Note: Thank you for the kind reviews. This is my first fanfic, so I'm still figuring out how the site works. One more chapter to go after this.
Cadence was a gorgeous baby. A tiny version of Juliette with Avery's blue eyes. Scarlett had volunteered to hold her as soon as she and Caleb entered Gunnar's house. They were the last of the five invitees to arrive, running late because Caleb had worked a few extra hours. She handed her platter of cookies to Avery and took the baby in exchange while Caleb dealt with their gifts and coats.
"Hi, sweetie," she said, taking in the baby's blue patterned dress and white tights. "Did your nana get you that pretty dress?" She asked, adjusting the baby on her hip. "I bet she did." She noticed Cadence's bib, which read, "If you think I'm cute, you should see my uncle." Scarlett glanced at Gunnar, who had already eaten two of her thumbprint clues and had another one in his hand. "And I bet I know who got you that bib too," she said to Cadence. She walked over to Caleb who was standing by the Christmas tree.
"The tree is beautiful," he said.
"Yeah, it is," she agreed. "Gunnar did it up real nice." The tree was tall and beautifully decorated. The twinkling lights caught the baby's attention and she stretched her arm out as if to grab one of the silver ornaments hanging just out of her reach. Scarlett moved back and took Cadence's hand out of the air and kissed it. "Oh, no, baby girl. I don't think Uncle Gunnar would like it much if I let you snatch his tree bare. Your mama and daddy probably wouldn't approve either."
The baby looked up at her with wide eyes and for a moment, Scarlett thought she was going to cry, but instead she snuggled into Scarlett's chest and stared at the tree, working her index and middle fingers into her mouth to chew on them. Scarlett patted her back and thought how much of a blessing it was that Cadence had seemingly inherited her father's mostly mellow temperament.
"So how long do you think we'll need to stay at this shindig?" Caleb whispered, leaning towards her.
Scarlett narrowed her eyes and looked at him. "We just got here. Why did you even bother agreeing to come if-" She was cut off by a sudden tug on her dangling earring. Cadence had one chubby, drool-dampened hand firmly tangled in the earring and pulled with a strength that surprised Scarlett.
"Good Lord, little girl," she said. She gently pulled the baby's hand away and moved her head back so Cadence couldn't reach her ears.
Avery walked over and held his hands out for his daughter. "I can take her."
"No, no." Scarlett used her free hand to slide both earrings out of her ears and set them on the mantle. "She's fine."
"Well, at least take this," Avery handed the baby a teething ring, which she immediately put in her mouth. "That'll keep her occupied for a bit." He smoothed Cadence's blonde hair down before going back to his conversation with Gunnar and Erin.
"She's a strong one," Caleb said.
"Yeah," Scarlett responded absently. "Caleb, I didn't come here to turn around and leave any time soon. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I'm sure Gunnar or somebody will give me a ride back to your place." She regretted the way she'd said it as soon as the words left her mouth. It wasn't his place; it was theirs. They hadn't argued since she'd been home and she surely didn't want to start one in the middle of Gunnar's living room.
Caleb rocked back on his heels and regarded her silently for a moment. "It's fine," he said tightly. "It's just that I've worked late this entire week. I kind of wanted to spend at least part of Christmas Eve relaxing with you, but it's fine."
Don't apologize, she thought, resisting her first impulse. You haven't done anything wrong. "We at least have to stay through the exchange," she said by way of compromise, although it felt a whole lot like an apology.
Caleb nodded and closed the space between them, putting one hand on her back and one on the baby's. "She's really cute. Sometimes I think it'd be great to have a child. Maybe one day when you stop doing the band thing…"
Scarlett shook her head slightly and stepped away from him. She couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't lead to a complete falling out and so she bit back her response. "I'm gonna go talk to Gunnar and Avery. Excuse me." She left him there alone and crossed the room to approach her friends. Cadence's grinned at the sight of her father.
"You all right with her?" Avery asked, offering to take the baby again.
"No, she's fine." Scarlett jiggled the baby a bit in her arms. "She's great."
"That's my girl," Gunnar said, pulling a silly face for Cadence. "Aren't you Uncle Gunnar's favorite girl?"
"Hey," Erin said. "Then what am I?"
