A/N- This chapter is part of a multi-chapter arc that discusses mental and emotional trauma and the effects of them.

There was a laboratory being built for Alphys on the surface despite her no longer officially being the royal scientist; tucked into the mountain's face and further up the stream that ran near the new settlement, it was a little distant from the actual homes being built. For the moment though, Alphys still returned to her old lab- when she didn't stay with Undyne on the surface. The pair of them were seldom apart.
Today was one of those times, though, Frisk realised as they entered her lab in Hotland and there was no exuberant welcome; only Alphys' quiet one. Even though they would probably move permanently soon, Alphys and Undyne had made the lab much more of a home than previously; touches of both women were spread on the lower level, including a television and a battered old sofa. There was a selection of new DVDs as well- Alphys had been one of the more eager monsters to start spending, despite Toriel's attempts to teach her to be careful with her new money.

She offered Frisk a cup of sticky, sugary soda, which Frisk refused in favour of some water. They sat awkwardly on the sofa, sipping at it, while Alphys returned with her own drink. Neither of them were that great at opening up and starting conversations, despite the friendship they had developed; and they hadn't seen a great deal of each other since the barrier had been broken, which didn't help. There was a long pause where neither of them looked at the other.
"Um." Frisk finally started, looking at a pile of armour in a corner. "I, uh, how are things with Undyne?"
"O-oh!" Alphys blushed and Frisk smiled. They remembered how they tried to play matchmaker.
"Did you tell her that... you want her to hold you?" They leaned slyly towards her; she laughed, still blushing, and shoved them away.
"I-I'm not telling you that!"
"You already poured your heart out to me about Undyne," Frisk pointed out. There was a pause while Alphys hid her face.

"Okay," she finally squeaked. "Th-things are going okay."
"Oh." Frisk frowned. "Only okay?"
"Oh god no things are amazing she's amazing I can't believe it I-" Alphys clapped her hands over her mouth, letting out a little squeak. "I mean, I mean, things are, that is- um. Th-things are good?"
Frisk stifled a laugh and bumped Alphys with their shoulder. "I'm glad! I'm... I'm happy for you."
"But! Ah! I didn't, um. I wanted to, uh. To talk to you about things that don't, you know. Involve Undyne."
Frisk gulped down the rest of their water and held the cup out. "Um, may I have some more?"

Alphys got up and re-filled the cup, while Frisk bit their lip. They hated this, the idea that all of their friends had got together to worry and talk about them and what to do. They tried to work out how to get out of it without Alphys feeling hurt. They hadn't even got close to an answer when she sat back down, giving them the cup.
"S-so, um. Frisk. H-how are you? Really?"
"I'm fine. Just, um, needed a good sleep." Frisk gulped at their water, not making eye contact. There was a pause.

"I, um. I used to pretend everything was fine. I mean- you saw it. I didn't want anyone to know what- what I had done, but... I also... I didn't want to, um, that is... I didn't want anyone to know how I felt." Alphys turned her mug around and around in her hands, not really looking at anything. Frisk watched her intently out of the corner of their eye.
"I thought- if I pretended to be f-fine, I wouldn't... burden anyone. I could just, just try not to cause anyone any more trouble and at least things wouldn't get worse, you know? I didn't- I didn't feel like I deserved anyone comforting me, so I- I pushed people away, or I lied, about why I was- about how I felt."

There was a long pause; Frisk didn't move. Alphys finally continued.
"I- I think it was easier, that you saw what I had done, someone- someone finally knew. I had to- to tell more people, then. It wasn't a secret. But I still tried to h-hide how I felt... I felt, I felt worthless. I felt like... Like I didn't deserve anyone being close. But, I don't know... After the barrier broke, I, I finally started to... to really tell Undyne, about all of it."
Frisk fidgeted, remembering reaching out to Alphys' soul. Her fear, how convinced she was that she was hated... Did they help? Did they manage to actually make her feel better, or was it something else? It didn't matter, though- they could hardly repeat what they had done back then.

"It's... still hard," Alphys continued, and Frisk dragged their attention back to the present. "There's still times when I want to... To give up. To not let anyone know. But, I guess, feeling like I'm not alone... That, that was the big thing. If not for that, I... I think I would have..." There was a long pause.
"W-well! What I m-mean is... Y-you're not alone, either a-and... I know what it's like. To, to feel scared about... telling someone how you feel. But I don't n-need to live in fear any more, and, um... Neither do you."

There was a long pause while neither of them looked at the other. Alphys suddenly knocked back her entire mug of soda, then realised she had nowhere to put it; finally putting it on the floor. Frisk was motionless, staring at their own cup. Finally they spoke, not looking up.
"I feel like... I don't deserve this. You, you all have... so much to worry about, so much to do. You shouldn't have to worry about... me. I feel like... I'm in the way."
"Um. But. But you don't have to worry about anyone else, but you do. So- so isn't it okay if others worry about you too?"
Frisk frowned. "I... never thought of it like that."
"I, uh, I'm not... any good at this, but... I-I'm here! A-and I'll try." Alphys patted Frisk awkwardly on the arm. They glanced at her clawed hand, before hunching in on themself more.

