Bioware's party, I'm just crashing it.

Captain's Personal Log: The Quarian

Before we'd dropped into Haestrom's orbit, I'd tried many times on our trip here to corner Garrus and talk to him. He was always polite enough, but still firm in his rejections. "Can it wait for a bit?" He'd jerk his thumb toward his weapons console, "I'm in the middle of some calibrations." I'd walk away, gnashing my teeth.

I'd even cornered him once in the mess. Everyone was in their bunk or headed there. Except maybe Joker, who I swear lived in that pilot's seat. However, Garrus had taken to eating late in his continuing quest to avoid me. He forgot my biotic appetite, though. I always needed something to eat, usually a PB&J, before I went to bed. He was rummaging through the cabinets hunting for his own food supplies I guess when I paused behind him, hesitating. "Good evening, Garrus."

He jumped and knocked over a box. I picked it up and handed it to him, managing to stay serious. It wouldn't help my apology if I laughed. He took the box and grabbed a bottle of water and left me standing there in Gardner's kitchen, giving me only a nod in acknowledgement. I stared after him as he headed to the elevator that would take him to the crew quarters. Fine. If he wanted to play it that way, I could ignore him, too.

In the morning, The Illusive Man was seriously beginning to bother me. First, he had the gall to admit that Kaidan and Horizon had been bait for the Collectors. Second, he infuriated me by asking, "Can I assume you've put your past relationships behind you?" If I ever found out where he was broadcasting from, I'd fire my Hand Cannon between his eyes. Speaking of eyes, his seemed to get more and more mechanical-looking the more frequently I spoke with him. I had my doubts about the hologram's appearance being what the man actually looked like, but those blue robotic eyes made my skin crawl.

The mechanical-eyed bastard passed me three more dossiers. Two of them were as cryptically named as the others had been, though none of them as mysterious as "Archangel," one of them was named, simply, "Tali." Huhn, I guess after Freedom's Progress, the Illusive Man was either underestimating Tali's friendship with me, or deciding that since Garrus hadn't thrown me "off mission," I could be trusted to have another ally at my back.

A sour taste rose in the back of my throat at how I was being manipulated.

I walked into the main battery unannounced, apparently startling the turian. "Garrus, you got a minute?" I swear my tone was polite.

And still he pulled that same bullshit response, "Can it wait for a—"

"No," I snapped, cutting him off. His silver-blue eyes widened. "It can't. Tali's in trouble. Gear up and get Grunt, it's time for his test run. We're deep in geth space, and our friend's ass is hanging out. We can't get any readings from the planet because the damned sun's dying and excessively irradiating everything in the system."

He blinked at me, taking in my information and the clipped tone in which I'd delivered it. "Aye, Commander. We'll meet you at the Kodiak in fifteen."

I crossed my arms and glared at him. He hadn't called me Commander outside of a joke since the first time we'd run into each other on the Citadel, "Make it ten. She doesn't have a lot of time." I spun on my heel and left to get my own gear.

Saving Tali's ass for a second time was exhausting. Tali'Zorah got into more trouble on her own than anyone living had a right to. Hell, the first time I met her, she was trying to arrange a meeting with the Shadow Broker but had run afoul of a local crime boss. I'd had to bail her ass out of a tight spot on Freedom's Progress, too. And now, on Haestrom. I loved her like a little sister, but damn, she needed a keeper.

Down on the irradiated planet's surface, we were swarmed by geth immediately. I dove behind cover, only to nearly land on top of Garrus. He managed to slide out from under me, somehow, without exposing either of us to enemy fire. "Watch it, Shepard."

I ignored him and drew my submachine gun. Killing geth was almost like old times, but when I looked over at my friend to share the memory, he was studiously advancing to the next crate for cover, his sniper rifle at the ready. The krogan followed him, his shotgun out. What the hell did Vakarian think he was doing? I was the one with the armor and shields built to withstand more punishment. Was this some weird turian thing where the commander needed to stay in the rear of the squad?

We fought our way through the horde of geth and finally found some respite from the sun and the synthetics' weapons in a small enclosure to the east. I stood panting, trying to cool off somehow. My suit's environmental compensators were stressed and I was probably sweating too much for them. I knew the body suit I wore under my armor was drenched. I put the canteen to my lips and sipped carefully. We weren't going to be down here long enough to have to resort to the water reclamation technology in our suits, thankfully, but I still wanted to preserve what supplies we had. I glanced at Garrus and found him leaning against the opposite wall, so very carefully not looking at me he might as well have been staring at me. "Grunt, go upstairs."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it," I ordered him. "Keep an eye on our six while we're recuperating for a moment."

Grunt stomped back up to the second level and I stepped closer to Garrus, "What the hell is your problem?"