Gunnar started stammering. "I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that she's like-"
Erin cut him off, bumping his shoulder with hers, "I was joking, you goof." She smiled at Cadence and rubbed the baby's leg through her tights.
"You want to hold her?" Scarlett asked.
"Oh, no." Erin held up her hands. "I am allergic to babies."
Scarlett shrugged and listened absently as Avery and Gunnar talked about their favorite bands and musical influences, which was a conversation she had heard many, many times at the Bluebird and on the road and while writing with them. It never failed to surprise her that they hadn't yet exhausted that topic.
She cooed at the baby, but then watched as Cadence turned her head towards the sound of her mother's laugh where she stood talking to Will and Kevin. She noticed Avery did the same thing, stopping mid-sentence to glance over his shoulder and watch Juliette. His face held the same expression it had years ago when Juliette had come to his apartment to "thank" him for the Music City festival show. That look had told Scarlett everything he hadn't been able to say about the status of their relationship. She knew things had changed between Avery and Juliette (the major proof of that was riding Scarlett's hip, chewing on a teething ring and drooling down her brand new bib), but looking at him, she hoped they hadn't been irreparably destroyed. Avery's heart was set on Juliette, try as he might to rail against it.
She smiled down at the baby and nuzzled her little cheek before whispering in her ear. "Hope you get your family back soon, little one."
Will's barbeque was a hit. Gunnar wiped sauce from his fingers, lamenting the fact that Christmas barbecue hadn't been customary in his life before. He silently vowed to make it a new tradition, like the tree he and Will had wrangled in the house a couple days ago. They had perhaps gone overboard on the garland and ornaments, but as he took in the sight of his friends laughing together, their faces aglow in the twinkling lights he'd wound around and around the tree, it felt like just enough.
He finished off the rib in his hand and almost felt bad for Cadence, who got pureed green beans instead of barbecue, but she seemed to be enjoying them. Avery and Juliette sat next to him on the couch and he'd watched them juggle their plates, stealing bites of food while taking turns feeding their daughter, looking as if they'd done it a dozen times before.
"Yummy, yummy green beans," Juliette said, leaning forward to where the baby was sitting in her portable high chair. She worked the spoon around Cadence's fingers to get the food into her mouth. "Cady Jo, you're gonna be a mess if you don't move those fingers." Avery handed her a napkin and Gunnar watched as she wiped the baby's hand, then mopped her soaked and stained bib. "This bib is a goner."
"No way," he said. "I just got her that one." That one and several others. He had, in fact, gotten her a bib, a stuffed animal or some other type of toy at almost every major stop they'd had while on the road. Erin had accompanied him the first couple of times, but he could tell she was bored with searching out baby items. It was after he'd found that cute uncle bib in a small store in Charleston that she finally said something.
"What is it with you and this baby?" She'd asked, her voice elevating enough for him to know she was annoyed and not just curious. "I mean," she paused and gestured to the rows of bibs and onesies hanging in front of them. "She's not yours."
"I know she's not mine, Erin," he'd said. "But this is her first Christmas and she's…" he trailed off, unable to explain why he kept buying gifts for Avery's daughter, even when he had at least three stuffed animals on the bus and had already mailed her an adorable headband with a flower that he guessed would be a pretty close match to the blue of her eyes. It wasn't solely because of Christmas, although that was part of it. He hadn't figured on ever really getting to know Cadence that well, especially after Avery quit the band. But after they moved in and Gunnar spent time with her, he found himself looking forward to seeing her at the end of the day, especially when she started recognizing his face and would sometimes grant him a toothless smile when she saw him.
He remembered the first time he and Will baby-sat and how she screamed loud enough to wake the dead until they broke out their guitars and sang "Cowgirls Don't Cry." She stopped mid-wail and stared at them, her eyes bouncing from him to Will and back to him. After they'd finished, her bottom lip started quivering and he and his roommate glanced at each other and quickly started playing the song again before she started hollering. Two more times all the way through and her little eyes drifted closed, much to his and Will's relief.
He hadn't been able to put all that into words, and in truth, didn't really want to explain. So he just said, "She's like family."
Erin didn't say much after that, but he made sure to go shopping on his own from then. He was surprised that she even asked, since everything with Erin was all about good times and letting loose. He wished she had reacted more like Scarlett, who just shook her head when he came back to the bus with another gift.
