Sorry for the long wait. Thane's recruitment gave me fits.

Captain's Personal Log: Cat's in the Cradle

"So, have those dreams you've been telling me about gotten any easier?" Tali asked, glancing at me.

I rolled my eyes and threw the data pad of reports on my table. "What do you think?"

She laughed and sat her own datapad down. "I could get you a quarian nerve stimulator."

"Don't you dare!" I threw a pillow at her, she deflected it with a laugh. We'd been meeting over coffee every morning or so when we could. Well, I drank coffee. She... did whatever quarians do with their nutrient paste. "Seriously, though. I've busted my ass in our little on-board gym. Taken on everyone I could, except Grunt, on the mat." I scrubbed my face. "I think I've even accidentally given Jacob the wrong idea and flirted with him. It was borderline sexual harassment. Miranda's going to bring a complaint soon, I just know it."

Tali laughed, "I doubt that, Shepard. Everyone knows about Horizon. They are all just too scared to bring it up."

"How? How does everyone know?" I blinked at her. "I've told no one but you, and Garrus and Jacob don't gossip."

"Sits up in the cockpit... wears a cap? Refuses to remove that odd fur your males grow on their faces?"

I rubbed my eyes. "I'm going to kill him."

"Don't." She laughed again. "He meant well. Garrus told him to stop."

I had to laugh, too. "So that's why he said Garrus had a stick up his ass."

She cocked her head at me. "How is that even possible?"

"It's just an expression, Tali." I picked up my coffee again. I glanced at her datapad looking for an excuse to change the subject. "So, how are things in Engineering?"

"Better, since you picked up those couplings. Gabby, Ken and I don't have to spend so much time on the little things." Her voice sounded amused. "Goes to show that sometimes, what's new isn't always better."

"Ken still bitching about the money you helped me win off him?"

"Of course." I could hear the smile in her voice. "He won't outright say you cheated, though. I think he's afraid of you."

I had to laugh again. The red-haired engineer rarely seemed afraid of anyone. Except Jack. Speaking of... "How's Jack?"

She looked away from me. "I think, since Pragia... she's studying um, Denmark,even more."

"Good. I haven't had a chance to check in with her. I know she's even more determined to find the surviving scientists now. I just hope I can keep her from a scorched earth response."

"You may not be able to, Shepard."

I sighed. "I'll jump off that bridge when I get there. Good thing I'll be able to keep her too busy for awhile to do anything."

"Don't think I don't know what you're up to, Shepard."

I turned my head back to her, startled. "What are you talking about?"

I could see her eyes narrow behind her face plate, one of the few parts of her I could actually see through the purple-tinted mask. "You're changing the subject."

I shook my head, grinning. "I'm going to stop letting you up here if you're going to keep being so perceptive." I looked down at hands while she waited for me to continue. "I just... that wasn't how I pictured things ending between us, Tali."

She cocked her head. "In my limited experience, 'things like that' don't ever end well, period."

I blinked, my eyes burning, and looked away. "I haven't been able to write him back. I can't think of anything to say."

She shrugged. "Then leave it till after the mission. If we die, you don't have to worry about it anymore." I barked a short laugh at her nonchalant gallows humor. The smile came back to her voice as she continued. "Besides, from what Garrus tells me, Kaidan dumped you. Don't humans have some sort of ritual to get over this?"

"It usually involves either ice cream or alcohol."

"And aren't we headed for the Citadel?"

"Yes."

"Won't there be time to stop being Commander Fucking Shepard? For just a little while?"

I snorted. "Tali, I don't get time off. Besides, we're going there to help Thane with his son and to pick up a thief Cerberus hired for us."

"Oh, that's right, the thief. Are you sure that's a good idea, Shepard?"

"What, picking up a thief?" I shrugged. "Why not? I think of all my crew you and Garrus and maybe Solus and Samara haven't committed a crime. And Taylor's only crime is a poor choice in employers." I chuckled at her rueful head shake. "And I think Grunt's only innocent of crime because he's a month old."

