Disclaimer: don't own
Jim knew he was burning out fast, but he still had a couple more places he wanted to hit before he crashed. His ribs ached nonstop, and his hand was throbbing. His shoulder was all right as long as he didn't try to lift his arm more than about six inches, and he was trying really hard not to put too much weight onto his right leg, as he wasn't altogether certain his knee would support his weight.
He made a quick stop by Security, just to check in, and then one more check in at Medical. Nancy, the nurse he had talked to before, was no longer there, but he spoke with another willing nurse for a few minutes, checking on the status of the injured. He was heartened to hear that the worst injured were mostly taken care of, enough that M'Benga had also felt like he could step out for a few hours of rest, on Christine Chapel's orders, as she had felt he was in serious danger of falling asleep on his feet.
The nurse Jim spoke with apologized that there were no more senior officials for him to speak with, as they were all off shift and asleep for the time being, and offered to fetch one of them, but Jim waved her off. "Let them all sleep," he said. "If there's nothing that needs their attention, I don't need to speak with any of them this moment. As long as what you've told me is accurate, I'm fine waiting until morning for their updates."
The nurse smiled and nodded. "All right, Captain. I'll let them know you stopped by, and if there are any changes, I'll inform you immediately."
Jim inclined his head. "Thank you…" He paused, and grimaced. He really should look over the duty rosters and learn the names of the officers now under his command.
The nurse's smile widened. "Jacqueline," she filled in. "It's all right, you didn't expect to have to know all our names."
Jim nodded again. "I'll try to remember from here on, Jacqueline. Thank you for your assistance."
He left Medbay, and made his way back up to the Bridge. Gamma shift was in full swing when he arrived, and he spent a few moments conversing with Lieutenant Boylston, who had the con for this shift, just checking in, before he disappeared to his ready room.
Just for a few minutes, he told himself. He just had some things he needed to take care of. Paperwork, and the like.
He sat down carefully at his desk, trying to get comfortable. It wasn't easy, and everything ached. Breathing was a little painful, but he knew he would have to wait a few more hours for Bones to wake up, so that the doctor could give him one of the few painkillers he wasn't allergic to.
Jim mentally snorted. It had to be bad if he was actually considering consenting to painkillers.
He turned on his computer, thankful that it was still functioning, and started working.
He read through the damage reports, and looked over the information he had on shuttles they had been able to rescue from Vulcan. There weren't many. He was heartened to note that, in addition to vessels from Vulcan, they were also able to rescue several escape pods and shuttles from the other seven Starfleet ships that had been sent to assist in aiding the planet. It wasn't nearly enough, but they had saved some. He looked through names, and recognized a few, feeling tears prick at his eyes as he thought about all those whose names weren't there.
He didn't know how much time had passed as his eyelids grew heavier, and finally, he just had to stop. He adjusted his chair slightly, and folded his bad arm across his chest, hoping it might do something to alleviate the pain, as he used his other arm as a pillow. Going to find his quarters was just too much effort at this point; he lay down at his desk, and was out within seconds.
XXX
Nyota, Hikaru, Pavel, Scotty, and McCoy all met up for breakfast in the Officer's mess hall the next morning before Alpha shift, by unspoken agreement all sitting down at the same table.
"Morning," Nyota greeted, smiling at them as she sat down. "Sleep well?"
McCoy scowled at her, drinking his coffee straight as he tried to wake up. Pike's surgery hadn't been easy, and even though Jim had told him to get off shift after he finished, he hadn't been able to for several hours, as there were others who needed medical attention, so he was still tired.
Nyota smiled, knowing that the doctor was just generally a grumpy person, and not taking it personally.
Gaila entered the mess hall, and Nyota waved her over. She joined them for breakfast, and they spent the next few minutes talking about what they could expect for the near future.
Scotty frowned, thinking about the conversation he had had with Jim the night before. "It's not going to be easy," he informed them. "I think Jim wants to talk to all of us about the situation, but we're basically sitting ducks. It'll take several weeks to get back to Earth without serious help at this point."
"And we can't get help until we fix Communications," Nyota commented, sighing.
Scotty nodded. "Jim and I worked out a repair schedule last night. That's one of the first things on the list."
