Kai waited patiently for Cinder to contact him to hang out again. In the meantime, he busied himself with the mountains of work that had piled up while he was in Beijing. It was a bit mundane, but Kai felt a new skip in his step since his night with Cinder at the crepe café. Basically everyone on his floor had a proposal or project that needed his attention or signature, among other issues that he had to attend to.
His father's press secretary called to ask him to give a comment for a particularly relentless reporter. The press secretary was all apologies and regret for not being able to get rid of her, but insisted that not offering a comment might actually make things worse. Apparently, this reporter had seen him dance with Cinder at the Masquerade, and wanted to know the identity of his "mystery fling." This news put him on immediate alert. Now was not the time to make Cinder run away screaming from fear of the paparazzi. Kai wanted to ignore his press secretary's advice, but being secretive now might cause them to keep digging. He decided to have his press secretary tell the reporter that he'd just had a good time with some friends, and he wasn't sure to which specific person they were referring, because he'd danced with a lot of women that night. His response was all lies, but regrettably, situations like this often called just for that.
Someone had also tried to hack into their servers while the senior staff was away, but Huy Deshal told an entire office of executives that Kai had made a wise choice in hiring Crescent Darnel. Not only had she blocked the hack, but she had also managed to implant a counter-virus which had led to the eventual location of the would-be hackers, and their consequent arrest. Apparently, it had gone so smoothly that Huy hadn't even felt the need to alert anyone about it until their return.
The mention of Crescent Darnel brought Kai's mind back to the last time he had seen Thorne. Had he actually decided to see Cress since the elevator incident, or had he just been messing with Kai? He'd seen how uptight Kai had been about it—maybe Thorne was just trying to give Kai a hard time. He texted Thorne to see if he wanted to get together that night, but Thorne simply replied:
Can't. Going to see about a new girl tonight.
There were a few suggestive emoticons attached to the text as well. Kai was pleased to see that Thorne had clearly moved on from Cress, and didn't give it another thought. He animatedly texted that he'd hung out with Cinder at the Creperie. Thorne sent him some more emoticons that made him very nearly blush before putting his phone away.
When Cinder finally called him a few days later, he was surprised that she didn't invite him to her house. Kai thought that this would be a given based on their conversation walking to his car. Hadn't she insisted that he see "how she lived" first? He decided it was better not to press the issue, and gladly accepted an invitation to go to lunch during Cinder's break. They went to lunch together a few times after that as well, which mostly involved them driving around while Kai talked. Cinder listened intently, and it seemed like she cared about what he had to say. Despite her jokes, something about her was reserved, but he didn't get the impression that she was shy. She was holding back, and he was determined to find out what. Until she was ready to share, though, he simply enjoyed her presence. He felt lighter after hanging out with her. Less intense. And certainly less like he was forty.
When he finally did see Thorne, all he could do was gush about the time he spent with Cinder. He dissected the details like a giddy little school girl. At least, that's what Thorne told him. But Kai didn't care. He was so…happy. And he knew Thorne was happy for him too. The smile he gave Kai was practically one of triumph.
When Kai was driving Cinder back to the garage one afternoon, she finally said, "Sunday I have off. You should come over then." He couldn't contain his grin, thrilled at the idea of getting not only the privilege of seeing her in her home environment, but also on the weekend. When Cinder saw him smiling, she reached out and gave his thigh a quick squeeze before returning the smile. Kai nearly drove off the road.
Kai bought her flowers. He worried it was too date-like, but after five lunch "non-dates," he was rather confident that she liked him too. It was simply time for flowers. Pretty ones. Pretty like her.
When he arrived, Cinder buzzed him in. The neighborhood itself didn't seem so bad, though it definitely wasn't like the areas of the city where Kai, Thorne, or even Kesley and Scarlet lived. The building just seemed a little more worn down than the average apartment he'd seen. For some reason, he'd been expecting Cinder to live in a shady alley with prison-style bars around the windows. Maybe it was because of how much she'd try to "warn" him about her "living conditions." Whatever that meant. The apartment complex seemed fine.
Several flights of stairs later, Kai was sure that the only obvious disadvantage was the lack of an elevator. Then he felt like a spoiled brat, and cleared his mind. Cinder liked walking anyway, didn't she? Maybe all these stairs were just a warm-up for her.
