Don't own Darksiders! Don't like graveyards! Don't have cupcakes! Don't wanna forget to thank detrametal! And a rooster named Fredrick. He didn't do anything though. He was just sorta there.

A graveyard… Great! I love the dead! And sarcasm! It's such a beautiful thing, wouldn't you agree?

Before I could get over my mini freak out, War had already started out of the tunnel and into the creepy graveyard. I jogged to keep up with him and stuck close to his side. I'd seen enough horror movies to know that something was-

Out from one of the graves popped a skeleton… Knew it… This thing was larger than any human I've ever known, yet it came from a human grave… Complete with huge sword and bloodlust! Batteries sold separately.

Mr. Bones came running at us but War knocked it into the air and backhanded it so hard it exploded into a million tiny bones.

"Ooooh, pretty… nasty."

Suddenly, we were surrounded by more Mr. Bones and I drew Barsus as War grabbed Chaoseater.

"I've always wanted ta fight a skeleton, not really but ya know… new dreams, since I cain't watch mornin glories bloom anymore."

The skeletons came at us. I copied General's move and spun with my weapon, catching a few of them and tearing them in half. Meanwhile, War was doing even better as he destroyed skeleton after skeleton… and tombstone after tombstone.

"Hey! Show some respect!" I yelled at him. You must always respect the dead… Unless they attack you first, I guess. But that's beside the point.

He didn't hear me and we continued to fight until we were surrounded by piles of bones, weapons, and meager pieces of armor.

"Stupid Horseman." I said, walking off. Again, he didn't seem to hear me. Or maybe he was just ignoring me again.

As we passed under one of the many trees, a bat dropped down, spreading its massive wings and screeching like a banshee. I snagged one of its wings with Barsus, which was still in my hand, bringing the demon down.

"Do. Not. Fuck. With. Me." I ripped the weapon out, nearly slicing the wing completely off, and left the demon to suffer… Shut up, I'm in a bad mood. I heard War behind me finish off the bat as I walked on.

We passed through the graveyard, with only a few more encounters with the undead, and reached the paved road on the other side of a broken wall. It was supposed to be paved I guess, but a lot of it was gone, showing the ground and pipes beneath. Abandoned cars littered the road, a reminder that no matter how smart and strong humanity thought it was, we were destroyed so easily in the end…

I sighed, deciding not to think anymore - always a good tactic - and noticed lanterns hanging from some of the trees. "Soooo, who do ya suppose hung all these lanterns up?" I asked the Horseman, not really expecting an answer. "Was it the Destroyer dude? Ya know, he wanted ta make his world all pretty and bright, even the graveyards, so he hung these up? Doesn't seem like somethin a bad guy would do, and he failed miserably, but at least he tried right?"

"Don't you ever shut up?" the Watcher asked, shouted really, appearing out of nowhere. Well, not nowhere but you know what I mean.

"Ya can hear me inside his gauntlet? How does that work anyway?"

"Be quiet human!"

I could feel myself smile, though I tried not to, "Hmm… Nah, I'm good."

Before the Watcher could come up with a smart retort, we reached the next Gate and War blew the horn, awakening the sleeping rock giant.

"Hmmmn…"

"I have come for the Destroyer." War told him.

"My brothers spoke of your coming. But, a powerful curse holds me now. I cannot help you."

Aw, it's okay Rock Man. Hope'll take care o' ya.

"Any curse can be broken." War… reassured him?

"Yes… perhaps… These servants of the Destroyer walk unseen within the Realm of Shadow. By their blood we are bound… By their blood shall we be free."

First souls, then hearts, now blood? Currency today is worse than fashion in my day!

"I can no longer move within the Shadow Realm. Much of my power has left me."

And yet ya can still kick some serious ass…

"You need not enter it! I will grant you the power to see into the accursed realm, for a time. But to what end? What hope have we now against the Destroyer's foul sorcery?"

Okay, what the fuck's the Shadow Realm anywho?

For some reason I still cannot fathom, War drew his sword and pointed it at Rock Man, "Hope will not bring you freedom."

I sure can try… but you're probably right.

"Yes…" Rock man breathed…orange on us and suddenly my eyes were burning like Hellfire. The Gate returned to his original position while I tried to rub the orange from my eyes.

"Find where these Shadow Lurkers hide and KILL THEM ALL! They can't be that hard to find." The Watcher ordered before disappearing.

