"In Need of Wings"

Chapter the Fourth

"So, what's the first lesson?" Ahsoka piped up as soon as they were walking down the street. "How not to get eaten alive by a gang of Trandoshans? Because I already know that one."

"I'm sure," he said dryly.

Even mentioning it brought Ahsoka, briefly, back to the Wasskah system, the Trandoshan moon where she was hunted like an animal by those beasts. She remembered the horrible fear, the dread. The growing sense that in order to survive the ordeal, she had to become—in both mindset and behavior—the animal she was being treated like. She remembered the Padawan, Kalifa, dying in her arms. She still got nightmares about that from time to time…

Ahsoka quickly brought her attention back to the here and now. Having a flashback was the worst thing she could do at the moment.

"Rather than teaching you self defense," Bane was saying, "I reckon you need more, you would call, street smarts."

"Street smarts," she echoed in a sour tone. "Right. For a second I was afraid you were going to say manners, because that would be ironic."

Bane frowned at her. "You know, if you would stop insulting me every other second and actually start paying attention, you wouldn't waste both of our time so much."

"Every moment I'm within thirty-nine and a half feet of you is a waste of my time."

"Brat…" His hand slipped next to her belt. The next moment he was holding her wallet.

"Hey!"

"See how easily I did that? This is exactly what I was referring to." He motioned for her to stop and handed her wallet back. "You keep your valuables too out in the open. You need to keep them concealed. For fuck's sake, anyone can tell you're carrying a weapon."

She frowned. These things had not occurred to her before. She always figured that she should keep her valuables as close within reach as possible, so she could grab them with the Force if seconds counted in an emergency situation. It never crossed Ahsoka's mind to hide them.

He took her wallet and tucked it in his back pocket, hidden beneath his jacket. "Keep it somewhere hidden, and where you'll be able to tell if it's missing. Same goes for your weapon and anything else of value. See how I did it?"

She was still frowning at him. When Ahsoka first pictured what it would be like taking lessons from Bane, she imagined she would hate having to admit she needed it. She had been right.

"Yeah." Ahsoka used the Force to get her wallet back and did the same. "Better?"

"Test it." He walked around her, then grabbed her wallet from her pocket.

Instinctively, Ahsoka spun around, snatching his wrist. She squeezed tightly as if hoping to get a reaction out of him, just so he knew that he should take her more seriously. He watched her with no expression.

"Well done, little bit," he finally said, and handed back her wallet.

Ahsoka scoffed. "So what? I hardly learned anything. Anyone on the street could have taught me that, or I could have looked it up."

Bane's voice was suddenly quiet and cold. "Someone is following you."

Ahsoka looked behind her. Then Bane was laughing. "You're mistaken, Bane. No one is following…" She put two and two together and glared daggers at him.

He had been testing her reaction.

"You need to understand how the city works. How to look or not look at strangers. How to respond to certain situations." Bane continued walking. "You're not completely inexperienced, but you're still stupid and ignorant. At least, now that you don't have the Jedi Temple protecting you."

'Stupid'…'ignorant.' Oh she was really pissed now. Pissed enough to break his jaw. But, Ahsoka knew he had thrown those words around just to get another reaction out of her. He was actually trying to prove that she was the spoiled child he saw her as.

If Ahsoka could keep her cool, she would prove him wrong. And get him off her back sooner.

"You say these things like you think you know me better than I do," she said sharply.

"I know what you lack, where you misstep. And I know what I have to teach you."

"Oh? You've been my guard dog for only a few hours."

"Do you think I would be as efficient a bounty hunter, if I could not learn that much from you in a few hours?"

Ahsoka stopped. These words had to make her think. For the second time that morning, she had to admit Bane was right. All this time, Bane had been reading her and figuring out how many mistakes she made…of course he was. Lots of bounty hunters had to be good at this sort of thing. Not that Ahsoka couldn't read people, but her situation was different. She had other abilities at her favor.

