Captain's Personal Log: Rosetta Nebula, Alpha Draconis System, Aeia: Ghost of the Father

I stared down the sights of my pistol at the man who'd caused all this suffering. That woman was wrong. He doesn't really look like Jacob at all. I glanced out of the corner of my eye at my lieutenant and saw my own rage mirrored there. What the hell was the point, fighting this fight for scum like Acting-Captain Taylor? He was no better than the random mercs I'd had to shoot. Hell, he was even worse than the slavers I'd rid the galaxy of. No one trusted those slavers to keep them safe. I motioned for Garrus to keep a look out and holstered my sidearm. Jacob reluctantly followed my lead.

After the introductions, I let Jacob do the talking. How the hell did this slime of a man even advance to the point where he was a second in command? Especially of such a large ship? Maybe it was a good thing that Jacob's father had been away from him most of his life. There'd been no chance to corrupt his son.

I turned at Garrus' gesture to see some of the men creeping up on the "Acting-Captain's" fortification. I debated on standing aside to let them have him. But then, they'd probably attack us and we'd have to shoot them. Sonofabitch.

I'd known too many men like Taylor Senior, growing up. Assholes, the lot of them. More concerned with their own egos, their own fun, than anyone else's survival. Hell, at this point, I've met aliens that would have done the same thing this man did. And they were beginning to outweigh the normal, hard working people. And sinners damned sure outweighed the saints. All of us, what Kaidan called "Team Milky Way" a long time ago... did we really deserve saving? Was the galaxy better off without us?

We never learned. And the good ones lost, more often than not. Hell, I wasn't even one of the good ones. Though I took care of what was mine a hell of lot better than this man in front of me. But I wasn't one of the good ones. Jacob was one of the good ones. Despite his signing up with terrorists. It was one of the things about him that reminded me of Hicks. Enough to wonder if the Illusive Man put him on my ship so I'd be tempted by someone who resembled the man I'd wanted to grow old with that had been taken from me far too soon. Good thing Garrus had completely distracted me.

Jacob finally decided his father's fate and turned his back on him. The acting captain stood with his shoulders slumped, a defeated expression on his face. "Jacob, you're a good man, but your dad's a waste of air."

The lieutenant turned to look at his father. "He'd be a waste of ammo, too."

"Shepard," Garrus started, I turned to look at him. I held myself still, waiting for what he had to say. "I think these people need help, now. Rations. If you want, I'll watch the acting-captain and you and Mr. Taylor can get these people some help."

Cooler heads prevailed. In this case, the turian was right. But then, he'd probably seen his own share of assholes. And he'd gotten to kill them. Probably. "All right, Garrus. We'll see if we can get the crew of the Gernsback to peaceably assemble." I jerked my head for Jacob to follow and activated my comms. "EDI, this is Shepard. Send Mordin, Tali and Kasumi down with a month's worth of the emergency rations? And about a hundred rounds of tranqs."

"Acknowledged, Commander. They'll be at the landing site within the hour."

"Copy that. Shepard out." I jerked my head to the "hunters" still milling around, pacing like tigers in cages, glaring at us and at the Acting-Captain. "We need to go make nice or this'll go bad very fast."

Jacob holstered his shotgun. "Somehow, I don't think 'We come in peace' is going to cut it, Shepard."

I nodded. "This thing'll get ugly again before those tranqs get here. We need to convince them we're here to take them home."

"Uh-huhn. I'll let you do the talking." He shook his head. I had to admit, I had little faith in my half-assed plan, too. But it had to be done. I held up my hands, palms out and slowly approached.

"Hi. Look, I don't want to hurt you. I want to take you home."

One of them blinked at me, slowly as if he was processing my words. "Home? To the stars?"

I nodded.

Another one snarled at me. "Liar! You were talking to the Liar! You're with him! You don't want us to go to the stars!"

I looked at the face twisted with rage. "He is a liar, yes. But I am not. I landed here just a little while ago. You've been found. You will be rescued."

The angry man faltered, his expression un-twisting slightly. But it was only temporary. "No! Liar!" He took a swing at me and I ducked, he landed on his face. Before I could take another action, I found myself rushed by the group, fists aiming for my face and sides. Thanks to the armor, they didn't hurt me, and I was able to protect my face, but this couldn't keep up.

I fought back.

They tell you, in training, how to kill members of various species in as quick a way as possible. One, two, dead, down. I had to revert to my original civilian training when I was testing for the black belts and competing in the ring to remember how to take someone down without killing or maiming them. It also meant no biotics.

It gets tougher when they want to kill you, though.

