Timmy was waking up. Something felt off; he wasn't in a familiar place. He blinked groggily, realizing his glasses were off and he couldn't see clearly. He pulled his arm out from under a blanket; his watch said it was 7am. Then where the hell was he-

"Oh, dear lord." Timmy threw the blanket atop him to the side to find himself fully dressed. His face writhed in confusion until he heard a voice a few feet away.

"We didn't do anything. You fell asleep. Glasses are on the night stand."

Timmy turned his head to see Russell standing near the bed, brushing his teeth. He was wearing an old black t-shirt and pajama pants.

"What time is it?" questioned Russell.

Timmy had already forgotten. He looked to his watch again. "Just past 7."

"A.M.? Yuck," grimaced Russell before returning to the bathroom. Timmy heard him spit and then, "Wait, don't you need to get to work?"

"No, I...what day is it? No, I'm off today. I think."

Russell rejoined Timmy, sitting cross-legged on the other side of the bed. "Don't get in trouble on my account, if you have to go it's cool."

"No, it's quite alright," Timmy mustered, still visibly confused. "What happened last night?"

"Oh...well, we got as far as the bed and we sort of laid here for awhile, you passed out, I threw a blanket on you, that's about it."

Timmy chewed a lip. "So we didn't...?"

Russell shook his head. "No. Uhm, we kind of...cuddled?" Russell sneered at the word. "Dude, I didn't even like saying that word when it was about women." He added shortly, "I kind of...laid my head on your chest."

"Okay, I seem to remember now." Timmy was regaining clarity and looked to Russell now with a raised brow. "You didn't try to pull anything."

"It didn't seem...right."

A long silence.

"Hey, uhm, you want some clothes? Get outta the stuffy suit?"

"Not sure we'd fit each other." Both men's faces went funny at the remark and they averted each other's gaze. "I mean clothes, not sure your clothes would fit me."

"At least a shirt, get outta the coat and tie, I'll grab something."

Timmy managed to stand from the bed, removed his shoes, slipped off his suit jacket, loosened his tie. Russell tossed him a shirt and Timmy caught it. He started heading for the bathroom when Russell spoke.

"Just a shirt, Tim, you can change in front of me." He chuckled. "If you can't even do that, yet..."

Timmy conceded to this. He took off the tie and placed it alongside his jacket on the bed. He began to unbutton his shirt until he realized that Russell was staring at him intently from the other side of the bed. For a moment he paused, and then he returned to the buttons until his shirt hung open.

They stared at one another. Just stared. And finally Timmy realized that Russell was inching towards him. Timmy slipped off his shirt nervously and put it on his pile of clothes. By the time he started for the t-shirt Russell was next to him, placing a hand to his bare shoulder.

"Tim..." Russell pressed his fingers into Timmy's shoulder. "Maybe, uhm...if you really don't have to be anywhere today..."

Timmy was silent for a long while, not moving, barely blinking, staring into Russell's face. It looked so sincere and soft for once, and he couldn't help but find some comfort in this.

"Timmy?"

Still no response.

"Oh, fuck it." With that Russell kissed Timmy, softly at first until Timmy began to ease into it. And then the familiar desperate force from the office kicked in, and Timmy realized that he was being shoved back onto the bed. He let himself fall and the kiss break, his legs dangling the edge. Russell deftly jumped up on the bed and guided Timmy to turn around so his legs were on the bed as well. As Russell's weight pressed down against Timmy, their mouths met again, the force of the embrace growing harder. They stayed like that for a few minutes, exploring each other's mouths awkwardly, not sure what to do with their hands. Russell finally came up for air and allowed his head to fall to the side of Timmy's, gently kissing his neck. They were both breathing hard and the room was spinning.

"Well, what now," breathed out Timmy. "I've never really done this before. I mean, not this particular...variety...of...this..."

"I have," ensured Russell, and he picked himself up lightly so as to trail his lips down Timmy's chest.

"Wh-what? Oh, really?" Timmy was trying to force a casual demeanor despite presently having a man kiss and lick his way down the length of his torso. "Why don't I know about this?"

Russell stopped what he was doing to raise a brow in Timmy's direction. "Not exactly public knowledge material, pal."

"Ah yes," said Timmy, "Quite right."

"Anyway." Russell licked Timmy's stomach firmly, causing him to lurch sharply and groan an ohhhh lord out under his breath. "College," Russell muttered between kisses. "I experimented a little. Threesomes, group stuff. It seemed to turn the chicks on so I made it work."

"No chicks here now," Timmy said, trying to control his voice from shaking.

