A/N: WOW! We're so blown away by the constant follows, favorites, and reviews we have received on this story. Thank you all so much! We love you!
You all are so preciously impatient! Honestly, we'd upload more than once a week if we could, but we're both extremely busy and we want to pace ourselves with this story! We only have so much written ahead of time!
We hope you enjoy this highly anticipated chapter! See y'all next Friday!
DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Rizzoli and Isles, even now that it's over. *super sad face* Ugh.
Maura practically keened as Jane covered every inch of her body with her lips.
"Jane, please," Maura begged, needing more. "Just touch me. Don't tease… OH!" Maura wasn't ready for Jane's nimble fingers to pinch her nipples as hard as they did.
"Happy?" Jane asked with a smirk.
"Don't… be… a smartypants," Maura said as she smacked Jane's ass.
Jane moved down Maura's body, readying herself for the most anticipated moment in two years…
Jane shot up in bed, drenched in sweat, her core pulsating. The dream seemed all too real. She looked next to her in bed to find it indeed empty. Of course it was a dream, and it hadn't been the first that she'd had since she left for Quantico. Her clock displayed 3:17am, and she groaned as she laid back down. She had to see Maura again today at the family luncheon, and after that, she would have to leave again. She wondered if she would ever escape the pain that leaving brought on.
As she laid in bed unable to sleep, Korsak's words echoed in her mind. Did she even want to go back to Virginia? Sure, she could just suffer through this luncheon and run away again, considering that's what she's best at, but the feeling of discontentment started gnawing away at her belly. She'd thought of a thousand different ways to apologize to Maura since everything happened, but none of them seemed right. None of them seemed to be enough. Jane sighed and rolled back over, letting sleep pull her back in, trying to avoid all thoughts of the love of her life.
Angela hoped that after a night of rest, Jane would be in a better frame of mind. When Angela planned a laid back luncheon with family at the Dirty Robber the day after the reception, she had hoped for pure joy and happiness. But as she watched Jane from afar, she noticed her daughter was the exact opposite of happy. Jane was absolutely tore up, mentally and emotionally, and it was so obvious. She was quiet, wouldn't engage in conversation with anyone, and she was constantly looking to the door, obviously expecting Maura to walk in any minute. Honestly, Jane was nothing like herself, and Angela was tired of watching her suffer. She excused herself and Jane from the table, nodding at Jane to follow her into the back room. She took a deep breath before speaking.
"Jane, I'm sick of watching you do this to yourself. All of it: the silence, the anger, the confusion. Please just tell me what happened between you and Maura. It's been eating at me ever since you got here. I knew something happened between you two, but it seems worse than I ever imagined. Please, Jane. I'm your mother. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?" Angela pleaded.
"Ma, I wish..." Jane choked out with angry tears in her eyes, but she allowed Angela to wrap her up in a tight hug. "It was the worst mistake I ever made. No one else is ever going to compare to her. I'm broken and she deserves…"
Jane looked up and her eyes widened when she saw her own mother's. She couldn't believe she admitted to that out loud. She never wanted her mother to know.
"Janie, you mean to tell me…?" Angela whispered, shocked when realization hit her. "Y- you and Maura...?"
"Whether you think I'm a terrible person or not, I loved- love her, Ma. I wanted to be with her forever. But, I got... scared?"
Angela raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, terrified." Jane relented.
Angela crossed her arms, blocking Jane's only path out, forcing her to continue.
"I think that's the first time in my life that I've ever admitted to being scared. She made me feel something that I've never felt before. Like my whole purpose in life could be to make her happy and to love her. But God, Ma, this happened twelve hours before I was about to move almost 500 miles away from her. What was I supposed to do? It had been building up, I had been in denial for years."
Angela huffed out a sigh of desperation. "Janie I know I'm your mother and you think I'm uncool to the ways of the world, but I am not blind."
Jane's mouth gaped open. "I knew we- I- I couldn't do long distance, a- and I had finally decided to do something that I knew was going to destroy it. I was torn, Ma. I cried the entire flight because I was terrified that I had made the wrong decision. And, I did what I always do; I just moved on. I could never move on from her, but I moved on from the situation. I thought not being near her would help. I knew I could just be and get past it, but honestly, not a day went by where I didn't think about her. Every single day I wondered what she was doing, where she was going, if she was happy, or, even though it killed me, if she had found happiness with someone else. But, I guess it's clear that she has. Please tell me, Ma. I won't do anything, I just need to know."
