A/N: I don't own Skulduggery, Lord Vile, Tanith, Finbar, Ghastly, Thrasher, Scapegrace or Valkyrie. Reba and Sean are my OCs though. Val is still 24, story is back to her POV.

I woke up, slightly groggy, I could remember stopping to change into our normal clothes, and having coffee with Skulduggery. Now as he gently shook my shoulder I looked around. It was still pitch black, and the dashboard clock read midnight. "Skulduggery, where are we?"

"Another stop, I thought you might like a chance to get out and walk on Irish soil." He grinned at me, and I stared at him until everything fell into place.

"We're in Ireland, as in, no longer in the Republic of Ireland?"

He nodded happily. "I thought you might like being able to tell our children one day how you honeymooned in a different country, yet remained on Irish soil."

I laughed. "But wait, the border crossing?"

"The sight of a sleeping newlywed bride is a wonderful thing. The guard barely looked at our driver's licenses and waved us through. More help from Finbar on the one as well."

"I always wondered how you traveled."

"Now you know. I used to have to resort to bandages or other devices and bemoan my fate of having met any number of misfortunes. Luckily it is rare that people want to see your face, or it used to be before terrorism. Ah, well, enough of that. Out with ye and we'll get something to eat."

"We?"

"I told you I plotted our course. We'll be stopping at havens for sorcerors. In case you're wondering, and you should be, civilians will not feel like stopping and even if they did they would only see normal people and hear normal conversations." Skulduggery came around for my door, then took me in his arms when I got out. He'd happily shed his disguise, and now nuzzled into me, giving my neck affectionate nips. I laughed, caressing his skull where I could and was rewarded with a growl of pleasure.

Skulduggery brought up his head and kissed me, no longer hesitating or withholding any of his affections, and he had to hold me up when my legs went out from under me. He drew back to look at me smugly. "Told you I can do all sorts of things I haven't shown you before. Well, let's go into eat then, I'm simply famished." Skulduggery escorted me in, an arm wrapped around me. He held the door for me, ever the gentleman, then sat beside me in the booth. I wondered if the man just had a knack for finding them, then realized he liked being able to sit that close, his arm wrapped around me, his ribs brushing me teasingly.

We'd been professional for so long, even when we were engaged that it was a wonderful change. Skulduggery ordered a simply lovely meal, during which not even one patron thought it was strange that I fed him or let him taste my coffee. He honestly didn't eat much, but the pleasure he got from what he had was touchingly sweet.

Skulduggery sat back after our plates were cleared, looking at me contentedly. "Well, Detective Cain, no second thoughts? You're happy to be with me?"

"I am, but with our luck I keep expecting a-" Skulduggery silenced me with a hand over my mouth.

"Oh no you don't, young lady. You said something like that in a restaurant already. Knowing our luck you'd only have to say it twice instead of three times."

"Um, Tanith said it."

Then don't you dare say it!"

"Skulduggery, don't be silly. Zombies don't just show up because you mention them."

The music in the restaurant abruptly stopped, and groans could be heard from the parking lot. The bartender shot me a glance, grinning. "We get 'em every night, hon. Hence the cute little sign outside. We didn't mention that when you all made a reservation because we can always use new recruits." There was something familiar about her and her accent, but I couldn't worry about it just then.

I got up letting my armour flow over me, then looked over at Skulduggery, grinning in pure joy. "I want a shotgun." He grumbled. I willed mine to me and handed it to him and he grinned back at me. The groans grew and we edged closer to the windows that had been shuttered except for holes to fit rifles through.

"These people weren't kidding when they said nightly zombie attacks on the sign outside, were they?" I asked Skulduggery gleefully.

"No, they weren't." He agreed happily, setting his sights on the first wave of zombies. Well, a lone female. Her skin was a marbled grey and white shot through with black, and her eyes were pure white orbs. She walked slowly, stiffly, arms outstretched.

