A/N: I don't own Billy-Ray, Skulduggery, Tanith, Tipstaff, or Valkyrie. Calamity Cat is my OC, though. Val is still 24, but the chapter is from Billy-Ray's POV. Yeah, I break tradition and he snags a chapter all for himself. Thanks to EllaHayleyRose for inspiring the chapter with the saddest emoticons I've ever seen. Again, I have not read 'Maleficent Seven' so if Billy-Ray is ooc or his past is wrong, that's my fault entirely.

I felt myself sliced to ribbons as I flew through the windshield then I watched as those two annoyin' detectives approached. No, I watched her, always was a thorn in my side. She looked scared of me, but all I could think of was how I was never going to see my little darlin' ever again. I didn't have much time, so I asked her to kiss the bride for me, seein' as how I wasn't going to get a chance to. Then that was it. I was out of my body, standin' there and those dumb fools didn't even notice. How could they not know the hitman deluxe was gracin' them with his presence?

The it happened. They got to yakin' and I was gonna try and cut that girl, I even had my blade out, then she starts to cryin' over me. Somethin' shifted inside, came loose. I didn't want to hurt her then. I just watched her cryin' and didn't know what to do. No woman ever cried over me before, that was for certain. Old Billy-Ray is not the leavin' type. They all left me, takin' pieces of me with them. First my mom, and then straight on down the line. Each time I had thought I found my little darlin', the one that would love me, and each one left.

I had the ridiculous notion to kiss her then, so I did, though I doubted she felt it much. Just a soft brush to the cheek was all, though she did get quiet like and start a little like she felt me there. I felt bad then for tryin' to kill her just then. Bein' dead gave me a brand new perspective on things. I looked back over at my body, not really all that interested in it anymore. I wondered why it had to be after I died that a woman showed she cared, but live and learn. Or die and learn in my case. I felt tears sting my hollow sockets then, and they weren't over Tanith.

She'd never been with me, I could see that now. The only woman who'd ever shown any decency towards me was standin' in front of me. The ambulance or whatever it was arrived, and Bones picked me up and set me on the stretcher nice like. He looked sad, but maybe because his girl was sad. She got my sunglasses and blade, and returned them to me, and I felt my heart lurch sideways. Why couldn't she have been that nice all of the time with me? Sweet like? Shoot, I'd tried bein' nice with her, makin' conversation. Even thought I might be sweet on her at one point, even if she was kinda young for me.

Now that she was cryin' for me and bein' sweet like, I had a crazy notion to get back to her. What for I don't rightly know. I'm not the kind of man to take another man's woman iffen they're married and all, but she was beautiful and she was cryin' over me, and it tore me up inside and made me want to protect her. I followed my body to the ambulance, watchin' 'em try and bring me back. I got in, interested. I reckoned that they sure were goin' to a lot of fuss for somebody they'd most likely execute if he did come back anyhow, and the thought made me laugh.

I didn't want to get back in that body. I knew it would hurt somethin' awful if I did, though I noted they'd healed all my cuts up right quick, they the got crazy and just started in and healed everythin'. I ain't never seen magic like that before, and I was impressed. Still I resisted, havin' learnt my lesson about women once and for all. But she was pretty though. Too bad she was gettin' married. Naw, I'd let her be. Or would I? Was it a bad thing to take a married woman if she belonged with you, if she felt somethin' for you? Maybe we'd just been gettin' our signals crossed, was all.

I had a choice then, I could either jump back in my body and let them arrest me, or I could jump back in my body and kill them all, which seemed right ungrateful considerin' they just helped me. I reckoned I could wait until they left my body alone. Sneak in it quiet like so's they wouldn't notice, but what if they locked me in a cooler for corpses or somethin'? Then I remembered, I wasn't an Adept for nothin' I'd get out of there fast enough. So I watched 'em cover up my body and waited.

They wheeled my body into the Sanctuary, in a hospital part I 'd never seen before, and left me unattended in a hallway. I saw my chance and slipped back in my body. It was a shock, it sure was, but as soon as I felt my heart beatin' again, I thought of her and it started beatin' faster. I got off the stretcher and sank into the ground, I had a lot of things to think about, but first I needed a safe place to be. I had to tunnel some, but I came up near an abandoned house some piece away from the Sanctuary, and went in.