They all felt some surprise. When had the two had the time to do that? Come to think of it, none of them had seen Jim since they had escaped the black hole. What had he been doing since the day before?
McCoy felt some tendrils of worry curl in his gut. Something was telling him his friend had gotten himself into another situation.
Nyota bit her lip. "It's almost time for Alpha shift. We should get to the Bridge."
McCoy gathered up his tray. "I need to check on Pike."
They all stood up and headed off in their separate directions.
When Nyota, Pavel, and Hikaru arrived on the Bridge, Spock was already there, but Jim was nowhere to be seen.
They tried not to let it show, but all three were worried.
Five minutes after shift began, when the Captain still had not shown up, Spock stood up and walked over to the Communications station. "Cadet Uhura, please comm. the Captain."
Uhura nodded, and obeyed. She frowned when there was no reply, and typed in a few commands. "Computer, locate Captain Kirk."
The computer replied a split second later. "Captain Kirk is located on the Bridge, Deck One."
Uhura tilted her head to the side and looked up at Spock. "It could be that the computer is malfunctioning from the damage, sir."
Spock nodded, but didn't reply. He reached over and pressed a button. "Spock to Lieutenant Boylston." A moment later, the Lieutenant replied. "Did you see the Captain at all during your shift?"
"Yes, sir," the Lieutenant answered, his voice crackling over the comm. "He showed up a few hours into the shift, and went into his ready room. I don't remember if he left though."
Spock nodded, though the Lieutenant couldn't see it. "Thank you, Lieutenant."
He stepped back from the Communications station, and made his way over to the ready room. After a moment's hesitation, Nyota followed him.
Spock opened the door, and stepped inside. He stopped short at the sight that greeted him.
Jim was asleep at his desk, and Spock wondered briefly if humans were supposed to be that pale.
Nyota gasped lightly as she peered around her boyfriend.
Spock looked down at her. "It would appear that we have located the Captain."
Nyota held in her snort, knowing that it wasn't the time. And people said that Vulcans had no sense of humor.
She moved forward cautiously, kneeling down next to Jim. Her keen eyes caught the multitude of bruises that lined his neck, disappearing under his shirt. She saw the way he was clutching at his abdomen, and winced; he was hiding injuries. Damn it, why hadn't he gotten them checked out yesterday?
She also saw several bandages peeking out from underneath his shirt, so apparently he had tried to self medicate.
She reached out and shook him gently. "Jim," she called softly. "Jim."
Jim jerked and sat up quickly as soon as Nyota touched him. He reared back in surprise, and then winced, flinched, gasped, and tried not to groan in pain at the movement.
"Captain?" Spock made his presence known as he stepped into the room, the door closing behind him.
Jim looked over quickly. He made an attempt to stand up, but aborted it quickly as his knee throbbed painfully, and his ribs told him to stay put. "What time is it?" he asked instead.
Spock observed him carefully. He made no mention of the injuries he could clearly see as he replied, "0805."
Jim raised an eyebrow, looking a little startled. "Crap," he muttered. "That was unintentional."
"What do you mean?" Nyota asked, still kneeling by his side.
Jim looked over, and shook his head. "I wasn't planning on staying here that long. I promised Scotty I was going to go find a bed about six hours ago."
Nyota looked disapproving. "You should always keep your promises," she admonished.
Jim shrugged helplessly, and then bit his lip as his collarbone protested. His good hand drifted in the direction of the appendage, rubbing it gently to try and alleviate some of the pain. He knew it wouldn't do anything, but it gave the allusion of help.
"Jim?"
The Acting Captain looked over at Spock, surprised to actually hear his name come from the Vulcan's lips.
He grimaced. "Nero and his Number One got a little overzealous," he explained concisely. "I'll be fine. I was planning on stopping by Medical as soon as Bones was back on duty."
Spock nodded. "I will take the con while you see to it then." His tone left no room for argument, and Jim knew it would do no good to do so, especially when Nyota was right there next to him, glaring at him the way she was doing right now.
He sighed and nodded. "I'll be back soon."
