Chapter 39

4 months later.

As was their usual custom, Jack and Ianto went on a boy's night out once a week. On rare occasions Owen or Mark accompanied them. They tried a different restaurant and pub each week. That night they had had a meal at a cheap restaurant, which had turned out to have surprisingly good food. Both men were in a good mood as they entered the King's Arms pub. Neither had been there before.

While Jack found a booth, Ianto got the beers in. As he brought them over, unseen by Jack, he smiled fondly at him, letting his emotions show more than he should. In the three years since they had found Jack in Manchester, Ianto had never stopped loving Jack. But Jack had Tosh, and had shown no inclination to rekindle anything with him.

Being a bit drunk from the restaurant, Ianto found himself getting maudlin. Probably not helped by the fact that it was the anniversary of their first liaison, so many years ago. He reached out and took Jack's hand. It was something that he had barely done since before the Valiant, at least not unless Jack was lying unconscious or strung out on drugs.

Jack looked up in surprise, and jerked his hand away.

Ianto let go instantly. "I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I was just remembering the past."

Jack was mortified. The last thing he had intended was to embarrass Ianto. He had just reacted instinctively to a touch from a male that was less than platonic. After all this time it was a shock to realise he still had reflexes conditioned into him by the Master. Ianto did not deserve that. He had proved himself a good and trustworthy friend. "I'm sorry. You just caught me by surprise."

"No, I'm sorry," Ianto answered. "You know that I love you, but I don't know why I did that."

They were interrupted suddenly by two burly guys who were standing near the booth. One addressed Jack. "Is he giving you problems?" the guy demanded.

"No, no problem," Jack said quickly, sensing trouble.

The men gave Ianto filthy looks, but backed off.

"I don't think that this is a good place for us," Jack murmured. "Drink up, we can find another pub."

They downed their pints quickly and stood up, heading for the door, only to find that the men were waiting outside the exit, and they had friends.

The men zeroed in on Ianto. "We don't like your sort round here," snarled the man who had challenged them before. As he spoke, his friends pushed Ianto around the side of the pub into an alley. They didn't seem interested in Jack, but he followed of course. He wasn't about to leave Ianto alone with a bunch of thugs.

One of the men pushed Jack back. "It's not you we want, it's your faggot friend. Get out of here, if you know what's good for you."

Since there were five of them, Jack decided to try diplomacy. "Whatever you think he's done, you're wrong. We were just out for a quiet drink."

"Look, we saw him hit on you, which makes him a faggot. And faggots get what they deserve if they turn up on our turf. You turned him down, so you can leave."

"I'm not leaving without Ianto," Jack protested, knowing full well that his chances of getting help were slim, and would not be in time to stop the men doing whatever they planned to do to Ianto.

Ianto had stayed silent through the argument but, when he saw one of the men pull a knife, he yelled out to Jack in warning. "Jack, get out of here!"

But Jack did not leave. As the man thrust with his knife towards Ianto, Jack stepped between them, grabbing the knife in his hand. It sliced his palm and blood started to flow. With a cry of "No, never again!" Ianto launched himself into the fray. He knocked the man down and away from Jack, who stumbled from the impact and fell.

At that moment the sound of sirens filled the air, moving closer. The men attacking them panicked and ran, leaving Ianto and Jack alone in the alley. As Jack got to his feet, Ianto stumbled away to lean on the wall. Jack saw with horror that the knife was embedded in Ianto's side up to the hilt. He rushed over and stared at Ianto's wound in horror. "Why did you do that," he cried. "You should have let me deal with it. You know I can't be hurt."

"Of course you can be hurt," gasped Ianto, "and I will NOT let you be hurt for me again. I love you Jack." His eyes fluttered and he hovered on the edge of consciousness.

The sirens that had scared the men off were receding into the distance. Clearly no help was coming from them, so Jack ran out into the street yelling for passersby to call an ambulance. He then ran back to Ianto and did all he could to slow the blood flow. He dared not pull the knife out, since Ianto would bleed out very quickly.

Jack's emotions were in turmoil. His feelings for Ianto were so confused even at the best of times. Deep down he still loved him, but that love had been buried under layers of ice, which had been thawing gradually over the years. But now, it was not so much the fact that Ianto had said he loved him, he already knew that. More than that, Ianto had been willing to give his life to save Jack from harm. And unless the ambulance came quickly he may have done so.

Jack grasped Ianto's hand firmly. "Don't you dare die on me," he cried. "Not because of a fight with brain dead bigots. You can't have survived the Valiant just to die now!"

