(The totally awful) Epilogue (I wish I hadn't written but can't 'not' post at the same time)
Rural Virginia
Scully knew she definitely was not dreaming when Mulder's long fingers wrapped around her waist and pushed her shirt up to touch her bare skin. She hummed and wasted no time in opening her eyes. She knew that was an awake touch and she confirmed as much when she looked up to see him half leaning over her, his brown eyes dark and half-lidded with sleep. His smile was content and she returned it tiredly.
"Does your head hurt?" he asked. She shook hers slowly, feeling the pillow underneath her. "We're here," he announced. "We made it." Scully looked to her side and saw a familiar, wooden bedside table. On it was propped their photo of them together in New York, taken just a few months after they had fled their old lives. It seemed like decades ago, but it had only perhaps been five years. Scully loved that photo, which was why she had carried it with her everywhere, because she had gotten Mulder back then, and they had been allowed to fall in love then, and they had been happy.
"Wow," she whispered. She continued to look around the room and realised they were indeed in their upstairs bedroom of their home. Mulder's photo of himself and Samantha as children was on his bedside table, their packs were on the floor propped up in the corner of the room against the wall, and they were under the blankets of the one bed they had spent more time in with each other than any other bed. It was truly theirs. They were home.
"I can't believe we're here," Mulder continued, leaning down to kiss her cheek softly in a morning greeting, though the light filtering in through the window seemed more like the afternoon.
"Eddie here?" she asked.
"I don't think so. He arranged everything with us before he knocked us out. Do you remember what he said?"
"Um...vaguely," she sighed. "I just woke up, give me a minute."
"S'okay," he promised kindly, propping himself up on his elbow on his pillow to watch her more comfortably. "He said he would give us some time. He'll know if we're gone because he won't be able to hear us-"
"Keep forgetting he can," she mumbled softly as Mulder continued.
"And he'll make sure this whole home comes with us." Scully shut her eyes and nodded.
"How are you feeling?"
"Still a little drugged I think. I want to walk around. Outside, is it sandy?"
"I haven't checked yet," Mulder admitted. "I only just woke up too." He pushed down the covers and Scully realised they were in the same clothes they had left in; their pyjamas which consisted of loose t-shirts and shorts. She got out of bed gingerly as Mulder did the same, both testing their balance after the effects of another dose of Eddie's knockout drug. "Really glad we won't have to go through this again," Mulder mentioned as Scully rounded the bed and reached for his arm for balance. They stumbled together to the window and Mulder reached out to open it as Scully gasped.
"It's beautiful," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. It was her window again. Outside tall, dry grass swayed in a warm breeze still reminiscent of the desert but passable as summery, the sky was blue with scattered, puffy cumulus clouds, and there was not a grain of sand in sight. "How far do you think this stretches?"
"Probably only as far as we can see, just for us," Mulder reasoned. "Eddie would have been focussed on Hawaii and on clearing the remaining cities here to turn it into his nature reserve. But this is really cool."
"I was standing right here when it happened," Scully told him. Mulder shivered, picturing her against the window, wondering why he had not yet come home, perhaps blaming herself or cursing him or both. All that was long behind them, but it was significant to what had happened since, and they had lived with the painful consequences for many months before finding one another again.
"Do you think it's hot because it's summer or because a week ago it was a desert?"
"Both," she answered. "I think it is summer. It's been around two years according to our friends and Nicky and Monica. They're good little time-keepers."
"They were a bit more than just that," Mulder chuckled. Scully nodded, leaning her head against his bicep as he let a hand rest on her hips. "Think they'll forgive us?"
"Yes," she whispered. "Being there is right for them. This is right for us. Gibson and Eddie know that, and I think the others do too. Skinner has never seemed surprised by any of it, and I think even Shannon gets it. I don't know what will happen to her, whether she could ever die. That's a fate I could never want for myself."
"Who knows," Mulder mused. "An extended period of time with Skinner and she might end up mortal enough to reach an end. After that much time with him she might need to." Scully laughed.