Maybe Bane also planned to show her a few tricks as to how he did it. A chill ran down Ahsoka's spine at the mere idea of being educated on Bane's 'tips and tricks,' and reminded her of how much of a terrible situation she had been put into—by Anakin, of all people.

"I guess not," she admitted. "All the same…"

When she didn't finish her sentence—a deliberate act on Ahsoka's part—Bane asked,

"And?"

"All the same, you should treat me with more respect. If you don't, General Skywalker will be the first to hear about it, and he will not be pleased." She smirked. "You know how he gets when he's like that."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Why don't we move on to your next lesson."

"And that is?"

"Buying a new speeder, of course." As Bane and Ahsoka walked the several blocks to the nearest shop, he started listing some of the credentials for purchasing a used speeder. In brief wording, he explained the kind of engines that would work best and the kind she should avoid, specific models to stay away from, and so on.

Ahsoka was listening, taking in the information. But her real attention was focused elsewhere on her surroundings. She was interested in the people and sights around her, what everyone else was up to and why and where and how. Now that she had to think about how to pay attention and stay on guard, she felt more curious.

"…that is, if you're not too stupid to remember."

"Yep?" Ahsoka discovered, to her embarrassment, that she wasn't listening. "I'm not stupid, by the way."

Bane narrowed his eyes at her. "You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

"Of course I did."

"Then show me."

Ahsoka looked at the line of speeders for sale. Based on what she had learned that day, she selected the best speeder with care, and used her card to charge it. Bane watched her from a distance, and when she showed him her new speeder Ahsoka didn't try to hide how pleased she was with herself.

"There. Told you I'm not stupid."

"Even stupid people can follow instructions. Let's see how well you can keep the speeder running on your own."

"Here's a question for you, Bane. Just how long are you going to do this? Keep an eye on me, that is?"

"Until your Master is satisfied with the results I am sending him from our little lessons."

"Oh, so…you're keeping him updated every day. Figured." She blew a raspberry. "Fuck it. Let's go get caf."

Bane started to laugh, then stopped abruptly. "Did you just invite me out to caf?"

"You were going to follow me there anyway. I'd feel more creeped out with you standing outside or sitting in the corner, honestly. If you have to hang around me all day, at least do it where I can see what you're doing," she said, like it was obvious to anyone with common sense.

Before she could change her mind, Ahsoka counted her change and crossed the street to the small caf shop. She came here frequently, as it was within walking distance of her apartment, and the caf was surprisingly affordable. Plus it felt a little comfy and had an aesthetic that reminded her of certain areas of the Jedi Temple, in some strange way. Cad Bane did not seem that he would fit in a place like this, which probably saw more of the university student type than the ugly hat-wearing child-stealing bounty hunter type…but Ahsoka liked it here, so she didn't care how Bane felt about it.

Bane was staring at her in disbelief as he followed her into the caf shop. She couldn't blame him; Ahsoka was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that she had just invited Cad Bane out for caf. She blamed the war. War fucks up people's heads, makes them do things they always regret. That had to be the only logical explanation. Or that Bane drugged her breakfast…whatever.

Several minutes later, the sweet aroma of her cappuccino greeted Ahsoka while she sat at the small table near a window, a beverage which Ahsoka used to order at every chance she got. It was a pact she made with Anakin…they both made a list of civilian foods, clothes, and other miscellaneous items that they just had to buy when they were off the battlefield or back on Coruscant. Points to whoever got everything on their list done first. Eventually they had each others' lists memorized, all the little things the other craved that most civilians—people who lived relatively normal lives—could have whenever they wanted.

In some ways, it had helped the battles go by faster. It had given them something to look forward to afterwards, even if said something was nothing more than some new mascara or a shot of espresso. Having those lists also forced one to act under the assumption that they would both actually survive the battle, since they had plans for what would happen afterwards. It pushed out the possibility that one of them would be killed.

It was these small attempts to find happiness that Ahsoka missed the most. Nowadays, she could go and grab a cappuccino whenever the fuck she wanted—first thing in the morning or on a sleepless night, it didn't matter. But in those days when she fought alongside Anakin during the war, it was a rare treat that she wasn't even always sure she would get.