He knew he'd need help standing up, but really didn't want to ask. Fortunately, Nyota didn't need an invitation, and grasped his good arm lightly, hauling him to his feet. She let go once he was vertical, but strayed no more than half a step, just waiting for him to fall over. He certainly looked like he would do so at any given moment.
Jim reached out and grabbed the PADD sitting on his desk, before he made his way out of the ready room.
Partly to annoy Nyota and Spock, and partly because he felt he should, Jim did one round on the Bridge, checking in with each officer, before he left for Medical.
Hikaru and Pavel looked him over critically, searching for the injuries he was trying to hide, but didn't say anything.
Pavel caught him by the arm before he could walk away, and murmured quietly in Russian, "Take care of yourself for once, Jim. You deserve it."
Jim didn't reply, as he walked away.
A few minutes later, Jim nodded at Spock, and left the Bridge.
Spock watched him leave, unsure what to think. His father had informed him that he had stopped by several times, just to make sure that they were taken care of, and that he had checked on the other survivors as well. Reports from other parts of the ship indicated that the Captain had checked in there as well. Lieutenant Scott had sent along a repair schedule that he and the Captain had put together to deal with the damage to the ship. The Captain had ordered the command crew off duty, and yet, he had failed to relieve himself, when it seemed he was the one who needed it the most.
Why?
His father indicated that the Captain had held an entire conversation with him in fluent Vulcan, and his knowledge of their customs was impressive.
James Kirk was a strange man. His actions indicated that he was a knowledgeable Captain, a man who knew how to care for his crew, and how to do the job well. And yet, he had clearly ignored his own welfare.
Spock would need to spend time later figuring out why the man was such a contradiction.
XXX
Jim entered Medical quietly, looking around for McCoy. He didn't see the doctor, and grimaced. That meant he'd have to actually go searching, or ask someone, and he was really not in the mood to make an issue out of his need for medical attention.
A nurse a few years older than him spotted him and frowned slightly as she greeted him. "Captain, is everything all right?"
By her attitude, and the way she seemed to be in charge right now, Jim assumed this was Christine Chapel, the head nurse. He attempted a smile. "Is Doctor McCoy around?"
Christine nodded. "He's checking on Captain Pike. I can fetch him for you if you give me a minute."
Jim shook his head slightly. "I'd like to check on the Captain as well, if you can point me in the direction."
Christine's frown deepened. Captain Kirk looked like he should be in a biobed right alongside Pike, if you asked her. But she had been working alongside officers in Starfleet for many years, and she knew the look in those eyes. Captain Kirk would not take no for an answer.
She sighed. "Captain Pike is in a private room in the back. Third door to the right. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."
Jim nodded. "Thank you, Nurse Chapel."
Christine smiled slightly. "You're welcome, Captain."
Jim made his way as quickly as he was able to the room Christine had indicated, and slipped inside.
McCoy looked up as he entered, and scowled. He went back to fiddling with the computer above Chris' biobed for another moment, before he turned back to Jim. "He's resting for now. And while we're on it, don't try and order me around through another person again, Jim. I'm perfectly capable of knowing my limits. I'm the only qualified doctor on this ship until we return to Earth. That intern M'Benga can handle minor injuries, but we've got plenty more that only I can deal with."
He stopped short when he noticed that Jim wasn't even trying to argue. He furrowed his brown and gave his friend a good look over. His scowl deepened and he reached for his tricorder. "God damn it, Jim, why the hell didn't you come see me first thing! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to let injuries fester like this?"
Jim smiled slightly and let McCoy drag him out of the room and push him onto the nearest biobed. Even through his ire, the doctor was gentle. "You were busy," he argued. "Besides, I wrapped them."
McCoy glared again. "Shirt off," he ordered.
Jim did so, wincing in pain as his ribs and shoulder protested.
McCoy raised an eyebrow as he saw the evidence of Jim's medical attention.
Jim shrugged with his good shoulder, looking at the doctor earnestly. "Medical was my first stop once everything was over yesterday," he implored softly. "You were busy, and I don't trust anyone else." McCoy's glare softened, and Jim continued, "Besides, from what I could tell just stopping by yesterday, the osteoregenerator's one of the machines that's broken, so it's not like there's much you could do that I couldn't."