"You have a point." She stood. "Well, I'd better get back to engineering. While you're dealing with that, I've got some supplies coming that I arranged through a few quarian contacts. I'll have to meet them away from the ship. They won't sell to me if they see Cerberus anywhere near me."

I nodded, standing as well. "Take Samara and Solus. I don't think it's wise for any of us to go off alone. I'll let you know if I get a chance for some R & R and I'll show you how humans deal with a broken heart."

She laughed and shook her head. "You're taking Garrus, then?"

I rolled my eyes in mock irritation. "Of course. He won't let me out of his sight." She just looked at me, her shoulders held a little hunched as if from some remembered pain. I blinked. "What?"

"Just... watch yourself, Shepard. Or, at least, don't prevent Garrus from protecting you. Because... sometimes, I don't want to let you out of my sight, either. Losing a friend-" She looked away, not able to finish her sentence.

I felt my eyes burn again. "I - OK." Tali left after giving me a stern look - from her posture at least, it looked stern - and got ready to hunt down my new team member.

I hoped Kasumi Goto would be a better addition to my crew than Zaeed Massani who seemed to try to find new and different ways to daily try my patience. He did things his way and his way alone. Too bad he was doing things wrong. His way got everyone but him killed.

Thane had asked to speak with me before my sleep shift at the end of my day yesterday. I thought about what he'd told me as I twisted my hair up in my habitual sloppy bun and started strapping on my armor. Compared to mine and Miranda's dads, he was father of the year. That didn't make me like that he'd abandoned his son to relatives after the kid had lost his mother. But, his kid was now in trouble. I looked at myself in the mirror, shaking my head. At least he was willing to fix the mess his neglect had made, I thought. Most parents in his situation didn't bother.How many of the assholes I've had to kill over the years had been the product of an upbringing like Kolyat? Not the son of a super-assassin, no, but absentee parenting and neglect. Not everyone had had a Captain Anderson to slap them upside the back of the head with orders to "straighten the hell up."

With Thane and Garrus at my back, we disembarked at the Citadel. We stood looking around while I wondered where the thief was hiding since this is where the instructions said to meet her. I was politely addressed by one of those stupid advertising columns that must have been invented while I was dead. I glanced around, wondering if my talking to a holographic pillar was being noticed. I caught Garrus' eye and he flicked his cheekplates at me in amusement, then turned his back on me to watch the crowds. I kept talking to the cheeky thief and surreptitiously looked around for her. I felt Thane's hand on my shoulder and looked over at him. He jerked his head in the direction of the catwalks above our position. I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled that sad smile of his and turned back to watch the other half of the crowds while I dealt with the arrogant criminal. I mean, seriously, who claims they like to remain anonymous and then publicly hacks an ad terminal?

We went through C-Sec and talked to Bailey about Kolyat. Bailey was surprisingly eager to help and sent us to find a former Duct-Rat named Mouse. Poor guy, stuck with that nickname for the rest of his life. Mine had at least been intimidating, if pretentious.

"Hey, Killer!"

"S'up, Baby Girl?" The petite brunette grabbed my hand and we executed that intricate (and in hindsight, ridiculous) handshake the Reds required of all members. Baby Girl had gotten her name from her former pimp and just hadn't changed it when she came over to the enforcement side. She'd killed him for trying to sell out the Reds and got a promotion out of it. She seemed to be trying to out-do me in body count.

"Aw, man, ain't nothing going on down on our end. Whatchyoo got goin' on here?"

I jerked my chin in the direction of our fearless leaders. "Fuckin' negotiations."

"What the fuck happened to kill 'em all and lettin' God sort 'em out?" she drawled, her thumb playing with the safety of her pistol.

"Fuck if I know." I hated playing body guard. But Dodger (he thought his name was clever despite no one but me getting it) had wanted to at least attempt to settle this with the Fist without a gang war. The cops had been cracking down lately. Diego sat in a corner his big brown eyes watching me, like always. I was 14 and he acted like I was his mom. (I guess, now, in a way, I had been.) He'd been dogging my steps for awhile. And I felt bad for the little guy. Baby Girl popped her gum as she chewed it noisily. My nerve endings were standing on end as I watched the Fist's enforcers across the room. Why the fuck was Baby Girl standing so close to me?