He wished he could stop comparing every girl to Scarlett. And then realized he'd been making that particular wish for a few years now.
Gunnar finished off another rib and snuck a glance at Scarlett and Caleb sitting on his other couch. It was the first time he'd seen them together in a few months. Caleb didn't usually pick Scarlett up when they got back in town, which was kinda strange, now that he was considering it. They sat across from him, eating in silence and Scarlett had that far off look she usually got when she was working through lyrics in her head. They looked miserable, he thought. As if they were both being held hostage by the other. Maybe it was the tour. He knew that those long separations could strain a relationship.
He didn't like Caleb. And that was probably an understatement for the depth of his true feelings. But he had tried to get used to the guy because Scarlett had made it pretty clear that Caleb was the one she wanted. That it was strictly music between the two of them and he had to accept that. And so he tried to make that enough. Being her bandmate and friend. Writing love songs with her and about her and pouring his feelings into the microphone, letting the songs say what he dared not.
Then Erin had come along, lively and mysterious, and gave him something else to focus on. And for a time, that had been enough to distract him from thinking of Scarlett that way. For a time, it had worked.
Erin sat on his right, her plate balanced on her knees. She was deep in conversation with Kevin and Will, who were sitting next to each other, bodies touching from hips to knees. Will held a bottle of beer in one hand and gestured wildly with his other. Erin was giggling and Kevin had a look of amusement on his face as he looked at his partner. He touched Will's knee every now and then, and Gunnar watched as Will stopped waving his hand in the air to cover Kevin's hand with his own. They looked happy and Gunnar was pleased that his friend had actually taken his advice and called Kevin to see if they could work things out.
Juliette bumped his left arm and Gunnar turned his head to look at her. "Did you say something?"
"I said this macaroni and cheese is amazing." She used her fork to point at the small pile of pasta on her plate. "Did you make it?"
He almost lied and said yes, if only to wipe the doubt from her face. "No. I, uh, called Emily and she suggested this place for the side dishes. A restaurant called-"
"Silo." Juliette cut him off before he could finish. "That makes sense. Emily ordered this for me a lot because I craved it for about a month when I was pregnant. Lunch and dinner. Then I moved on to other things."
"Sea salt caramels," Avery said as he fed the baby another spoonful of food.
"Yes," she glanced over her shoulder at him. "Sea salt caramels."
"And then lime Jello with milk."
Juliette wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, that was gross. Can't believe I ate that."
"Neither can I," Avery said. "Used to gag watching you."
"Well, anyway," Gunnar interrupted before they could continue reminiscing about Juliette's weird pregnancy cravings. "Emily's awesome. I'm sure she's a great assistant."
"She's my friend," Juliette quietly corrected him. "Closest thing I have to a sister."
Gunnar nodded, surprised to hear Juliette's words. He had never really thought much of her, especially after he saw her and Jeff together at that party. He'd always thought Avery, Emily and Cadence deserved much better, but he understood there must be something he was missing. Emily was fiercely loyal, defending Juliette even when she was completely out of control. And Avery? Gunnar had noted the way he kept sneaking glances at her since she'd arrived and handed her gift over to him with a shy smile. Based on those looks alone, Gunnar figured Cadence's bib wasn't the only thing that was a goner.
In all fairness, Juliette seemed to be doing all right. The day before, when Avery had told him that he'd invited her to the party, Gunnar hadn't known what to expect. He hadn't thought it was his roommate's best idea considering everything that had happened, but Avery explained that he didn't want her sitting in her house all alone for the holiday. Gunnar couldn't argue with that. He'd spent several years worth of holidays by himself before he came to Nashville.
"You gonna be all right though?" He'd asked. "Don't you think it'll be awkward?"
Avery had been doing laundry and folded two tiny pink shirts before answering. "I don't want it to be. Think it'd be kinda unfair to invite her and then treat her like I don't really want her here." He pulled another shirt from the basket in front of him. "It's our daughter's first Christmas and I want them to be together even if we're…" He trailed off, finished the sentence with a shrug. "I'm just going to do my best so that it won't be uncomfortable for either of us."
