Bioware's toys, I'm just borrowing them.

Chapter 26

She Said

"Are you sure about this, Shepard?" Garrus asked, his flanging voice lowered in concern.

I sat on a crate in the cargo hold, dressed in the black pants and shirt I'd gone up talk to Alenko in. "Am I sure about mutinying? Hell, no. Am I sure we need the Normandy, yes. Do I regret taking over this ship? No."

Tali made an exasperated noise through her breather, "That's not what he's talking about, Shepard. Are you sure it's a good idea to talk to him right now?"

I looked up at my friend, "He's not going to get any calmer. In fact, the more I delay, the more pissed off he'll get."

"You're probably right, Shepard. But you're in no condition to go in there and talk to him calmly," Garrus pointed out.

"That's probably best, don't you think? I shouldn't be calm about stealing the man's ship out from under him." I wiped at my eyes, glad I wasn't wearing eye make up for once. "Hell, it's bad enough I'm going to have to ask Liara for help since the Alliance has just shortened our timeline."

"It will hardly help matters any if you both start shouting, short timeline or not," Tali reminded me.

I scrubbed my face with both hands and stood up. "Talking about it isn't making it any easier. Time to go beard the lion in his den."

"Time to do what in the what?" Garrus asked.

I laughed, short and choppy, "Human idiom, means I'm going to go do something very difficult and possibly dangerous." I headed to the elevator. Before I got there I turned back to them, "No matter what you hear, don't interrupt. I don't imagine he'll be glad to see me."

Tali huffed out a breath, "Keelah, Shepard, I wouldn't be either."

I arrived outside the captain's quarters to find Legion standing guard as I had ordered. The geth gestalt was most likely to be able to counter Kaidan's hacking attempts, I'd reasoned. I may have been overestimating him, but I'd never been dumb enough to think the Staff Commander's laconic exterior was the result of an ineffective mind.

"Shepard-Commander," the geth flared his eye plates at me, "Alenko-Commander ceased his efforts at hacking through the door 600.3345 seconds ago."

I did the math and guessed he gave up about ten minutes before I'd arrived. "Thank you, Legion. Open the door and don't open it again until I say so."

"Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander."

The door cycled open onto the dimly lit quarters and I stepped through it and heard it shut behind me. A blue flare of biotics in the far corner hurt my adjusting eyes and buzzed behind my teeth and I blinked. In my hesitation, I missed dodging his warp field. I fell to my knees, trying to hold myself together, and clenched my teeth against a scream. "Kaidan," I gasped out. The field instantly released and I collapsed on all fours, gasping for air. "Kaidan, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I have to talk to you."

"Get out, Shepard." I hadn't heard his voice that cold since Horizon.

I hauled myself to my feet, grunting in pain. "No. You need to hear me."

"What, that this was all part of your plan to get another ship for Cerberus?"

Clutching my stomach muscles that still didn't seem to want to go back in place, I stared at his still-glowing form in the shadows. "I am not working for Cerberus!"

He advanced, shoving a table out of his way. "It sure as hell looks like it to me! You stole my ship, Shepard!"

"I – borrowed it, Alenko!" Yes, it was lame, but it is what I intended. He would get his ship back, none the worse for wear.

He stopped in his tracks to stare at me incredulously, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline, "You – I'm sorry, what?"

"I want my ship! I do not want yours. But without the Concord, I don't have a hope of finding the Normandy." I was proud I kept my voice steady and as cold as his. My hands were still pressed to my stomach though. Damn, a warp field without armor hurt!

He came closer and I could see the rest of his face clearly. His heavy brows were drawn low over his whiskey-tinted eyes and his full lips were pulled into a tight line. "That's bullshit, Shepard. Any ship in the galaxy can help you find the Normandy."

I didn't remember him being so dense two years ago, "No, Alenko, any ship in the galaxy can't help me find the Normandy. The Normandy, just like the Concord, can't be found unless it wants to be found."

"You're right, so how's the Concord going to help?" He crossed his arms and stared at me skeptically.

"I'm not sure of the specifics, but my team tells me they can use the Concord's stealth drive to locate the Normandy's."