"There is no problem, Commander." He put an emphasis on my title I didn't like. He was either reminding me of it, or resenting it, or both.

"Do you have a problem with my tactics, Vakarian?"

The flinch was nearly imperceptible but he still wouldn't look at me. "Of course not, Commander."

"I'm sorry, were you under the impression the Primes would respond to my harsh language and lie down and die?" I demanded.

He finally looked at me, tension infusing him from his drawn-in mandibles to his rigid shoulders. "You take too many risks, Commander. It will jeopardize the mission."

"Why do I think that's not the entire story?"

"Think what you want. I'm only looking out for the mission." His eyes went back to looking over my shoulder to the open doorway.

"You are full of it, Vakarian. If you've got a fucking problem then tell me!"

He glanced toward the ramp where Grunt had disappeared and turned his predatorial gaze to me, "Ever since Alenko opened his damned mouth on Horizon, you've been making more and more dangerous decisions in fights. He's not worth getting killed over! Again!"

I fought the urge to slap him. "I want you to rethink your argument, here, Officer Vakarian."

He leaned his face closer to mine, "Did you hear what I said? He's. Not. Worth. It."

Before I could stop myself, my gloved hand shot out and with my open-palm, I struck my friend across his face with my full augmented strength. He rocked back on his heels and his hand went to his jaw, rubbing it. "Feeling defensive?"

My hands flew to my mouth and I stared at him wide eyed. Then his words sank in. "What the hell, Vakarian? Is there a particular reason you're trying to get me to kick your ass?"

"Just what I already said."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "You son of a bitch," I began. The squawking of our radios interrupted us. Tali was trying to radio her Marines on the frequency Kal'Reegar had told us to use. We glared at each other and I told him, "This isn't over, Vakarian."

"You're right, Shepard, it isn't." I guess you really couldn't continue to call your CO by her title if you're spitting mad at her and had also just called her a jackass. I called Grunt down and the three of us headed out to find the explosives for the fallen wall.

Once past the wall and through a short maze of rooms, we were set upon by dozens of drones and a few Primes. Reciting every swear word I'd ever learned, I threw myself behind a block for cover. Grunt crouched behind a wall and Garrus raced for cover across the open floor. I watched him, my heart in my throat as I tried to provide him cover fire from my low block. I held my breath, firing at the Prime until I saw that he was safe. The drones kept up their constant fire and I continuously ordered the two men (OK, one man and one boy) to fire their Concussive Rounds as soon as Garrus' Overloads and my hail of incendiary rounds did their trick and depleted the drones' shields. The Prime, its armor nearly exhausted, retreated. I rushed forward in anger; eager to keep it from getting away, cursing its sneakiness.

The drones focused on me and my shield fell almost immediately. I took one out but before I made it to cover, my HUD started screaming at me about damage and then I was yanked off my feet and found myself shoved against the wall and a very angry turian snarled at me, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"

He fired an Overload at a drone that had gotten too close and Grunt shot the thing down. Vakarian pointed a finger at me, actually ordering me to stay put! I stared at him, what the hell was wrong with him? His back was to me and he and Grunt were staring in the opposite direction. Before I could tell him to shove his "stay put," I heard the distinctive mechanical whirring and hydraulic movement of metal joints coming up on my left that indicated the wounded Prime was coming back around the other side for us. I readied the mnemonic for Charge, again, and drew my shotgun. It was planning to surprise us, but I'd spring its trap.

I peered around the corner to find the Prime creeping up on us. It spotted me looking at it and began to rush me. I yelled, "Prime, two-o'clock!" And then, I let loose with my Charge. It was a short, but tense, fight. I hit it with a Charge and then the Prime would fire at me as my suit worked overtime to pump me full of Medigel until I finally gathered the energy to shoot myself back at it, renewing my shields. It kept firing at me, relentlessly, but I didn't let up, either. The arrival of more drones just made the fight that much more interesting. The drones peppered me with their own bullets, knocking down my reserves faster, until Garrus and Grunt were finally able to draw their fire allowing me to concentrate on finishing the Prime. The thing finally fell at my feet in a spray of white fluid that splattered my dark red armor. The drones went back to firing on me until I threw myself behind a nearby stone block, my chest heaving as I sucked in the superheated air as fast as I could while my suit pumped me full of Medigel.

The red haze faded from my vision. I was finally able to breathe through the gut shot my suit was healing for me. I looked around to find we'd gotten a break in the geth onslaught. Garrus merely glared at me and sniper rifle at the ready, advanced. I gave my head a shake and advanced ahead of him. It took taking down a couple more Primes before we finally got to a room under security lock down. "Well, isn't this cozy." I began to hack into the security lockdown.

