Because Hetty is a little shit.
Deeks knew that Hetty could feel his eyes on her from across the Mission. It's not like he was being subtle about it; he was just waiting for her to raise her head and acknowledge his glaring. He watched her take a sip of tea, flip through the pages of file (classified he's sure), close said file and place it in her desk, take another sip of tea, cross her hands on her desk, and finally turn her eyes to meet his.
Pushing away from his desk, Deeks walked through the empty bullpen to stand in front of the tiny Operations Manager. "Working late, Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked, straining her neck to look up at him.
"Yeah," he replied. "Waiting on Kensi. She's still finishing up a few things, paperwork from her uh, mission."
"I'm sure your partner appreciates that," she said, offering a tight smile.
"Partner..." Deeks said slowly, pursing his lips. "Is that what she is? Because last time I checked, we haven't actually worked together in quite some time."
"Hmm," Hetty hummed to herself. "Is there something you'd like to get off your chest, Detective?"
"I'm not sure if you want to open that can of worms, Hetty."
Hetty sighed at him. "What do you want, then?"
Deeks crossed his arms over his chest. "I want my partner back."
"She's not ready-"
"No," Deeks interrupted her. "That's not what I'm talking about."
Hetty gestured for him to sit down, but he shook his head no.
"I want the partner back that I had a year ago, the strong Kensi that she used to be. Did you know that when I went to check on her after work two days ago, there was a fly in her apartment. So what did I do, I slammed my hand against the wall and killed it. And she practically jumped out of her skin, like she was afraid of me. She's still not herself."
"That's why she's not back in the field yet," Hetty rationalized. "These things take time."
"Time can't fix everything," Deeks said sadly. "It just gives you more shit bury the pain under."
When she cocked her head, Deeks thought that for once he saw a hint of emotion in her eyes. "Are you alright, Mr Deeks?"
"No," he responded, voice lower than usual. "No I'm not."
"Do you still blame yourself for this?"
Deeks laughed bitterly. "No, despite the fact that you've let me go on for months blaming myself, I see things a lot more clearly now."
"Good. I think." Hetty nodded her head, reaching for another file.
"I blame you," Deeks said numbly.
Hetty froze for a moment before clearing her throat. "You're not the only one."
"It's a little late for self-reflection, Hetty. Just like it's too late for apologies. Nothing you can say will undo the damage that you've done to her, that you've done to all of us."
"Tread lightly, Detective," Hetty warned.
"Why?" Deeks asked, leaning down against one of her antique chairs. "What are you going to do to? Send me back to LAPD? That thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. Separate me from my partner? That's already happened. Take away everything I love? Yeah, you already did that, too."
"You are unhappy here, obviously," Hetty replied. Her stoic face almost hid the sadness in her eyes. She made no move to stop his tirade anymore, as if she knew she deserved everything he was saying to her.
"I love my job," he said emphatically. "What I don't love is the lies, and the secrets, and the utter bullshit that we have to deal with every day. I thought that we were friends, Hetty. I've always thought I could come to you with any problem and you would have my back. Now I feel like I don't even know you anymore."
"I'd like to think that you can still come to me, but I am your boss. I have always been that first."
Deeks nodded his head slowly. "Our boss. Right. I miss those days. When you played the role of our boss, instead of playing fucking God with our lives." He regretted the words as soon as he said them, but there was no way to take them back.
Hetty's eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth, but no words immediately came out. She hung her head as if she were trying to process what she had just heard. "I...I spoke with Kensi today," she said with slight hesitation. "I apologized for misleading her about the details of her mission, and I believe she will forgive me."
"And the rest of us?" Deeks asked wearily. "You kept us all in the dark, put all of our lives in danger, and for what? Was there even a mission that related to NCIS in the first place?"
"There are a lot of things about this mission that go beyond even me." Hetty looked him directly in his eyes, for once showing the sadness and regret that she was feeling. "But I would like to ask your forgiveness as well."
Deeks heard bustling at the top of the stairs and turned his head to see Kensi heading down to the bullpen. He sighed. "I'm sorry, Hetty. I know what I said was out of line."
"No need to apologize. I would say I probably deserved it."
Smiling for just a second, Deeks nodded his head in agreement as Kensi approached Hetty's desk. His eyes lit up when she placed a hand on his arm. "You done for the day, Deeks?"
"Yeah. I was uh, waiting on you. Didn't know if you wanted to grab a bite to eat, maybe?" Deeks shoved his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels.
Kensi motioned toward the exit. "I'd like that." She turned to look at Hetty. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, dear."
Deeks and Kensi walked out side by side just like they did before he didn't take the shot, before promises they haven't had a chance to keep, and before classified missions to Afghanistan. He nudged her shoulder gently with his own. "It's good to have you back."
Kensi smiled at him. "It's good to be back."