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Chapter 8

He said

I stepped closer, my eyes narrowed as I examined the geth. "I can't believe you let one of these on board the Normandy, Shepard." It seemed to have a hole in its chest cavity and I wondered how it would even function.

Shepard shrugged, "He introduced himself by sniping husks off my ass. He then proceeded, at great risk to himself, to take on a dangerous part of our mission against the Collectors. The Reapers are as much a threat to the true geth as they are to us."

She turned away from me to look at Anderson again, "I was going to deliver the data we'd recovered in the morning, but the bulk of it is in EDI's databanks aboard the Normandy. Which Cerberus just stole. And you wouldn't take anything Legion recorded as truth. All I have is what my individual teammates were able to record with their own Omni-Tools."

"Battlemaster," the young-looking krogan behind Shepard interjected, "This is a waste of our time. They're not going to listen to us. The longer we stand here, the further away our ship gets!" Shepard nodded at the krogan, but motioned for him to calm down. The young alien subsided, but not without grumbling.

The asari matriarch raised her chin to look down her nose at the human Councilor, "I can give my oath as a Justicar, but I doubt it means anything to any human other than Shepard."

Anderson ducked his head in acknowledgement of her point, "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with Justicars."

I could tell Shepard was trying to think of a suitable cultural reference for us, "Think Knights of the Round Table, sir. She's kind of like a blue Galahad."

I could tell our old CO was trying not to laugh at the mental picture she'd just given him. While the image of the Justicar dressed up like some Romantic Medieval knight in full plate mail on a charging horse with lance outstretched was amusing, it wasn't reassuring. Councilor Anderson got his sense of the absurd under control with a short battle. "What is on the ship that we wouldn't want to fall into Cerberus hands?"

"The Thannix Canon, for one."

Anderson looked just as astonished as I was. "How the hell did you get the specs to build that, Shepard? The turians are guarding that tighter than Fort Knox!" My voice was harsh with surprise and doubt, more than I intended it to be.

Vakarian came out from wherever he'd been lurking. I hadn't been sure why Shepard had sent him away until I saw him leaving cover and returning the sniper rifle to the sling on his back. She didn't trust her allies, either? Or had she grown that paranoid in two years?

"I pulled a few strings," the turian supplied. "Figured we needed something with a bigger punch than the Javelin disruptor torpedoes and GARDIAN lasers the Normandy was originally given."

"There's also the Silaris heavy ship armor," Shepard continued. While not a heavily classified as the Canon, which was so secret only rumors existed, the Silaris armor was hardly available at your local ship depot.

Anderson's eyes widened, "You're right." He clasped his hands behind his back, "This just makes what I'm about to tell you that much harder, Shepard." He focused steadily on Shepard until she appeared uncomfortable with his scrutiny. "We won't be able to reinstate you at this time. Especially now that you have to go after your ship. But you are still a Spectre."

"Councilor, with all due respect," Shepard began. I frowned at the memory of Ashley Williams that phrase always elicited from me. Shepard looked startled as the words left her full lips, was she remembering Ashley, too? I remembered Virmire as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. I didn't hear the rest of her protests because the memory of Virmire swallowed me whole.

Sand, everywhere. Geth surrounding us, gunfire, explosions. We have to arm the nuke, there's no time! Frantic hands on digital interface, typing in codes and flubbing them. Had to restart the sequence twice. Glance up, geth approaching, Throw! Nuke almost armed. Searing pain in my side, I'm shot! Commander's coming, wait, why is she coming, she needs to get Ashley and get out of here! Geth at 3:00, Warp! Why is she coming for me? Leg is on fire, can't move it. Shields gone, barrier depleted. Shepard, here? Why is Shepard here, save Ashley! Turn and see Saren fire at her, I can't fire back, gun jammed, something's wrong with my leg, my side. Head hurts, multicolored halo around Shepard, sign of a migraine joining the pain in my side and leg. See Saren grab Shepard by her neck, struggle to stand, to defend her, lightening behind my eyes. But I have no weapons, head throbs in time to my pounding heart. She punches Saren, hard, turian bastard drops her on her ass, she gets up to fight more, but he flees. Shepard's face above me, why did she come for me? Too beautiful, halo is bright.

I lost consciousness about then, Vakarian told me later she'd carried me into the ship, unwilling to let anyone else do it despite the fact that both he and Wrex had been there and were stronger. I'd come to, alone in the Medbay with her, almost a reverse of the aftermath of Eden Prime.

It was always cold in Medbay. I was glad it was also dimly lit. I could feel the hangover from the migraine still lurking in the back of my head. My clothes were missing, bandages swathed my chest, stomach and my left thigh. I sat up, carefully, my ribs and abdominal muscles protesting the movement. She was standing there, concern in her blue eyes, eyes like the Pacific Ocean, eyes I wanted to drown in. Instead, I put my foot in my mouth, "I . . .I can't believe Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there?"

She came to sit by me on the cot, her hip and thigh touching mine. I was suddenly very aware of her, her scent, her presence, "Ash knew the risks going in, she gave her life to save the rest of us."

I struggled with the knowledge of what had happened, while half of my brain was trying to figure out the perfume she wore. Oranges? Roses? "But why me? Why not her?"

She turned her head to look at me, so close I could feel every breath she took. "It wasn't your call, Alenko. I had to choose. I chose you." Her voice was gentle with the harsh truth.

No excuses, none. I failed. "But if I'd done my job, you wouldn't have had to make that call."

Her hand, cool and slender on my face, those blue eyes looking up at me, "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. The only one to blame here is Saren."

I kept my eyes on hers, but turned my head slightly to kiss her palm. Against that soft skin I said, "Yes, ma'am, I – we'll get it done." She sighed, I almost didn't hear it. She rested her head on my shoulder, her hand still pressed to my face. I felt a single drop of moisture on my shoulder. Before I could do anything else, she'd turned in to me, her face buried in my neck. She leaned on one arm and slid the one that had cradled my face up and over my shoulder. I didn't feel any further tears, but she was shaking. I tried not to think about the fact that I was wearing only my underwear and a beautiful woman was crying on my shoulder. I focused on the fact that this was Shepard and she didn't do this sort of thing lightly.

I came back to the present with Shepard and Anderson looking at me expectantly. "I'm sorry, what?"

Shepard laughed, "Nevermind. I'll see you later, Commander. Councilor," she nodded a good bye to Anderson. She and her people left. It was odd not to think of myself as one of her people, but since she'd joined a terrorist outfit, I couldn't join her.

I turned back to Anderson. "I apologize for not paying attention, sir. What was it you said?"

"I didn't say anything. Shepard asked who was in command of the ship I'm sending her out on to search for the Normandy. I told her it had a commanding officer assigned, but he hadn't accepted yet." The man's eyes were positively twinkling with glee. "Admiral Hackett wanted to be the one to tell you, but I'm glad to beat him to this particular piece of good news. Staff Commander Alenko, you will report to the newly commissioned frigate SSV Concord at 0800 as her commanding officer."