as her normal bubbly, perky self, and though he didn't say anything, Jim seemed to respond, feeling grateful for the reprieve.

Still, when no explanation was forthcoming, she put it aside, and time continued to pass. The Academy year was coming to a close, so they all had to start dealing with the stress of final exams, and meetings with advisors to register for summer training exercises and classes for the fall.

Not everyone had to take summer courses, but most took at least one training exercise, sometimes more, depending on what track the Cadet was on. Jim would be incredibly busy that summer, as he and Chris planned his course load – it sounded good in theory, to finish in three years, but it would mean doubling up and taking way more courses than most could handle, including a full load over the summer. It was nothing Jim couldn't handle, but it was a lot of work.

Jim breezed through exams with no problems; he watched his friends and classmates stress out around him, worrying about flunking out of their chosen career path, but he had never had to worry about things like that.

McCoy couldn't help but watch with fascination as Jim barely studied at all, and then placed in the top of their class when the results were posted a week after the end of the semester. "How do you do it, kid?" he asked, his tone halfway between amazed and jealous.

Jim looked cautious. He had had to deal with a lot of bullies growing up, kids who hated that he was smarter than him. He hoped McCoy wasn't like that. "I like to read. Once I read something, I never forget it." McCoy still looked incredulous. Jim shrugged. "Eidetic memory. Gift and a curse."

McCoy shook his head slightly. "Never heard it put quite like that before. I remember things well, but definitely not as good as you."

And to Jim's relief, nothing more was said on the subject.

Once more, McCoy and Jim were staying at the Academy through the holiday. McCoy was working at Starfleet Medical, while Jim took multiple classes, and went on three separate training exercises before the fall semester started.

Nyota, Hikaru, and Pavel would also be around, so Jim was glad that he would be able to see his friends from time to time. He and Hikaru were already planning on surfing breaks when classes allowed; the rest all seemed interested in a day at the beach, so they made plans to do just that in the brief time after classes ended for the spring semester, and before summer courses began.

XXX

It was a gorgeous day in early June, and the surf was just right. Hikaru and Jim were up early and excited for the day. McCoy grumbled a little about the excursion, but by this point, Jim knew that was just the doctor's way of communicating. The man just liked to complain.

The all met, as pre-arranged, at the bus station right outside the Academy front gates. Jim held in a chuckle as he saw Pavel standing there holding a bright yellow plastic shovel and pail, and a multicolored beach ball.

Nyota and Gaila joined them a minute later, both clad scantily in beach cover-ups that hinted at bikinis that showed off their well-toned bodies.

McCoy had actually brought a bag containing work he half thought he might get to finish, but if Jim had anything to say about it, that bag wouldn't even be opened all day. He and Hikaru were both wearing wetsuits, the top half hanging down around their waists, and t-shirts. Both were carrying boards. Jim had finally decided that he had to get his own equipment, and had gone shopping with Hikaru a few months earlier. He still had to break it in, but it was a pretty sweet ride, if he didn't say so himself. And thankfully, consulting on the Enterprise actually paid pretty well, so he actually had a bit of money saved up, and could afford it.

The group took the bus to the beach, arriving just as it was starting to crowd up. They found a spot on the sand that would fit all of them, and Gaila and Nyota immediately spread out their beach blankets and towels. With a mischievous smirk, Jim offered to spread sun block on the girls' backs. Gaila immediately took him up on the offer, but Nyota just rolled her eyes and passed her bottle to McCoy.

The doctor smirked at Jim as he took up the task, but Jim smiled easily, happy to be relaxing with his friends.

"Come on!" Hikaru gestured towards the waves, eager to get in the water.

Jim grinned, throwing the sun block down as he stood up. He quickly took off his t-shirt and put on his wet suit properly, before grabbing his board and following Hikaru into the surf.

It was still a little chilly in the water, so there weren't too many people out there for Hikaru and Jim to navigate around. It also made it easier for their friends to watch.