"Jane," Angela choked out, heartbroken for her baby girl, not realizing the magnitude of pain she had been dealing with alone. "First of all, I will not tell you because that's Maura's story and it isn't my place." Angela reasoned.
"Oh, now you're going to start minding your own business?" Jane shot back, but was silenced with one look from Angela. "I was terrified of what you'd think of me, Ma." She admitted quietly.
"Of what I would think for you being in love with Maura? Good God, Jane, give me some credit. I don't care if you love a man, a woman, or even a horse for God's sake. Okay, no. That's a lie. Just... loving a horse would be weird. Please don't do that."
Jane chuckled lightly, rolling her eyes at her ever eloquent mother, realizing her lack of tact must have been passed down in the gene pool.
"My point is, I love you. Unconditionally. And, most importantly, Maura loves you, and everyone can see that. Sure, you two may have gone through some rough patches in these past two years, but all the greatest loves had to fight to get to where they wanted to be. She wants you to be her whole world, Jane, and she has for a long, long time."
"How do you know that?" Jane asked.
"A mother knows when someone truly loves her child, Jane. Is it the life I envisioned for you? No." Jane blanched as Angela paused.
"It's better. I couldn't ask for someone else to love you and accept you as wholly as Maura does. You may have hurt her and yes, things have changed between you two, but what will never change is the love you have for each other. You have to make this right Janie, and it must be genuine."
"Do you think? I mean… you know... is there…" Jane sighed. "Do I have a chance still?"
Angela was very much reminded of a young Jane in this moment, hopeful and bright eyed. "How will you ever know if you don't try?" She leaned in and gave a kiss to Jane's cheek, then left her alone.
Jane took a moment to wipe her tears. Whether she wanted to believe it or not, her mother was right. Jane had always loved Maura. She needed to see her, and she hoped that Maura would let her in so they could at least talk. She hoped that she hadn't completely ruined the love that Maura had for her.
Maura leaned against the doorway of the room to the to-be-completed nursery. The walls remained unpainted. Purple or pink felt too cliché. Maura had a hundred different swatches for the room color alone, not to mention the bedding and window treatments. She placed a hand on her tummy, feeling the gentle movements of her baby girl. It was a miracle, really. She was over 40, but being pregnant made her feel like she was in her 20's again. She had embraced being pregnant. What she had read about, and the only thing she had not truly anticipated, was the change in footwear that being pregnant required. She was holding a swatch in one hand and a cup of tea in the other when the doorbell rang.
Hmmm, she thought to herself. She wasn't expecting any visitors. Not that she ever had any anymore. It went from just her, to her and Jane, to her and Angela and Jane, and all of their friends. And no one rang the doorbell, either. For the past two years it had been too quiet, and the laughter they had shared in the past mocked her in those moments.
As she threw the front door open, she dropped her mug, causing the porcelain to crack. Her hands flew up to her mouth, at a loss for words, her back stiffened ramrod straight.
"Wha- what are you doing here?" Maura finally found her voice, hand involuntarily reaching out to take the offered bouquet. She had expected it to be anyone other than Jane Rizzoli, but here she was, standing in a flowing sun dress, her hair pulled up and off her neck. Maura instantly hated that her body still responded to Jane's muscular physique.
A strong, scarred hand, bent and picked up the remnants of the mug. "Well, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been up all night and I know I look like shit but- don't move, Maura. You're barefoot. I don't want you to cut your foot." Jane let herself in, left Maura standing in the foyer alone to bring the trashcan and cleaning supplies. As Jane busied herself cleaning up the mess, Maura looked at the bouquet of lilies, then back at Jane.
As Jane was cleaning, she realized that Maura was abnormally quiet. Silent, actually. When Jane would sneak glances up, she would see Maura looked confusedly at the bouquet and then to Jane. Open mouth, close mouth, repeat. If Jane weren't already on such thin ice, she would've laughed. When Jane was finally finished ensuring Maura was safe to return to move, she followed Maura into the kitchen and sat at the bar. As Maura pulled out a vase to put the flowers in, she took note of the place and how nothing had really changed. Maura still had pictures of the two of them up.