Russell looked to Timmy, a seductive heat entering his eyes. "Don't need any." He waited another beat. "Are you okay?"

Timmy shook his head. Then he nodded. Then he shook his head. "I don't know. Russell-"

Hearing his name come out of Timmy's mouth turned him on and he growled, kissing Timmy's stomach again; he felt another soft lurch upward which made him smile. "You wanted to go slow, we can go slow." His smile slowly fell. "Yeah, this is a little weird, huh?"

Timmy didn't have any confidence in this situation and he wasn't prepared for Russell to lose his. If this was going to happen, Russell had to take the initiative. "It's extremely weird." He grabbed Russell's hips. "So what now?"

Russell crawled off of Timmy and laid beside him, applying a soft kiss to his lips. His hands went to Timmy's waist and he started on his belt. Timmy closed his eyes and attempted to steady his breathing. Zipper down. Fingertips finding him already erect. A hand grasping, tugging gently.

"Ohh, lord." Timmy's eyes flicked open a moment to find Russell crawling down the bed, and he closed his eyes just before he felt Russell's tongue hit. "Ohhhhkay..."

Russell placed a hand to Timmy's stomach in assurance that everything was okay. A moment later he had an inch in his mouth, and then another. Part of Russell's brain had shut off; he'd imagined doing this before, he'd played it out in his head, always trying to convince himself that he didn't really want it, though he knew he did; but he sill wasn't completely confident in what he was doing. He didn't normally perform oral on women, much less men, but he wanted to do this in some primal way. Timmy was starting to writhe beneath him and it turned him on. The more Timmy's body responded, the more focused Russell became, allowing himself to sink further down, to suck a little harder. He stayed at this for several minutes with his eyes closed, allowing himself to embrace the textures and pulsings against his tongue. Every movement from Timmy made the blood to his own cock flow harder.

Timmy could feel himself resisting. He wanted to relax and come, he did, but part of him was saying not to; he was still holding back. Finally he put his hands to the sides of Russell's head, grasping at his hair, which only made Russell work harder.

Timmy's body eased into the experience for a moment, long enough for Russell to sense a familiar pulsating and to release his mouth, tugging almost violently at Timmy's cock as he lurched and came. Timmy tried very hard not to vocalize but found himself grunting through his teeth until his orgasm subsided, his body sank back down, and he felt Russell's hand let go and move up the length of his torso, wet with cum.

There were no words for a moment, both men panting and nervous. Finally Russell's voice came out softly: "Did I, uhm...did I just blow you?"

"Yes," Timmy nodded emphatically, "I believe so."

Russell layed back down next to Timmy. They both stared at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact.

"Sooo...was that okay?" asked Russell.

"Yes..." assured Timmy flatly. "Thank you."

More silence.

Russell offered finally, "You don't have to do anything to me."

Timmy looked to Russell. "That hardly seems fair." He wasn't about to put up a fight on this point.

Russell gave Timmy a shrug and a soft smile as they met eyes at last. His voice was gentle and loving, as if he was talking to somebody he cared for deeply. "I'm fine just laying here. I just like being with you."

Timmy cocked his head gently. He was genuinely taken aback by this. "Sir...Russell...I can't imagine you saying those words to anyone."

"Just said 'em," replied Russell.

Timmy's breath became hard again; he was confused. Russell seemed genuine in this moment, sincere, sweet, and something snapped in Timmy's brain. Without thinking, he grabbed Russell's face, kissing him deeply. He didn't care right now. They'd come this far. His head was hot and flustered; his hand shook as he reached slowly into Russell's pants and felt how hard he was. He'd touched this region of Russell before, but never sexually. An odd realization to be sure, but here they were now, and Timmy was stroking fingers gently against Russell's cock as their tongues danced. Russell was shaking by now, tortured by the gingerness of Timmy's touch.

Russell spoke through their kiss. "Get me off, please, it won't take much..."

Timmy grasped firmly now, stroking hard, and Russell left Timmy's mouth, collapsing backwards. He was less subtle vocally as he came almost immediately, hard and fast. "Oh, fuck! Yes! Yes, yes, yes..." Timmy waited for Russell's body to collapse back down before removing his hand. For a moment he was unsure of what to do with it, and finally he settled on wiping the cum off onto Russell's shirt, eliciting a soft laugh from him.

"Yeah," sighed out Russell one last time, and the men laid beside each other again, spent and quiet.

Russell turned finally to lay his head on Timmy's chest, which Timmy allowed. He found himself stroking Russell's hair before wrapping his arm around him. He tried to focus on the small details. The deepness of Russell's breath. How his hair was less greasy than one would imagine. How this situation was more comforting than he thought it would be; he felt somehow safe in this moment. He wasn't sure why.