After about fifteen minutes, McCoy shook his head, amazed. "You know, I get Sulu." The others looked over at him, confused. McCoy shrugged. "He grew up in San Francisco, probably surfed his whole life. But how the hell can Jim be that good? Kid's from Iowa, for Chrissakes."

Pavel grinned. "Hikaru taught him. They met right here, actually, on this beach!"

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "How long ago?" he asked curiously. He had never actually found out when those two had met, not that he had really spent too much time trying to figure it out. He valued his own privacy, therefore, he respected others'.

Pavel scrunched up his own eyebrows, somehow managing to look even younger. "Seven years ago? Pretty soon after I met him. Jim told me he helped Hikaru deal with some tourists who dropped in on his wave, and Hikaru taught him how to surf. After that they didn't see each other a lot, but whenever Jim was in San Francisco, he and Hikaru always managed to do some surfing."

McCoy was surprised. One thing thing he never asked about was Jim's past, before Starfleet. There were certain things he knew, just on instinct, not to bring up with his friend. And the past was one of those things. A few times he had broached the subject, and Jim had just gotten a far off look in his eyes, thinking about something McCoy wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Nyota glanced over and shared a look with the doctor. She had found herself confused and exasperated by Jim many times over the year as well. He just enjoyed tripping her up. Just when she thought she had him pegged, he threw her a curve ball. Many times throughout the year, she'd spend a few minutes conversing with him in a new language, either Earthly or extraterrestrial. She still had yet to find a language he didn't know. He was brilliant, his genius unparalleled. Top of the class. And yet, he rarely let it show. Granted, most knew his rank by now, but he hardly ever talked in class; he would sit in the back, seemingly not even paying attention. She was a year ahead of him, but they did still share a few classes, as he had doubled up in a few, and even skipping some of the basic entry level courses, placing out of them. She had a feeling that he could have skipped the first year of the Academy with no issues, and what he was doing was almost that. All told, he basically ended up skipping half a year, which was impressive, for anyone, especially at Starfleet Academy, which was a rigorous institution that prepared people for careers in the field.

Looking at Jim, no one would ever guess that flirtatious man with the devil-may-care attitude was one of the smartest to pass through Starfleet's hallowed halls.

A beeping sound distracted her from her thoughts and she turned her attention to McCoy as he dug through Jim's bag, pulling out a comm.

He looked around at the rest of them and shrugged before answering the call. "Hello?"

Captain Pike was on the other end. "McCoy? Where's Jim?"

McCoy glanced over at the water. Jim had just caught what looked to be a rather impressive wave, and was riding it to the shore. He turned back to the communicator.

"We're at the beach, sir. He and Sulu are in the water right now. Do you want me to fetch him?"

Chris immediately replied negatively. "That's all right, doctor. I just had a few things I needed to talk to him about, but it can wait. You all enjoy yourselves."

McCoy nodded, even though he knew the Captain couldn't see him, and put the comm. away. He looked at the others, and raised an eyebrow.

Nyota shrugged. "He's another one with a weird link to Jim. You ever try asking how he and Captain Pike know each other?"

McCoy shook his head. "Pike's his advisor."

Nyota shook her head. "I know, but I'm sure they knew each other before Jim enlisted. When we met in that bar and Pike had to break up that fight, he knew Jim without being introduced."

McCoy shrugged. "He's a good guy," he commented. "Seems to really care about Jim. And he always calls me 'doctor'. "

"You are a doctor," Nyota said dryly.

McCoy glared at her. "Exactly. But I'm also a Cadet, and unfortunately, everyone else seems to see that part first, and never remembers that I was a doctor for years before I was a Cadet. I'm more qualified than pretty much anyone else in the Medical track at the Academy, but Pike's the only one who seems to realize that."

Nyota smiled. "He is a good man. I just can't help but wonder how he and Jim met."

"Does it matter?" Gaila asked, looking up from the PADD she had been reading, some romance novel she had been engrossed in and determined to finish now that she had the time to actually read.

