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Chapter 31

She Said

There was one thing I needed to do while we were in transit. I had a suspicion my XO had gone to speak with my... what was he, boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? I wondered what Garrus had told him. Only one way to find out. I went to wait for my erstwhile XO; he had some explaining to do. I figured out which section of the hold he'd staked out as his since his sniper rifle was in pieces for cleaning all over one of the crates. I moved a few pieces out of the way and perched on the crate, crossing one knee over the other and lacing my fingers together to prop it against. I didn't have to wait long. Joker and Garrus were more friendly than they used to be but neither of them got each other's sense of humor. I don't know how I managed to understand both their jokes.

I didn't have to wait long, I was right in assuming Garrus wouldn't waste time gossipping with Joker. He looked at me over the rim of his scouter. "I wondered how long it would take you to come down here."

"Glad I could oblige. You talked to Kaidan, didn't you?" It wasn't a question. Please tell me he doesn't hate me!I squashed that little voice flat.

He leaned on one arm on the stacked crates in front of me. "Yes."

"Do you think I'm cutting corners? Sacrificing too much? Obsessed?"

His cheekplates moved against his jaw and he looked down at the ground. "You're getting there."

"And you couldn't tell me yourself?"

He looked back up, "Would you have listened?"

"I don't know. Maybe. We have been through hell and back, you know."

He huffed out a breath around his cheekplates. "I know you better than that, Shepard. You're obsessed. I can't blame you, not really, considering what's at stake. But if you go into this fight like you've been approaching the last few missions, you're going to get yourself and the rest of us killed." I blinked at him. That... no... I wasn't that reckless, was I?

He shrugged, "Don't get me wrong, I could think of worse ways to go, and you had to no choice in taking on the Collectors like we did, but I'd like to be alive to stop the Reapers, Shepard."

"I... Garrus, I.." I knew I felt desperate, but there was no way I was being that insane. I might be irresponsible with my own life, but I was never cavalier with my team members' lives. Wasn't I? I've certainly been cavalier with Kaidan's heart at least. "Thanks, Garrus. You've given me a lot to think about."

He closed his eyes as I walked past. "Shepard, just... I've got your six, as always."

I cuffed his shoulder. "Just like old times, Garrus."

I left his little corner of the hold and wondered what I should do next. I'd ordered the release of Kaidan's remaining few crew members when I'd decided to trust him and my team seemed to be trying to simultaneously keep an eye on them and not scare them into doing something stupid.

Miranda was being efficient at the shipboard XO'ing. I did need to plan how to go about rescuing my ship, but calling everyone up to the briefing room to discuss it did not sound appealing right now. I got into the elevator and leaned against the back wall. I may not want to do it, but a meeting seemed unavoidable. I turned to climb the stairs toward the CIC instead of letting my feet automatically lead me back to Kaidan's cabin like I really wanted them to.

I approached Joker and found him arguing with Kaidan's pilot. "No, it's not your shift yet. And this isn't your ship. At the moment. So, get out of my cockpit." Villareal shook his head, ready to retort but at the sound of my boots on the deck plates, spun a parade ground turn and jerked himself into "at attention" before he realized I wasn't even in the Alliance any more and just a lousy Spectre who'd hijacked his ship.

I held up my hand, "Belay that. Joker, turn the helm over to Villareal. If he varies from this course, his CO will be very irritated with him. Before you get up, though, summon everyone to the briefing room. And then get your ass in there." I nodded at the other pilot. "Lieutenant. If you need verification of my orders from Staff Commander Alenko, I'll be happy to have him provide them in person?"

The dark eyed man swallowed, "Uh, no, ma'am. I'll uh, take your word for it." Joker shook his head and started pressing buttons, I turned and headed back down to the CIC. The ship was nearly empty. Miranda and Jacob, Garrus and Legion, being the few who had any clue how to operate a starship had taken up several positions at vital stations - I assumed Tali was in the bowels of engineering. I waved for them all to follow me when they looked up. The sound of booted and metallic feet on the deck plates trailed behind me to the briefing room.

