"In Need of Wings"
Chapter the Thirty-Sixth (Final Chapter)
Traveling on her own meant Ahsoka would have a lot of free time on her hands. Which also meant that she needed a way to pass the long hours. Her therapist had suggested a few methods, but for the first time in a while, Ahsoka realized she wouldn't mind being bored. It was better than lots of things, anyway.
She boarded the passenger ship with an armload of holomagazines and books, all which would be sure to catch her up on everything she had missed in six years. And there was a lot. Events, fashion, music, politics…it overwhelmed her a little. Everyone else on the ship seemed to be just tourists heading to the planet for sightseeing. Their excited demeanor gave it away. Some were newlyweds who acted so in love it made Ahsoka sick with envy, craving someone's hand to hold. Others had small children running around their legs. And there was her, the Togrutan, small and awkward and very, very alone.
But at least she had one item of comfort with her.
After her release, she was allowed to have her old Padawan beads back. They were still intact but a little worn. She decided she would always keep them with her. Once she got them back she made them into a necklace, so she could always carry them around with her, almost just like how she used to.
The ache of loneliness plagued her during the trip. She watched the people around her, so happy and easygoing with no clue that they were traveling with a convicted murder and psychotic bitch. And the more she watched them the more the loneliness grew, burning in her like the stars she watched from out her window. They floated by in the distance, then wandered off just like her thoughts. Her heart grew heavy the longer the journey went on. Their happiness only reminded her of what she didn't have, what she had thrown away, and what had been taken away from her.
All her belongings, including the magazines and books, fit in one bag. Unsure of who to trust, she kept her bag between her ankles and fought sleep until she lost the strength to. Dreams trickled in and out of the Jedi Order she left behind. Faces of those she used to love. All the while she held her new necklace tightly in her hand.
After they landed, it took two days of searching in the city to know where so-called 'Cadomir Sotulet' could be found. Bane, of course, knew how to hide well. But thanks to her teachings from him, Ahsoka had a few tricks up her sleeve that worked to her advantage. She tracked down his last known location at a small village on the southern side of the planet, far from the main tourist attractions and a quarter of a day's journey from the rich farmlands. From there, she got on a train and found a seat that looked safe enough in the far back.
"No turning back now," she whispered to herself. Then Ahsoka looked out the window as the countryside began to pass by. There was so much green.
Mountains in the distance filled the horizon. Thick forests sped by, trees blooming with fresh brightly colored fruit. Every now and then she could even see wildlife through the brush here and there. Against her wishes, tears flooded her eyes. After years of staring at blank concrete walls, the sight of so much beauty in nature was too much to take.
Turning away so no one would see her, Ahsoka sobbed in silence with no shoulder to lean on.
So much life and rebirth and goodness, it seemed impossible to believe in it. How could so much exist in one place? How could a galaxy that saw so much death and decay also hold sacred grounds such as these? Why was it the beautiful things that made her cry?
The train pulled to a stop and Ahsoka looked around the small village, holding her bag close to her. She rented the cheapest speeder she could find and, thanks to a local's advice, headed towards Cadomir Sotulet's homestead.
Her palms began to perspire against the handlebars as she took the speeder down the narrow path through the forest. Soft green leaves brushed her knees and montrals, tickling her. Pictures from her imagination flashed in front of her, how she imagined Bane's home would look like. Probably a dark shack covered in dust, full of weapons and assassin droids. Maybe he would sooner kill her than talk things through. Maybe he would shoot her before she could get in a word. It wouldn't surprise her.
Ahsoka took a deep breath. Far too late to change her mind.
When she finally turned the bend, arriving at a dead end, the sight took her by surprise. In one leap she was off her speeder and staring ahead.
There was a small cottage, coated with vines, with extra rooms on the front and sides built on recently. Mismatched doors, windows, siding, even colors. The cottage hid behind a thick garden that spread out to the front yard, which the path made its way around in rugged steps. Pots lined the path, overflowing with fresh ferns, cacti, flowers, palms, and others she did not even recognize.
And Ahsoka looked closer. Between two trees, a wooden gate led to another part of the garden where she could barely make out a bench and a small pool. Lights had been hung from the overhanging vines. Old furniture, speeder and ship parts, pottery, and tools cluttered any spot not occupied by the blossoms.
"What the hell…?" She had to have lost her way. No way Bane lived here. It was too beautiful.
She was about to get back on her speeder and leave, but then a flint of metal caught her eye. Then two small yellow eyes, glowing.