McCoy shook his head, still scanning. "I could have given you something for the pain." The tricorder beeped and he read off the list. "Jesus Christ, Jim, four broken ribs? Three more cracked? Fractured collarbone? Broken wrist and hand? Small tear to the ACL, cracked kneecap, bruised trachea, bruised kidney, liver… what the hell happened on that ship?"
Jim snorted, and then winced again. "You know me, everyone's favorite punching bag."
McCoy's glare intensified, but after a moment, he shook his head and sighed. Jim was clearly on the edge. "Did you get any sleep last night?"
Jim shrugged with his good shoulder again. "A couple hours?" He made it sound more like a question. McCoy just looked at him. Jim bit his lip. "I'm not sure. I sort of fell asleep at my desk in the Captain's ready room. I wasn't planning on it," he protested when it looked like McCoy was about to tear into him. "I really meant to just check on a few things and then go find a bed. It just sort of happened."
McCoy sighed again. "I know you're Captain now, Jim. But you have to take care of yourself. You've got a whole ship depending on you. And that means you need to be able to lead them."
Jim swallowed, and remained silent as McCoy rewrapped his injuries. After several minutes, he spoke again. "I really didn't mean to put my own health in danger," he said softly. McCoy looked up from his position wrapping Jim's knee. "I was just so caught up in making sure the Enterprise would actually make it back to Earth. Do you have any idea how bad our situation is?"
"How bad?" McCoy asked, his voice just as quiet.
Jim bit his lip. "No way of communicating with Starfleet, no warp core, half of Engineering and Navigations not working, multiple other departments on the fritz…" He sighed and looked down medbay. "If we don't get some help soon, we're not going to make it back to Earth."
McCoy gulped.
Jim kept talking, his mind still thinking about ways to fix the multitude of problems they were facing. "We're over capacity right now, with all the survivors we picked up over Vulcan. And I don't regret that, but the replicators won't be able to handle the influx forever."
Crap, McCoy thought, listening to what his friend was telling him. It sounded like one hell of a problem. More than one problem, actually, and he really had no idea how to help.
Jim sighed. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to dump all my problems on you."
McCoy shifted, finishing up with Jim's knee and straightening up. "I'm your friend, Jim. Even if I can't help you solve all these issues, you can always talk to me. I'm here to listen."
Jim smiled slightly. "Thanks, Bones," he said wearily. "It means a lot."
McCoy ran the tricorder over his friend one last time, making sure he hadn't missed anything. Once that was done, he set the piece of equipment down. "I'll give you a painkiller, but you're right that the osteoregenerator is busted, so I'm afraid you're going to be facing some uncomfortable days ahead. The bruised trachea, kidney, and liver will heal in a week or so on their own. The tear to your ACL will be painful, but it's not bad enough that you need surgery, it will heal in a few weeks. Unfortunately you managed to pick all the injuries I can't fix." He hated leaving his friend in pain, but there really wasn't anything he could do. Even in the twenty third century, they didn't have ways to speed up the healing process for bruised internal organs. He wouldn't worry about those injuries for now, though he would make sure to monitor their healing progress, and keep an eye out for any internal bleeding.
Jim grimaced. "It's all right," he replied. "It's not like I've never gone a few days with broken bones before."
McCoy raised an eyebrow, but didn't request an explanation. He had long since learned that his friend had a dark and somewhat horrifying past that he was quite frankly better off not knowing. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Jim rubbed a hand across his face roughly, until McCoy pushed it away, fearing he'd injure himself more.
"I need to set up a staff meeting or something," Jim mused, thinking out loud. McCoy nodded, but didn't speak, and Jim continued after a moment. "We need to all get on the same page, and make sure we know where we stand with repairs and all that."
McCoy reached out and rested a hand lightly on Jim's arm. "You can do all that, but you're off duty for the rest of the day. Take some time and rest, and then have your meeting."
Jim didn't even try to argue. He knew it would do no good, and he was exhausted. He nodded slightly, one side of his mouth quirked up in a half smile.
McCoy handed Jim a hypo filled with a painkiller laced with a mild sedative, and helped him off the biobed; Jim took a moment to steady himself, before he looked back up. "Can you let the others know that we'll meet after shift this evening? Maybe we'll make it a dinner meeting or something."
