"I've never been more serious in my life," Cole said, putting down his empty cup of tea. "That's why I came straight here, Mystake. You're a smart woman."

The old tea lady nodded, only half listening as she washed dirty cups and saucers. Her young child sat next to her, watching Cole intently.

"I don't think you've ever given anyone a bum steer," Cole continued. "Now, where can a guy like me go to win a medal?"

Mystake shrugged and rasped, "I don't think such a game exists, Cole. Sorry."

Cole groaned. "C'mon! You know characters, you get just about everybody in here every WEEK. There's gotta be-"

"Hey, Tea Tapper! Need a refill!" Someone called from across the room.

Mystake rolled her eyes and picked up a whistling tea kettle. "Be right back."

With speed that would be unnatural for a young athlete and was even more so for an old lady, the Tea Tapper zipped around the room filling cups. Soon, Mystake slid back behind the counter. "So. You were saying?"

Cole sighed. "I was saying, I can't spend another thirty years living alone in the garbage. I'm not going back without a medal."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you," Mystake rasped slowly, methodically wiping down the counter. "Maybe somebody left a medal here. You're welcome to dig through the lost and found if you want."

Cole nodded, heaving himself off the counter stool. He waved in thanks and Mystake and her kid waved back before turning their attention to customers.

Cole headed to the broom closet out in the adjoining hallway. He knelt down partially in the closet and partially in the hallway, putting his hands in the 'lost and found' box. "Okay, let's see what we've got here."

He began rummaging through the box, but pulled out his hands quickly. A dusty little snake had wrapped around his arm and Cole made a face, flicking it away into the hall. "Shoo, get out of here."

He put his hands back in the box, pulling out and examining a Mario mushroom before tossing it to the side. "Huh. Nope."

A small orange box came out next and Cole frowned, asking himself, "What is this?"

The box expanded, popping out into an exclamation point and giving off a suspenseful 'duh duh duuuh!' sound. Cole shook his head, tossing it away.

One more thing was left at bottom of the box and Cole's hopes rose as he saw it glint in the dim light. Carefully, he lifted it out of the box. It unfolded and Cole groaned in disgust as he saw what it really was: a pair of red shorts with gold trim. "Oh, come on Zangief. Gross."

Cole sighed, pushing the box back into the closet. "What am I doing?"

As he stood back up, a brown-armored space samurai came staggering through the door and accidentally clipped Cole over the head with the blunt handle of an axe.

Cole scowled and rubbed the back of his head. He glared at the samurai. "Hey, excuse you."

The man kept walking unsteadily towards the door to Tea Tapper's, but missed and ran into the wall over and over. And over. And over.

Cole frowned, slightly concerned. He went over to the samurai, who was still stuck in a walk cycle. "Uh, you okay?"

The clumsy samurai didn't seem to hear him. Still walking, he began to mumble in confusion. "We are humanity's last hope. Our mission: destroy all CySnakes. Private Dareth, reporting for duty. We are humanity's last hope. Our mission: destroy all CySnakes. We are humanity's last hope. Our mission: destroy-"

"Are you alright, space cadet?" Cole tentatively placed a hand on Dareth's shoulder.

The man whipped around and grabbed Cole by the shoulders, eyes wild. "We've only been plugged in a week. A week, I tell you! And every day it's climb the building. Fight the snakes. Climb the building! Fight the snakes! And I say I can fight, but the snakes! The snakes are crazy!"

Cole snorted in disgust and pried the samurai's hands off him. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get with the program, times are tough all over."

He began heading for the door, trying to ignore Dareth's fevered mumbling. But Dareth just kept talking. "And all for what? A lousy medal."

Cole stopped in his tracks as if he'd ran into a wall. "Medal?" He turned to face the brown samurai. "You win a medal?"

"Yeah," groaned Dareth. "Medal of Heroes."

"A medal," Cole repeated, turning around. "Is it shiny?

Dareth shrugged helplessly. "Pretty shiny."

"Oooo, and it says hero on it?" Cole breathed hopefully.

"Uh huh." Dareth tried to turn and go into Tea Tapper's.

Cole grabbed him by the heavily-armored shoulders and spun him back around. "And you said you win it by climbing a building?"

"And fighting snakes!" Dareth yelped.

Cole grinned, thinking of the little snake that had been in the lost and found. This would be easy. "Right. Snakes. Listen: Is there any chance I could go with you to your game and get one of those medals-"

"Negatory!" Dareth stuttered.

Cole raised a thick eyebrow sarcastically. "Does that mean maybe?"

"No. Look, only the bravest and the best serve in our corps-" Dareth began as he took a step towards Cole.

Something squeaked under Dareth's foot and both characters looked down. Dareth had stepped on the tiny dirty snake, which was now hissing in pain.

"SNAKE! AIIEEEEE!" Dareth squealed like a baby, turned quickly, and slammed into the wall. He fell to the ground, out cold.

Cole looked down at the unconscious samurai and the fleeing snake. A lightbulb flickered on over his head in the previously dark hallway.

Moments later, Dareth was passed out in the closet. Cole pushed his leg in and slammed the door, accidentally breaking off the door handle in the process.

The crusher looked down at himself, now clad in heavy brown samurai gear. He smiled. This was going to be a piece of cake.