"I... just want to not feel afraid."
"W-what are you afraid of?"
"Of... everyone realising that I'm not worth the effort. Of waking up tomorrow, and this all... Th-this all..." Frisk's words became choked with tears; their eyes wide and unseeing. "I-I'm m-most afraid th-that I'll wake up, and the n-nightmare w-will be real, and... And I'll have to go th-through it over, and over, and I'll never ever w-wake up from it, that this is j-just a dream I made up a-and it's the nightmare that's real..."
Alphys stiffly put her arm around Frisk, letting the child lean against them. She looked desperately around the room as they wiped their eyes on her labcoat, but nothing came to mind.
"I- I guess none of th-this makes much sense, does it? W-without... knowing what I'm t-talking about."
"Um." Alphys scratched her face. "I don't know the- the details? But? I think? I know... what you're talking about. With, being afraid, and, and feeling like everyone will leave. I feel like that... every day. But, um. Nobody left even when I told them. Even though Toriel fired me. Sh-she's still... really nice to me."

Frisk sniffed and wrapped their arms around Alphys. "Y-you deserve it," they said. "It must have been... r-really hard. You deserve people being... nice to you."
"W-well! If I deserve it then so do you!"
Frisk sat up, wiping their eyes on their own sleeves, and gave her a small smile. "So, uh... I guess we have to agree that we... both deserve it?"
"Um!" Alphys paused, then nodded and smiled back. "I... Yes! Yes. We do."

Frisk fell asleep on Alphys' sofa while they were watching one of Alphys' anime DVDs. She texted Toriel, who was fine to let them stay if it meant they actually got some sleep- although she also sent a long warning about Frisk's nightmares, and how Sans had had to handle them. Alphys brought over blankets, snacks, and a bottle of drink; tucked Frisk in and sat at the other end, continuing to watch with the sound lower and feeling guilty every time she forgot about them and reacted loudly to the show.
Eventually Alphys fell asleep herself, the TV still on. She was jolted awake by Frisk kicking her, and blinked blearily; before sitting bolt upright, knocking an open bag of crisps to the floor. They were tangled in the blankets, and seemed to be trying to get free.

Panicking, Alphys did the first thing that came to mind- she leaned over Frisk, grabbed their shoulders, and shook them. "Frisk!" she yelled. "Frisk, it's- it's okay, wake up!"
Frisk's eyes flew open and they yelled, scooting away from her; their backside hit the arm of the sofa and they panted, looking around wildly.
"It's okay," she continued, almost pleading, "it's okay, you're safe, you're at my lab, you're okay, it's okay."

Frisk stared at them for a moment, before slumping down, letting their head flop against the back of the sofa. There was a long pause, before Alphys thought to pause the DVD.
"Um- are you okay?" she finally said. Frisk just shook their head, not looking at her.
"Should I- I mean, maybe I could- oh, I know, I'll call Toriel!" She started searching in the folds of blanket for her phone, but Frisk put their hand on her arm and shook their head again.
"I..." They took a deep breath. "It's like... Sh-shaking a bottle of pop? And you shake it, and you shake it, but it's okay, it won't burst, but then you forget and you try to open it and it just goes everywhere and you can't stop it any more."
"Is- that how you feel?" Frisk shook their head.
"The- the nightmares." They rubbed at their face; too tired to cry. "I've had them for ages, but... Since I fell, it's been... Like shaking the bottle, all the time."
"A-and trying to open it?"
Frisk paused, remembering talking with Sans after seeing Flowey. Everything that had dragged up. It was going to happen sooner or later.
"It- doesn't matter. If that didn't happen, it would have burst open, wouldn't it? I- I can't pretend none of it happened. I just... It isn't fair. I did everything right- didn't I? It isn't fair."

Alphys didn't know what else to say. She let Frisk lie back down the other way, their head on her leg; when they managed to fall back asleep, she was left with her own thoughts and fears. It wasn't fair. It never was. And it was hard. She wished she could really tell them that they weren't alone, but she knew she wouldn't have believed it if someone had just used those words. It had taken Frisk, and Undyne, and Papyrus, all reaching out to her, for her to believe it. And it was still hard.

But... If that had worked for her, maybe it would work for Frisk, too. Maybe she could get this right.

I think it's widely understood that Alphys is depressed, to the point of being potentially suicidal; I wanted to explore her trying to talk to Frisk in a way that wasn't actually about her talking about her issues, but about their relationship and mutual needs. I don't know if I got it right- Alphys is one of the harder characters to write, for me. (Which is partly why she doesn't get enough focus. Sorry, Alphys!)

As with the previous chapter, I'm trying to explore mental health in an accessible, sensitive way that makes sense for the story and characters. Let me know what you think.

-Ren