It was dry, and it didn't look like no squatters used it, so I settled in. I was hungry, but I supposed it could wait. I took out my straight razor, touchin' it delicate like. She had touched it and I reckoned I could feel her touch that way, only I knew I was not really doin' so. Women always thought I was stupid, but I'm not. I'm just real laid back and I don't have a whole lot of book learnin' to impress them with. I'd rather work with my hands, own a ranch some day, maybe. That was what my book learin' was about mostly.

I wasn't stupid, I'd been to Texas A&M way back, only a couple of decades after it was founded. I did a fair bit of book learnin' too, just not the kind to impress a girl of modern times with. I felt young though and I figured that was the important thing. I was young! I wasn't even two hundred yet, so I had a nice long life ahead of me. I wondered if Detective Cain was the one to share that life with. She sure was pretty, and she did cry for me. But I was tired, so I took off my suit jacket and rolled it into a ball and put it under my head.

I'd sleep, then I'd have plenty of time to think about her. I was driftin' to sleep, tryin' not to think about her, but it was mighty hard. She had cried for me, and not even my momma did that. She had cried for me. I wanted my arms around her then, but had to settle for curlin' up around my balled up jacket. "Soon, little darlin', soon I'll know what to do about us." I whispered to the empty room, wishin' she could hear and then of course, sleep took me.

I woke up, wantin' to be near her, but tellin' myself to calm down. It was good and dark, so I knew she had to be married by now. Too many people talk in a Sanctuary and guards like to taunt prisoners. That's how I'd known about the weddin'. It was supposed to be some big secret, but of course their Grand Mage knew, and he told some Tipstaff fellah, and so on and so forth until I had heard about it. It had driven me insane then, it truly had, and all over Tanith.

I knew what we had was a lie, but I hadn't cared. I had loved her so much I didn't care if she loved me or not. I knew the Remnant was usin' me too, but I wanted her, so I took advantage of the situation. I figured if I just showed her how I felt often enough, then she'd shake that thing loose. Then they had came and took her, landin' me in the hospital. I had waited and waited on her to come back to me, figurin' she had to lay low for a while.

I'd heard there was no way to get the Remnant out, but they had found one. For one desperate moment I had wanted that thing as my lover in a new body, just so I could have someone to hold at night. But I still figured she'd come back, visit me in the rehab her friends' beatdown had landed me in after the hospital, but no. She didn't feel a thing for me, and it tore me up inside. I'd still gone after her, of course, wishin' and hopin' and dreamin' that she would be mine.

That had all come to naught of course, and I had to figure out if I wanted to do anything about my new little darlin'. I realized then she wasn't my new little anythin'. Sure she was beautiful, and she sure enough had cried over me, but she'd of shot me in the head if she'd had a gun and I had attacked, and the thought made me smile. I liked my women with some fight to 'em. I never did go in for the prissy, delicate balls of fluff some men went wild over. I'd always wanted me a tomboy to fight at my side, a real live hellcat that would shoot you as soon as look at you. I felt myself go all dreamy like over the idea and smiled.

Oh, I'd know my perfect woman when I found her, it was just a matter of findin' her and not gettin' distracted like I did. She'd love me too, and right from the start, because that's how my perfect gal was gonna be. I'd daydreamt of such a fine and classy lady often, and the thought that all the pieces of me that left brought me one step closer to her made me smile.

I got up and stretched. I had a rental car, so I'd be able to drive to the airport if I so desired, and I did. I just had to get out of the area first. I knew they'd be a huntin' for me, but hopefully they'd think somebody stole my body. My Adept powers never did leave a trace. I hoped they didn't bother Detective Cain none on my account, and was almost gonna call that Grand Mage of theirs since they'd thoughtfully given me the Sanctuary cell phone back, but I didn't.

He'd be gettin' all excited, and callin' her and Bones in, and I didn't want to ruin their weddin' vacation none. What was it called again? A honeymoon, that sounded about right. Well any girl that wonderful deserved her a right special honeymoon, no Billy-Ray included.

I'd tunneled under the ground a ways, and in fits and starts made my way to the airport. I got a ticket easily enough, and would be bound for US soil in several hours. I got something to eat, and dreamt of bein' back in Texas. I'd said I wanted a ranch some day, and the truth was, I had the start of one. Lots of good pasture land, a big old ramblin' ranch house in the center, and I'd been lookin' into cattle and interviewin' hands and the like.