I reached down for my Peacemakers, and the bartender and other patrons who had lined up at the shooting portals grunted approval. Suddenly the zombie was joined by ten, then twenty, and everyone was opening fire. I suppose a better person would have felt sorry for the zombies, or wondered where they came from every night, but I was content to pick them off, each shot from my Peacemakers splitting into multiple missiles, which sounds awesome, and truly, it was.

I watched the lead zombie's head jerk back in surprise, and could hear her groan even over the gunfire, then she sank down, truly dead. I shook my head as gun smoke reached my eye sockets, but kept on firing, taking out several of the seemingly endless horde at a time. A man in a plaid shirt shouted in excitement. "They're coming up through the floor!" I whirled, taking out the first zombie to stick his rotted head out of the busted floor. His brains splattered everywhere, and the assembled crowd cheered, then opened fire in abandoned glee and zombies breached the walls and came in through the back door.

Skulduggery turned, shooting me a sideways glance. "These people are loving this, how you holding up?"

"Are you kidding? Best honeymoon in ever, Skulduggery! You take me to all the best places." I sighted a zombie that was only a torso, that was chugging towards me quickly. He was so rotted most of his bone showed through, and he was all green for some disturbing reason, but that didn't keep my from pulling the trigger. His skull shattered in a spray of bone and gory bits, and the crowd cheered again, More cheers were erupting for each new kill. I turned back to the window, but no zombies remained outside, and the last of the invading zombies were being picked off by locals.

Then the guns fell silent and that silence was almost too painful to endure. I looked at the broken walls and floor, then blinked as the walls reformed, and one by one the zombies reformed as well. They got up and stretched, some high-fiving the people who had just shot them. The half zombie I had shot came up to me, his trailing spine wagging like a dog's tail. "That was fun, thanks!" He said.

I looked at Skulduggery and he shrugged. The bartender grinned at us. "This place is cursed, hon. We have to endure nightly zombie attacks, they have to endure comin' after us. But we made a game out of it with magic. Our guns never really fired even though they seemed to, they never really got hurt. Heck, our zombies are vegans. Ain't you, handsome?" She picked up the torso zombie, and his arms went around her, and he locked what was left of his lips with hers. Then it came to me, the accent, the way she walked.

"Reba?" I asked, when she'd at last put her lover on a barstool next to her.

She nodded. "I got me this here place a while back, I use the diner to recruit people who might like workin' here. Glad you two made it a stop on your honeymoon. This here's Sean. Sean, this here is the couple I told you about from the diner."

Sean nodded happily to us. "A pleasure to meet a young bride and such a fine choice for a husband as well. Now if you'll only get Reba to move up our own wedding date I'll die, well stay dead, a happy man."

Reba giggled, then swatted him playfully. I grinned at Skulduggery and we went back to our coffee at a booth that had apparently not been damaged, Nothing was, Reba explained as she joined us. "We make it easy for them to get in with portals. We wouldn't want our friends and family, gettin' hurt and after a while, they're all family. Aww, she likes you hon." I looked down and a lovely female zombie in a bright yellow dress had cuddled into my leg, her head resting on my knee. I petted her head and she sighed contentedly. Then I realized, with the armour I was one of them, well dead at any rate.

Skulduggery got swarmed as did I, and it was several hours before the zombies let us go to the Bentley. I had to pry off the female zombie gently. She had no name, and she seemed childlike, sweetly innocent, and I was glad I hadn't shot her, even if it was pretend.

Skulduggery looked at me once we were on the road. "THAT I didn't plan. It was fun though, wasn't it?" He grinned through his disguise.

"That it was. Where to now?"

"Mmm, several hours to the next rest stop, then our destination for the night, well, it will be morning. But it was worth it, getting to meet the world's only nice zombies. Too bad we couldn't find Thrasher and Scapegrace and send them there."

"I know. Of course at the time I thought of it I wanted a chance to shoot them. I'm a terrible person."

"No, they're both annoying gits. Anyone would want to shoot them. Wonder if they'll get married."

