"In Need of Wings"

Chapter the Thirty-First

Hurricane Company's medic would have diagnosed it as 'shell shock.' But at this point, did it really matter what Bane was diagnosed with? He didn't need the textbook answers, just enough drugs to get through the day. Probably couldn't count his psychological afflictions on both hands, anyway.

The first week of battle was a blur in his memory. They lost so many good soldiers. He sent them closer to the Palace as reinforcements arrived. The Imperials had begun to surround them.

Coruscant's first few levels were slowly being burned down. According to Padmé, the flames and smoke could be seen from space. Ships overflowing with civilians evacuated them to the lower levels, where of course there was no room for them and not enough food and shelter to go around. Never in all his life had he seen such chaos.

Sergeant Korla knelt beside him in the tipped over speeder they had been using as cover. Ashes and debris strewn about around them, as Bane's soldiers tried to get some much needed rest before they moved forward again.

As Sergeant Korla crouched down her knees almost touched her chin. She looked at her captain with worry. He had not moved or said a word for a solid hour.

"Canteen, sir?" She handed it to him.

Bane took it and the lukewarm water relieved his parched throat.

"We should probably get moving soon, sir. Don't want to give the Imperials the advantage."

But of course, he couldn't hear her. He was too numb. Too tired from fighting.

At least he was going to die soon anyway.

"Captain!" A Mandalorian who had joined them the other day ran up to him. "Imperial battalion approaching from the west."

Bane rose and put on his hat, which was now covered in ashes and dust.

"Set up defenses and prepare for a fight," he said without thinking.

As morning dawn returned to Coruscant, Ahsoka Tano arrived at the remains of a recent battle. Her lungs already began to ache. She had to resist the urge to gag from the smell of corpses and burning flesh.

Almost four city blocks in any direction had been flattened by bombs. The neighborhood had once been a booming business industry, where many of Coruscant's finest wines and cuisine foods were sold, as well as some luxurious furniture. Now it was all strewn out like garbage. Smoke still rose from heaps of rubble. Now and then, a pitiful scream for help stirred somewhere in the wreckage.

Of course, she realized, the rebels had targeted this neighborhood on purpose. They wanted the rich to pay for standing by while the rest of the galaxy suffered. Such a pointless statement, when the poor became rich as soon as the rich were dead. She could clearly identify the areas where some of the rebels had stolen from the shops. Of course, their only interest would be personal gain.

Scattered on the ground, Imperials, rebels, and civilians lay dead. Were any of them someone she would have known from before? Were any of them old friends?

Numbly, she spoke up to the troops.

"Search for survivors and secure the area." Her boots scraped against concrete, broken glass, and ashes. Her voice was not her own as she continued to give orders, surveying the area to decide where they should head next to track down the rebels. Nausea tugged at her.

She had barely sent her troops out to the perimeter when a missile struck the ground nearby, killing a dozen soldiers. By second nature, Ahsoka drew her lightsabers, dreading the oncoming fight. Killing Barriss had been so easy, but this…

"Sir! We have to run for cover!" a major shouted to her before he was hit by a laser bolt.

Startled, she looked up and saw the source of attack. A group of rebels hiding in the wreckage not far enough nailed the stormtroopers where they lay exposed to fire. But all Ahsoka could see were clones, brothers, her men. Hear their screams and cries. She ordered the troops to take cover, but too many of them had been killed by then.

Trembling, she hid behind the broken wall of a building. Master would be so disappointed to know she had let her men die, and ran for cover like a coward. Master would not let her fail again. She dreaded her punishment.

If she survived, that is.

Ahsoka Tano had not been a stranger to war. At fourteen years old, she understood that war is far from the guts and glory all the Padawans spoke up. It was orphans and burned villages and broken minds. Too many night terrors long after she left the Order spent remembering all those old horrors.

Vader had thrown her right back into the war they fought so hard to end.

She once dreamed of what their lives would be like after the Clone Wars. How they would end injustice around the galaxy forever, together, always side by side.

The irony tasted of blood in her mouth.

They were side by side, all right. But by causing injustice, not stopping it.

Ahsoka wished she could tell herself that as long as they were on the same side, it didn't matter which side it was. She was a psychotic mentally ill bitch, but she wasn't an idiot.

"Someday we're going to make this galaxy a better place." Anakin smiled as he leaned his head out the back window the speeder, letting the wind fly through his long curls that Obi-Wan kept demanding he trim again. "You and me, Snips. We'll end slavery on every system. Everyone will be free again. We'll bring peace and justice no matter what it takes."

"Master and Padawan, huh?"

"It'll always be us. Can't have one without the other, can we?" Anakin laughed. So lost in his own bliss. Lost in his quest to forget everything terrible in the galaxy. "Now let's go get some grub to eat. I'm starving!"

This was one of Ahsoka's happiest memories.

This was all wrong, and she felt it through the Force. A cold ache, like being dunked in ice water, over and over. The reminder of the darkness they spread with every step, even every breath. That Coruscant would not be burning right now if they had been killed years or months ago.

That all the ones she once held so dear could be gone before the sun went down again.

Anakin had been killed before she watched the Jedi Temple burn. Vader merely became the walking corpse that stood in his place. But that had always seemed to be enough for her.

Rex, Fives, Cody. Couldn't count on seeing them again. All the Jedi she knew had been killed. Padmé led an army now, and if the Empire won, she would be put to death publicly as an example. She killed Barriss with her bare hands. Ventress abandoned them. As for Bane, she could not even feel him anymore. If she never saw him again, it would be for the best. He let her become his friend and she ruined his life for it.