I came back to the present to find myself looking at a mirror of Diego from my past. Younger than he would have been, had he lived, of course. I glanced at Garrus who's cheekplates were in tight against his jaw and wondered if he'd ever been the one to find one of those little bodies at the bottom of a ventilation shaft. Mouse glanced at the three of us nervously, hoping the information was adequate. For some reason he thought we'd beat more out of him. I shook my head, he reminded me too much of Diego. We started to walk away, but before we went too far, I remembered I wanted to ask the kid something. "About those Shepard VIs?" I heard Garrus make an amused cough behind me and Thane's nictating membranes blinked at me in surprise. Mouse spouted protests about the legality of his software, but eventually downloaded the thing to my 'tool. I glared at the two aliens, daring either to comment further. We went to question Kelham. Which, fortunately, didn't take very long and I got to throw my Spectre status around, much to Garrus' amusement.

Goto and Garrus walked above the Zakera Ward on the catwalks with me while Thane Krios did his disappearing thing to search out his son and to be close enough to stop him in case the kid was dumb enough to take Talid out in front of his krogan body guard and half the population of the Citadel. Each time Joram Talid, Kolyat's intended target paused, Thane demanded an update, strain sounding in his voice. A flash of white teeth from the depths of her hooded face showed that Kasumi as amused as I was. After I reassured Thane, again, I rolled my eyes. "You'd think I never tailed a suspect before."

One of Garrus' eyebrow ridges went up, "Have you?"

I waved my hand. "That's beside the point."

Goto didn't bother to keep her amusement out of her voice, "He's on the move, let's go."

We trailed Talid through the Ward, sticking to the catwalks. We stopped when he stopped. I shook my head. "Bastard's actually shaking people down for 'campaign donations.'"

Garrus shrugged. "Welcome to the Citadel." I looked up at him and met my eyes. I hadn't seen him look so tired before. At least, not since I'd dragged him off Omega.

"You ok?"

His cheekplates flicked at me and his eyes narrowed. "Don't you ever get tired of the bullshit?" I smothered a smile at his accurate use of the word he'd just learned.

I shrugged instead. My eyes following the politician. Kasumi had wandered ahead to better anticipate Talid's movements. Or was she trying to give us time alone? Why? "We're soldiers, Garrus. Doesn't matter if we're tired of the bullshit. We just have to get the job done. Ours not to reason why / Ours but to do or die." Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade" seemed very appropriate to our mission at the moment.

He huffed out a laugh. "How very turian of you."

I shifted my weight, waiting for Talid to move again. "Oh?"

"Don't question orders, just carry them out. No matter how bad." I heard his armor creak slightly as he shifted, too, his sharp eyes watching his fellow turian. I felt his shoulder brush mine and realized his hand on the railing was pressed against mine. Even through our armored gloves, I could feel the warmth of his hand. Or was it my imagination? I raised my eyes and found him watching me, another of those unreadable expressions on my face. The moment seemed to stretch out and I actually jumped and Garrus flinched when Goto spoke up behind me.

"Shep? Garrus? He's on the move." A member of my crew for five minutes and she was that comfortable, huhn? I wrenched my eyes away from Garrus and followed the thief. My face felt like it was on fire. What the hell was wrong with me?

We were forced to leave the catwalks to follow Talid more closely. And that's when we finally saw Kolyat. It had to be him. He was the only drell we'd seen on the Citadel other than Thane. "Kolyat!" I yelled, giving the Blood Pack bodyguard shadowing Talid time to do his job. In desperation, Kolyat fired his weapon and the bodyguard, who apparently really needed a shield upgrade, took the shot and fell backwards, stunned. Talid took off running and Kolyat sprinted ahead of us to catch up.

Thane materialized from the shadows and the four of us took off at a run, Kasumi hacking the apartment building's records on the fly to find out what unit Talid rented. She led us to a bank of elevators and I did my best to swallow the adrenaline surge, reminding myself this was a scared kid with something to prove, not a dangerous merc. Garrus seemed to feel the same way since he switched out his sniper rifle for his pistol at the same time that I switched the shotgun for mine.

