She lies in bed wide awake. The only light in the room is the moonlight spilling in from behind the curtain. She lies on her back, in the center of the bed. She allows her hand to rest on her stomach. Her chest rises, and falls, and she feels no more at peace than any other night in recent history. Her mind races. Her thoughts begin a circular pattern. The sense of panic level anxiety, and impending doom begin to set in. How could this happen? How did she end up pregnant after one night, when she wasn't even trying?
She had tried for years to get pregnant. She had pushed the thought of feeling a child grow inside of her far from her mind. The idea, the mere possibility seemed like a dry, crusty raisin that withered in the sun. Years of trying to conceive had resulted in an empty womb. Cycles of fertility treatments caused her to curse all higher power every single minute of nearly every single day. She had lost nearly all hope. At one point she had deemed her faith completely non-renewable. Then Izzy came along, and the doubt, and despair seemed to vanish. Even with her child in her arms there were days she longed for something more. One more chance.
After Izzy's first birthday they tried for six months with no avail. Once again they tried every method. When the gestational carrier refused to agree to carry another child they had been crushed. She could never understand why she felt so defeated. She only ever wanted one child.
She feels a foot connect with her rib, and is dragged back to reality. She exhales. Somehow one of her dusty, crusty, old eggs has combined with a single well aged sperm, and miraculously implanted into her long empty womb. It all feels completely surreal.
She's alone in the solace of her bedroom. Izzy sleeps soundly down the hall in her own bed. The idea of facing the daunting task of raising two children on her own makes her feel completely overwhelmed. She tosses, and turns until she is tangled in her sheets. In frustration she tosses the covers off, and climbs out of her bed. She heads down the hall to check on Izzy. She climbs into the twin sized bed next to her.
When she wakes up the following morning she finds a pair of eyes staring at her. She grins at the wild-haired little girl. Izzy lies on her side staring at Mac. Mac faces her. She reaches out and plants a kiss on her cheek. Izzy sits up, and kisses her back.
"Are you ready to get up?"
Izzy furrows her brow, and places her hand on Mac's stomach. Izzy gives her a questioning look. Mac shifts into a sitting position. She sits on the edge of the bed. Izzy climbs onto her lap.
"Izzy would you like to have a new baby?" Mac questions, testing the water.
"Okay," she agrees climbing out of bed, and making a beeline for the closet.
"Where are you going?" Mac asks as Izzy pulls open the closet door.
"The store," Izzy answers.
Mac vacates her seat on the bed. She heads over the closet, and scoops Izzy up off the floor.
"We're not going to the store."
Izzy's foot presses against Mac's stomach.
"I want a new baby."
"This baby isn't going to come from the store."
"Oh," she gives her a questioning look.
Mac places the toddler's hand against her stomach, "It is going to come out of mommy's belly," she explains.
"A real baby?"
Mac nods as she snuggles the little girl, "A real baby."
"Okay."
"It is going to cry."
"I'll kiss it," Izzy responds.
"It is going to squirm."
"I'll hold it," Izzy adds.
"It's going to pee."
Izzy gives her a disapproving look, and shakes her head, "No, thank you."
Mac can't help but giggle.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Where will it sleep?"
"In here with you," she teases.
"No, crying babies in here."
"Can I put it in the room next door?"
Izzy furrows her brow, "Nope."
"Across the hall?"
"No."
"What about next to mommy's room?"
"In the closet?"
"In the bedroom next to mommy's room."
Izzy carefully contemplates this as she struggles to get free of Mac's grip. She races down the hallway towards Mac's room. She stops in front of the room next door. She pushes the door open, and enters the room. She looks around the room. Mac stands in the doorway, and watches her as she pushes a box into the closet.
"What are you doing?"
"Cleanin' up."
"You think that this room is messy?"
"Yes," Izzy confirms.
"Izzy the baby isn't going to sleep in here today."
"Oh."
"It won't be sleeping in this room for a while."
"Where?"
Mac squats next to the toddler. She points at her round stomach. "It will sleep in here for a while."
"Okay. I'm hungry."
Mac rolls her eyes, and follows Izzy out of the room.
That afternoon they play in the backyard. Izzy climbs all over the swing set as Mac watches from the patio. Harriet pulls the gate open, and comes to join them. She gives Izzy a hug, and then heads over to the table to join Sarah. She takes a seat.
"How is you day going?"
"Fine."
"Izzy told me that she's getting a new baby. She seems to be pretty excited."
"Hopefully the excitement lasts."
"She told me that she was getting a real baby."
"I think she'll be excited until she realizes that she can't take it back."
"Are you feeling any better about this?"
"Not particularly."
"And you've resigned yourself to the fact that you're going to do it alone?"
"Yes."