They all looked at her, shocked. Gaila was normally very easy going, but if she thought her friends were being threatened, she was the first to rise to their defense. She glared at her roommate. "Jim's entitled to his secrets. He's got a right to live his own life, so let him be."

With that, she went back to reading, and thoroughly chastised, Nyota pulled out a PADD of her own, and started some reading of her own. She would never admit it, but she enjoyed romance novels just as much as her roommate.

After a few minutes, Pavel left them, heading down to the surf with his pail and shovel, looking like a kid in a candy shop. McCoy sometimes wondered if the kid was four or fourteen.

Hikaru and Jim joined them again several hours later, looking completely relaxed, something McCoy actually wasn't sure he had ever seen, at least, not with Jim. His friend always seemed on edge, or guarded. He was good at hiding, and McCoy doubted many others would have noticed it, but a morning of surfing seemed to have brought out this carefree man that McCoy had never seen before.

They had brought a picnic lunch with them, and, being 'growing boys' and all that, Hikaru, Pavel, and Jim descended on the spread with relish, before the three headed back to the water.

After a while, feeling completely out of his depth being left alone with Nyota and Gaila, McCoy wandered down to the water as well. He watched for a while as Jim showed Pavel how to paddle on his surfboard. He looked around for Hikaru, and was startled to see him standing right next to him.

The Asian smiled lightly. "This is the Jim I remember," he commented quietly.

McCoy raised an eyebrow, and Hikaru shrugged.

"The Jim I met on this beach all those years ago. Before I knew who he was. He was just this kid who inserted himself in a fight to keep it from escalating. We spent a couple of days hanging out, and I had a great time. He'd show up for a couple of days, and then disappear for a few years. You have no idea how shocked I was when I saw him at the Academy in September."

McCoy snorted. "From what he told me, he was pretty surprised to see you. Something about you not being the uniform type."

Hikaru shrugged. "I love to fly," he acknowledged. "If I wanted to up my game, I had to enlist – there's only so far you can go with private shuttles."

McCoy nodded. He watched Jim for a few more minutes. "I'm surprised that he surfs so well," he commented. "He grew up in Iowa, right?"

Hikaru grinned. "He was a natural. Took me less than a day to teach him. He came back a few years later and talked about the surf in other parts of the world… made me so jealous." He definitely sounded it. "He told me we'd go there together sometime, but I don't know when. It would be amazing, though," his voice was wistful.

McCoy shook his head. He didn't really see the allure, but then, he wasn't a surfer.

Hikaru looked over at the doctor and smiled. "The point is, Leonard, this is the Jim I met back then. He seemed so much less… tied down, I think is the way I would describe it. This past year he just seemed so much more responsible, more careworn, more burdened than I remembered, but today… he looks like that fifteen year old teenager I met on this beach all those years ago." Hikaru shrugged. "I like seeing him like this."

McCoy nodded absentmindedly. "Me too," he replied.

Hikaru grinned, and grabbed his own surfboard. "You know, if you ever want to learn, just ask. We'd be happy to teach you." He didn't wait for a response, knowing what it would be, and headed out to join Jim and Pavel in the water.

XXX

The beach excursion was a nice way for them to unwind, and relax, and to prepare for the summer ahead. Before they knew it, their short break was over, and it was time to get back to work.

For McCoy, it was mostly just shifts at the hospital, though he was taking a course on Xenophysiology.

Nyota was taking several classes in Communications – Intermediate Tellarite, Advanced Vulcan – as well as working in the lab. Pavel and Hikaru were similarly working and taking classes in their chosen fields.

Throughout the summer, they all made an effort to see each other at least once a week, though they managed to get together for meals when they could. Jim saw them rarely, as he was off on three separate training exercises, which were necessary for him to complete in order to advance in the Command track. If he wasn't so eager to graduate in three years, he would only need to complete two exercises, but the third was necessary for him to take several classes he wanted to take over the next year. In addition to those exercises, Jim was also taking four classes at the Academy. His friends had no idea how he could do both, but had long since stopped trying to figure it out. Jim was at a level all his own, and he knew his limits.