"I'm not babysitting if they do."

We arrived at a small stone house tucked into the woods at long last, and Skulduggery grinned at me. He insisted on coming around for me, then picked me up before I could protest. He manipulated the door, and it opened, and he carried me across the threshold. "There you are, Missus." He grinned, setting me down. "Stay put, or look around. I'll fetch the bags."

I looked around in wonder. The place was Hobbit-sized on the outside, and only one snug room inside, plus an attached bath. Wood covered the inside walls and stout oaken beams ran across the ceiling. The place was downright adorable, complete with a Lilliputian fireplace. The bed was barely big enough for two, but I supposed that was the idea. Skulduggery came in, and looked at me after setting down the bags and shutting the door. "See anything you like?" He purred, shedding his hat and suit jacket neatly.

I grinned, watching him take off his tie. He sat in a chair by the fireplace and waved me over. He stretched out a hand and the waiting logs burst into flame. "You know, Valkyrie, nothing has to happen, until you're ready."

"I appreciate that, Skulduggery. But I am ready, if you are." He blinked several times in response and I realized how tired we both were. Still, we managed to get into bed, and had the most glorious night of sleep you can imagine.

Skulduggery grinned at me sheepishly in the morning. "So much for me being the world's greatest lover. Well, I still am, of course, but you'll have to wait until tonight to find out, I'm afraid. We can get some breakfast about an hour from here, but I think you'll prefer what our hosts left overnight." I got up sleepily and eyed a huge basket sitting on the table. I got up, realizing I was still fully dressed and laughed. I had said I'd sleep that way for practical reasons, I'd just never planned for it to be on my wedding night.

The basket was brimming with all sorts of treats, and of course Skulduggery didn't even have to try and charm me into staying longer. He put on the radio, and we had assorted teas, cookies, smoked salmon and all other sorts of treats, Skulduggery explaining that the owners were Scottish and welcoming us with typical Scottish hospitality.

"Well it's sweet of them, Skulduggery. We'll have to send them a thank you note at the very least." He nodded, them happily accepted more smoked salmon, making one of his purring sounds, then a happy chirrup when I offered him tea.

"It was nice seeing Reba again last night, wasn't it?" I asked, and Skulduggery nodded happily. He seemed very mellow that morning and we lingered until he put our bags and the basket and leftovers in the boot of the Bentley with a contented sigh.

He escorted me to my door, then we were off for a similar snug home, where he paid our bill and chatted with the husband while the wife pulled me aside. "I hope you didn't mind that we welcomed you with Scottish plaid, my dear, but we really are neighbors and should act like it. My grandmother always told me a basket filled with things made sure the bride's pantry always stayed full. The blanket that lined it will make sure you stay warm, and the honey to sweeten the marriage. My husband and I got a basket much like that one over five hundred years ago, and look at us, we don't look a day over two hundred." She giggled slightly, a lovely blush climbing to her cheeks. But she was right, they did look young.

She gave me a warm hug and we said our goodbyes, I making sure to repeatedly thank her. Skulduggery was silent for a while after we got in the Bentley, finally murmuring at me. "Seat belt. Do you know what he told me about that basket, Valkyrie? The salmon assured I'd always be able to provide for you as a man. Apparently men used to gather round and provide food for the newly married couple, presenting some to the man specifically. I can't say I remember that happening but he's a great deal older that I am. Oh, sorry."

"Don't be. We live in an age where people won't even send an e-mail to the married couple anymore, so I love hearing about the traditions, yes, from your time included. How many times do I have to tell you I'm happy you had someone before you belive me, Skulduggery?"

I sensed him smiling faintly through his disguise. "Oh a thousand times more should do it. You're a rare woman Valkyrie Cain, and I'm proud I married you. I mean that. Rare is the woman not given to jealousy."

"Skulduggery, that's so sweet of you." I kissed his bony cheek through the disguise and was rewarded with another happy chirrup. We relaxed and listened to the radio, no more words needed, content just to be together. For all of five minutes.