"You know, I can do that," Garrus told me.

I glanced at him, "They gave me this shiny new skill. I'm having fun." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him and Grunt exchange a look. Or rather, I saw the back of the turian's head and Grunt rolled his eyes. I finally hacked the lockdown and the blast doors opened, granting us a panoramic view of a field crawling with geth and a . . .

"Colossus!" Garrus yelled, unnecessarily.

"Get down!" I dove at him, hoping Grunt obeyed. The Colossus fired, filling the small guard room with a lightning storm and I landed on Garrus, my upper body curving around his, my arms covering his head. His fringe wasn't as hard as it looked, but it was difficult to tell more from under my gloves. He'd dropped his gun or I knocked it out of his hands, and I could feel that his arms had gone around me, catching me. I'd ducked my head down and buried my face in his neck. After the lightning storm abated, I pushed up on my hands and turned my head to see Grunt sitting against the wall with the blast doors. I looked down at Garrus to find him staring up at me.

"Commander?"

"Are you all right?" I demanded.

"Yes. Why are you laying on me?"

I frowned at him, then slid off, careful to keep myself below the level of the windows. I ignored Garrus' question and asked Grunt, "Are you all right?"

The young krogan grunted an affirmation and stood up, carefully keeping his body positioned between the windows. We headed down to fight a Colossus on foot. "Times like these, I really miss the Mako," I muttered.

I talked Kal'Reegar down and managed to convince him to watch our six while we dealt with the geth and the Colossus. It wasn't easy, the stubborn quarian took some persuasion to allow us to take over the heavy lifting. When he finally subsided, my team and I began to work on the geth in earnest. I decided the high ground was the best place to take it on, so we fought our way over the catwalk, the geth falling before us in little white splashes of whatever fluid they used for blood.

I stood on the catwalk, crouching behind the low wall. The Colossus had noticed us. It was firing its cannon at us and making it difficult to shoot. "Garrus, keep Overloading it till its shields drop. Grunt, if anything other than Kal'Reegar moves out there, shoot it." A dual "Aye," answered my orders. I turned my attention back to the Colossus. I had my new toy with me, the M-90 Cain, but I didn't think it would do any good at the moment due to Kal'Reegar's warning about the repairing protocol. According to my HUD, the shields were ridiculously strong and it was taking Garrus forever to overload them. Under the shields was a shell of armor strong enough to withstand planetary entry, so I doubted that would be easy to get through either. If I fired my Cain too soon, it wouldn't destroy it right away, and the thing would repair itself before I could give it any more damage. I swapped out the new Tempest SMG I'd found on this mission and started firing at the geth's version of a tank.

With my rapid-fire assistance, the shields dropped faster. Garrus continued shooting with his sniper rifle and I switched to my Hand Cannon. We were still killing it with bug bites, but apparently not to the point where it felt it needed to repair yet. I watched the armor readouts for the machine drop steadily and when it got to the halfway mark, I pulled out the Cain and braved the enemy fire long enough to charge the weapon and release its payload. It was a race which of us would fire first, the Colossus or my Cain. My vision was growing hazy with pain from the rounds I was taking since my shields had dropped. If I didn't get this shot off, Garrus would be dragging my ass back to the ship in a body bag and Tali would die.

The massive gun finally fired and I threw myself down to the ground under the bright burning sky and the mushroom cloud that shot up from the blast site. When the air cleared, my HUD told me the Colossus was still standing, badly wounded, but still standing. "Fucking hell!"

I switched the Cain out for my shotgun and Charged my way to it, ignoring Garrus' shouted, "Shepard, no!"

I smashed into the thing at the speed of sound and rocked it off its feet before it could initiate its repair protocols. My shields recharged, I fired off a few shotgun rounds until I'd recovered enough to Charge it again. It was readying a new blast from its main gun when I Charged it for a third time. The final impact crumpled the machine like a tin can. I straightened up, grinning as Kal'Reegar's shouted cheer rang out across the battlefield. I turned and met Garrus' eyes and he shook his head ruefully at me. Grunt raised his own shotgun, pumping it in the air in victory, letting out a krogan battleroar.

Back on the Normandy with Tali safe and sound and gladly joining us, I finally felt some of the tension in my shoulders ease at the addition of another person I trusted implicitly to my crew. I quickly walked to the elevator, more to get out of my nasty, sweaty armor than to avoid Kelly Chambers. I didn't want to chat with her, but I wanted even less to stay in this sticky mess I was currently sealed into. Of course, since Garrus, Grunt, and Tali had beaten me to the elevator to get to the crew deck while I got a status report from Joker, I had to wait for the thing to come back to the CIC.