I ducked a clawed hand headed for my eyes and grabbed the hand and its owner and threw the guy over my shoulder and out of his group. I hoped he stayed down for a while. Jacob blocked the next punch aimed at me and I shoved someone swinging at the back of his head. It was a short, ugly fight with neither me nor Jacob taking any damage, but the hunters were all down for the count. Either unconscious, or moaning and clutching various body parts the lieutenant or I had disabled. "Guess the flora and fauna here do more than ruin your IQ. That should have been tougher."

"Yeah, most of their punches held nothing behind them. Malnutrition in this day and age."

I sighed. "Well, keep an eye on them. I'm going to check on the women."

His expression softened into despair. "That son of a- All right, Shepard. It's probably better you check on them alone."

"Yeah, you apparently look too much like your dad."

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Shepard, look... "

I waved a hand. "Don't worry about it. My opinion of you isn't going to be affected by my desire to bash your dad's face in. If we were all judged by our parents, well... " I shrugged. "You're an exemplary officer, Jacob. This doesn't change that."

He looked relieved, then went back to stoic-Jacob-mode, as I was coming to call it. "Thanks, Shepard. I'll watch out for the hunters." I nodded and headed back to the women's camp.

The women stood anxiously at the head of the trail, awaiting their fate. I watched them as I approached. They started at me, wide eyed. They looked beaten. Defeated. Even worse than when we'd headed up the hill. I don't know what they were afraid of. Maybe that I'd been sent to join them?

It'd take a tougher son of a bitch than "Acting-Captain" Taylor to turn me into this. Or maybe just years of extreme malnutrition. I hoped to never see anyone look that beaten ever again. I reached them and they clustered around me. Slender fingers touching my armor, tanned hands brushing my space-pale face. "Are you sent here, like us?" "You're not going to take us to the stars, are you." "He sent you here." "To be beaten. Like us."

"No!" They flinched back. I clenched my teeth and modulated my tone. "No. I told you we'll help you and we are. Your 'acting-Captain' has been placed under arrest." The women shared looks, worried, amazed, disbelieving.

The doctor who'd handed us the datapad earlier stepped forward. Of them all, she seemed to be the least affected. Taylor probably had her on rations longer than the rest before forcing her to ingest the toxic wildlife. Probably when she'd had enough of his excuses and his treatment of the crew. "C-commander. Are you - sure?"

"I promise. If there's anything you want to keep, get it now," I told them gently. Frankly, I couldn't imagine bringing back anything that would remind me of this place. But sometimes, people were weird. Most scattered, the rest stood around us indecisively. I looked at the doctor. "I heard some of the logs. Of what was allowed to happen here. How did no one end up pregnant?"

"I-im-implants, I think that's the word." She rubbed her forehead. "Yes. Implants. And after - they - ended... um... food made us not work right?" I guess it made sense. Malnutrition tended to stop certain functions and the reproductive cycle would be one of those functions. The doctor wandered off

I, too, wandered, but to the center of their encampment, looking at the shrine they'd built. What the hell was the point of this... sculpture? From the angle where I stood, it didn't look like anything recognizable. I walked around the base, looking upward. Jacob had postulated that this thing had been erected in forced adoration of his father. It might have been. But just like most oppressed populations throughout history, they'd subverted their orders. Yes, it was a humanoid figure. But it was reaching, beseechingly toward the stars. I shook my head. Why would he make them build this? And why would they bother with the subversion? Hell, how were they cognitively capable of it?

My comm clicked, interrupting my thoughts. "Shepard here."

"Shepard, it's me." Tali's voice came through loud and clear. "We're at the first bend. What... happened here?"

"It's a long story. Just follow the path. I hope Mordin brought medical supplies."

"He did, nearly his whole lab. We're on our way. Tali, out."

I stood and waited. Staring at that monstrosity of an improvised statue. Something about it bothered me, other than the obvious, of course. Was it the sheer longing in the upswept arms? The face raised to the sky? Or just the fact that they bothered to do this. This defiance.

I heard low muttered voices beginning to be raised in fear and I saw quick movement out of the corner of my eye. I walked around the statue to find Garrus pushing the Acting-Captain ahead of him, the man's arms held behind his back. Apparently, my turian friend had found cuffs somewhere, or, knowing Garrus, he'd brought them. The man was more prepared than a platoon of Boy Scouts. Jacob followed both. The women cowed away from Taylor. He wisely kept his face blank after first shooting a glare of smouldering rage at his father..

Watching the women shrink away from him, hiding their faces, averting their gazes, I felt disgust. I knew what eight years of abuse did to a person. Some it broke, some it just pissed off. But this... this was... I didn't know what this was. I met the acting-captain's eyes and let him see all my hatred for him, all my anger. He turned ashen and dropped his eyes to the ground. "Keep that son of a bitch out of my sight," I told Garrus.