Kai pulled the flowers out from behind his back after she opened the door.
"A peony bouquet!" she exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. "How did you know these were my favorite?"
Kai beamed. "I didn't. I just thought they were pretty. They reminded me of you."
"Thorne give you that line?" she asked, but her eyes were still dancing with delight.
He pretended to be shocked, but then said semi-seriously, "Actually, I haven't seen too much of Thorne lately. First I was in Beijing for work, and now he's busy because he's hanging out with a new girl."
"A few weeks ago, I was the new girl," Cinder mused.
Kai cringed awkwardly. "Ehm—we already talked about this, I think. In his kitchen, right? He just goes out of with a lot of women. Never at the same time, though," he stressed.
"A lot of women at his place then."
"Sometimes," Kai admitted.
"Should I be worried then?"
"About what?"
"How often do you steal his girls?"
Kai reddened slightly. "Oh, never. We don't have the same taste in girls."
"And yet here I am," she said.
"Well—I—uh, hey! Does this mean that I did in fact manage to steal you?"
"From Thorne? Definitely."
Her light tone made Kai relax, but then he realized he was still standing a bit awkwardly in the doorway. "So, now that we have that issue aside, are you going to invite me in?"
"Oh," she said shyly, opening the door wider. "Right."
Kai brushed her shoulder lightly with his hand as he stepped past her to get inside. Coat still on, he surveyed the room. It was actually a small studio-style apartment. It was very tidy. His eyes breezed over the kitchen area, several bookshelves, the door to the bathroom, and finally landed on the living area, which appeared to double as a bedroom. There were a lot of pictures in that area, all with smiling faces, yet none of landscapes, he noted. Kai slipped off his coat and walked toward the kitchen table, where he draped it over one of the chairs. Cinder followed him silently.
"So is this the part where you tell me about the ghost who lives here?"
"W-what?" she stuttered.
"You set me up to believe like something was seriously wrong with your apartment. And yet it seems like a perfectly functional place where someone lives. It's even clean."
"I'm not really a messy person," she said.
"Where are all your tools? I thought you'd have some sort of workbench or something."
She rolled her eyes. "Do you bring all your work home with you?"
"Actually, yes," Kai admitted. "It's kind of a problem."
"Well, some of us don't want to mix personal and professional. Though with a step-dad who was in the racing business, that wasn't always possible."
"Who are all the people in the pictures?" Kai asked as he walked toward the living room area. He felt more comfortable calling it that in his head than admitting again that it was the bedroom area.
Cinder joined him and pointed at a few. "That's my cousin, Winter. She's the one I was telling you about. And that's her husband Jacin."
"Husband?" Kai asked. "They look rather young."
"They got married when they were like, 21, I think. They've been best friends since as long as I can remember. Once they finally admitted to each other that they were in love, it didn't take too long for him to pop the question."
"But they don't live here."
"No, but they come maybe once every two months?" She scrunched her face, calculating. "Maybe you'll meet them sometime."
"I'd like that," he said. "Now who are all these kids?"
"Oh, just kids I've met or worked with. I volunteer at the hospital sometimes."
"Which one?"
"Farafrah. The one on 8th and 36?"
"Yeah, I know that one. Rikan Corp sometimes donates there."
"I know," she said, "I've seen your wing there in the past. It's wonderful that you're involved with something like that."
Kai thought that it was much more wonderful that Cinder volunteered with children at a hospital, rather than just give money. But, admittedly, they both had their place.
"You have a lot of books too."
"You're just a regular Sherlock Holmes today, aren't you?"
Kai smirked as he walked to the nearest bookcase. "Just enjoying getting to know a little more about you." He perused the spines and eventually pulled a book off of the shelf. "The Lunar Chronicles, huh?"
Cinder suddenly became very excited. "It's my new favorite series! There's this girl and she meets this Prince—"
"—and let me guess, they live happily ever after?"
Cinder crossed her arms, but began to speak with even more enthusiasm. "No, not really, well—at least not yet—I'm hoping they will, but that's beside the point. It's set in the future and it's like a cross between Cinderella and Star Wars and The Terminator. And the main character is a cyborg. With an android best friend."
Kai raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but grin at how excited she was over this book. She was so cute right now. "I guess that's one I'll have to read."