But I'd have to retire a while to get it properly goin' and there was my current problem. I wasn't a wealthy man, so I needed the money from my hits. I wouldn't have stopped even if I was, since I needed to kill me some people every so often since it was fun, and I liked havin' fun. At the time I'd attended the halls of higher learnin' they had taught us military tactics, and at the time, you got given a straight razor to shave with for in the field and such. I'd fallen in love with that thing from the moment I clapped eyes on it.

It was elegant, even if it was military issue, and I adored it a lot more than any of the guns or other weaponry I'd studied with, and that's sayin' somethin' coming' from a Texan. I loved me some guns and shootin', but it wasn't as fun, as up close and personal as a blade. I'd been a different man back then, aware of my Adept powers, and tryin' to keep to the magical community, but they were spread out good in Texas, so I'd had lots of other friends too. I'd thought I was a good man then, a decent one.

Sure I had killed folks, who hadn't? But they were bad guys that had it comin', for not takin' 'no' for an answer and the like. But then I got the idea at some point that I'd like to be a detective like I saw in the movies. It looked excitin'. My first client though, he weren't no prize. He was like that scummy, scary fellah from that movie that was popular at the time, 'The Maltese Falcon'. I found out what he liked to do to women, what he was gonna do to the woman he had me searchin' for, and my blood began to boil and I killed him.

I suppose that negated the case he had me on, but it gave me a second one of findin' his killer, and I could do that just fine. The man had had money, a lot of money, waved it in my face. But it was filthy money, paid for by the sufferin' of women and I would have none of it. I heard the call to get on the plane and soon enough I was headin' to my seat, and I saw her. My seatmate, and she sure was a sight for sore eyes. She was dressed all in black with cowboy boots and a fine lookin' Stetson hat all done up out of black leather made to look like velvet.

I grinned at her, and sat myself down. She fixed me with a good glare, and I thought she had the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen. They were hazel, but more tendin' towards green, and the flashed when she looked at me. Curly, fiery red hair spilled from underneath her hat to cascade back past her shoulder blades, and that beautiful lady couldn't have been more than thirty or forty at the most. Magical forty mind you, so she looked more to be in her twenties.

"Well, hello there, little, darlin'. My name's Billy-Ray, and what might yours be? Seein' as how were seatmates I figure it is only polite to introduce ourselves." A look of admiration came over her beautiful features, and I had to admit, that was a new one on me.

"Billy-Ray Sanguine? THE Billy-Ray Sanguine?" She breathed, and she wasn't bein' sarcastic like either.

"Yes indeed, little darlin', the one and only, but you seem to have the advantage here. I sure would like to know your name if your in the mood to be tellin' me."

She blushed up real nice, then held out her hand. "Calamity Cat, Sir. It's a real pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sanguine. A real pleasure." I took her hand, but instead of shakin' it I kissed it, and I never do that with the ladies, but she blushed up real pretty again and laughed, those pretty eyes sparklin'.

"You don't need to be so formal, little darlin'. I'm sure I'm not that much older than you, you can call me Billy-Ray. I'd like that just fine. You've got yourself the cutest little accent if you don't mind me sayin' so. You from the country?"

"Yes Sir, I mean, Billy-Ray. Born and bred in Pennsylvania. I know my accent's kind of thick. I've been workin', working on that." The effort she made to add the g sound tore up my heart. There was nothin' wrong with the way she talked.

"I think your accent is right pretty. Don't you go changin' it on nobody's account, it's country people that keep the world fed, and don't you ever forget that, little darlin'. You be proud of where you came from, hear?" I was surprised I was bein' so protective like of her, but I came from the country myself, so I knew it was like. Even people from a bigger town would laugh at you. Calamity sounded like she came from out in the sticks like myself, and a Southern gentleman's got to defend the ladies of his ilk, even if they are Yankees.

We talked all that flight, and I felt myself being charmed by Miss Calamity Cat. Calamity because that's what she caused, and Cat as in short for hellcat, and she sure was a little spitfire too. She preferred guns to knives, but we both loved horses, country music, and bein' out of doors. She was also the only other tunnelin' Adept I'd ever met. It was sudden like, but I looked at her as we disembarked in New York. "You got yourself another plane, little darlin'?"

"No, I figure I can get one later or rent a car and just travel. I think I already told you I'm not welcome back in Pennsylvania anytime soon. Well, it was nice meetin' you, Billy-Ray, a real pleasure."