His cheekplates flared outward then settled back against his face. His only indication of his surprise. "Understood, Shepard."

I stared at the idol again. Movement caught my eye and I met the doctor's eyes. Her chin was up and her shoulders were back. She might have been operating at a near-instinctive level, but she was uncowed. I had to appreciate that. The other women had my sympathy, but that doctor had my respect.

Garrus, Jacob and I returned to The Normandy for a while to make a report to the Illusive Man. Which didn't help my mood. He was another reason I was beginning to doubt this suicide mission. He didn't deserve me saving his ass either.

I needed to get my head on straight, though, or I was going to cost my crew their lives. Right now, I'd fight for them. The rest of the galaxy could go piss up a rope.

I was even too irritated to blink at Jacob's admission after that he and Miranda were ex-lovers. Well, that's not true, I did blink. It explained a lot about the tension between them. I'd thought it was just because Miranda was a Cerberus true believer and Jacob couldn't give two shits as long as he was able to get things done. But no, there was a history there. I filed it away for the future. If I'd ever need that information again that is.

If I cared.

It took two days for the nearest Cerberus transport to arrive. We spent the time doing our best to rehabilitate the stranded crew and keep them separate from the "acting-captain." Especially since I didn't want him anywhere near my ship. Between them, Mordin and Chakwas began to work on a treatment plan to attempt to reverse the damage done to the crew by the heavy metals in the plants and the animals on the surface. I kept a rotating crew on the ground to monitor Taylor and keep his former crew from killing him. I also kept Jack and Samara out of the rotation. I didn't want to trigger any bad memories for Jack and I didn't want to put Samara in a position where my orders conflicted with her code.

I decided I needed to talk to Jacob. If he'd talk to me. There was one thing he and I agreed on, shit should stay buried where it didn't stink up the place. But this was probably not the kind of thing you could stick in a closet and brick over till the smell went away. "I just want to talk for a bit," I told my lieutenant, leaning against the table behind him.

His shoulders tensed and he put down the pistol he'd probably gone over five times since I'd entered the armory. He didn't turn around, though. "I'm not big on forcing these talks, Shepard."

I glared at the back of his head. "I don't care. You and I know what happened down there, Jacob. And you've cleaned that pistol about a half dozen times since I've entered the room. So, clearly, something's bothering you."

He turned and leaned back, too, crossing his arms over his chest. "My father did what he did. I don't like it, I don't approve of it and I don't want to have anything more to do with him."

I shrugged. "Simple enough. I wouldn't be a good CO if I didn't make sure my officers were operating at a hundred percent, though. You sure you're ok?"

He frowned at me and tilted his head. I raised an eyebrow at him. He jerked his head toward the back of the armor and headed for the window overlooking the drive core. I nodded to myself. Must be enough interference to keep the bugs from listening in there. He leaned against the wall and looked at the pulsing blue of the core. "I don't talk about it, so, all I'm going to say is, I've spent my entire life trying to do the opposite of what my father did. This isn't going to be any different."

I smiled. "That, I understand." I leaned against the bulkhead opposite him and we stood silently for a while.

"All right, Shepard," he started, a smile playing about his own lips. "I want to know how you are doing? Seeing as it's my job as one of your officers to make sure you're all right."

I let out a short laugh. "Turn about's fair play, eh? All right." I rubbed the back of my neck and kept my eyes focused on the core. "I guess you figured out I woke up in a bad mood, huhn?"

"I think even Miranda figured that one out."

"It took me awhile to figure out why I should even bother with this bullshit. After all, I was dead. I was beyond caring." The image of the statue raising its arms defiantly into the sky flickered forward from my memory. "I've seen a lot of horrid things in the galaxy. Enough to make me wonder why the hell we should, any of us, be saved." His eyes widened and he moved as if he were going to straighten up in protest. I waved my hand at him. "But, there are the good things, too. The colonists who don't give up. The kids who run around, forgotten on the Citadel, even the women your father sought to dominate... This crew, our team... these are what I'm fighting for. I always wondered why I survived this long, the slums, Akuze, everything... I think I'm only beginning to figure it out."

He laughed. "Well, gives you a leg up on the rest of us, Shepard."

I shook my head again. "Let's hope it gives us a leg up on the Collectors."

"Don't start getting negative on me."

"It's just tough to keep fighting, Jacob. Sometimes, I don't know how to keep going. But I keep going because I don't know how to stop, either."

"Isn't that the key, Shepard? To keep going anyway?"

"One foot in front of the other? Does that work?"

"We're both still here, aren't we?"