"So what would you like to do this afternoon, Mulder?" she asked.
"Let's check the kitchen to see what's there, and then we can sit in the backyard and watch the stars come out. I don't think we should do it tonight." Scully shook her head. She did not want to act so quickly either.
In the downstairs kitchen they found several bottles of water and some food which Eddie had obviously decided to bring with him in case they had left very little in the house, which they had. They had never intended to return to Virginia once they had left and so had taken almost everything with them in the large, wooden crate they called 'the raft'. Scully smiled softly at the memory of Skinner trying to pull it and getting nowhere, and Shannon then towing it with ease. She was glad they were together and were happy. Skinner had always deserved that, and there had been times when Scully had felt sorry for him. It was good he had found someone he was compatible with, who shared some of his interests and parts of his past. They would be great leaders.
"Tea?" Mulder asked as he surveyed the water and the gas stove. The kettle was still there and she thought they would still have plenty of gas. She nodded and perched on one of the stools, peering out of the kitchen window to the backyard. A line of thick trees were in the distance, with more grass between the forest and the house.
"It's just like I remember," she whispered.
"It is," Mulder agreed. "It's beautiful."
"Just what I wanted," she added as her voice cracked. She reached up to swipe at the tears in her eyes as Mulder poured water into the kettle with a sad smile on his face. "Mulder can we make love tonight?" she asked. He glanced at her with a curious smirk. "We haven't in a while," she reasoned. It was true. Not since the day after her mini-breakdown in Antarctica, in the genetic storeroom of Tower One and then in their quarters. He grinned as those memories melded into one and he nodded without any words, watching her instantly relax. He could not remember the last time she had actually asked for his permission. Usually, if anyone asked, it was him.
"It's a nice night," he began casually. "Stars will be out. Should I bring a blanket onto the grass out back?" he suggested. Scully's blue eyes lit up with surprise and her tongue ducked out to wet her lips as she nodded. "Excellent."
xxx
"Wish we had music," Mulder whispered into Scully's ear the following afternoon. They had discovered her green dress in the cupboard but she had felt silly wearing it while he had been in nothing more formal than jeans and they were in their own home, so they had stuck to their pyjamas. They would not be in them for much longer anyway.
"We can have music," she replied with a soft chuckle as her head rested against his chest. They were swaying softly in the silence around them. "As long as you don't mind my singing," she explained. "What do you feel like?"
"Ooh...Do you know the theme from Shaft?" he teased. She giggled and shook her head. "Pity."
"And I was walking in Memphis," she sung softly, lifting her head to look up and catch his eyes. She knew he would remember it was the first song they had ever danced to, and almost the last considering how infrequently they had bothered.
"Saw the ghost of Elvis," he replied, slightly off tune but no worse than her. He reached for her hands and laced their fingers together as she joined in with the verse. If she could hear the song she probably would know the words straight through, but without the music and in the emotionally charged situation after an intimate twenty-four hours together she had almost no hope, and they skipped between parts of verses and the chorus as they danced. Scully laughed at the few twirls Mulder threw in. He was a good dancer and his eyes glittered with happiness as they fooled around clumsily with lyrics and movements.
"Got any more good ideas?" he asked once the song had run its course at least three times over. He pulled her close to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. "Something slow," he whispered in her ear.
"I can only think of one right now," she conceded. "But it's a country song, Mulder. I'm not sure you can handle it."
"There's a first for everything," he teased.
"I always thought if things were different it could be our wedding song," she admitted. "But don't laugh at me when I try and sing it okay? If I get emotional I'll mess it up."
"It's okay," he whispered into the top of her head, stroking her long hair and shuffling her back and forth on the wooden floors of their bedroom. "This is our wedding right now, you know?"
"And we're SO dressed for it," she teased. He laughed.
"Shh, sing woman," he ordered playfully, listening to her clear her throat.
"You know it," she whispered before she began. "I wrote it in my diary while we were apart."