She held out her hand and I kissed it again. This was gettin' silly. Then I surprised myself. "I ain't tryin' to rope you into nothin', I'm a proper gentleman, but I'd like to get to know you better. Let me give you a lift as far as Texas. Separate rooms and such the whole way, my treat." She looked at me, and first I thought she was fixin' to slap me, because her hand came up sudden like. Then she tackled me in a massive hug, and I hugged her back to be polite, tryin' not to think of how nice and warm she was.

We stopped at the car rental place after clearin' customs and gettin' our bags, then I took her to a McDonald's. I know, I know, not exactly romantic, but I didn't want to scare her none, and although she sure was beautiful I wasn't about to make a fool of myself again. Of course the looks of open adoration she kept givin' me, and her thanks over a Big Mac, fries, and Coke touched me and softened my heart. I'd taken women to some of the finest restaurants in the world and not gotten so much as a thanks.

I looked at her as I sat down across from her. "So, little darlin', if you don't mind me askin', don't you ever get scared travelin' all alone?"

"I normally have guns, have one on me now, grabbed it out of my luggage." She paused to giggle. "Then there's being an Adept, so I do all right. If I have to shoot a man dead, it's more because I know I'm protectin' future women who might not have it in them to kill him. That, and I'm mean as a rattlesnake, daddy always said so."

"You all have rattlesnakes in Pennsylvania? Stop teasin'." I said, smilin'.

"No we do, timber rattlesnakes and Eastern Massasauga rattlesnakes, and Northern copperheads that are a bit meaner in disposition, though if you mind your own knittin' they'll mind theirs. I like them, I respect them. There ain't no harm in defendin' yourself, is there? And that's all they do, is defend themselves."

"No there ain't little darlin', no there ain't. Finished? Then let's get on the road, we've got a long trip ahead of us." I got the door for her, and the door of the rental truck, helpin' her up like, and she gave me that megawatt smile of hers that made the dimple she had on one side stand out. Her smile was a little crooked, but charmin'. I went over to my side and she was pushin' my door open for me. I looked at her when I got in. "Well thank you, little darlin', thank you kindly. Was there somethin' wrong with the door that you noticed?" I'd never had a woman get my door after all and couldn't imagine why one would start now.

"No, my mama taught me it was good manners. Sorry I didn't think to do it when we first got in, but I was nervous. I hate flyin' to be honest."

"Me too, little darlin'. Rather drive, well, I'd rather tunnel, but I can't do it forever, thought I'd love to be able to."

"You too? That would be nice, wouldn't it?" She asked sleepily. She talked a little more, but I'd turned the heater on since the mornin' was chilly and found a country station, so she was soon fast asleep.

Calamity was a good travelin' companion, so when she asked me to stop several days into our trip by the side of the road, I did. She looked at me, blushed slightly, and shrugged. "I have to be in soil every so often, or I go loopy. I blame my grandma, she was a farmer and taught me to love the soil." She got out, looking at a freshly tilled field, then took a runnin' leapt, vaulted a fence, and dove straight into the ground. She surfaced some distance later, than dove straight back in, treatin' that field like a swimmin' pool. She was laughin' and cavortin' and havin' herself a real fine time, and I just sat on the fence and watched in admiration.

Then she popped out of sight and didn't resurface. I was startin' to get worried when I was grabbed from below and pulled underground. Apparently like me she could see just fine in the dark, maybe it came with tunnelin' I didn't rightly know, but she grinned at me. "Come on, and play with me, Billy-Ray. I ain't never met another tunneler before, and I'd love to see you in action."

I grinned, charmed. Women never liked goin' underground with me, ever, it scared them to pieces, and here was one who drug me underground. "See if you can keep up." I grinned, then was off, her hard on my tail. We dove and rose, surfaced like bullets, only to crash down into the soil again, cavortin' like a couple of kids on Christmas vacation. She laughed, keepin' up just fine. At last we were sprawled out on the surface of the field, exhausted and laughin'.

"That sure was fun, little darlin." I managed. She rolled onto her side, lookin' at me with them beautiful eyes flashin' and a huge grin on her face. This sly look came on her face, then a devilish grin, and she pounced sudden like, takin' me by surprise, and bringin' that beautiful face within inches of mine, closer even, close enough to kiss.

"Rowr!" She said, then she was kissin' me and I just about sank back into the ground in surprise. Her hand came up and she was strokin' my head, and the other one pinned my free hand. She pulled back and smirked at me. "You, I like." She purred.