I felt my stomach sink into my boots as we barged into the unit to find Kolyat standing over Talid, the turian's hands laced behind his head. And, just for kicks, Bailey showed up; someone probably called C-Sec over the krogan getting shot. "Get out of my way." Kolyat's voice sounded cold, but the gun shook at bit at his target. "I'm walking out. He's coming with me."

Thane stepped forward, I heard Garrus switch ammunition. "They'll have snipers outside."

The kid's eyes were on his target, though, and not the eight other guns in the room. "I don't need your help!" I shifted my aim slightly to just to the right of him, just over his shoulder so he'd be sure to feel the path of the bullet. I fired, the kid flinched and a lamp gave its life for its owner. I crossed the room in that split second where Kolyat stood stunned and punched him in the face "What the hell?" he demanded his hand going to his jaw.

I didn't bother to draw my weapon again. "Talid, get the hell out of here." The turian stumbled out while Thane approached his son and took the kid's gun.

"Take the boy into custody." Garrus shook his head as the officers approached. I sympathized. Jail time was not what this kid needed. I probably knew that better than even Garrus did.

"You son of a bitch!" Kolyat made a grab for his weapon as Thane dismantled it.

I sighed. "Listen, you dumbass. We just kept you from making the biggest mistake of your life." I stepped closer to him, almost in his face. I could see Thane tense, trying to decide which of us he'd support, I guess. "Your father doesn't have much time left, Kolyat. He's trying to make up for his mistakes. So fucking listen. Not many fathers would even try." The son finally directed his attention to the father and I left the two of them to talk and approached Bailey.

"Is locking him up really the best idea, Bailey?" I asked.

The human shrugged. "If you have something better, I'm open to it." I glanced at Garrus who watched the two drell, his eyebrow ridges drawn together and his cheekplates tight to his lower jaw. I wondered if he was thinking about his own father.

"Kolyat. I've taken many bad things out of the world. You're the only good thing I ever added to it." I glanced at Thane, hearing the pain in his voice. I quickly grabbed the brief thought of, would my father ever have regretted what he did to me, threw it to the floor, wrapped a noose around its neck and threw it off a balcony before it fully formed in my mind.

Bailey cleared his throat. "This isn't a conversation you should have in front of strangers." My eyebrows flew up into my hairline as he continued. "Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct. Give them a room and as much time as they need."

I stared at Bailey. "Really? That's it? I'm surprised you're letting him do that."

Bailey looked away, his lined face tightened in sorrow. "You think he's the only man who's ever screwed up raising a son?" I resisted the urge to retort, "What, no one worries about fucking up raising a daughter?" I gave myself points for keeping my mouth shut. I watched Bailey blink a few times and suddenly he was back to being the grumpy Captain. "I have to get back to the precinct. C'mon, I'll give you a lift." I stared after the officer for a moment.

Garrus caught my eye and gave me another of those looks I'd give my non-shooting arm to be able to interpret. "What?"

Bailey jerked his head at me. "I'll wait outside."

My friend waited for the captain to step out and turned to me. He looked like like he was going to say something sympathetic, but I guess my expression stopped him. Instead, he began, "Sidonis -"

I interrupted him by holding up my hand. "I know. We're here, let's take care of it. You want Tali's help or do you mind Ms. Goto tagging along?"

The thief stepped forward from the shadows. "I can meet you back at the ship if this is a private matter." Her painted lips quirked in a small smile. I toyed with the idea of ordering her to take her hood off so I could see her eyes. I didn't like half a teammate's face being hidden for no reason. Me? Suspicious? Nah.

His cheekplates moved out then back in and he glared at Goto then back at me. "I don't care." He spun on his heel and moved to leave the apartment.

I shook my head. So that's what's been bothering him this whole time. Sidonis. Baby Girl's cold eyes flashed through my memory. "Stick around, Ms. Goto."

"Kasumi, please."

"All right. Stick around, Kasumi." I brought my hand to my ear and commed for Tali to meet us at the C-Sec precinct.