"You stole my ship and you're not sure of the fucking specifics?" Ah, there was the angry voice.

"I'll have my team present you with the full schematics tomorrow, Alenko! That is not the issue here!"

He stepped closer and leaned into my face, "No, the issue here is that you used me to get my ship. You had sex with me to get close enough to me so I would trust you.

"You are still a betrayer and a traitor."

My stomach dropped into my boots and I felt my blood turn to ice, my heart tried to pump it faster and faster through my veins. The room spun and filled with a blue fire as I reflexively activated my biotics to futilely protect me. I didn't have the adrenaline pumping through my veins like I'd had on Horizon to protect me from the pain of his words. The floor rushed up to my face and I felt two steel bars catch me around the shoulders. My head still spinning, I was thrown unceremoniously into a chair and my head forced down between my knees. "You don't get to faint, Avery. You get to face what you've done here."

The universe righted itself and I stood up and gave him the only response suitable for his accusation. I slapped him. "I did not have sex with you so you would trust me! How dare you! You don't get to judge me! You have no idea what I've had to do since I –"

"Since you died?" I stared at him. "Oh, yes, I know all about it. Your 'team' was kind enough to fill me in on the Lazarus project." He walked over to his desk and picked up an OSD and threw it at me. I caught it without looking. "When I saw," his voice broke and he cleared his throat. "When I saw you dead on that slab, I couldn't breathe." My eyes widened, "Oh, yes, there's full video surveillance of you being pieced back together." He grabbed my arm and searched my face. "Which one of your team put that together for me? Who faked all the footage? I have to say, that was some pretty impressive camera work."

I swallowed, "So, you've got it all figured out, have you? I'm an evil manipulative bitch, hell bent on ruining your life?" I shoved my finger at him, poking him in the chest, "Tell me, Staff Commander, if I didn't love you, would you really be important enough for a Spectre to fuck over like that? Would you really be that far up the food chain for me to have given a rat's ass enough about you to what, screw with your life like that?"

"Wait, 'love'? You don't get to throw around words like that right now!"

"No, you only get to throw them around after I save your life, yet again! And then judge me for it!" I pushed past him. I was done. I was tired of this. He wasn't going to listen to reason and believe the evidence in front of his eyes. I sat the OSD down and walked toward the door.

"You walk out of here, I'm not going to talk to you again, Shepard." The cold voice was back.

I had my hand up to touch the pressure plate, "It's going to be a long trip, Alenko. Make yourself comfortable." Strong hands grabbed my shoulders and spun me around before I could comm. for Legion.

I raised my eyes to his, hoping he read the complete hatred I felt for him in that moment. He seemed to flinch, but it might have been my imagination because he continued to meet my gaze steadily. "I mean it, Shepard. You walk out that door, don't come back."

I crossed my arms, "Are you willing to talk or just shout accusations at me some more? Am I innocent until proven guilty? Or have you already tried and convicted me?"

He ran both hands through his hair, lacing his fingers behind his neck and spun away from me. "I'll listen."

His back was still to me. I shrugged and leaned against the door. "I did die, Kaidan. And a great deal of me is machine, as you can tell from that vid."

"Yeah, I know. I found no evidence of it being faked." That all came out in a breath.

"Then why did you-?" I closed my eyes and shook my head. Reopening them and staring at his taut shoulders, I continued, "Liara has information for me. She knows where Cerberus took the Normandy. She'll be coming with us. I didn't want to use her resources before because I don't like where she gets her information. But the Alliance has forced my hand and upped our timetable.

"Liara has also found out why they recalled all available ships."

He dropped his hands to his sides and turned, "Why?"

"A massive pirate movement that would make Mindoir and Torfan look like garden tea parties."

He spun, "The Shepard I knew would set aside her agenda and defend those colonists!"

"No, she wouldn't." I crossed my arms, but stayed pressed against the door.

His eyebrows shot up again, "She sure as hell would have! We busted our asses to save Feros because you wouldn't let another colony fall if you could help it!"