Then of course, Skulduggery had to speak. We were on a back road, and his head almost swiveled off as we passed a crudely painted wooden sign, advertising a 'genuine living skeleton'. He harrumphed in annoyance, and stopped the Bentley at the indicated turn.

"Skulduggery, you can't be serious? This looks like the road I've seen in every slasher movie set in the country. There's either going to be inbreds or cannibals at the end, no 'living skeleton'."

"Indeed. I'm inclined to make them answer for it, and as I do recall you said we need never fear anything ever again, care to put that theory to the test, my dearest combat accessory?"

"Skulduggery! What if they're civilians?"

"All the more reason to teach them not to annoy actual living skeletons. Reduced to a roadside attraction, the nerve of it!" He growled, gripping the Bentley's steering wheel so hard I thought he'd crack it. I sighed and nodded, but as he was already driving down the rutted, dusty lane it wasn't really necessary.

We'd driven a short way when we saw another sign. 'Warning! Skeleton is loose! Turn back now.' The w of now was scrawled and ran crazily to the end of the sign and Skulduggery growled, not pleased by the clearly fake blood on the sign. At least it looked fake. We pulled up to a house, and I saw a grinning skull disappear from view from an upper window. "Skulduggery! These people are obviously nutters. Let's turn back."

"We're not afraid of anything, remember? And I'd like to give them a piece of my mind, I would!"

"And expose magic?" I asked, but looked away. The skull was back, attached to a complete skeleton that waved a bloody carving knife at us. "Ew. Why is he naked? Gross. Also, why is he covered in blood?" Skulduggery was staring at me hard. He pulled down his disguise and glared at me. "Lord, Skulduggery, you I want to see naked, not him. But it could be a trick, or a puppet, or some such thing. OK, fine, we'll go in." We got out at the same time, Skulduggery too keen on getting inside to think of anything else.

We went in, Skulduggery motioning me to call my armour up when we were inside with the door closed. We went up the stairs, searched each room, the attic, the swept downwards, my heart, well, my non-existent heart pounding. I expected an attacked at each turn. Finally we came to the basement. "Skulduggery? You know the part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid, and everybody hates them for it? This is it." He looked at me blankly and I sighed. "We are going in the basement, aren't we?"

He nodded, then stood to one side, motioning me to the other. He counted down silently from three on his fingers, gun drawn, then stepped forward, blasting the door with a wall of air, destroying it. I had my shotgun out, and flared flames into the basement, with my free hand, but we saw only the stairs leading down, and an empty doorway leading into darkness. Skulduggery was down the stairs with a snarl, and I switched to my dead senses, so I no longer needed the flame. We reached the bottom and surged forward, into an empty room.

We realized the ruse too late and turned as a recessed door slammed shut, locking us in. Skulduggery turned, and we both glared at the skeleton that waved in at us through the barred window. I pulled the shadows in the room and hurled them at him, and he screamed as they speared him through the eye socket, driving him back, pinning him to the post at the bottom of the stairs.

Then Lord Vile was beside me and the door exploded outwards with such force that it smashed into the skeleton, breaking multiple bones. He was out before me, dragging the broken skeleton up, the thing seemed to be trying to scream. Vile held the skull in one gauntleted hand, then slammed the other into the skull and pressed like a vise. The skull cracked, then shattered into several pieces. He gathered up all the pieces of the skeleton using his shadows, the simply ground them into dust.

He turned to me. "Nobody threatens my wife, ever." Then he collected himself and Skulduggery stood before me. We went to the Bentley and were soon on the main road. We didn't bother searching for bodies, two strangers were hardly the ones to ring the local police.

Skulduggery was back to cheerful before long, and we stopped for coffee and to stretch our legs. He was humming to himself, and I recognized the song 'Jeepers Creepers'.

"Skulduggery, another pop culture reference? Well done!"

