Brow wrinkled and eyes fraught with confusion, Cinder ignored Levana and faced him instead. "Kai, what's going on?" Her voice was deadly quiet, like a placid lake just waiting for the wind to disrupt its surface.
Kai registered that Levana was laughing while saying something else but all he could think about was Cinder and the way she was looking at him. Waiting for him to correct the situation—to tell her that Levana was wrong. But she wasn't, not exactly, not in the way that Cinder needed assurance from him now.
Face completely flushed, he scratched at his neck and looked away from her. How had it come to this so quickly? He'd been planning to tell her eventually, but everything had been going so well between them. Talking about Levana would have brought up so many other problems in his life that it had just been easier to pretend like she just didn't exist for a while. Besides, he didn't love Levana—he didn't even like her. He had wanted to think of a way to explain the whole situation to Cinder so that he could be sensitive and understanding and sweet. That way, he could be open with her in a way that wouldn't result in her getting hurt. Instead, he was cornered in the most awkward, horrible scenario his mind could imagine.
"Cinder," he started, then put his face in his hands to hide his shame. He realized that this wasn't a particularly comforting gesture for anyone but him and he quickly righted himself and tried again. "It's complicated, Cinder, and you have to believe me when I say that I was planning on telling you about…everything." Her face twisted at first with more confusion, then realization, and then shock, but it settled into complete disgust. She stood up, her hands shaking, and Kai sprang to his feet. "Cinder, if you just let me explain, I'll tell you everything. It's not exactly like it seems—"
"Aww," said Levana, flashing her perfect white teeth at Cinder. "Did you really think that someone like you had something to offer the future CEO of Rikan Corp?"
"Levana," said Kai through gritted teeth, "would you please excuse us?" He turned back to the girl he loved. "Cinder, I—"
"Whatever you think you can offer him," said Levana, "I've already given him."
"Shut up, Levana!" he said.
"And then some," she added.
Hurt and panic replacing the disgust on her face, Cinder took one more look at the two of them and bolted. Kai tried to push away from the table to run after her but Levana blocked the way, making his blood boil and costing him precious seconds in which he saw her disappear into the entry corridor. He ran around Levana, nearly knocked over a waiter, and sprinted until he reached the outside of the restaurant. But Cinder was nowhere to be found.
Bracing himself against his knees, Kai let out a string of the worst curses he could think of at the moment.
Someone clicked her tongue behind him, and he closed his eyes, trying to make himself think calm thoughts so he wouldn't take out his anger on Levana. She was not a very nice person, to say the least, but it wasn't her fault that he had lied to Cinder, and he knew he had to tread carefully around Levana. He could not let his emotions get in the way of everything.
But his resolve shook as he realized that he had probably made the biggest mistake of his life, and he wouldn't be surprised if Cinder never forgave him. He couldn't let her get away, though. He couldn't let it end like this. He had to at least tell her his side of the story. She had said she loved him, didn't she?
"You're not as cute as usual when you look like you're going to cry," said Levana. She reached for his hair but he batted her away.
"Give it a rest, Levana," he said wearily.
She narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe that I'm away for just a week and you have the nerve to bring another girl to our restaurant."
"It's just a nice restaurant," he said. "Just because I've been here with you before doesn't mean I can't bring someone else."
"Yes it does," she said. "Especially when that girl is someone that you clearly have a crush on. I didn't think you were a cheater, Kai."
Kai clenched his fists together at his sides. "I'm not a cheater," he said. "We agreed that we could date whoever we wanted until we actually got married."
"Well," she said, crossing her arms, "it seems that I might want to re-negotiate our terms, because I'm jealous that my fiancé would prefer to spend his time with someone other than me."
Kai's palms began to sweat inside his fists. She wouldn't dare try to change the terms of their agreement now, would she? Not after everything he and his family had already sacrificed to please her parents. But if Levana were made to believe that Kai wouldn't follow through with their deal, then maybe she would try to take away even more of the small bit of freedom that he was so desperately trying to hang on to until they got married. She was a dreadful person, and she was capable of ruining his life even more than she already did.
But he knew, deep down, under all her taunts and fake smiles, that she really did want him. She always had. It was that fact alone that had saved his father from losing everything.