McCoy nodded. "I'll let them know. Now do I have to physically force you up to your quarters, or will you go on your own?"
Jim shook his head, his eyes wide. "I'll go." He paused briefly. "Can I… can I see Chris first?"
McCoy felt like an idiot. Of course Jim would want to make sure Chris was all right. He led the Acting Captain into Chris' private room.
Jim didn't speak as he observed the sleeping Captain.
McCoy watched him, feeling helpless to do anything. He hated seeing his friend hurt so much.
"He made it through the surgery with no complications," McCoy's voice was soft and calming. "His brain function is good, but I won't know more until he wakes up."
"Do you know when that will be?" Jim asked, not looking away from Chris' still form.
McCoy shook his head slightly. "That's really up to him," he replied. "But he's a stubborn son of a bitch, so I expect we'll be hearing from him soon."
Jim snorted and nodded. "You might have to tie him to the bed to keep him from leaving."
McCoy raised an eyebrow. "Is that where you learned it?"
Jim glared at the doctor, but there was no real heat in it.
McCoy saw that Jim needed a few minutes to himself, so he left the room.
Once he was alone, Jim stepped closer hesitantly. "Hey, Chris," he said, his voice soft and hesitant. "I don't know if you can hear me, but we did it. Nero's gone. I don't know if I believe in avenging people's deaths, but, well…" He looked down. "We got him. Dad's memory can rest in peace. The ship's kind of scratched up, and I'm not sure how we're gonna get home, but we stopped Nero, so there's that, at least." Jim sighed, lifting his hand as if to run it through his hair before he stopped when it hurt too much. "I'll try to do as good a job as you would have, but I really don't know how. How am I supposed to get us home with no warp core, and a ship maxed out beyond our capabilities to house and feed?" He bit his lip. "I'm just a Cadet, here, Chris. I'm not supposed to have your job. But I do, so I promise you, I'll do it to the best of my ability."
He left Medbay after that, with a nod goodbye to McCoy, who was watching for him, and headed up to the officer's quarters. He knew that Chris would demand he take the Captain's quarters, considering his new rank, and he half-thought that being in Chris' room would comfort him, somehow. Make it seem like the man was with him, encouraging him. Chris was the first person to really tell him that they were proud of him, and he wanted to remember that feeling. He needed the man to be all right.
XXX
McCoy finished up a few things in his office, before he headed up to the Bridge.
Spock was still seated in the Captain's chair, but he stood up quickly as soon as the doctor entered.
"Doctor McCoy," the Vulcan's greeting drew the attention of the rest of the command crew.
"Is the Captain all right?" Hikaru asked immediately, trying to keep the note of fear out of his voice.
Spock glanced back at the pilot, but didn't comment.
Next to Sulu, Pavel was also looking at McCoy with something akin to panic in his eyes.
McCoy sighed. "He'll be fine. I've taken him off duty for the rest of shift, so that the idiot can actually get some rest. He just wanted me to let you know there'll be a dinner meeting tonight. Something about getting on the same page when it comes to –"
He was cut off as a computer to his left threw off a shower of sparks. McCoy gestured in its direction. "- that."
Spock nodded. "We will be there. Should the Captain need anything, please do not hesitate to inform me."
McCoy inclined his head, already on his way to the 'lift.
Once the doctor left, Pavel turned to Hikaru. "Do you really think he's all right?" the Russian asked his friend worriedly.
Hikaru looked at the Navigator, and smiled. "I don't think McCoy would tell us he was if that wasn't the case," he replied. "Jim's fine, probably just tired from getting caught up and forgetting to sleep last night."
Spock cleared his throat pointedly, and they all got back to work.
XXX
There was a dining room as part of the setup to the Captain's quarters, so Spock led the rest of the command crew off of the Bridge and in that direction once Alpha shift ended.
They met Scotty outside the door, and rang the bell. Chief Security Officer Giotto was currently looking after the Vulcan survivors they had rescued, so he would be absent for the meeting, but he had sent a report to the Captain so that they could remain informed.
McCoy answered, looking a little haggard. He beckoned them all in and pointed them in the direction of the dining room. "Dinner's on the table. Jim and I will be there in a moment."
Spock let the others file passed him, and when it was just him and the doctor alone, he spoke. "Is the Captain well?"
McCoy sighed. "He just woke up. I'm just giving him a check over."
Spock furrowed his eyebrows. The doctor looked more worried than he should if it was just a 'check over'. "Is there cause for concern?"
McCoy shrugged. "Nero did a number on him, and unfortunately, we've got a number of machines not working in Medical, including the osteoregenerator. Which means I can't fix his injuries until we get back to Earth. The only thing I can really do is give him painkillers, and that's a trial in and of itself." Spock looked confused, so McCoy elaborated, "Finding drugs he's not allergic to is a challenge. The medications that would send him into anaphylactic shock could fill a book."
Spock inclined his head. "I see."
McCoy sighed helplessly. "He'll be fine given enough time, it's just… I'm not sure we'll really get that time." He looked towards the bedroom as a muffled thump sounded. "Damn it. I told you to wait for me, Jim," he groused, heading back to help the Acting Captain change into a fresh uniform.
The two joined the rest a few minutes later, McCoy scowling, and Jim still looking exhausted, despite the hours of rest he had had.
They ate first, all sneaking glances at their Captain when they thought he wasn't looking.
Once they had finished, Jim started the meeting, thanking them for coming. "Let's do this in an orderly fashion, shall we?" he asked, looking around the table. They all nodded their agreement, so he started with Navigations.
Hikaru and Pavel gave them all an estimation of their location, as well as what they thought their repairs needed to entail in order to make it back to Earth.
Jim nodded, understanding. "We've got a repair schedule already set up, and we'll fix what we can. Bare minimums for now," he glanced at Scotty, who nodded. "We're stretched thin, and we don't have the manpower or the equipment to fix it all, but we'll get to what we can, and we'll repair what we have to in order to get back to Earth. If you send me and Scotty the modified lists of what absolutely has to get fixed for us to get back, we'll get on those things first."
Pavel and Hikaru nodded, and Jim turned to Nyota. "Communications. Has there been any progress with repairs yet?"
"Not yet, sir," Nyota shook her head, looking at Scotty.
The Engineer spoke up, shrugging a little sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Jim, we've been so busy trying to fix some major structural damage in Engineering today, I just haven't had the manpower to spare for Communications. I'll get a team on it first thing tomorrow."
Jim nodded, his gaze compassionate. "Prioritize, Scotty. Structural damage outweighs Communications. We've got a lot of issues piling up, and we can't be everywhere. Fix what you can when you can, but you need to delegate. I don't want you burning out."
"Just as long as you remember your own advice," McCoy added, glaring at Jim.
Jim nodded sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his good hand. He looked back at Nyota. "In the meantime, have you put together a casualty list?"
Nyota nodded, looking somber. "Today," she informed him. "I have it here, but I didn't know what you wanted to do with it."
Jim sighed. "Post it so that people can see it. I know there are probably people on this ship who want to know for sure what happened to their friends. We lost a lot of good men and women over Vulcan. We can't inform anyone off the Enterprise, but at least we can let our own people know. What about Vulcan survivors?"
Nyota looked surprised. She hadn't really thought about it. "I can certainly put a list together, sir." She turned to Spock. "Do you think the Elders could help me? I'm not sure how enthusiastic the survivors will be to my presence."
Spock inclined his head. "I will inquire."
Jim nodded. "If we can get that list together, we can pass it along to the Vulcan Embassy on Earth once we reestablish contact with Starfleet."
Spock raised an eyebrow. Even he hadn't thought of that, but it was a logical move.
Jim moved the meeting along, and they spoke of other repairs that needed to be made. McCoy informed them of Pike's status, and they were all relieved to hear that he was hanging in there.
Once the necessary items were taken care of, Spock broached the subject that had been concerning him since they had beamed onto Nero's ship. "Captain, your actions when handling this conflict indicate that you were already aware of the situation before it unfolded."
Jim looked around the table. This was his command crew, and they deserved to know everything. He sighed. "A few months ago, Scotty, Pavel, and I were working on a theory we've been developing. It worked… sort of." The trio shared a grin, before Jim continued, "But when we beamed back the animal we were testing it out on, well… it wasn't alone."