I stopped rubbing my eyes to find that I had been crying blood and everything had taken on an orange-ish tint and screaming faces rose from the ground. War was already on his way to look for the Shadow Lurkers and I ran to catch up with him, wiping the blood from my face.

We traveled back up the road towards an orange - I hate orange even more now - beam that shot up from the ground.

Well, that was easy.

The Shadow Lurker was just a - you guessed it - orange and grey platform on the ground.

War stepped up onto the circle and swung Chaoseater from his back and stabbed it into the circle. I jumped onto the Lurker as he started to disappear.

Next thing I know, were in a large alcove of an ever larger room… filled with zombies just lying on the ground.

The Horseman went on ahead into the room but I stayed behind, not trusting this obvious trap.

As he reached the center of the room, a huge eye appeared out of nowhere and a gate rose up from the ground in front of the eye. A super creepy laugh sounded, echoing throughout the room.

The zombies started to get up and shamble towards War.

Then, as if to make matters worse, the Watcher appeared, "Surely this is no challenge for the likes of you?"

It did seem to be no challenge for him as he slashed his way through the zombies. Some he just picked up and smashed their heads with his gauntlet, others he grabbed their leg and slammed them onto the ground, making them explode in a shower of rotting flesh.

Once he got done with the majority of the zombies, demons started to appear from portals in the ground.

"Big Red! Behind you!" I shouted as a demon snuck up behind War. My warning was unneeded as he appeared to already be aware of the attacker and sliced it in half. He dealt with demon after demon but they kept coming and I lost count around 32 total kills. Eventually, one of the undead that eventually exploded appeared and started attacking the Horseman along with some of the demons. Talk about friendly fire.

Suddenly, all of the demons and undead that were still… alive fell back, dead… re-dead? The gate fell down

"Excellent." Said the Watcher as War attacked the eye until it disappeared. A portal appeared right where we came in and we stepped on it and arrived back out at the graveyard.

The Shadow Lurker gate thingy also vanished as soon as we stepped off of it to go find the others. I assume there were others. More beams could be seen shooting up in the sky.

We traveled further up the road until we found the second Shadow Lurker. Stepping onto it, we were transported back into the alcove of the large room. Maybe it was a different room, now that I think about it. There was a large glowing circle on the wall that wasn't there in the other.

War went on ahead but I stayed in the alcove, having a worse feeling about this one than the other. The eye and gate appeared and greenish-yellow mist filled the room.

I couldn't stop the coughs that racked my body as I accidently breathed in some of the mist, "The *cough* fuck? *cough*" Really? Poison? Ugh…

War quickly dealt with the enemies as I tried to breathe as little as possible, unable to do anything else.

"Now THAT was entertaining. Can we do it again?" the Watcher said as the gate fell and the Horseman went for the eye.

Stepping onto the portal, we were teleported back out into the graveyard and fresh air. Well sort of fresh. This was a graveyard after all.

I fell to my knees trying to catch my breath, "Thank muffins! Fresh air! So, where ta next?"

We passed back through the graveyard, strangely not being attacked once, to find the next one on the other side.

War stepped onto the Lurker and actually waited for me this time.

"Go ahead," I told him, something catching my eye, "I'll wait here."

He left without a word. And so did I. Oops, I lied.

I went down some nearby stairs I saw something fly down earlier. There was nothing there now and nowhere else to go but up and back the way I came. Whatever came down here had already left. Bummer, I was curious…

I turned to go back the way I came with a sigh, it'd been more fun if I'd gone with the Horseman, but stopped when a shadow fell over me.

"Back already Big Red? That didn't take long." I said, expecting War when I looked up. Instead I found a huge black figure with glowing red eyes. You know, the generic evil shadow description.

I tried to back up, because I like my personal space, but found that I couldn't move. Couldn't even breathe. Could barely think beyond words I'm not going to repeat here.

The shadow let out a deep chuckle that sent shivers up and down my spine, and not in the good way, as it stalked around me. "Heh, heh, heh, look at the poor human, the last human, frozen in fear."

That's what this is? Fear? Not to sound braggish, but I honestly can't remember the last time I felt actual, factual fear. Even when I was being chased by demons, that was more fun than scary.

"So weak, so pitiful. You were brought back to life and sent here, but for what reason?"

How the hell should I know?

"Heh, I didn't expect you to know."

Then why didja ask? Wait…the fuck…? Get outta my head and lemme go!

"I'm not the one holding you, little human."

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just leave then.

"You do not want what I have to offer?"

Probably not but… now I'm curious.

The shadow outright laughed, "What is that human expression? Curiosity killed the cat?"

It's a good thing I'm not a cat then, ain't it?

"Yes it is. You were sent here with no powers of your own, unable to combat the forces that now roam the Kingdom of Man-"

Blah, blah, blah, just get ta the point already wouldja? I've got places ta be and oxygen ta breathe.

If Shadow Man was angry that I interrupted him, he didn't show it, "I will give you the power you desire."

The only thing I desire right now is a good nap. And if this is some kind o' "sell your soul ta the devil" sort o' thing, ya can forget it. The only thing I'll sell my soul fer is a never endin taco.

"Amusing. No, I do not want your soul, but entertainment."

Whoa, I'ma have ta stop ya right there dude. I ain't a stripper, I don't do that shit. If ya want me breathe fire though I need lighter fluid and some matches.

Mr. Tall, Dark and Creepy let out another chuckle, "Wrong entertainment on both accounts. You just have to continue what you are already doing."

Ya mean not movin and about ta pass out? That doesn't seem very fun ta watch.

"Travel with the Horseman. I wish to see how this story unfolds."

You and me both… But seriously, everythin's goin black.

"Do not worry…Hope."

How'd ya…

"Here is the power I promised."

Almost hate ta say this, but ya didn't promise noth-

Shadow Man raked his clawed fingers down my arms and they started to burn. Like, "I dipped them in lava because I thought it was pudding and don't ask why I would stick my arms in pudding in the first place" kind of burn. I would have screamed but again, couldn't move or draw breath to scream. The last thing I remember was falling to the concrete and Mr. Shadow standing above me.

"Give me a good show, little Hope."

I'm…not…little… Everything went black and I got the nap I desired.

However, it didn't last too long.

"Is she dead?" I heard the Watcher ask, as if from a distance. How did I know it was the Watcher, you ask? Because I wanted to strangle the owner of the voice immediately…

"Don'tcha wish." I groaned, opening my eyes to find that I was right. And that I was lying in the middle of the road at the top of the stairs. I would have thought I'd lain down here - wouldn't be the first time I've taken a nap in the middle of a road - and the whole encounter with Shadow Man was a dream if not for the fact that my arms still felt like they had a nasty sunburn.

I tried to push myself up but only succeeded in falling back down, "Say one thing, ya damn sprite, and I'll slit that scrawny throat o' yours and spill whatever blackened blood ya may er may not have." I may be tired but never too tired for a death threat.

He laughed at me, "How are you going to do that from down there, human?"

"I don't believe I said I was goin ta do it down here er even when I was going ta do it. So ya better watch your back, Watcher." I keep telling everyone not to wake me up but do they listen? Nooooo, and then they expect an apology when I pull a knife on them. Impudent curs.

"Enough," War interrupted, "let's go." He walked off, heading towards the last light beam.

"Not much o' a talker, is he?" I thought out loud, struggling to my feet.

"Not one to shut up, are you?" the Watcher shot back. He was still here?

"Not one ta be talkin, are ya?" I feigned a gasp and a look of surprise and pointed at something past the Watcher, "Look out! B-b-behind you!"

"What?!" The sprite whipped around to look behind him only to find an empty road.

Meanwhile, I had run off after War.

Chasing after the Horseman, I noticed strange black markings running down both of my arms from my shoulders to the back of my hands. The same places that Shadow Man scratched.

"No one thought ta tell me about these?" I asked, studying the markings.

As expected, I got no answer.

Spiked black vines roped their way around and down my arms until they reached the backs of my hands where two glowing flowers bloomed, the left green and the right red. Red and green runes also seemed to be written on the vines but I couldn't tell what they said.

I could feel blood or power or… something thrumming through my veins. Honestly…it felt pretty amazing. But I'm getting off topic here… Whatever that topic may be…

Forgetting about my encounter with the Shadow Man - How cliché is that name? - I followed War onto the Shadow Lurker and back into the room.

The whole eye/gate appearing song and dance was repeated. War knocked the demons that appeared into the air and hacked them into pieces in midair. I wonder how he knew what to do to get out of here...

"Excellent." Watcher repeated. Why does he appear only when it's convenient for him? In any case, we left, the Horseman's job finally done.

"That MUST be the last of them, now let's get out of here!" the annoying sprite said once we got back outside. For the painfully third time, I agreed with him and we headed for the Gate.

War blew the Horn and Rock Man simply got up and left, "Ancestors praise you."

We should be friends forever…

We continued through the car filled tunnel and the door, which War kicked open, that was behind the Gate. A room, jumping, a dripping wet tunnel, more jumping, and another tunnel.

"Did we humans really have all these huge tunnels and why?" I wondered out loud. "Really, that last ledge even you couldn't make it without jumpin, so how the hell did we do it?"

Finally something happened when we reached "another tunnel" and were attacked by the giant bats. The Horseman easily picked up a wrecked car and threw it at one of the bats, permanently grounding it.

He took care of four of them while I struggled to bring one down. Showoff. Anyway, the batsies were quickly dealt with and we went on across the small pit, with the help of the blue orbs, and onto the ledge on the other side.

"Oooh, pretty." I said, noticing blue crystals at the bottom of the pit and wondering what they were hiding.

Anyway, through another door, another tunnel, another room, another demon- wait, what?

We arrived at a large room with a giant fan on the ceiling and were immediately attacked by demons. Nothing to brighten up your day like a good ol' demon attack. Really, what could make this lovely day any better than being attacked by fugly demons who really should be minding their own business? Well, besides not being attacked at all!

As per usual, War dealt with demon after demon as I ran around in circles, dodging the revolting creatures. That is, until one of them snagged the strap to my book bag, almost tearing it…

Quick anecdote. Don't know what that is? Look it up. Anyway, as I'm pretty sure I mentioned before, I love this book bag. Once upon a time in faraway land called Art Class, my best friend - I have to put best here or else she'll call friend affair… don't ask - got blue pastel on the hood. Pastel is a bitch to wash out of most things. Her and another friend started freaking out and apologizing. Honestly I was more sleepy than mad, but they don't need to know that. And accidents happen.

Sleep deprivation and accidents weren't going to help these guys.

"No. You. Did. Not..."

Grabbing Barsus, I ran towards one of the charging demons. At the last moment, I dropped to the ground and slid, catching the demons legs with Barsus and tripping it. Scrambling to my feet, I pulled my knife from its sheath and slipped it into the base of the demon's neck. Lucky for me, their anatomy seemed pretty close to ours and it died instantly.

"Alright, one down… ya took care o' the rest…"

War had already beaten the rest of our opponents and was waiting for me to finish. Not like he had a choice, the exits were blocked by floating orange seals which disappeared as the demon did.

Grabbing my knife, I jumped up and down in excitement, "Uh-huh, I did it, I killed a demon, go Hope, it's not my birthday, I wish the apocalypse never happened." I sang, earning a stare from the Horseman suggesting that I was crazy. For the record, I may be.

"What? I bet ya were the same way when ya killed your first demon. Okay, maybe not the exact same way but I bet ya were happy so ha!"

War didn't say anything, which I took as a confession, and left through the door and into *gasp* another car-filled tunnel.

As we were walking out, an odd thought popped into my head. Odd for you maybe, quite normal for me sadly. "Hey Watcher! Come out, come out wherever ya are!"

The sprite ghosted out of the Horseman's gauntlet, "What do you want human?!"

"Tes-ty. Anyway, come closer…"

He floated closer until he was within range…

I drew back and punched him in his screwed up face. At least I didn't use my brass knuckles, should have, but didn't.

The Watcher flew back until he crashed to the ground, "What the fuck?!"

"Ooooh, so I can touch ya. Ya see, I was wonderin, since ya can turn inta mist sometimes, whether er not ya had a solid body."

"So you hit me?!"

"Yup!" I smiled. "If you're happy and ya know it slap the Watcher, if you're happy and ya know it slap the Watcher, it you're happy and ya know it then his face shall maybe show it, if you're happy and ya know it slap the Watcher."

"That wasn't a slap! That was a punch!" he said, getting in my face.

"I'm glad that ya can tell the difference. Here, let me make the song true then." I slapped him, sending him reeling again.

"Why didn't you just change the song?!"

"Because 'if you're happy and ya know it punch the Watcher' just doesn't sound right."

"Why you…" He raised his hands as if to strangle me.

"Whatcha gonna do? Kill possibly the last human left alive? Ha! I dare ya ta try it…"

With a growl, the Watcher flew back into War's gauntlet.

The Horseman stood a little ways away, watching the whole thing with… amusement? Wow…

"Now that that's over, can we go? I'm tired o' tunnels."

So we left.

Yay! Here's part three! Sadly, it's not the end…

I don't want to be here either,

Hope