"In Need of Wings"
Chapter the Thirty-Fifth
For many nights, the fallen Apprentice dreamed.
In her dreams, the Jedi Temple stood beautiful and strong against the skyline. Instead of the Imperial Palace that had been burned to the ground, the Temple was brand new. It offered care to those who needed it and did not turn anyone away. They had rebuilt a special place where younglings were allowed to visit their birth parents.
Padawans were given the opportunity, before being knighted, whether or not they wanted to stay with the Order. A few would leave and that was their choice. But those who stayed wanted to, and were willing to live and die for it.
She would have been permitted to take a personal pilgrimage back to her home world, come to know where she came from. And then she would have returned to become a Jedi Knight. Anakin would be there to take her on her first journey.
The Jedi Masters she grew up admiring with her fullest heart could be found in the Meditation Gardens. In the Gardens, she could lose herself in the ponds, thick brush, waterfalls, beaches, and lush trees. You could forget the rest of the galaxy existed, let the green and the silence enchant you. The Force would whisper through the flowers and the butterflies. The closest she could ever describe 'home' would be here.
Anakin would be there. So would the others. Barriss told her what she had considered doing and she felt so sick with guilt over it. But they moved on until Barriss could reconcile herself with the new Order. Plo watched her grow up and never neglected to remind her how proud he was of her.
They showed her what it was to love someone, and to find hope.
Every now and then, one of her friends outside of the Order, whether they were a Duros or Dathomirian or drag king, would sneak in through her window. They would run off together to have a cigarette and a drink or two, then stare up at the stars and talk about the soap opera episodes that made them cry and the medications they threw in the trash. Maybe they would play silly games.
Stars would continue to burn, die, and be reborn. The planets would keep turning. Day would turn to night, and night into day. Lilies and roses would blossom in the Gardens, bringing color back time and time again. Everything would be beautiful.
But every time she woke up, this place would pass away, and reality returned. Her reality had turned colorless. Just gray and white. Blinding lights and metal food trays. Cold chairs and dried lips. Bars on windows and stale bread.
No hugs allowed. No messages from the outside. Just the same routine, without any color.
But every night she could always dream again.
~ Six years later ~
.
Freedom tasted strange. Anticlimactic.
Ahsoka had thought and planned about her first day out on her own, but nothing prepared her for the real thing. And when it happened, it seemed surreal. Like one of those dreams she had always run back to as an escape.
Alderaan's fresh air, and a cloudless blue sky, greeted her as she was escorted outside the psychiatric center with a nurse. Then she walked to the train station on her own. A cold wind bit at her nose and she realized she had not been this cold in a long time, even though this was one of the warmer regions on Alderaan.
Six years of being behind concrete walls. Six years of not knowing what was going on in the rest of the galaxy. She had missed so much.
This small town, the backdrop of her recovery all this time, was surrounded by mountains and struck her as something that would be beautiful if she had chose to come here. Citizens should be friendly enough but she could never count on it, not anymore. But at least they did not seem as frightening anymore.
Freedom. What an odd concept.
She wasn't behind bars anymore, but was she really free? Even with all the recovery progress she had made, many things would still hold her back for the rest of her life. Could Ahsoka pretend that living like this was freedom?
But it was too early to think like that. Ahsoka had a list of things she wanted to do on this day.
The first on her list she decided to do was buy a cup of hot caf from the first shop she found. Since they were not hard to come by, she was able to find one less than a mile's walking distance away. Inside, she ordered a cappuccino and added too much cream and sugar than she needed. They never allowed this much in prison or the psychiatric center.
Then, next on her list, she bought a holomagazine to catch up on galactic events. She sat in a corner of the caf shop where she would not be disturbed by other customers and curled up in a chair with her cappuccino. Her large sweater hid her hands and the fact that she needed to redo her nail polish. In the back of her mind she made a mental note to read up on current fashion trends so she wouldn't feel so old anymore.
The headline took her by much less surprise than she expected it to: "Padmé Amidala Funds New 'United Galactic University', Voted Unanimously Back Into New Republic Senate."
Into education and still a politician? That was Padmé, all right. So six years after the Empire had been overthrown and she was still going strong.
Anakin would have loved to see that. He would be so proud of her.
Ahsoka glanced up only to see one of the patrons staring at her mechno montrals. She had kept them in healthy condition but the models they gave her in prison were stiff and awkward. Made her handicap easier to identify.
The inmates and patients had stared too. She got used to it. They just didn't know.
After caf, she headed to the temporary apartment she would have a few months to live in before she was on her own. She had no idea where she wanted to go after this, what she wanted to do with her life. The Jedi Order would still take a long time to be rebuilt, as the survivors of Order 66 who had scattered across the galaxy struggled to make their way back together. And she could never be one of them again, anyway.
So what did that leave for her?
Without her dreams—the Jedi Temple, the Meditation Gardens—everything seemed bleak. A world where the light was always one more step away.
After several weeks, Ahsoka decided it was time to find him.
Enough time had been spent mulling it over in her own head, unsure of whether she really wanted to do this or not. If she did that long enough, of course the chance would slip by.