"Would you seriously?" she said with just a little too much eagerness.
"Sure," said Kai. "If you like it that much, I bet it's good. I don't usually get the chance to do too much reading outside of work normally, but with such a high recommendation, how could I not?" He opened the book and began rifling through. "Cyborgs, huh?"
Cinder suddenly ripped the book out of his hands. "Kai, no! You cannot just open up a book and skim through it. What if you landed on a spoiler?"
Kai looked down at his thumb. A little bit of blood had appeared. "I think you just gave me a papercut. If that's the punishment for possibly reading a spoiler, I definitely won't take my chances again."
"Oh, spades! I'm sorry!" Cinder looked miserable.
"Don't worry about it."
"I shouldn't have gotten so excited about the book," she said.
"Do you have a bandaid?" he asked.
"Yes, I have a box of them. They should be under the sink. Second drawer maybe?"
"Okay, hang on to your enthusiasm just a little longer. I want to hear about this cyborg when I get back."
Kai stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He saw in the mirror that he was grinning just a bit too much. He couldn't help it, though. The adorable girl on the other side of the door was a mechanic who loved reading and volunteering with children at hospitals. How could he not grin?
He opened the various drawers of the sink until he found the bandaid box. Should he pretend that he was more hurt than he was just to get a little extra tender loving care? He rolled his eyes at himself. He had a papercut, not a bullet wound. Things were going so well. Now was not the time to be ridiculous.
There was a cabinet behind him, and even though he felt a bit like he was sneaking around, he decided to open it to see what was kept inside. Nothing special, he noted. Some make up, some medicine, plenty of hair scrunchies, and...his eyes halted on something in the corner.
A white mask, facedown. Kai picked it up and turned it in his hands. It had little shiny gemstones. His stomach knotted.
He had been right. Cinderella was Cinder. The girl outside the door who he had been admiring just moments ago was also the same girl he'd kissed. And no matter what the consequences, he didn't want to sweep that under the rug anymore.
When he left the bathroom, Cinder was sitting on the edge of her bed, book still in hand. She looked up in anticipation, but her face fell the second she saw the mask.
"I knew it was you," said Kai.
Cinder's eyes remained fixed on the floor.
"I kissed you back that night because I wanted it to be you. Because I already liked you before that night even started. But then you ran away when I tried to talk to you about it. Why? Why didn't you want to admit that I was right?"
Cinder studied him, then a look of determination and nonchalance clouded her expression. She stood up and tossed the book onto the top of the bookshelf before approaching him.
"I just wanted to have a night without worrying about anything. What I looked like, you know?"
"I like the way you look," said Kai. He wondered if maybe she was just a little self-conscious.
"Sure, you do now, but you haven't seen the real me," she said. "You like some girl who dressed up and wore a mask. Someone who would never look or act like that in real life." She held up her hand in protest when Kai tried to speak. "And that was fine with me. I wanted to go to the Masquerade to have fun. Just…do whatever I wanted."
"Which included kissing me?"
"We had champagne and you asked me to dance, and…you looked rather handsome that night."
"But I just told you that I liked you before the Masquerade. I was waiting for you to show up the whole night."
"It doesn't matter, Kai. It was just a kiss."
Kai reeled. "Just a kiss? Seriously? We made out for like, fifteen minutes, during which time both of us knew who the other person was. If you just wanted a kiss you could have danced with someone else."
Cinder huffed and waved her hands exasperatedly in the air. "Whatever, Kai."
"Can you please just be open with me?" Kai asked, trying to steady his voice. "Please, just do me this courtesy."
"Fine," she said indignantly. "Yes, Kai, I want you, okay? Is that what you want to hear?"
"If it's the truth," he said, not daring to hope.
She shook her head. "I knew from the first time we talked in the kitchen at Thorne's that I wanted you."
Kai's knees could have collapsed from both elation and frustration. He wasn't sure which emotion he felt more strongly in that moment. "Then what is holding you back? Why am I here now if you don't want to keep moving forward? If you want me, and I want you, why can't we just go back to that night and give it a proper ending, rather than you just running away from me?"
"It wouldn't work out between us," she said flatly.