As the last remnants of the ice around Ianto's place in his heart finally melted, in the light of Ianto's actions, Jack began to cry. He held Ianto's hand and called desperately, "Don't die Ianto, there's so much we need to work out. Don't leave me."

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It was eight minutes before the ambulance arrived. The longest eight minutes imaginable for Jack. The paramedics stabilised Ianto, and Jack rode with him to the hospital. He was stopped at the reception as Ianto, now unconscious, was wheeled quickly into resus. It didn't take long for Jack to book Ianto in, and then he was allowed through.

The doctors had slowed the bleeding, but needed to get Ianto into surgery immediately. Jack could do nothing but let them do their job. The medics patched up his hand , and then he was shown to the relatives room to wait for news. He called Owen, who informed the rest of the team and headed straight over to the hospital to wait with Jack. Tosh arrived shortly after Owen and hugged Jack. She couldn't help but have a feeling of deja vu, it was only a few years since she and Joanne had waited for news of Ianto at this very hospital.

It was two hours before the doctor came to let them know how Ianto's operation had gone. "It's good news, I'm pleased to say. The surgeon was able to stop the bleeding and there will be no long term damage. Mr Jones will be kept in for a few days, to make sure that he is well on the way to recovery, but then, assuming that there is someone to look after him, he will be allowed home."

Jack immediately responded. "Ianto lives alone, but I can stay with him so that won't be a problem."

The intensity of his declaration surprised Owen and Tosh, but neither let their reaction show. Tosh could not help a sinking feeling in her gut. Would this be the beginning of the end for her relationship with Jack?

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Three hours later, Ianto woke up. The first thing he saw was Jack, asleep in a chair next to his bed.

Though he only whispered "Hi" it was enough to wake Jack.

"Hi yourself," Jack smiled.

"What happened?" Ianto asked.

"What do you remember?" Jack queried, not sure where to start.

"There were five men who had us cornered in an alley. I tried to knock the one with the knife away from you. After that I don't know."

"He stabbed you," Jack explained. "I'm really touched that you risked your life to save me from harm, but you must not do that again. You could have died." Jack took Ianto's hand as he said that. "I couldn't cope with that."

"And I couldn't cope with you being hurt again," explained Ianto.

"We're a right pair," smiled Jack weakly. "We'll just have to make sure neither of us gets into a dangerous situation again."

b_b_b_b_b_b

Four days after his operation Ianto was released from hospital and Jack took him home. Despite Ianto's protests that he would be fine alone, Jack had insisted that they follow doctor's orders. So he had brought an overnight bag and moved in to Ianto's flat. He had arranged a few days off from the restaurant.

Owen, Tosh and Gwen had all volunteered to take shifts looking after Ianto, but Jack had insisted that he would do it. He had not noticed how withdrawn and sad Tosh had become since Ianto's injury. In fact he had hardly seen Tosh at all.

On the third day, Jack reached a decision. Ianto's near death had brought home to him how fragile his friends and loved ones were. He no longer wanted to waste the time they could have together by holding Ianto at arms length. Ianto's life was too short. The night of the stabbing Jack had let go of everything that had held him back from renewing his relationship with Ianto. He thought that Ianto wanted that too.

The next time they were sitting next to each other on the sofa, Jack tentatively leaned towards Ianto and kissed him. Ianto, taken completely by surprise, initially pulled away, but then grinned widely and leaned back in to continue the kiss. After a few minutes, in which the level of passion was rising continuously, Ianto began to unbutton Jack's shirt. He broke off the kiss to murmur "I want to make love with you."

Now it was Jack's turn to pull away. "But you were stabbed a few days ago," he pointed out. "Wouldn't it hurt you?"

"Not if we're careful," Ianto assured him, ignoring the little voice in his head which was saying What about Tosh?

"Then let's move this to the bedroom," Jack suggested, gently pulling Ianto off the sofa.

In the bedroom, Jack eased Ianto into a sitting position on the bed, kissed him ardently again, and started to undo his clothing.

As Jack started to undo his shirt, Ianto froze. He'd been so carried away that he had forgotten his scars. The scars that he had inflicted on himself. How could he tell Jack that he had harmed himself so badly that he had nearly died, nearly thrown away the gift that Jack had given him at such a cost.

Sensing Ianto's sudden change of mood, Jack backed off in confusion and hurt. "I'm sorry. I thought that you wanted ..."