Before she realized it had happened, tears rushed to Ahsoka's eyes. She was clutching her mug as her hands began to shake slightly.

Anakin…her Master, her friend…all her friends. Clones who were killed under her command. The Padawans. The innocent. So much death, and for what? What was it all for? Was it all pointless?

Had they lost so many brave soldiers and Jedi for nothing?

Many of them were still out there, fighting without her…

Too many had been killed.

She covered her face to hide the tears flowing down her cheeks. Ahsoka wanted to shut down her emotions and look normal again, function like a person should in public. But she couldn't. She couldn't stop it and she choked down a sob. Quickly she grabbed the cappuccino and took a sip, but that only sharpened the memories and brought on more tears. Her throat ached, and her shoulders trembled.

It all hurt so much. All they had lost, all the horrible things she saw done to people caught in war. How war mangled families, homes, souls, everything good in the world. Ahsoka wanted to stop feeling; better to feel nothing than to feel so much pain.

Someone handed her a handkerchief. Thinking it was from a waitress, Ahsoka grabbed the handkerchief and wiped her cheeks, then blew her nose. Now, on top of her grief crashing down on her out of nowhere, she had to deal with public embarrassment. She tried choking out a couple words.

"I'm sorry, I…"

"Keep it."

Ahsoka froze. Bane gave her that handkerchief. Gross, it had been in his pocket.

She stopped breathing, waiting for the blow. He was seconds from making a condescending remark along the lines of how a puny cup of caf could bring her to tears, and how stupid and ignorant she was to think that she had it the worst in the galaxy. All the same bullshit Ahsoka heard in her own head enough already. No matter how much Ahsoka expected the words to come, she knew they would each feel like a dagger to her heart.

This was hopeless. She was an emotional wreck. Her sleep schedule screwed up from the nightmares, bank account gone to hell, reminders of the war at every turn. She could not deal with someone like Bane in this state. She just couldn't do this.

But the blow never came. Instead, Bane set a small cream-colored box in front of her and sat at the other end of the table. He wasn't saying anything.

Confused, Ahsoka took the box and then realized it was a pack of cigarettes. She swallowed hard, still shaking.

"I don't…I don't smoke," she managed to say. Fuck, her voice sounded pathetic. Everything about her felt pathetic. Ahsoka wanted to curl up in bed and never get up again.

"It will calm your nerves." Bane's voice was cold, as usual.

Ahsoka snorted. That sounded so cheap. "Calm my nerves, huh? Couldn't have told me that a couple years ago?" Nonetheless, Ahsoka found herself snatching the pack and pulling one cigarette out. "So, how the hell do I do this?"

He slid a lighter across the table. Her hand shook as she lit the end of the cigarette and raised it to her mouth. Ahsoka shut her eyes tight, not really sure if she was about to do this, or if it was a more enjoyable dream for a change.

She inhaled lightly. Then she coughed.

Bane watched her with a strangely calm look in his eyes. "There you go. Take it slow."

She took another inhale and nearly gagged. "Gross. I don't see how a person could get used to this. Now I'll be tasting that for days." She handed it back to him, not wanting to finish it.

He took the cigarette and stuck it in the side of his mouth. He was smiling softly at her, as if seeing Ahsoka smoke her first cigarette had reminded him of something that pleased him. "It didn't kill you, little bit. You'll be all right. Don't worry. It gets easier."

As Ahsoka struggled to sip her cappuccino, a strange thought crossed her mind. It almost sounded like Bane had meant more with his statement. As if he was referring to more than just her first cigarette. She knew he had seen her have that crying fit…did he understand what had made her cry? Did he even have to understand?

Her head ached from crying, and now inhaling that smoke. Plenty of time to think over pointless shit later. She was going to drink her coffee and get back up and continue with her day, one step at a time. She had to keep functioning and trying to feel normal, whatever it took.

In the back of her mind, memories of the war lingered on, as they always did.

It didn't kill you. You'll be all right. Don't worry. It gets easier.