Russell spoke gently, his voice clearly overcome by emotion. "Will you stay with me?"

Timmy rubbed his hand gently against Russell's shoulder. "Yes."

"Forever?"

Timmy sighed. "I...well...yes. Yes, Russell, I'll stay."

Russell smiled and sank into Timmy's chest. He was so childlike, sometimes. He needed Timmy. Timmy wasn't sure he wanted to be needed in this way, but he wasn't rejecting the situation.

He simply laid there, his thoughts jumbled up, running in a million different directions. He knew what was happening. He had been fighting it tooth and nail. But something was changing. He asked himself if he wanted to be there in this moment, and he did. That's all he really needed to know.

Around noon, Timmy awoke to realize he'd fallen back asleep. He wasn't exactly sure when this had happened; the last thing he remembered was holding Russell after...well. Timmy got up and finally put on the shirt Russell had tossed him. He heard tinkering outside the open bedroom door, and followed the sound. Russell had just emerged from the kitchen. He looked to Timmy with a smile.

"Heyyy, sleepyhead. I made breakfast."

"It's noon," said Timmy.

"Well, whatever. Food. Eats. You're a growing boy, Timmy." He bit a lip. "Mm. You look good in my shirt. God, it's always such a turn on when a girl wears my clothes after sex..."

"Not a girl, and not...exactly sex."

"Whatever you wanna call it. You want coffee?"

"Yes, I need it. I'm sorry though, I'm not sure I can eat."

Timmy had made his way to Russell's sofa and leaned back, staring upwards. Russell sat beside him a moment later, handing him a cup of coffee which Timmy grabbed and sipped with a shaky hand.

"Can I ask you a couple of questions?" Timmy posed.

"Yeah, anything."

"Where do you intend for this to go?"

Russell wasn't really prepared for this question. "Uh, well...we're married, I think that's really the long and the short of it."

"Yes, but you and I both know it's a sham marriage. And frankly, I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be anything else."

"God, I knew this would happen." Russell stood, pacing the floor in front of Timmy. "I knew it."

"I don't mean to say that I don't want this, Russell, okay? It's just a lot to take in all at once, a couple of days ago I hated you and thought I'd likely never even have to see you again."

"Wow," muttered Russell, still pacing.

"Okay, that's not entirely honest, I'm sorry. I missed you...quite a lot, actually."

Russell stopped walking. "Then what's the issue? I'm here now. These last few days were torture, I can't deal with you hightailing it again."

"I told you I wouldn't," Timmy assured, "but I'm still just trying to sort this all out in my mind, you must understand, you're surely doing the same thing."

Russell nodded. "Trust me, that's all I'm doing."

"Then alright, that's all I'm saying. Another question and then I'll leave it alone..."

Russell sat back down next to Timmy. "Shoot."

"Are we keeping this to ourselves? I'm definitely not prepared to explain this to outsiders before we even really understand it ourselves."

Russell chewed a finger. "Yeah. I'm not exactly in the mood for Jeff and Adam to know that I gave you a blowjob."

"Thought not."

Timmy sipped his coffee again and for awhile they sat silent.

"I meant it," said Russell softly.

"Meant what...?"

"That I love you. I do. I love you."

Timmy nodded gently. "I know you do." He took a breath to think. "And, I suppose..." A heavy sigh to keep steady. "I...do too."

Russell's face was deathly serious. Timmy hadn't said the word, but it was close enough. Russell was taking it. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes, I think so. I mean, I do...it's just going to take me a little while to figure out what exactly I mean by that."

"I've got nothing but time," Russell said with a small smile. Timmy found himself smiling back.

"Very well, then."

After Timmy had sort of kind of told Russell he maybe loved him, they'd attempted to settle into some kind of normal relationship...stuff. Russell turned on the tv and they surfed channels, they joked about what they were watching, they ate breakfast for lunch, they snidely insulted each other, they complained about work. Russell tried to make out, Timmy allowed some kissing, put up a wall on anything further.

A couple of hours later, Timmy had disappeared into the bedroom.

"Hey, Tim, you wanna order takeout?" Russell looked to the bedroom door to find Timmy walking out, dressed. "Whoa, hey, you leavin'?"

"I was considering it."

Russell nodded. "Okay, well...I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"I have to work tomorrow."

"After work?"

"I'm really not sure, I may have to stay late, boss has me under a major grind right now."

Accidental innuendo. They met eyes sheepishly before returning to the conversation.