Still, it was annoying, the way he managed to take on so much, and make it look easy.

Before they knew it, summer was over, Cadets were returning to the campus, and a new school year was starting.

McCoy was surprised when he was called into Pike's office a few days before the semester started. The Captain was looking a little haggard, clearly in need of a good night's sleep, but the doctor didn't comment. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

Chris looked up, and nodded towards the empty seat across his desk. "Take a seat, doctor." McCoy did so, thankfully. He was just coming off a sixteen-hour shift, and really just wanted to get some sleep himself, but he'd settle for getting off his feet for now. Chris sighed. "Jim's due back from his training exercise in two days, and I'd like to get this sorted out before he arrives."

He paused, and McCoy shifted in his seat. "Is everything all right, sir?"

Chris smiled lightly. "It's fine, doctor. I just… find myself in a bit of a quandary. I have a complaint here from Jim's roommate last year, requesting a different assignment. I know he spent a good deal of time crashing at your place last year anyway. I'm wondering if you are attached to your single dorm, or if you would be willing to trade in for a double?"

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "Michelson lodged a complaint?" his tone was guarded and more than a little hostile.

Pike sighed again. "Nothing too bad, they just have different study habits, and Cadet Michelson felt he could not perform at his best cohabitating with Cadet Kirk for another three years."

"Two years," McCoy muttered. Chris smirked, but didn't comment.

McCoy nodded after a moment. "I'll switch to a double, sir. I'm fine rooming with Jim."

Chris smiled. "Thank you, doctor. You're a good friend to him. I will send these forms along, and you will be notified of your dorm change tomorrow morning. Let me know if you need help moving."

McCoy shook his head. "I don't have that much stuff anyway," he said.

Chris nodded. "Well, in that case, go get some sleep. You look like you could use it."

McCoy snorted. "Sixteen hour shifts will do that to you."

Chris nodded again, knowing what that was like. He had never worked at a hospital, but he had worked long shifts before. His worst had been twenty-three hours straight on the Bridge, before Shay had physically forced him to go get some rest.

McCoy stood up and was almost at the door when he stopped and turned around. Chris had gone back to his computer, but looked up when he noticed that he wasn't alone yet. "You really care about him, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Chris sighed, leaning back in his seat. He stared back at the doctor, his expression tired and world-weary. After a moment of silence, he nodded. "Jim and I have a… complicated history," he replied carefully. "I won't go into details, but I do care about him, you're right. I always will. The kid should know what it's like to have a father, and I might be too late, but I'll do whatever it takes to give him that."

McCoy tried not to let his shock show, as he left the office. His friend was so bubbly and fun loving, it was easy to forget about the circumstances of his birth. The fact that his birthday was in actuality a Federation holiday. The fact that his father had given his own life to save eight hundred others.

McCoy had meant to head back to his dorm room, but his feet instead carried him to a nearby park without him realizing it. This particular park had been built roughly twenty-three years earlier, as a memorial to the man who had saved so many. McCoy looked at the memorial for the USS Kelvin, and thought about Jim Kirk. His best friend, when it got right down to it. He wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but somehow, the kid had become a permanent fixture in his life, and he would never be comfortable without him there.

McCoy stepped up to the memorial and traced a hand over the names etched into it. Every officer who had lost their life on the Kelvin, starting with Captain's Robau and Kirk. He wondered if he would ever be able to make such a decision. And then he thought about his little girl. Joanna. His wife wouldn't let him see his daughter, due to the ironclad custody agreement that gave him no rights to his own kid, written up by his jackass of an ex-father-in-law, a big shot attorney down in Georgia, whose main goal had been to make sure Leonard left with absolutely nothing when drawing up those divorce papers.

But if he had to make a choice between his life and his daughter's? He knew which one he would choose.

McCoy let out a sigh, and turned around, feeling like he had somehow reached a new level of insight into his best friend's life.

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