He beamed at me. "You quoted the line from the film perfectly too, but I could sense him down there. He wouldn't have trapped us if I wasn't so furious. I wonder what he was. We'll never know now. I'm guessing another Necromancer's trick."

"Skulduggery, don't you dare refer to yourself that way ever again. No matter what anyone else did, you had to want to come back. You put yourself together and fought on, no one else did that. Don't let a terrible man steal that from you."

He hugged me fiercely. "That's why I love you so much, Valkyrie. You believe in me on those exceedingly rare occasions when I don't."

I returned his hug, ever bit as fierce. "I'll always believe in you, Skulduggery, you'll always be my hero. Of course if you tell anyone else I said that, you're a dead man."

"Too late." He chortled, pulling away to tilt his head to one side while he stared at me. "I never thought I'd love anyone more than I love myself. You're a remarkable young woman, Valkyrie Cain."

I smiled at him fondly. I found his massive ego sweetly endearing because he was innocent about it. He never did it in a mean sort of way, he just adored himself to pieces. That's what either won him loyal friends or made him bitter enemies. I was musing when my mobile rang. Tanith. "Hey, sis, how's married life treating you?" I teased.

"Great, sis. So tell me, how was last night? I want details."

"We fought zombies." I offered.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. Details. Now."

"That's none of your business, sis, and if you don't behave I'll ring off on you."

"OK." She sighed. "Want to know what happened with us? I can do this-" I rang off abruptly removing the battery from my mobile. I'd never get the image out of my mind, and considering I saw Ghastly as my father it made me feel ill.

Skulduggery who had of course heard every word, patted my back consolingly. He also removed the battery from his mobile and we threw them both in the boot of the Bentley, Skulduggery shuddering in distaste as he dropped mine in. "I'll smash it if you want. I think that conversation ruined it forever."

"Smash away." I offered.

"Really?" He asked happily. I nodded and he grabbed the mobile, crushing it to bits then dropping them in the nearest bin. The battery was the same as his so he pocketed it. "We'll get you a new one, in the meantime mine can serve us both. But not for several hours. It stays in the boot until I'm sure she's wandered off in boredom." We meandered though the rest of the day, stopping for lunch, then dinner. I treasured the down time with Skulduggery, I truly did. But it had been just as wonderful to fight zombies and the only other living skeleton at his side.

When we at last stopped for the night it was at a small cabin. It looked snug, but I got the same feeling the detour had given me earlier in the day. Skulduggery sensed my mood and smiled at me. "Maybe we'll be attacked tonight, Valkyrie." He said cheerfully as we entered then set down our bags and locked the door. He turned to me. "Well, at least I know you're going to get attacked tonight."

He was right, I did, though he barely had me pinned on the bed when we heard a pounding on the roof. Skulduggery sighed and drew his gun. "Are you ready, Detective Cain?" He asked me.

"Always, Detective Pleasant." I answered as my armour flowed over me. Skulduggery gestured and the cabin lights went out, and we both stalked to the window as the noise on the roof increased. Skulduggery gestured again and the door swung open silently. We moved to the opening, braced, and the sounds on the roof became steady bangs and we heard a sharp screech.

We went outside, only to see a family of stoats racing and play fighting across the roof. "I hate nature." Skulduggery muttered, holstering his gun.

"Are you kidding, I love nature, Skulduggery. This means you can take me back inside and we can pick up were we left off."

"Whatever was I saying? I adore nature. Cute little rodents, aren't they? Let's go inside then, Detective Cain. I aim to not disappoint." He titled his head endearingly at me. And we did, and he didn't disappoint in the least.

Yes, stoats can screech I looked it up. They're also nocturnal and will climb trees in search of bird nests. For those keeping track I listed to 'Sweet Child O Mine' by Guns 'N Roses while writing. I did my best to research entering Ireland from the Republic of Ireland and vice versa, so hopefully they're aren't too many mistakes.

Fun fact: The guns in the Guns 'N Roses logo are Colt revolvers, pretty close to what Valkyrie carries.