Mulder nodded, glancing at the diary sitting on her bedside table. They had spent the morning going through the handwritten book, talking softly to one another about everything in it, about their youth and their lives and work, sharing comments reinforcing beliefs or offering support. On top of the closed diary were the pills and two nearly empty bottles of water. They would only need a sip. They were really doing it, and Mulder was tingling all over. Tears were in his eyes and on his cheeks as Scully sang to him, not because he was afraid he was going to lose her, but because they were in the midst of closing their lives. He did not think they would ever return, but hopefully that would mean they would never again be apart.
Chances are you'll find me somewhere on your road tonight
Seems I always end up driving by
Ever since I've known you it just seems you're on my way
All the rules of logic don't apply
I long to see you in the night
Be with you 'til morning light
Mulder exhaled a sharp, aroused breath as Scully stepped away from him and pulled her shirt up over her head, dropping it to the bedroom floor behind her. Her long, thick orange hair was out and her blue eyes stared up at him with an emotional determination he knew so well. Bravely she pushed her shorts and underwear down and stepped out of them, letting him watch her undress for the last time.
He knew this was the final step before they ended their lives. He knew he should be sad or scared but he wasn't. He wanted her, and he could see in her eyes she wanted him. They had already made love a handful of times in the past day, each time trying to get closer, deeper, to become one physically on a level above any other level they had ever reached. Mulder knew they had always reached the highest level of emotional and physical intimacy, but they would try again anyway because every time they did their souls merged for longer and they felt complete and sated and not at all sad. They wanted their souls to be as close as possible when they were freed, so entwined that they would never be apart. Mulder couldn't wait.
He pulled his own shirt over his head as he let Scully reach for his shorts. One last time.
I remember clearly how you looked the night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me feel so at ease
I remember all your grace, your style
And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me
Scully reached for the pills blindly with one arm as she kept Mulder inside her and above her, tilting her head so that he could better kiss her neck. She was not sure how long they had been in bed together since dancing, but she could still hear the words of her song in her head, and it was dark outside. The breeze through the open window was warm and gentle, though it felt cool against their sweaty bodies. She breathed deeply as he lavished attention on her pulse point and caressed her body. Her legs which were still wrapped around him rubbed along his hips and his own legs. Her body was tender and spent and she knew by the way Mulder was relaxed against her he was the same. She did not mind his weight. She wanted to remember the feeling forever. Clasping the pills she wrapped both her hands around his back and rolled them onto their sides, finding his lips with hers and kissing him deeply.
And I'll be dreaming of the future
And hoping you'll be by my side
And in the morning I'll be longing
For the night
"I love you," she whispered, pressing the small packet into one of his hands. His fingers clenched around the foil and her palm and he kissed her again. "This isn't goodbye," she promised as their swollen lips parted and they breathed heavily, staring into each other's tear-filled, exhausted eyes. Mulder licked his lips and nodded. He knew. She was confident there were no doubts or regrets left for either of them. "I trust you," she added, stroking his cheek to soothe them both. He looked down and broke the seal on the pills that they could have used at any point in their lives. He was glad they had waited. The time was right for them.
"I trust you too," he whispered as he handed her two of the pills and kept two for himself, throwing the packet somewhere behind him. "And I adore you Dana, and I will love you forever." Scully smiled. She turned briefly to collect the bottles of water.
Chances are I'll see you somewhere in my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer all I have
You're the only one I can't forget
Baby you're the best I've ever met
Mulder shut his eyes and pressed his forehead to Scully's after sharing a soft, lingering kiss. Their tears and sweat mixed as they tangled their legs and rested their hands over one another's hearts. Scully cried softly as their foreheads and noses nuzzled but Mulder's tears were silent. He cradled her around her back and neck, holding the crown of her head in his palm to keep them together as they tried to breathe in time, so their last breath would be just one. Tiredness overcame them quickly, and it took all his strength to whisper that he loved her one last time. Her mumbled reply caused him to smile as his fingers relaxed in her hair.
"Sleep with me Fox."