I walked in and stood at the front of the room and waited for everyone to file in. I watched them all and tried not to let my emotions get the better of me. I'd been through so much with these people. Liara was back on Hagalaz, and Wrex on Tuchanka, but these were the people with whom I'd been through hell and back. Jacob nodded to me and took up a space against the wall, leaning with his arms crossed. Garrus stood similarly, but closer to me on my right. Miranda took up a spot on my left. Legion merely stepped off the ramp and to one side, his headlamp aimed in my direction. Everyone else, including Doctor Chakwas, filed in slowly and Kaidan brought up the rear with Joker. I was surprised and pleased to see everyone leave a seat for the pilot, even Jack. But then... after going through hell like they had, they'd have to come out of it a far more unified force than they'd gone in. Especially since they'd all survived. Well... of the crew that is.

The smell. That might've been the worst. I never thought insects would stink. Somewhere in the back of my mind, though, it sort of made sense. Bugs communicated by pheromones sometimes. The stench was acrid, sometimes sweet like rotting food, but it always made me want to throw up. I was glad when I got used to it. You could see the relief on my human crewmembers' and Samara's face when we finally were able to "forget" the smell. The only other ones not bothered were Legion and Tali. My other teammates weren't quite so lucky and I could see Garrus look nauseated as he led his team off for his part of our mission. What got me was the colonists. Standing there, staring in horror as the woman's fists pounded against the clear sided container, leaving bloody prints behind.

I don't know why I always came back to this memory. Lately, seeing the colonist's face dissolve overrode even the nightmares of my own death. And sometimes, I'd wake up after having seen my crew suffer the same fate. But it was hundreds of times worse when my sleeping brain realizes if I'd been just a minute or two too slow, Kaidan would have been in those pods. I clenched my fingers on the railing behind me and tried to not stare at my former lieutenant just to make sure he really was there.

I waited for everyone to sit down. The minute I spoke, the chatter stopped and all eyes (and headlamps) turned to me. "Our batarian guest coughed up the origination of the people who hired him. Hopefully, it's not just a blind alley and we'll actually find the Normandythere."

"So, where are we going, Shep?" Kasumi asked, her eyes twinkling under her hood.

"Caleston. Apparently, there's a space station orbiting the planet Partholon in the Balor System."

"That's quite a ways away, Shepard." Tali pointed out.

"More time here on the Good Ship Lollipop," Joker responded, grinning.

"What's a lollipop?"

"Who the fuck cares? Look, getting a ride from these squints was a good plan, Shepard, but it's been boring as hell. I'd better get to shoot something, soon. Or are you going to let the boyscout spoil all our fun?" I quirked an eyebrow at Jack's outburst, but before I could respond, Miranda stepped in.

"This will have to be a covert reconnaissance mission, Jack. Your particular... style... isn't suited to this type of operation." I resisted the urge to put my hand to my forehead in pain. It had taken me a great deal of persuasion to get Miranda to start using Jack's name. Now she hurled it like an epithet.

"Miranda, I think the teams are up to Shepard, not us." Jacob gently reminded her. She turned to glare at him and I braced myself for the tongue lashing sure to follow.

She took a deep breath and seem to grit her teeth, though. "You're right, Jacob. I'm just doing my job. Remember that? Our job?"

Oh, hell.I shared a glance with Kaidan who merely shook his head. Jacob and Miranda just sort of looked at each other awkwardly.

I was entirely grateful for Thane's interruption, "Siha," Kaidan's eyebrows rose and I resisted the urge to grin. "I assume you have a plan, even with our limited knowledge of this base?"

"Of course. First, I'll need you and Kasumi to sneak in and steal the plans of the base. You'll also need to verify that the Normandy's even there. When you have, give us the all clear and we'll take one of the shuttles from The Concorde and head over. We do not want The Concordedocked at this station. She's to lie doggo and take off as soon as the shuttle's clear. Cerberus can't get their hands on her." I refused to look at Kaidan. I could almost hear his protest. The two operatives of my team best at stealth nodded. "Next, we'll spilt up into four teams. Wreak as much havoc as we can so they can't chase either ship. Blow up any reserve vessels they have."

"Finally, some fun!" Grunt growled, punching one fist into another.

Jack grinned an evil little grin and walked toward Miranda. "So long as the cheerleader doesn't object. This is a Cerberus pet project, after all." I was seriously considering putting her in Miranda's team. For about a millisecond.

Miranda rolled her eyes and took two steps closer to Jack to get into her face. "For the last time, Jack, I'm no longer a part of Cerberus."