"I could save every fucking colony in the Milky Way and it wouldn't matter, Alenko." I pushed off the door and closed the distance between us. His warm brown eyes were glued to my face. "The Reapers are coming."

"They will take centuries to get here from dark space, Shepard."

I shook my head, "No, they won't. They're capable of far more than we are, Alenko. And they're coming. Within the decade, at least; within the next few years, most likely. They are coming. Soon, it won't matter if you're a pirate, a Spectre, or an Alliance Commander. We'll all be dead."

I took a breath and continued, "Liara knows this. Tali knows this. Garrus knows this. Hell, Joker and Chakwas know this and they didn't even see everything you did in the hunt for Saren. Why can't you get it through your thick skull, Alenko? Nothing matters except stopping the Reapers!"

"You're obsessed!"

"You're damned right I am." I threw up my hands in the air and began to pace. I clasped my hands behind my back. "They will come, Kaidan. And we'll all, every one of us, die. Unless I get my ship back. She helped me defeat the Collectors. It took the combined firepower of the Alliance Fifth Fleet and the Citadel Fleet to bring Sovereign down and it cost us far too many ships. We can't afford that kind of attrition against hundreds, maybe thousands of those dreadnoughts."

"And what is one ship going to do?"

I glared at him, "Alenko, use your brain."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "You planning another suicide run behind enemy lines?"

"If that's what it takes."

He sat down on the edge of his bed. "No."

My eyes bugged out, "NO?" I demanded incredulously.

He shook his head, "No. If you sacrifice those colonies to defeat the Reapers, Shepard, you're no better than Saren. You'll lose what makes our civilization great in the process of saving it."

I wanted to scream in frustration. "Do you know what the Collectors used to be, Alenko?"

He blinked at my seeming non-sequitor, "No, what were they?"

"Protheans." I could see him process this information. It was almost like watching myself connect the horrible dots on the Collector ship three months ago. The tall, elegant statues standing their silent watch on Ilos. The short, squat winged things we'd fought on Horizon.

He looked a little nauseated, "How?"

"The Reapers. They did the same thing to the Keepers on the Citadel. But there's no record of their original race."

"That's what Saren was trying to do, wasn't it. Arrange for the asari, the salarians, the turians, us, even the krogan to serve those things." He was finally horrified enough. He stared up at me, "How did you find this out?"

"We raided a Collector ship. EDI hacked their computers. She compared the Collector DNA to what we had on file of the Protheans' DNA. Other than some manipulation, it was identical." I still stood in front of him, waiting for his response.

"Get out. Please."

I blinked. That was not the response I was expecting. "What?"

His red-rimmed eyes looked up at me, "You couldn't trust me enough to tell me all of this to begin with? I had to find out the details of your death through your 'team'? You steal my ship, possibly ruining my career? You dump all of this information on me and want me to forgive you?"

I knelt in front of him, cupping his face in my hands so he couldn't pull away. "I don't expect you to forgive me, Kaidan. I don't even expect you to like me very much. I certainly never expect you to love me again."

I rose up until my mouth was even with his. "But it won't matter. I may have survived this suicide mission. I don't expect to survive the next. And if I have anything to say about it, there won't be a Cerberus around to resurrect me." I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his, gently. It was a good bye kiss. "I love you." His lips didn't move. I really didn't expect him to speak with me again once I left this room. I stood up and walked toward the door. "But know this, Kaidan. I am sorry. I should have trusted you, yes. I don't trust the Alliance, but I should have trusted you." I called out to the geth and the door cycled open. I turned to look at him, slumped on his bed, his strong hands hanging limply between his knees. "The door won't be locked. There will be no guards stationed outside your quarters. You're free to come and go as you please."

"I...," I waited as he started to speak then stopped. When he didn't continue, I left the room and let the door close behind me. "Legion, you're relieved. Please let everyone know Staff Commander Alenko is not a prisoner. Has Liara arrived yet?"

"Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander. T'Soni-Doctor is waiting for you in the CIC."

"Thank you, Legion. See if Joker needs help with EDI."

The geth platform moved away and I allowed the tears I'd been holding back to fall silently down my cheeks. We should never have slept together.