"Because of your apartment? Isn't that what you said at the café? That I have to see how you live?" He folded his arms. "Well I've seen it, and I like it, Cinder. It's small, and quiet, and it doesn't matter to me that you don't have a penthouse. Do you have any idea how much I hate my penthouse? I spend pretty much all my free time at Thorne's just so I don't have to be there."
"I understand that you're frustrated. I'm frustrated too. But there are things that will always keep us apart. Like your wealth, for example."
Kai ran both his hands through his hair. "What do you want me to do? Give up everything? I can't help the situation I was born into."
"No, I could never ask you to do that. That's not what I meant, anyway."
"Are you sure it's my money you have a problem with, and not me?"
"I don't have a problem with the money itself. I just have a problem with you spending money on me. You've already done enough for me."
"Cinder, you haven't let me do one single thing for you. You wouldn't even let me pay for that cab ride to work when you got snowed in at Thorne's!"
She flopped down on the bed in exasperation and covered her eyes. Kai stayed rooted to where he stood on the floor.
"You know, I just wanted to meet new people when I agreed to go to Thorne's house for dinner with his friends. I work too much and the only other people I really see besides Iko are the guys at the garage. So I'm all ready to have a normal night out with my best friend, and possibly make new friends. And who knows, maybe even get to know this admittedly good-looking, flirty, though frankly not-my-type guy who just happened to show interest in me. In me. And honestly, most clients that come to the garage are really old, because who else can afford the types of cars we work on?" She wrinkled her nose. "I had to take that opportunity. But then I show up at Thorne's house, and what do you know, I find myself instantly attracted to another guy at the party, so I begin to feel guilty within thirty seconds of showing up. And then, to make it worse, of all people, it's the heir to Rikan Corp."
She was on her back, hands still over her eyes. When Kai didn't say anything, she peeped through her fingers. "Stop me from word vomiting any time, Kai."
"Oh no, please do continue. I'm rather enjoying hearing about how you were attracted to me instead of Thorne. Except I'd like to know how me being the heir to Rikan Corp makes it worse."
Cinder groaned. "As soon as I found out, I knew it could never work. I accepted it. But then guess what? Besides being good-looking, you just had to go and be all nice and sweet and decent too, didn't you? We had to have good conversation. Oh and then you had to keep asking me for my number and trying to invite me to do things with you."
"That's kind of standard for a guy when he likes a woman," Kai pointed out.
"So I went to the Masquerade. Again, to have a good time. But there you were, once again. And yeah, I liked you by then, as I said. So when you asked me to dance, I gave in to my weaker side. I pretended I was someone else. And then I couldn't resist kissing you." Her face was red now, though she was no longer covering her eyes.
Kai crawled onto the bed and propped himself up on his elbows, chin resting on his hands, to study Cinder. "I obviously couldn't resist either," he said. "I can barely resist right now."
Cinder, still on her back, stared up at him. Kai stared intently back, not wanting to break eye contact first. This entire conversation was one gigantic "but" of why they couldn't be together. He wished she would just spit it out. "Please," he said, "a million things are going through my head right now, but not one of them explains why we shouldn't be together."
He reached out to her and placed his hand softly in hers. "Please. Tell me."
She took a deep breath. Let go of his hand. Sat up.
Then she rolled up the bottom part of her pant leg from her ankle to her knee. Then the other leg. Kai sat up too, unable to believe his eyes. Burn marks, scars, and discolored skin covered both her legs. In fact, Kai wasn't able to see anything that looked like regular skin at all. His stomach turned over, leaving him with an empty feeling. What could she have possibly been through to get those scars?
"There's more," she said, before he had a chance to fully process what he'd just seen. "It goes up almost all the way." She got off the bed and stood up. She lifted her shirt just slightly to reveal more scars up to her navel.
"Cinder…" Kai began to say.
"I was pretty young. It was an accident." She sighed. "But it was my fault. I knocked over a candle while my sister was upstairs. I don't remember why I was playing with the candle, or what I was doing, but just that everything was burning so quickly. And I screamed, and my sister came running for me, but it was already so hot, and I was just screaming so much." She paused. "I woke up in the hospital, covered in bandages with excruciating pain all over by body. My sister died."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Kai reached for Cinder, but she took a step away from the bed and shook her head.
"It was a long time ago, like I said. I still miss her sometimes, though."