So that's what it is to be on the Dark Side. Everyone truly does go away. Sooner or later, the more you descend into darkness, the ones who reminded you of your capacity to love fade out.

In the Dark Side, you are alone.

Tears ran down her cheeks. Her lightsabers cut at the wall, and she made herself stand, the sunlight streaming through the smoke and heavy clouds. She faced the line of rebels, biting her lip until it bled. And she remembered when she once thought it would be better to be dead than to be on the side of evil.

Shoot me, then…just kill me, she wanted to scream. Make it all stop. The words held still on the tip of her tongue. She could not speak a word, as much as she wanted to.

At least Master would think she died fighting, not hiding. At least she could escape his punishment. At least she could stop herself, the bitch she was, from doing anything worse than she already had.

They stood as well, not believing what they saw. Vader's apprentice falling so easily in their hands. Ahsoka frowned, wondering why they had not shot her already. Then she remembered. With a sigh of exasperation, she deactivated her lightsabers.

Several minutes passed before half a dozen rebels approached her. One of them held a pair of stun cuffs.

No…no. You're not supposed to capture me, you idiots. You're supposed to kill me! Kill me!

Of course. She looked like she was surrendering. Giving up the fight.

She sighed again and activated her lightsaber, and began a steady run towards them. She began to see their faces. Three of the six wore helmets, rigged up from clone trooper helmets, painted with the two red spots on each cheek and a vertical red line down the lower middle. One was a young Togrutan girl, no more than a teenager. Another wore a Mandalorian helmet. And the sixth wore a wide-brimmed hat.

I suppose if this is what it takes to kill me…I'll just have to kill a handful of you.

Something in the Force stirred. Almost an old memory. No…a presence.

The hat. She'd recognize that ugly old thing anywhere.

In the Dark Side, I am alone. None of this will matter soon. I'll kill them, end their suffering. They'll kill me, end my suffering.

The tips of her lightsabers grazed the ground, sending sparks up around her. The six rebels stood their ground, weapons drawn. Ahsoka found herself letting out a cry as she prepared to do the very thing she had promised herself she would never let herself stoop to. And here she was, at the bottom of the heap, her last stand now her greatest crime.

We're all going to die soon anyway, thanks to this terrible war that won't do any good. Better to end it all. Better to stop the pain.

We all burn out. We all lose our wings and fall, down, down, down…to the Dark Side.

Vader turned his gaze up to his master. Against his own wishes, the former Chosen One trembled with fear. He clenched his jaw until his teeth felt like broken glass.

"Lord Vader, the rebel armies have grouped with their reinforcements. You must surround them and eliminate them before the rest of the Armies of Twelve arrive," Sidious said. His hologram flickered slightly. Of course, as soon as the attack had begun, the Emperor was taken to a safe bunker away from the Imperial Palace. Even though his protection was for political obligations only, Vader could still feel his influence on the fight from this distance. Sidious' manipulation slithering through the ranks of rebels, stirring confusion and conflict. Making the psychological aftermath of battle too heavy for the rebels to bear. Breaking them apart one by one.

"Yes, Master."

"The fight should have been over in less than seven days. And yet the planet is still under attack and many Imperial lives have been lost."

Vader felt his Master's disappoint weigh heavy on his shoulders. It ached. He could not stand that feeling.

"I…I know I have failed you so far, Master. But I will not let the rebels win. I swear it."

"If you fail me, you will fail both of us. Both Master and Apprentice."

"Can't have one without the other…" Vader whispered to himself.

Without his Master, he was as good as gone. Without him, Ahsoka was as good as gone.

It was a diabolical, sadistic pattern of the Sith, but there was no escaping it.

The hologram flickered out. Vader rose and returned to headquarters to don his robe and set out with the 501st. He had long since stopped caring, much less thinking, about the innocent lives he was about to end. None of that mattered to him anymore. He had lost the concept of innocence itself.

And yet…

All was not quite right. The Dark Side, normally a comfort sweeping over and blocking out any blinding light, had been tainted. Small tears ripped through it, stinging him. The discomfort flooded from his mind to his stomach until Vader had to stop just to breathe normal again. Seemed like Mustafar all over again, that scalding lava surrounding him, setting fire to the Jedi he had once loved.

What's happening to me? he wondered. It's so painful…

He was hurting.

But no marks were on him. He had not been cut, or shot, or maimed. Around him, the headquarters stood cold and still, eerily silent, as if unaware of the war right outside the door.

If he hurt so much, then where could it be coming from?

He frowned and put his mechno hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat. Yes, it was still there. Sidious would be even more disgraced with him if he knew Vader felt pain long before the battle. Didn't he have to pull himself together already? Didn't he have to find Ahsoka and join her?

Master and Apprentice, side by side. Can't have one without the other. Their Force connection reminded him of it every minute, even while he slept.

And then Vader knew what was happening.

A cry began in his lungs. His mechno fingers tightened around his lightsaber, and he yanked it off his belt and ignited it.

"Snips!"

She was in pain. Suffering. Screaming.

Was she dead? Would the rebels kill her first?

The light guided him into battle, aching, blinding. The Force connection grew stronger, and the pain worsened, only making him cry out her name again. And fear plagued Vader yet again. Fear of losing what he had fought so hard to gain. Fear of losing his beloved apprentice.

I won't let you leave me. Not a second time. Not again!

You won't leave me again!

A/N: Almost done with the fic! I know I'm dragging out the ending but I love being mean to y'all, lol. hope you enjoy how this all goes down!