So he tried to relax, uncurled his fists, and took her hand in his. "You're right," he said, forcing the hatred out of him and away from the air that hung between them. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. I was being tactless and stupid." He pulled her closer to him, until he was holding her other hand as well. "You know you don't have to be jealous. You're the one who's got my ring, my promise, my…heart."
She tilted her head, considering him.
"Levana, tell me how can I make it up to you," he said, already regretting the words.
"I want you to tell the press," she said.
Kai's eyes widened. "The—the press? But why? Why now?"
"I don't want to keep it a secret anymore, Kai," she said, coming dangerously close to him. He'd kissed Levana many times before, and each time he enjoyed himself less than the last time. Kai wanted to avoid it at all costs, but he knew he was probably mere seconds away from her lips encompassing his. "And I'm feeling particularly vulnerable," she said.
Kai wanted to snort. He was sure vulnerable was something that Levana Blackburn had never felt in her whole life.
"Our parents might not approve," he said, trying to keep his eyes focused on hers and not on the way she kept glancing at his mouth with hunger. He fiddled with their intertwined fingers, hating himself and hating his father.
Hating everything that had brought him to this moment. Resenting the cards life had dealt him.
"We've been destined to be together since you proposed two years ago. It's about time that the world knows we're engaged," she insisted.
"There have already been rumors," said Kai. "We can keep it private for a little while longer and then surprise them with exclusive coverage at our wedding."
"No," she said, drawing away from him. "Tell them, or I'm telling my mother that you don't want to marry me anymore."
"Levana," he tried, "please be rational. I need some privacy to stay sane. If we tell them, the press will follow us everywhere."
"Good," she snapped. "Then you won't have time to run around with other girls behind my back."
Kai dropped to his knees. He winced as the asphalt hit him with more force than he had anticipated. "Please, Levana, I'm begging you. I made a mistake. Can't we at least talk about it some more? How about—how about you spend the weekend with me? We can go anywhere you like." More words that he regretted. More words he wouldn't be able to take back.
She put her hands on her hips.
"What about Venice?" he suggested. "It's beautiful there this time of year, and it's a city known for romance." Kai cringed inwardly. He loathed every word that was coming out of his mouth. He had wanted to take Cinder there, not Levana.
She grabbed his arm and practically dragged him to his feet. "Fine. We'll continue this discussion in Venice." Levana pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number. "Aimery, call the hanger and get the jet ready. Kai and I are going to Italy. Yes, tonight."
Kai wanted to scream at her, to rip the phone out of her hands, to crawl into a hole and die. If he left now, tonight, then he wouldn't be able to go to Cinder's house to apologize and beg her to forgive him. She was the one who he had really wronged and deserved the apology, not Levana.
How could he have been so stupid? How could he have ever thought pursuing Cinder was a good idea? She was turning out to be a likely candidate for his dream girl, if ever he had one, and he had let himself get swept up in her. But all he had accomplished on that front was to build her up until he had shattered her heart.
As he reluctantly got into Levana's car, plastering on a fake smile for her benefit, misery washed over him. All the adrenaline from the evening now gone, he had to force himself to not try to jump out of the moving vehicle. His brief spurt of happiness was over. The life he'd been living since he'd met Cinder was a complete joke. This woman next to him—no matter how much he wanted to deny it—she was his reality, his future. He had resigned himself to this future two years ago, knowing what he was getting himself into, so why had he ever thought it could end any differently?
He had never felt so alone in his entire life.
Before they took off, he pulled up Cinder's number on his phone. He scrolled through some of their most recent text messages and felt a wave of nausea at the thought of her at home by herself, possibly crying into her pillow. Or maybe even worse, throwing some of her tools at a picture of his head. It was agonizing.
He couldn't call her with Levana around, so he did the only thing he could, which he hoped was better than nothing: he sent her a brief email.
Cinder,
I would come to your house and tell you this in person, but I have to leave town unexpectedly. I'm so incredibly sorry that I hurt you. I know you must think the worst of me and that's understandable. I wasn't honest with you about everything going on in my life and I take full responsibility for messing everything up. But I need you to know that I love you so much and that I was not and am not cheating on you, even though it may seem that way. I meant it when I said this situation was complicated and I hope you'll give me the chance to explain as soon as I'm back. I am so, so sorry.
I really do love you. I'll think of you every moment that I'm gone.
Kai