Jane saw the swatch Maura had been holding, the muted, pastel shades, and her heart sank. She cleared her throat, while Maura seemed lost in a world of her own. Maura's back was facing Jane, filling up the vase with water. Maura turned around, placing the vase with the bouquet in the center of the bar. Jane held up the swatch, pointing to one specific color.
Jane's gaze dropped to Maura's tummy. "Is it- is it a girl?" Jane whispered. "Is she healthy?"
Maura nodded, and took the swatch from Jane's hand, letting her fingers linger briefly on Jane's. "The white lily is known as the annual two year wedding anniversary flower. Did you know that when you purchased them or were you trying to be cruel?" Maura's voice hitched as she said anniversary.
Jane inwardly cursed herself. "No, no, Maur- er, Maura, I didn't know that. They were beautiful and I remember you saying at one time that you loved lilies and I couldn't find forget-me-not's at this time of the year. Trust me, I tried. I called like ten different florists." Jane rambled on, completely missing the blush that crept up Maura's neck.
"You remembered that?" Maura asked. "I told you that years ago."
Jane nodded sheepishly. "I remember a lot of important things you told me, Maura. I've just really fucked-" Jane winced at the look on Maura's face when she swore.
"Language." Maura pointed at her belly, but a distinctly faint smile was playing across her lips.
"I've just done a really crappy job at showing you that I did listen, hear you…" And there was the uncomfortable silence again.
Jane took a deep breath. Maura hadn't kicked her out, nor had she refused to let her come inside. It was now or never. "Maura, I came here to apologize to you. I know that all the flowers in the world can't make up for the fact that I took off. But you need to know- it's so important that you know- that it had absolutely nothing to do with anything that you did or said. I'm, I'm a mess Maura. I'm stubborn and indecisive and I have a phobia of never being good enough and I didn't, don't deserve you..." Jane stopped to take a breath.
Maura's hazel eyes remained impassive, but Jane thought she saw a quiver of her chin, and she kept on going.
"I have not looked back on that night with regret, but I have spent the past two years trying to forget how incredible it was. That night didn't change that I had to leave, but I should have done it differently. Maura, I was a coward. If I could go back and change how I left, I would. But I couldn't leave here again without telling you the truth. You have every right to kick me out and completely cut me out of your life, but if I thought getting on my knees and begging you would help, then I would."
"You're leaving," Maura repeated, slowly nodding her head. "When?" Maura whispered. She picked imaginary lint off her maternity dress, refusing to look Jane in the eyes. She'd always be leaving, she reminded herself. This isn't her home anymore.
"Yes," Jane responded. "I have to go back to work on Monday. My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon." Her body was screaming at her, her mind almost forcing her to say, give me a reason to stay.
Maura nodded, and Jane could see that she was fighting back tears. "Well, I think I said everything Friday night that I wanted to. I wish I could say that I didn't mean those things, but that would be a lie and well… I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive you for the way you treated me, but I appreciate your sincere apology." But when chocolate eyes met hazel, there was doubt and fear and something else Jane couldn't pinpoint.
Jane's heart sank, but she understood exactly where Maura was coming from. Jane felt like a fool for expecting Maura to just fall back into their old routine. Jane realized just how much she expected out of Maura, and unfairly, at that. Jane nodded in agreement, and turned to leave.
"Hey, Maura? Are you… are you happy now?" Jane looked around the kitchen and into the hallway like she expected someone else to materialize out of thin air.
"I don't know, that's a difficult question to answer. I think I'm accustomed to my new normal," Maura answered after some thought. Maura made no mention of there being anyone else and Jane did not notice a single photo of someone she didn't recognize on the tables or walls.
New normal, Jane heard, and she resisted the urge to empty her stomach right there on the kitchen floor. As Jane approached the front door, she turned and looked at Maura, who had turned away, busying herself with something in the kitchen. No doubt, she couldn't stand to watch Jane leave.
Jane walked purposefully back into the kitchen and despite the bump between them, wrapped her arms around Maura's waist and inhaled her sweet scent. She felt Maura stiffen, then relax, and finally, Maura draped her arms around Jane as well. Just before she let go, she gave a squeeze and felt Maura really lean into her. She took her hands and cupped Maura's face, pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, and just as she came, she was gone.
Maura sank to the floor and cried like she had the morning she woke up to an empty spot in her bed that Jane had occupied the night before.
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-R&K (: