CHAPTER 5
FOUR POV
Today is my thirteenth birthday. I am so excited. Dad gave me a paintball gun for my birthday. Zeke got one for his birthday last month so now we both have our own guns. It is so cool. So we are going to have a game of capture the flag for my birthday. We are going to play down it the pit. Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Marlene and Lynn are going to play with me. Because we are having the game in the pit we had to invite some of the other kids our age too. So I made sure that my friends were on my team. We also had to let Shauna's little brother Hector play with us, so he brought his friend Johnny along. It was really funny, Lynn and Shauna made sure they got them out of the game early. They had so much paint on them we couldn't see their black clothes anymore. Charlie wanted to play too, so I didn't want her to get hit by the paint gun, she is only four, so I got Uriah to splat a paintball onto her shirt. She thought it was really funny, she always laughs around Uri. He makes the goofiest faces and she just giggles, I love to hear her so happy. She still gets sad sometimes and asks for Evelyn. I don't think of her as mum anymore. Just Evelyn. She doesn't deserve to be called mum.
That's the only thing I hate when it's my birthday, the fact that Evelyn isn't here. I still try to think of what I could have done to make her stay. I miss her today. Dad always tries to make my birthday special, keep me busy because he knows how sad I can get. Dad's friend Sasha is with us as well, she stays at our place sometimes. They have been together for ages now. Sasha is the lady I saw dad having lunch with that time. She is really nice and Charlie likes her too. She makes dad happy, I asked him if he was going to marry her but he changed the subject. I wish dad and Evelyn were still together but I think dad is happier with Sasha. I'm not sure though, I'm not very good with that sort of thing. I don't like talking to girls, especially the Dauntless ones. They are really annoying, they put all this make up on so you can't see their faces properly and they dress in clothes that doesn't fit them. They are always trying to talk to me but I just get really embarrassed, I don't know what to say and I usually say something that upsets them. I'm okay around Shauna but we don't talk that much anyway. I put up with Marlene and Lynn they are like annoying little sisters, Charlie is less annoying than those two but they are still better than the other girls.
Capture the flag was awesome. Probably helped that my team won. When the game had finished we just stood in the pit and fired off the rest of the paintballs we had left at each other. We were covered in paint, it was so funny. Then we went to the cafeteria and we had lots and lots of Dauntless cake. I thought Uriah would have exploded with how much cake he ate. I think he would die if he had to go a day without his cake. Maybe that's what I should give him as a dare next time we play dare. I will have to tell Zeke that one, he will love that idea.
School is way better since I have been in Dauntless. I remember when I was in Abnegation and I felt like I spent my whole day waiting. Waiting for the other kids to leave the classroom before I did. Waiting for the other kids to go into class before I could. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Now that I'm Dauntless we just do whatever we want. Sometimes we don't even go to class. Best is that the teachers don't expect us to do any good so if you don't like a class it doesn't matter if you fail, your Dauntless so they don't care. I still try to do good at school, I want dad to be proud of me. I like the computer classes the best, I don't know why I just find it fascinating. How they work, what you can do with them.
I try to stay away from any of the Abnegation at school. It always makes me sad when I think of Beatrice. I miss her a lot. She would love Dauntless. I haven't seen her since I moved to Dauntless. I don't think she would recognise me now anyway. It has been four years. I have grown my hair longer, it looks a bit like a mop because of my curls but it means that I am less likely to be recognised by any one from Abnegation. I only really knew Beatrice anyway. One day I accidently bumped into her brother Caleb. And I mean bumped into him, he didn't know who I was, which was good but kind of sad too. Now I'm getting taller and being in Dauntless I have started to get muscles from all the physical games we play. I don't think Beatrice would recognise me even if we did bump into each other. Every day since I left Abnegation I have wished to see her again, but I can't. It's too dangerous for me; Marcus is still in my nightmares. I sometimes wake up and I am covered in sweat, dad is used to hearing my shower in the middle of the night. He used to come and check that I was alright but he knows that I would rather not talk about it. So he leaves me alone. I am really grateful for that.
Doctor Simon still comes to visit, he and dad are really good friends, Simon likes to come and check on me make sure that I don't want to talk about everything that happened. I don't want to talk about it with people. I don't want them to know just how weak I am. How I am still afraid that Marcus will come and steal me one day and make me go and live with him. Dad told me that Marcus thinks I'm dead but it doesn't matter, it doesn't help, I still get my nightmares. If it's not a nightmare about Marcus beating me than it will be one about Evelyn. It usually involves Evelyn taking Charlie away, that she comes and steals her and takes her back to the factionless with her. I sometimes wish that Marcus and Evelyn were dead, but then I know I don't really want Evelyn dead. Can you really love and hate someone all at the same time? Because that's what it feels like when I think of Evelyn.