Gunnar didn't think Avery had ever stopped loving Juliette, he was just hurt and angry at how it had all played out. He knew a little about that too, having love simmer under rage. That had been Avery's reaction when he found out about Juliette and Jeff, lashing out at any and everything that dared cross his path. Love won out that time. Honestly, Gunnar wondered what it was like to love somebody that way. It took courage, he figured, to love so much that you'd forgive someone for tearing your world asunder and then have nerve enough to trust them again.
Avery had done it once though, Gunnar reminded himself. He watched as Avery fed the baby the last of her dinner. Cadence made a face as if she didn't think the green beans were yummy, despite what her mother had said.
"Think this kid is ready for a bottle and a new bib," Juliette said, scooting forward on the couch to unbuckle the baby from the high chair. Cadence chose that moment to blow a raspberry, spewing green slobbery wetness all over her mother's white sweater.
Gunnar stopped chewing long enough to look down and check his plate for any goo that might have made its way over to his precious ribs. Luckily, he'd been out of range. Avery seemed to have fared just as well, with only a few drops on his hand that he quickly wiped off.
"Cadence Jolene Barkley," Juliette said, looking down at her sweater. "You just love getting mama wet, don't you?" She tickled the baby's stomach before lifting her out of the seat.
"You can probably blame me for that," Will spoke up, an apologetic look on his face. "I kinda taught her how to do that the other day."
"Guess you taught her well," she said. "Her aim is impeccable."
"Think she's ready for pajamas?" Avery asked.
"Mm-hm," Juliette agreed. "And a diaper change."
He made a move to reach for her diaper bag but Juliette shook her head at him. "Think maybe this one should be done upwind of the living room." She lifted Cadence in the air to smell her backside. "Yeah. Definitely."
He stood and took the baby from her, but Scarlett stopped him before he could go up the stairs.
"Oh, wait. Before you go up, Caleb and I have a gift for her." Scarlett retrieved a box she'd set under the tree and handed it to Avery.
Gunnar wiped his hands and set his plate on the table next to him and quickly walked over to the tree to pull a gift from beneath it. "Hey, I have one too. You should open mine too before you take her upstairs."
"Okay," Avery said slowly, accepting the gift Gunnar held. He sat back down and passed the baby to Juliette. Gunnar hoped Avery would open his gift first, but he ripped the paper from Scarlett's box.
"Look what daddy has." Juliette said, turning so Cadence was facing Avery, but the baby was more interested in her favorite two fingers than what her father was doing.
Avery opened the box to reveal a pair of red and white striped pajamas embroidered with the words Cadence's First Christmas.
"Oh, how sweet." Juliette said, reaching out to run her fingers over the reindeer on the shirt. "Thank you so much, Scarlett."
"Thanks, Scarlett." Avery held the pajamas up for Cadence. "Look what Scarlett got you for your first Christmas."
"Well, not that it matters now, but I got her some too," Gunnar said, unable to keep the bitter edge from his voice. Every eye in the house turned to him, even Cadence, who fell back in Juliette's arms and stared at him, her little face turned upside down. If he hadn't been so embarrassed, he would have laughed at the act, the way she gurgled and green-tinged drool rolled across her cheek and dripped onto her mother's clothes, putting the final nail in the coffin for Juliette's white sweater. But he was embarrassed with everyone looking at him as if he'd cussed at Scarlett. Erin elbowed his side.
Avery gave him a look that quite clearly said, "what the hell?" before tearing the paper from the gift and pulling out another pair of pajamas, green and red this time, adorned with the words Little Elf's First Christmas.
"Thank you, Gunnar," Juliette said, adjusting Cadence in her lap so that she was sitting upright. "She can wear one tonight and one tomorrow."
"Yeah, I guess great minds think alike." Gunnar said, glancing at Scarlett. Her eyes were full of patience, but her mouth was pulled tight. It was the kind of look he imagined her giving her uncle after he'd fallen off the wagon for the first time in years. It made him feel even more like a heel for making the gift giving a competition.
"Thanks, Gunnar." Avery said, taking Cadence from Juliette. He grabbed both pair of pajamas before taking the baby up the stairs.