"That Vulcan guy that came back with it," Pavel realized, eyes widening.
Nyota frowned. "What?"
Jim bit his lip. "An elderly Vulcan beamed back with the cat we were testing our theory on. As it turns out, this Vulcan was from an alternate timeline, approximately one hundred years into the future."
"You are deliberately refraining from saying that this person was the alternate version of myself," Spock commented idly.
Jim nodded reluctantly. "He… showed me what happened. A star went supernova and destroyed Romulus before he could stop it. He was actually on his way there with the technology that could. The red matter that was on his ship. He had to take care of the star, even if he was too late to save Romulus, but Nero and his crew were off planet, and wanted revenge. They all got sucked into the black hole that formed."
Hikaru leaned forward. "Did he know you?"
Jim nodded again, his eyes glazing over a little. "You were right, Spock, when you spoke about a divergence in the time stream. When Nero attacked the Kelvin, he created an alternate timeline. Our lives are completely different from what the other Spock knew. I saw…" He looked around the table, meeting each of their worried gazes in turn. "The same faces, but a different crew. They came together, but much later. Like, ten years later than we did. And I don't think they were ever as close as we are."
Nyota frowned. "How could it change so much?" she asked curiously.
Jim shrugged with one shoulder. "It's like a butterfly effect," he commented softly. "One small thing can have far-reaching consequences. A mind-meld is a two way street, and even the best Vulcans can have difficulties keeping anything else from getting through. The me the other Spock knew..." he winced slightly. "If I met him on a street, I wouldn't recognize him. I can't even imagine my life being like that Jim Kirk."
Nyota looked guilty for bringing it up, and Jim smiled slightly, trying to make her feel better. "We're all different. And I'm not going to try to live based on someone else's life. What happened in that timeline doesn't affect what's happening in this one."
"Does anyone else know?" Hikaru asked, shifting in his seat.
Jim nodded. "Archer and Barnett, and Chris. It was decided that the fewer people who were aware of the situation, the better." He glanced over at Pavel and Scotty, who looked understanding. "I'm sorry for not telling you guys about it earlier," he said softly. "Can you understand why?"
They nodded quickly. "It makes sense," Scotty said. "Can you imagine what would happen if people found out about a huge ship from the future?"
"Or even worse, a huge ship from the future that wants to kill them," Pavel chimed in, shivering.
Jim snorted. Trust a teenager to simplify the matter.
Spock raised an eyebrow, but caught Jim's eye, and when the Captain shook his head, he said nothing.
Jim sighed. "The… other Spock… informed us that Nero and his crew had been taken prisoner by Klingons, but he was able to escape on one of their shuttles."
Nyota gasped. "So when I told you about that Klingon prison break, you knew…"
Jim nodded, meeting her wide eyes with his own compassionate ones. "I'm sorry I had to leave with no explanation, but I needed to tell Archer. And even with all our knowledge, we were still too late."
Nyota looked down. "I should have told someone else," she said softly. "I told my supervisor, but he just dismissed me. I shouldn't have let it go, I knew it could be important."
Jim shook his head. "It's not your fault. There were a few Communications officers monitoring feeds, but like I said, we didn't tell a lot of people, so your supervisor didn't realize the mistake he made in not reporting it." He looked around the table. "All of you performed above and beyond the call of duty, and you helped save countless lives. I wish we could have done more, but the fact of the matter is, we did the best we could with the resources we had."
They were all silent for a few moments, before Spock spoke up, changing the subject to another issue he had been thinking about. "Captain, you mentioned putting five years into the Enterprise. Can you clarify?"
Jim sighed, wincing lightly.
Nyota smirked. "Busted," she gloated.
Jim glared at her, but there was no heat to it.
Nyota shook her head. "Face it, Jim, you're not going to be able to hide it any longer."
Spock watched the interaction between the Captain and his girlfriend with confusion. What did Nyota know that he did not?
Jim groaned, rubbing his face with his hand. "Back when I was finishing up my Master's," he explained wearily, knowing he wouldn't be able to dodge the question, "my thesis caught the eye of Starfleet, and I spent some time consulting on the design of the Enterprise's warp core. Archer calls it the 'future of Starfleet'."