Her breath caught in her lungs as Ahsoka turned back around. The Force had been right. For there he was, the little droid still on his own two legs after all these years, holding up a small switch that activated artificial rainfall over a section of plants in the front yard.
"Todo?" she called out. She cleared her throat. "Todo 360?"
The techno-service droid looked up and almost jumped.
"Miss Tano? Is…is it really you?" Todo looked like he had a little bit of rust here and there, but he was otherwise in excellent condition. For some reason Bane had decided to take care of him well.
"Yeah. It's me." Her voice got quiet as the realization of what she had done, and was about to do, stabbed her through the stomach.
Todo put down his task and, almost reluctantly, took small steps towards her along the path.
"I never thought you would show up again. Neither did Mr. Bane."
"Can I talk to him?"
"I…um…well…" Before Todo could recover from the question, the cottage's front door opened. Someone stepped out and said in a tone that reminded Ahsoka of Padmé speaking to the Senate,
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" She was a Duros. Facial piercings on her lips, eyebrows, and cheeks, a silk scarf around her forehead, knee high boots, a belt full of tools balanced over her wide hips and tucked under a flowing skirt. Just the sight of her made Ahsoka bite her lip.
"Um…I'm Ahsoka Tano. Is Cad here? If he'll see me, I would like to talk to—"
The Duros woman held up a tiny hand and Ahsoka shut up immediately.
"I know who you are," she said in a tone that indicated she had not just heard the bad stories about Anakin's apprentice. "I thought you were still in prison?"
"I was released a couple months ago."
"All right. Hang on…I'll go talk to him. But I can't promise anything. Got it, Tano?" She ran her tongue over one of her lip piercings.
"Sure, no problem." Wasn't hard taking orders from such a work of art.
With that, the Duros woman disappeared back in the house. She did not come out for several minutes. Ahsoka began to pace around, looking around at the beautiful gardens. All the detail that had been put into it. Time went by faster as she studied the flowers and the way their colors interacted in such harmony. Then she turned around and Bane stood there, in casual clothing, his mechno arm redesigned into a much simpler everyday model.
"Uh…hi, Cad." Dammit, she sounded shy. Why should she be shy?
Bane walked up to her as Todo returned to the house. His eyes were large.
"How did you find me?" was the first thing he asked.
Ahsoka almost felt offended, but remembered how much work it took to find him, and how much he must want to be left alone. Fair question.
"Ventress helped me. So did some things you taught me once. But it took her months. We'll both keep your location a secret, swear it."
"Yeah, you'd better. I don't want the Republic knowing about this place." Bane crossed his arms and looked down. "You, uh…you look well. Better than I imagined."
"So do you. Not so skin and bones anymore." She glanced away, unable to make eye contact. "And this is your…?"
"I live here, yeah."
"And she is…?"
"We're married. So no flirting with her. Tempting, I know."
Finally, a bit of the old Bane was back.
"You're just lucky you met her first." Ahsoka smiled a bit.
"Sure…" Bane shrugged, took out a toothpick and began gnawing on it. "I know what you're going to ask. We met five years ago in a bar. Been married four years. You don't get to know any details." And just like that, there was the sting in his voice she had been bracing for. "I'm guessing that since they let you out you're better now?"
She nodded silently, doubting he would ever trust her again.
"So you're not planning to kill me or anything?" Bane asked coldly.
"What? No! No, I…" Ahsoka took a step back and reached for the tip of her left montral. "That's not me anymore. I'm never going back to that. And I didn't…come here for forgiveness, either."
"Then what? Certainly not an apology." He spat the toothpick into a flower pot.
"Not that either." Now she felt awkward. "It just wasn't right. Ending things the way we did. I don't deserve forgiveness for what I did…"
"Me neither."
Great, he interrupted the speech I rehearsed all the way here…wait, what?
Bane shook his head.
"I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Mutilating you is near the top of the list. I got messed up."
"But what I did…"
He sighed and looked right at her for the first time since she saw him again. Strangely enough, he did not look older. He looked younger, really. More life in his eyes.
"Look, 'Soka…we'll both be better off moving on. Holding onto the past was what nearly made me end my life in prison. I can't do that anymore." He glanced off to look at a bunch of flowers that had not quite blossomed yet. He softly felt the leaves between his fingers, then took a pail of water from nearby and poured it into the flower pot, careful not to use too much. Taken aback by his uncanny gentleness, Ahsoka studied him.
"My therapist talked that way too. I feel the same," she said in a hushed tone.