Ianto's exclamation interrupted him. "I did, I do, it's just there's something I need to explain." He tried to calm his churning emotions. After so long hoping that Jack would eventually forgive him, and they could get back together, his actions that night so long ago could be about to wreck all his hopes. Standing up, he started to unbutton his own shirt.

Jack stayed back as Ianto removed his shirt. He could tell that this was not an invitation to continue their physical encounter.

When his shirt was off, Ianto stood head bowed and unmoving. He didn't say anything.

As expected, Jack could see the bandage from the knife would on Ianto's side, but he had not expected the many scars that ran across Ianto's chest and down his arms. He heart leaped in relief. Ianto hadn't changed his mind, he was just embarrassed about how he looked. He moved forward and gently stroked each one. "It's OK Ianto, you don't need to be ashamed of scars. It doesn't make any difference to how I feel about you."

Ianto cringed. "It might when you know how I got them," he whispered with shame.

"How could it?" Jack replied. "Why would you think that? If my body didn't reset each time I die, I would have a thousand scars. Why would I blame anyone for being scarred."

"Because I did it to myself," confessed Ianto. "I mutilated myself, and nearly killed myself doing it. If it hadn't been for Tosh and Joanne I would be dead, and listed as a suicide."

Jack was stunned. What could possibly have led to Ianto doing such a thing. "But, why?" he stuttered, "and when?" It must have happened since the Valiant, as Ianto had not been scarred like that back then.

Ianto sat down heavily on the bed. Jack sat next to him. "It was after we were given the DVDs. We had found out what you had done for us. I started cutting myself after we saw your bargain with the Master. But it was after I saw myself spend that night with you, in the secret room, that I went totally out of control. Seeing that, broke through the retcon, and it all came back to me; the love, the guilt, the despair when I knew the Master was going to retcon me. Because I knew that I would treat you like dirt again, and you didn't deserve it. I was out of my mind with guilt and I wanted to feel some of your pain. I went too far. Unintentionally!" he added quickly, at Jack's horrified look. "I never intended to die. It wasn't a suicide attempt. I would never have deliberately thrown my life away after what you did to protect it."

One part of Jack was outraged that Ianto would play fast and loose with his life after what he had paid for it; and it was a large part. He swallowed and moved away from the bed, shaking his head. "How could you do that? You knew what it cost me to keep you safe. And you must have known that you were the most important person on the Valiant, to me."

Ianto moved towards Jack tentatively, hand outstretched. "I knew, and I swear to you that it was an accident. I never tried to kill myself."

"You risked your life last week as well, for no good reason," Jack pointed out, ignoring Ianto's hand.

"No good reason!" Ianto gasped. "That man was going to hurt you."

"And you know that wouldn't have mattered," Jack argued, forgetting for a moment how touched he had been that Ianto had fought for him.

"Not mattered," yelled Ianto, incensed. "It mattered to me. I've seen you suffer too often for my sake, to be willing to allow it to happen again."

In the face of Ianto's declaration, Jack's anger melted away. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "You're right. And I am grateful. It's just hard for me to know that you could die at any time. Please don't take any risks."

Ianto smiled. "I will do my utmost to remain in the land of the living, especially for you," he assured Jack. And, seeing that the older man was not going to move, he crossed the space between them and enfolded Jack in an embrace. "I said it last week and I'll say it again," he whispered, "I love you." With that said, he kissed Jack passionately.

As things became even more heated and they lay together naked on the bed, Ianto noticed a change in Jack's behaviour compared to their previous liaisons. Then, they had been equals in bed. But now Ianto noticed that Jack responded to even the smallest signals that he was sending out. Jack was trying to anticipate what he wanted, and provide it. The subservience was new. As soon as he thought about it, Ianto realised that this must be the behaviour that Jack had learned from all his recent male sexual encounters; from the Master, through the UNIT guards to his clients in Manchester. Not wanting to upset Jack by drawing attention to this, Ianto subtly guided their encounter so that Jack topped.

Two hours later Jack and Ianto lay entwined, both sated, and basking in the afterglow.

"I've really missed you," Jack admitted.

"Me too," agreed Ianto. "I'd just about given up hope of ever gaining your forgiveness."

"You've had that for a long time," Jack told him. "But forgiving you wasn't enough for me to be willing to trust you with my heart again. That didn't happen until last week."

"Well I'm very grateful that it did," Ianto put in, "despite the circumstances."

They lay in silence for a while, before Jack spoke again. "Ianto, I have a proposition for you."