Spock knew he was staring. "Captain Pike gave me your file to read, but it did not mention that," he commented.
Jim shrugged sheepishly. "I'm sure it mentions 'consulting', just not what it was for."
Spock nodded. There had been something of the sort under the employment section.
Scotty was looking like Christmas had come early. "So you'd be able to lend a hand in Engineering then?" he asked eagerly. "Because let me tell you, it's like nobody down there has any idea what they're doing, I swear!"
Jim smiled. "I'll help out where I can, but unfortunately, I don't think I can hand my chair over anytime soon, Scotty. I'll do my best."
McCoy growled. "Didn't we just have this conversation about not overreaching yourself?"
Jim sighed. "I won't run myself into the ground, Bones. But we're all going to have to do a little extra here and there for the time being."
McCoy huffed, but didn't argue any more, and the meeting broke up quickly after that, as he sent Jim off to bed, since the idiotic genius really looked like he needed it.
Spock was the last to leave, besides the doctor. Jim sent McCoy to the bedroom to wait for him, since he knew the man wanted to rewrap his injuries and give him another painkiller, before he turned to his First Officer.
Spock was watching him closely. "Captain, should you need anything –"
Jim nodded, smiling slightly. "I know, I can come to you."
Spock tilted his head to the side. "My father passes along his gratitude for your attentiveness."
Jim looked suddenly uncomfortable. He looked down briefly. "I wasn't… I just thought it was the right thing to do."
Spock raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. He had merely stated a fact, so why was the Captain acting so embarrassed? He glanced towards the bedroom to make certain that Doctor McCoy was not within hearing distance, before he spoke again. "Captain, though I believe this to be a human concern, I wish to apologize for my actions with the Kobayashi Maru. Captain Pike spoke with me concerning the incident, and he believes that in this case, your use of alternative measures was justified."
Jim snorted. "Does he," he muttered. Louder, he said, "Can you tell me exactly which rule I broke?" Spock opened his mouth, and then closed it when he realized that he couldn't. Jim smirked. "I thought so. I promise you, Spock, I didn't outright break a single one. But as for why I did it… maybe you should listen to Chris."
Spock raised an eyebrow, and Jim sighed, gesturing for the Vulcan to take a seat at the table. Jim was still tired, and standing was starting to hurt.
Once they were seated, he continued to speak. "Spock, I can understand the logic behind the test, but have you thought about its design at all? There's absolutely no way to win."
Spock inclined his head. "The purpose of the test is to assess a potential Captain's response to fear in the face of certain death."
Jim shook his head. "But it's teaching potential Captains to give up before they really try. Where's the logic in that?" Spock frowned minutely. Jim shrugged lightly. "I could have done it so that no one noticed what was happening, but I wanted to grab their attention. I needed something big. I needed you to see it. You need to realize how wrong it is, Spock. The mark of a good Captain is his or her ability to think under pressure. To see the potential, the way out when it looks hopeless. It's not about remaining calm in the face of fear. It's about not letting that fear incapacitate you. It's easy to give up when you think there's no way to win. Being a Captain isn't about not having any fears. It's not about being the bravest, or the strongest. It's about taking all those doubts and uncertainties, and using them to push yourself and your crew forward. And if you fail, you fail, but then it will be because you exhausted every option, not because you didn't have the guts. That simulation teaches people to stop trying when the odds are against them."
Spock nodded slightly. "I believe I may be starting to understand."
Jim smiled, the intensity of his gaze lessening slightly. "Well, we beat Nero. Take that, Kobayashi Maru."
Spock almost smiled as well. Nero was remarkably similar to a Kobayashi Maru situation, when one thought about it. He stood up, and Jim did as well after a moment, though not without a nearly silent groan.
Spock waited until the Captain was steady on his feet, before he spoke. "I will speak with Admiral Barnett and withdraw my complaint as soon as we reach Earth," he informed Jim. "I find that your reasoning is sound."
Jim's smile widened. "Thanks, Spock," he replied.
Spock left immediately after, and Jim nearly collapsed into his bed, barely coherent enough to let McCoy rewrap his injuries and help him change into pajamas before he was asleep once more.
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