"Are you blowing me off, Timmy?"

Both men took a beat before wincing and stomping in aggravation.

"We've really gotta stop doing that," muttered Russell.

"No matter..." Timmy walked slowly towards Russell. "Anyway, that's really not my intention, I think I may just need a little space. This day has been one of the most comfortable I've had in a long time."

Russell grinned, his voice growing in excitement. "You know, we could do this every day...you could move in...it would be great, we could-"

"I'm not ready for that, Russell."

His grin dropped. "Oh, yeah, of course, I mean...yeah. So...where does that leave us, exactly?"

"I have to think about it."

They were standing very close now, and Russell was trying to not touch Timmy. His hands were lingering a few inches from his hips, wanting desperately to grab him. To make him stay.

Finally Timmy took the initiative of placing his hands atop Russell's, guiding them onto his hips.

"You know, you're a different person when you want to be. A decent person. Keep that up, and we'll see. Because...I like this Russell. I like this version of you. I'm just afraid..."

"Afraid of what?"

"I'm just afraid the other Russell might come back out at any moment. The one who thrives on humiliation and insults. I've been dehumanized so often in the past, that these last couple of days have been...confusing. And before you say anything, I know it's a defense mechanism. It's just an intensely deplorable one that tends to hurt people."

Russell was stunned, his brow furrowed. "Wow...you're really gonna leave it like that, Tim? Seriously? I don't deserve that."

"I haven't deserved a life of servitude these last few years, either."

"Where the hell is this coming from? I thought we were having a good time together!"

"We were...we are. I just need to think!"

"That's all you keep saying, that you need to think! How much thinking is there to do?!"

"A lot more than you could ever muster!"

Russell's hands left Timmy's hips now. He looked defeated. Timmy suddenly regretted saying anything.

"Russell, I'm sorry, that wasn't fair."

Russell's tone was flat in surrender. "Timmy, I can't keep apologizing for everything. All I can do is be here now, be this version of me or whatever. I'm a dick, you know I am. Just...give me a chance. Please."

Timmy remembered how vulnerable Russell was, and he felt badly about himself for a moment, for making this process so complicated. He couldn't let himself get hurt, but he didn't want to be the one hurting Russell, either.

"I definitely will give you a chance. I meant what I said earlier...let's just take this a step at a time, shall we?"

"What's the next step?" questioned Russell.

"I don't really know."

Russell squirmed. He wanted this. He wanted it so badly that it was palpable. He had been in denial for so long that, upon realizing his true feelings, he was obsessed with making it come to fruition. It had only been a day, but he felt as though Timmy should be in the same place he was. How could he get him there?

Russell offered a soft kiss which Timmy returned.

"That doesn't stop being weird," Timmy said.

"Weird but good, right?"

"Yes, weird but good."

"Please stay..." Russell was begging now. His face looked childish, pleading. Timmy was conflicted.

"If I stay for the rest of the day..." He looked for words. "I'll still need tomorrow. To sort it out in my head. No contact, no...no more of this. For at least tomorrow. I'm afraid whenever we're together lately our brains cease to work in one way or another."

"Understood. Just stay with me for the next few hours, I promise it will all be okay."

Timmy felt himself tensing up again. He had tried so hard to force himself out that door and he was being pulled back in by this weird, comforting heat. "What are your intentions...?"

Russell's breath was quickening. "I want you."

Timmy forced his voice to be flat, controlled. "I don't know if I can."

"Timmy, please, for god's sake, I want you so bad it hurts."

Timmy took a few seconds to read Russell. For a painful few moments he believed he could surrender, he wanted to give in. He was pulled in by this thing Russell did, whatever it was. It always pulled him back in when he knew better.

"...I'm sorry."

Russell stood silently, his eyes closed. Timmy knew exactly what he was witnessing, he'd seen it a million times, after Russell had been shot down by whatever girl he was chasing. There was a certain cooling down period for a horny and rejected Russell, a methodology to taming the beast back into its cage. Timmy looked around with an awkward tension until Russell nodded and sighed.

"Maybe later?"

"Maybe," Timmy conceded.

Russell smirked knowingly. "Yeah, well. I'm gonna go freshen up..."

"Masturbate."

"Yeah, well..."

Timmy watched Russell retreat to the bedroom and for a moment he stood firm, unable to move. He was strongly conflicted. He had just promised Russell he would stay, but every fibre of his body was screaming to leave. He looked to the door, dizzy and sick.

A few minutes later Russell bounced into the living room with a whistle.

"Hey, Timmy, what about that takeout? I was thinking Chinese..."

Timmy was gone.