"Guess we'll wait for them to come back before we start with the gift exchange." Gunnar said, reaching for his plate. Erin's was on the table next to it, so he grabbed hers too. When he looked up from the table, she was staring at him, her expression the same as it had been in that baby store in Charleston.
"What is it with you?" She asked, her voice low enough so that he was the only one that heard.
He ignored her and stepped away, taking their plates into the kitchen. He heard Will behind him telling Kevin he would get him another beer. As expected, his roommate sidled up next to him at the kitchen counter.
"What the hell was that about?" Will hissed in his ear.
"The pajamas? I just wanted to do something special for her since Avery's been making a big deal about it being her first-"
"I'm not talking about that." Will cut him off. "I'm talking about you with Scarlett."
"Come on. Like Caleb had anything to do with that gift."
"Dude," Will said. "Chill." He grabbed two beers from the refrigerator. "I'm gonna see about that grill," he said, before leaving Gunnar alone in the kitchen.
Probably shouldn't have said that, Gunnar thought. He didn't know why he had, honestly. Sometimes words just bubbled up and came out before he had a chance to check them. That had always seemed to be his problem where Scarlett was concerned.
Will heard the back door open behind him, but didn't look up until the person was next to him. He figured it was Kevin, coming out to talk while they waited for Avery to come back downstairs with Cadence. He was surprised to look up and see Juliette. She leaned one hip against the porch rail, hands tucked into the pocket of her jeans. Will guessed she was trying to work up the nerve to say what she'd come outside for, so he kept fooling with the grill and waited.
"I see you found that one, huh?" She finally said.
"That one what?"
"The one that makes you feel like the best version of yourself."
Will stopped raking the coals long enough to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It took him a minute to remember their conversation a few years ago when he had been one of her openers. "Reckon so," he said and then couldn't stop himself from smiling when he thought about Kevin.
She half smiled, her lips lifting a little on one side. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy for you. Coming out was pretty brave."
"Thank you." He turned back to the grill, contemplating the dying embers before lifting his eyes to look at her. "You found that person too."
"I did," she said. "And then lost him."
Will paused for the slightest of seconds. "He still loves you."
"I know he does," she said simply. "That's not our problem. I'm the - I destroyed us."
Will winced when he heard the pain in her voice. He knew more than most what it was like to hate yourself for something you couldn't help. "The post-partum wasn't your fault," he said softly.
"I know." She shrugged. "I've accepted that. But after everything that happened?" Her voice lifted at the end, making her sentence a question. "He's not going to forgive all that."
He closed the cover of the grill while working over what he was going to say. "I'm probably overstepping my bounds a hell of a lot right now, but I've done some things I'm ashamed of and hurt some people I cared about so I might know a little bit about how you feel." He hooked his fingers in waistband of his jeans, thinking about Brent and Layla and how he'd hurt them both without truly meaning to. "You were sick. Admitting that you needed help was a brave thing for you to do. He sees the effort you're making to get better. He sees you," he repeated the last, locking eyes with her. "Honestly, Juliette, if Avery could stop himself from loving you, he would have done it by now. He can't. You're it for him. That one that makes him want to be the best version of himself. You and Cadence. And as long as that's the case, maybe there's a chance y'all can work through it."
She nodded slowly and it seemed as if she was letting his words sink in. "Thank you."
Her small smile was all he needed to see before putting his arm over her shoulder. "Come on. We better get inside before Gunnar comes looking for us. He's way too excited about these gifts." He paused, stopping her from opening the door. "Don't tell him, but I got Cady some pajamas too. No elves or reindeer though. Texas Longhorns, with a little ruffle on the backside."
Juliette looked up at him and giggled. "Will, I'm starting to think you're a bad influence on my baby."
As they stepped back inside, he hoped he hadn't meddled too much. He hadn't said anything he wouldn't stand by, but he didn't want Avery coming to him later, angry with him for speaking to Juliette about their issues. Avery had been open about his hurt, but he could also be private, keeping his focus on his daughter and his struggle to get a foothold in the world without his wife.
Will watched as Juliette walked over to the bottom of the stairs where Avery held Cadence. The baby reached for her mother, kicking her little feet in the pajamas Gunnar had given her. From where he stood, Will could see Avery's smile as Juliette took their daughter in her arms.
I always thought they'd make it, Will thought. Maybe they'll prove me right.