He finally stepped closer, emptying the strange distance between them. At that point, Ahsoka was fighting back tears she had forced down for six years.
"I have to let go. Not just of what you did, but what I did too. Just keep going the best I can with the time I have left. It's why I quit being a bounty hunter and I'm starting over here."
"I…I see." Her heart wanted to explode. He had changed after all. And in the best way she had never let herself hope for. "What do you do now?"
"Well, I work on speeders part time. But otherwise I—"
Ahsoka suddenly saw small blue arms wrap around Bane's legs. She frowned and peered close.
"Starla," Bane said. "I told you to wait inside, sweetie."
A tiny head peered up at Ahsoka from between Bane's shins. Her eyes were large and bright red. Just like Bane's.
"Oh—oh my gods…Cad?" The corners of Ahsoka's mouth lifted as she watched the Duros toddler yank on Bane's pant leg with tight little fists. "You're a father?"
"Full time." He spoke softly as he picked her up and held her close. The toddler buried her face in his shoulder, overcome with shyness.
"How old?" Now Ahsoka could not stop smiling.
"Just turned two. We named her Starla." Bane saw the question on Ahsoka's lips before she could ask it. "She's the reason I live here now. The reason I gave up crime. I didn't believe in love at first sight until the day she hatched."
"Cad, that's…really sappy and sweet and I never thought you'd have kids, but here you are. She's so chubby!"
"Shut the fuck up. My baby is perfect." He rubbed Starla's back soothingly. He glanced over his shoulder and hollered back at the house, "Ena! She got out of the house again."
"What can I say, she's crafty." His wife, Ena, stood in the doorway sipping from a large mug.
"She gets it from you," Ahsoka added, to which Bane looked back at her with a smile in his eyes.
"I'll introduce you to her officially when she's feeling less shy." He set her down and told her something in Durese, then pulled out three pieces of candy from his pocket. Starla beamed brightly and ran back to the house. Bane stood up and cracked his back. "Ah, I spoil her way too much. You should see all the piles of stuff I buy for her. Not like I can help it."
"You're a good father to her, Cad. I can tell," she said quietly.
He shrugged and crossed his arms, glancing over the young Togrutan who, of course, was not so young anymore. What neither of them knew how to put in words did not need to be said. The silence, her forced back tears, and the three pieces of candy no longer in his pocket said more than enough. A faint wind whispered through the flowers and vines, and the Force moved through Ahsoka like a river that had run dry for far too long, a drought inside her just when she had allowed the rain to return and drown her, until she remembered that the same life and rebirth surrounding her on this planet was inside her as well. The same strength that Padmé had to keep her fighting for justice, the same gentleness Bane found in himself because of his daughter, and the same undying love that Anakin always had in his heart to do anything for the people he cared about…it was all inside her, too. She just had to let it be.
"We have a lot to talk about." Bane broke the silence first.
"I know. We will."
"And I hope you understand that I'll be keeping an eye on you, especially around my family. You'll have to earn my trust back."
It stung to hear that, but she expected no less. They would not fix this over one conversation. It would take dozens upon dozens, if not more. But she was ready for that.
"Of course, Cad. I understand."
"So, what are you going to do with your life now?"
She had not been expecting him to ask that at all. She shifted her weight from each foot, and glanced up at the trees, smelling the fresh flowers. This place seemed so special.
"I've been thinking of getting an education, actually. Study the natural sciences from my homeworld. See what others besides the Jedi have written about the Force. There's so much about the galaxy I don't know."
"Any idea after that?"
"No ideas." Ahsoka sighed. "But when the Force gives me one, I'll go after it."
Bane adjusted his hat and glanced back at the house, showing some slight hesitation in what he was about to say.
"You know, um…dinner's just about ready. And it'll take you a while to get back to the village. Would you like to stay and eat with us? Bet if you give Starla candy she'll talk to you a little."
Ahsoka smiled and reached for her neck. There, her old Padawan beads felt cool in her hand. The memories of them came back, when they were found and lost and found again. Some memories were sad and some joyous, but all within the Force now. They belonged in the past. And the future belonged to them, blooming with new life and opportunity.
"I would love that." With that, she followed Bane inside. It was time to make some new memories.
A/N: Now I just want to write a dozen short fics where little Starla gets to hear about her dad and 'Aunt Soka's adventures together and all the trouble they got into aaaaaa. As if anyone besides me would read them.
Almost a year and a half and this fic is finally done. Really happy with how it turned out and thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!