I finally got to my quarters, gratefully peeling off my armor. The rush of cool air against my skin was a small slice of heaven, even if I was still covered by the thermal body suit that was supposed to keep me cool. I wondered if I could report to Cerberus that their experimental cooling technology had failed. My hair was matted with sweat, what hadn't completely escaped my bun and spiraled out around my face that is. My fair skin was red and damp from the heat of the planet we just left. Had Garrus or Grunt had trouble with the heat? But then, since he and Grunt were from much hotter worlds than Earth, I doubt they'd been swimming in a pool of their own sweat inside their armor. The heat really must've gotten to me, if I was wondering about alien bodily cooling mechanics. I tried to avoid thinking of his behavior on the planet, though. I could allow my oldest friend some insubordination, but not if it jeopardized the mission or got Grunt thinking he could do the same.

I finally shucked myself out of the thermal body suit, took the pins out of my bun and fell back on my bed in just my underwear, white lace to be exact. I preferred to at least feel like a girl under my armor. I was trying to stop sweating before I used my shower. I didn't have a lot of time to cool down. Jacob was supposed to help me debrief Tali in an hour. Given Tali's prickliness, and the tension toward Cerberus I'd seen on Freedom's Progress, that meeting should be fun. I lay there, my hands resting on my stomach, over the hatch mark of scars under my ribcage. There were several other sets of scars, still red and angry from where Cerberus had pieced me back together. The majority of them had begun to fade as I healed, as their technology healed me, but some stayed angry and red. My right shoulder still ached when I was immobile and I could still feel a hitch in my hip when I wasn't in the supportive exoskeleton of my armor, but Miranda assured me those problems would eventually go away.

A chime sounded at my door, and I called out, "Just a second!" Grumpily, I grabbed my red satin robe to throw on. It hit about mid-thigh and wasn't precisely professional attire, but whoever was bothering me now would have to live with it. I was still way too sweaty to deal with clothes. I opened the door to find Garrus standing in the doorway. "Vakarian?"

His eyes widened as he took in my state of undress and I merely stared back at him. He was still in his armor, no surprise there, but he hadn't even cleaned up, yet. I could smell him from where I stood and his armor was still liberally coated with the geths' synthetic blood. Oddly, his smell wasn't bad, like most human males would be. I quickly squashed the all too unwelcome memory of the way Kaidan had smelled after a battle. And how much I'd liked it. "Sorry, Shepard, I'll make it quick."

I waved him in and tightened the sash holding my robe closed. It wouldn't do to flash the man, after all. He stopped just inside my door way, standing in my "office." Rubbing the back of his neck with one gloved hand, he looked at me out of the corner of his eye, "I shouldn't have said what I said down on the planet."

"No, you shouldn't have. I really wish you'd have brought your concerns to me in private, rather than dealing with them in a mission." I crossed my arms, but tried not to let it hitch the skirt of my robe higher, or let it gape at the top. "I've been trying to talk to you about what happened on Lorek for quite some time, Garrus."

"And I've been avoiding you." He at least had the grace to sound embarrassed.

"Yes, you have." He crossed his arms and bowed his head. I stepped closer and put my hand on his arm and looked up into his downcast face, "Look, I'm not going to get myself killed again. Not even over Kaidan. And not because he's 'not worth it.' But because I don't want to die again. I don't think it agreed with me the first time."

His cheekplates flared in a grin but then he sobered and glared at me, "Then what's the charging around at enemies, all of a sudden?"

I blinked. I usually forgot that to non-biotics the things we did seemed impossible and crazy. I could see where throwing myself at supersonic speeds toward something trying to kill me would seem suicidal to an outsider. Was it to our credit I often forgot we were so different? "Cerberus upgraded my biotic implant. I was an L3. But now I'm an L5n. It has a few new features."

It was his turn to stare at me in astonishment, "Wait, you're telling me you did that on purpose? As a tactic?"

I nodded, "Yes. And as you saw, a highly effective one, too. It instantly recharges my shields." His arms dropped to his sides as he gaped at me, lost for words, "I suppose I should have told you about it?" I offered.

"It would have been nice to have some warning, yes."

"Sorry, Garrus. I'd only just figured out how to use it effectively on Horizon, myself."

He rubbed the back of his neck again, "Just do me a favor and let me know the next time you figure out how to use one of your new abilities, please? My heart almost stopped the first time you did that."

I laughed, "I promise. As long as you promise not to disapprove so publicly next time. I can't afford Grunt or Jack, or, God forbid, Miranda and Jacob to start questioning me because I let you get away with it."

He nodded, "All right, deal."

"Now, get out." I told him, grinning. "I still need a shower, and frankly, so do you."