I flipped her then like I'd learned in my military trainin' and the kiss I gave her was everything I always wanted it to be with a woman. She was wild and sweet, fiery and passionate, and I felt my heart meltin'. But I knew my track record, so I kept on kissin' her, reckonin' it would end with a slap on her part, but it didn't. Calamity returned my affections and then some, and when we at last came up for air, she looked at me, her grin crooked, her eyes all misty and dreamy like. I looked down at her and spoke gentle like to her. "Well, now, little darlin'. That was most unexpected, but it sure was nice. But what brought it on, iffen I may ask?"

"I like you, Billy-Ray." She said, lookin' up at me, those eyes still all dreamy and soft. I went to get up, this was too good to be true, but she caught a hold of my shoulders. "I said I like you, Billy-Ray." This time it was a growl and her eyes narrowed as her grip tightened painfully.

"I'm guessin' you do, but you'll have to be lettin' me go sometime."

She gave a snarl in reply, flipped me over, pinnin' me beneath her and came to kneel on my chest. Her hand drifted back to caress the handle of her gun and she glared at me. "Why? I ain't good enough for you?" She hissed. That melted my heart some more and I KNEW I'd found the woman for me at last.

"You're perfect for me little darlin'. I just can't take you to lunch if you hold me here forever, is all."

She grinned, then let me up. "Sorry about that. I always have the worst luck with men, but I guess you can tell that. I don't fool around or anythin' I ain't no tramp, and I guess they don't like that."

"I like it just fine, Calamity. Just fine. I don't recollect havin' met an actual lady before, but I'll behave like a real Southern gentleman ought to with you. and I don't mean the kind that use good manners to get with a lady, neither."

"Much appreciated, Billy-Ray. Now you said somethin' about takin' a girl to lunch?" She grinned at me and I offered her my arm and walked her out of the field and to the truck, I helped her in, and when she kissed me for my effort, my heart started singing' somethin' fierce.

My ranch was big enough that I offered Miss Cat a room, makin' sure she knew there were no strings attached. She stayed on a spell, and I realized we were indeed gettin' serious. I took her out ridin' on the range one day, reachin' over to slow her horse when we crested a hill. I looked over at her, my heart poundin'. She'd made it clear she wasn't leavin', ever. She was mine for as long as I'd have her, and I'd have her forever if I could. I dismounted, then helped her down. I knew she didn't need the help, but a chance to put my hands on her waist was not to be passed up.

We walked a little way from the horses, and I turned to her. She gave me that crooked smile, and I knew I had to ask. But I also knew she wasn't the kind of a gal who'd appreciate me goin' on one knee either, though I'd have liked to. How was I supposed to propose to a woman that meant everythin' to me, who loved me as much as I loved her? Then I knew. I took her into my arms, sinking us into the ground. She added her own abilities and we soon had a cozy little space to cuddle in. I wanted to kiss her in the worst way, but I reckoned it would have to wait.

Calamity was either gonna leave or stay, but I got the ring box out anyhow. I'm sure I managed to say somethin' but all I can remember is her eyes starin' at the ring, then she was lookin' at me, and taclkin' me, and I was slippin' the ring on her finger. I surfaced, and she clambered on top of me, but gentle like, and kissed me. The kiss was sweet and fierce, and soon enough I'd flipped her, and was makin' that kiss last forever. I pulled back and she looked up at me, all soft and dreamy like.

"I love you, Billy-Ray" She breathed, reachin' up and removin' my sunglasses of her own free will. He eyes only got softer at what she saw, her smile grew all soft, and I felt accepted by a woman for who I was at last.

"I love you too, little darlin'." I said softly in reply, and it was some time before we moved from where we were. I was content then, not wantin' to ever return to Ireland to get revenge. Shoot, if the woman whose tears had brought me back was ever in trouble, all she ever had to do was call me. Calamity knew about Detective Cain and liked her ever without meetin' her, pointin' out that she'd just about gift-wrapped me and handed me to Calamity. I liked that about her. She was ruthless, but sweet too, and I knew our marriage was going to be a good one.

We stayed on that hill for some time, whisperin' promises of forever, and meanin' them. I sincerely hoped that old Bones and his little darlin' we're gettin' on as well and promised myself that if they ever needed my help in the future, I'd give it to 'em, if for nothing else than to show off my sweet little hellcat.

omg, Billy-Ray, you're taking over every fanfic I write, lol! This was the fun chapter and I know I nailed the SW PA accent, on account of soundin' just like that myself. If another chapter is ever written we'll go back to Valkyrie's view, but I saw no harm in giving poor Billy-Ray a happy ever after with a good woman.