"Cinder," Kai tried. "I don't care if you have scars. I don't care if they cover your whole body. You're beau—"
"No," she said. "My scars are not beautiful, so don't call them that. They're a constant reminder of things that I can't take back, and things that I ruined for other people too."
Something tugged in the corner of Kai's mind, making him feel even sadder. "Your mom—Cinder, this isn't—I mean, she doesn't blame you for the accident does she?"
Cinder nodded. "Yeah, she did. She still does. I've come to terms with that though, and accepted that it was an accident—even if she can't—but that's not why we don't speak anymore. Well, besides the money exchange," she added bitterly. "I was burned so badly, Kai. Everywhere. The doctors did what they could, but I was looking at a life of disfigurement. My mom could only cover part of the surgery with the money we had. The insurance considered the procedure plastic surgery, so of course they classified it under 'cosmetic' and not 'necessary.' The hospital recommended looking for donors to off-set the difference of what my mom couldn't afford. And you know who made that generous donation? Rikan Corp."
Kai crinkled his forehead in strained comprehension. He must have been pretty young when this happened if he didn't remember the incident. It would have been in the papers.
"My mom says I drained all of her extra money on the surgery, so I have to pay back what I owe her. I think it's more of a vendetta for killing her daughter—my sister—but I can't argue with her. If she hadn't fronted that money, I would have a deformed face, hands, and arms on top of everything else." She gestured at her still rolled-up pants. "At least this way I can go out in public without everyone immediately knowing what happened to me. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful to be alive."
"Is that why you don't like dressing up?" Kai asked, too stunned to think of anything else he could possibly say at a moment like this.
"It's not that I don't like dressing up, it's more the actual dresses. They reveal too much," she said simply. "I liked the idea of the Masquerade because I knew I could cover up the parts of me that I didn't want exposed."
Kai watched Cinder until she stopped fiddling with her hands nervously, and then patted the mattress next to him. "Would you please come over here? I've been wanting to give you a hug for I don't know, the entire time you've been talking? If anything, do it for me, because I know you'll never let me do it just for you."
Cinder reluctantly sat down next to him. He nearly crushed her in his arms. She didn't put up a fight though. She just resigned herself to his embrace. Finally, when he felt like enough silence had passed between them, he pulled her head gently off his shoulder so he could look at her. Kai ran his fingers through her hair over and over, and then held her face in his hands.
"Look at me, Cinder. I'm so thankful that you trusted me enough to share this information with me. And I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through. And I'm so proud of how well you seem to be handling all of that, because it seems like a heavy burden to bear. Especially alone."
She nodded.
"But I still don't understand why any of this information should keep us apart."
The warm eyes he loved so much filled with sadness. "Our relationship would always be unbalanced. I owe you, Kai. And no matter what I do, no matter how much I want to be with you, there will always be this one thing that I can never pay you back for."
"I don't want you to pay me back, Cinder. I'm not your mom."
"Maybe not, but you get the idea don't you? You've saved my life in so many ways that you don't even know."
Kai shook his head. "I didn't have anything to do with that. It wasn't me personally that did anything. It was a fund, Cinder—just a fund. I'm glad it went to you! I can't imagine my father's money being used for a better cause. It's finally gone to something good. Something pure."
A tear rolled down her cheek. He took it away with his thumb, then placed a kiss on the spot where it had fallen. "You're going to have to come up with a better excuse. Because I'm not going anywhere."
Kai's mouth found hers. A sense of familiarity flooded him as he brushed his lips over every inch of her mouth, and then moved across from one side of her jaw to the other. Cinder ran her hands lightly through his hair. He pulled her gently into a side laying position on the bed and they stayed like that for a long time, eyes searching each other intently. Then one of her legs slid between his, and the other over it, like a stack, pulling their bodies impossibly closer. Kai rested his hand on her hip.
"I want more of this," he said quietly. "I don't want any more pretend dates."
"Can you just stay here?" she asked. "With me?"
"Of course," he said without hesitation.
"Would you stay even if we just lie next to each other and talk?"
"Miss Linh," he said jokingly, "if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were implying that I could possibly have some other intention for staying here."
She laughed. "For now, I'm just really glad we talked. I want to talk more. And I don't want you to go."
Kai laid his head down flat and pulled her onto him so that she could rest her head comfortably on his chest. "I don't care what we do. I'm staying. As long as you like."