"You've turned your coat once, Cheerleader. What's to stop you from turning it again?" Jack's sneer compounded the insult.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. "Enough." I didn't bother raising my voice. Miranda glanced at me sidelong, as did Jack. Both women gave each other one last glare and metaphorically went back to their corners. In reality, they merely both turned to look at me. "Now, team leaders, I want the three of you to meet and break everyone into teams. Just don't forget, I'm lousy at tech." I smiled at them, the humans smiled back, of course. "Go. Joker, you said the trip would take how long?"

"Forty-eight hours, Commander. We'll be cutting it close, EDI's starting to degrade."

"Shit. Anyway to speed us up?"

"Not really, we're already flying as fast as this girl will let us. I didn't want to take the safeties off without yours or Kai-Commander Alenko's approval, though." I glanced at Kaidan. He ran his fingers through his hair, his hand stopping on the back of his neck. He nodded.

"Do what you have to do," I said. "Need anyone's help?"

"Tali's, if she's got a moment. We have to coordinate it from both the cockpit and engineering." The young quarian nodded.

"All right, let's go get our home back." I stood, leaning on the rail, watching everyone file out. Kaidan stood at parade rest in the middle of the room, looking at me steadily. "What?"

"I'm not letting you set foot on that station without me."

"You don't have a choice."

"This isn't a negotiation, Shepard. I'm coming with you."

"You're really willing to risk the Concordelike that? Your career?"

He crossed the room to me, quickly. I met his eyes, unflinchingly, despite wanting to just drown in them. "You're concerned for my career now? After everything you've done?"

"Well, yes." I blinked at him, startled. He hadn't figured this out? Did I really need to tell him? "I always have been. It wasn't just a lack of trust, Kaidan. I didn't want to put you in a position where you had to choose between me and the Alliance." He simply stared at me for a moment, his eyebrows raised. "Say something, say anything. What?"

"You're really something, Avery." He stepped away, both hands laced together behind his neck, stretching it. He turned back to me. "You lied to me, didn't trust me, stole my ship, in order to save my career?" He sat down heavily in a chair.

I nodded, "It was one of the reasons, yes."

"And you didn't mention this before... why?"

I shrugged. "Would it have mattered? You were going to hate me anyway." I looked away. I'd gotten so used to the SR-2, that the dim lighting on the Concorde was difficult even for my artificially enhanced eyes. Oh, look, that was a new tactic for me. Avoidance.

He was in front of me again, turning my face to his. "You let me worry about my career." He'd allowed his voice to drop into those lower tones that made me want to throw him to the floor and rip his clothes off. Before I could say anything in response, though, or back away to keep the professional distance we were trying our hardest to maintain, his hand moved from my chin to the back of my neck, one thumb along my jaw. He lowered his lips to mine and I felt the universe grind to a halt. No other part of us touched, just his hand on my neck and our lips.

He pulled away first. "Do what you have to do, Avery. And stop worrying about my career. I'll be on your six when you walk out of that airlock." He frowned at me. "You try to leave me behind, I'll follow, you know."

"Kaidan, I -" I couldn't finish. I just looked at him, tongue tied. All my eloquence having fled. I cleared my throat, as he looked at me, rather amused. "This is no time to try to be a hero."

"I'm not trying. Maybe I'd like to arrest you and letting you out of my sight is not conducive to that goal?" I snorted. His eyebrow went up. "You won't be able to lock me back up you know. I've taken care of that." Well, there went that idea.

"You can't arrest me. The only thing you can do is have my Spectre status revoked and they won't do it over this."

"Your Spectre status gets revoked, I canarrest you."

"Um, checkmate?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I held up a hand. "All right. I won't make you stay on board. But the Concordelies doggo with orders to head for Alliance space exactly 12 hours after we leave if we haven't contacted them."

"What about the rest of the crew?"

"I left instructions that they were to be returned when we weren't heard from in two weeks' time. We get the Normandy, we'll help you rendezvous with them in the Concorde. Hackett's going to be pissed."

"Yes, he will be. But we have a ship to get back, first." My eyes widened at his use of the pronoun. "Stop trying to protect me and manage me, Shepard. I'm a big boy."

"I know. But..." I blinked. Something was making my eyes burn. "But the only thing that made dying bearable was knowing you survived."