She used some of her money to rent a holocomputer and searched his name. Her muscles began to tense up and she clenched her fists. Why was she doing this? Why did she want to look for the man who she had ended things so horribly with? No way they could be friends again. Maybe her therapist had been wrong when he suggested this. Too late now, she was in for it.
When she saw the first result, her heart stopped.
"Former Bounty Hunter, War Veteran Cad Bane Dies of Apparent Spice Overdose, Body Not Found."
It was from over four years ago. Nothing about Bane since then.
The galaxy had moved on quickly without him.
Ahsoka felt herself sink back into the chair and hug her knees, and she began to silently grieve. This might be her fault. If she had told someone that he mentioned committing suicide, maybe they could have prevented it. If she had reached out to him…No, she couldn't go there. Beating herself up wouldn't bring him back.
Wait.
She re-read the short article and something stirred in her. Perhaps it was just from what she knew of Bane. Or the Force directing her to her new path. After all, these days the Force seemed to work in the most mysterious, unexpected ways. But the more she read it, the more the feeling in her that something else was going on rang loud and clear.
I wonder, Ahsoka thought, if Bane faked his death and went into hiding.
A life full of crime and years in prison, then pulled into a war. Had he been disregarded by the public because of his history, or honored as a war hero? Had he been elevated to celebrity status? Or thrown away for his behavior?
Either way, he would not want to be in the spotlight for fighting in the rebellion. Neither would he want his past used against him. Maybe the new Republic, that would have condemned him to die years before, had coerced him into more duties so he could avoid getting on the wrong side of the law again. They could keep his opportunities of a new life restrained, surveilling him constantly, always under watch. Holding him on a tight leash in case he broke one single rule.
The Cad Bane she knew would never settle for that kind of life. With everyone watching him all the time, he would break down under the pressure. He would only want to live by his own rules, not someone else's.
And how else could he escape that sort of life by convincing everyone he was dead?
Only one way to find out.
Ahsoka stood up and grabbed her jacket, then her comm. She stood no chance of finding Bane on her own. If the new Republic could not find him for four years, she really doubted she could at all. But help was not so far off.
It took hours, but her own searching, thanks to techniques Bane taught her a long time ago, led her to the exact contact number she needed. A sullen, hungover voice answered.
"What is it…? If this is that damn Iktochi calling back again then piss off."
"A-Asajj?" Nervously, Ahsoka cleared her throat. The Dathomirian woman's voice had only aged a little, but she sounded less on the brink of attack. More solemn, laid back. Although peaceful was far too strong a word to describe it. "It's Ahsoka Tano."
"What…?" She heard sounds that indicated Asajj was getting out of bed and pulling on something to wear. "I thought they locked you up, sweetie."
"Well, I'm out now. I have to go back to my therapist twice a month, but I'm out."
"Congratulations. I'm not throwing a welcome back party for you."
Ahsoka sighed and remembered how Asajj had bailed on them when it got too hard. That grudge stayed for a while. But looking back, it was a wonder Asajj had not left her sooner, or so that was how Ahsoka saw it. Besides, it was Asajj's nature to stick to her own course, wherever it led her. Ahsoka understood that now.
Her heart always ached a little for what could have been between them. But the Force had not willed it to be.
"That's not what I want. I want to hire you for a job."
"Huh, funny. I always took you to be more of the sentimental type," Asajj laughed warmly. The first time Ahsoka ever heard her laugh like that. "Don't you want to get a bite to eat and catch up first?"
"Sure, we can do that." She couldn't help but blush a little. Just the thought of being around Asajj again…
Ahsoka paced around as she held her comm, thumbing the tip of her montral.
"But the job."
"Yes?"
"I need you to find someone for me. It won't be easy, but—"
"Consider it done." She could practically hear Asajj smiling already.
It took nearly two months for Asajj to finally return with an answer. By then, Ahsoka was growing impatient. Each day that passed, she grew more restless and needed results fast. She passed her time getting to know her neighbors and so far was not getting much luck in new friendships.
"I finally found a lead on where Bane ran off to." Asajj pulled out a datapad and dropped it on the table, then pulled up a holomap. "Far southern Outer Rim, just south of the Kathol Sector. This small tropical planet here." She pointed to her map. "All that's there are just a few ancient cities and scattered locals. The planet's healthy economy is all thanks to the tourists who want to see its beaches and mountains. Supposed to be quite a pretty picture."
"That's where he is?" She looked more closely at the map. No way the new Republic would ever go that far out into space. It made sense.
"I know. Sort of the last place I'd expect someone like him to go. The most crime you can find there is a stolen protocol droid. But if the new alias he is using is accurate in my research, then I'm not mistaken. Go there and head to the Deruno Hills. Look for a man named Cadomir Sotulet, and you'll find him."
She looked up and smiled through her tears at the older, weathered bounty hunter.
"Thank you, Asajj. You have no idea how much this means to me."
"But what are you going to do once you get there? You two didn't really end on good terms. Do you think you even have a chance at fixing it?"
The Togrutan simply began packing what few belongings she had into her knapsack.
"I have to try," she said.
A/N: One more chapter left!